#s17stmpno2

[cybergivergoatee-blog]

When Trading goes too Far

Americans are well known for their thirst of imported goods. Americans love the foreign materials and styles that America as a whole has a high import deficit. Due to last years numbers Trump has decided to renegotiate and abandon certain pacts The problem with this is just that Donald Trump makes Trade negotiation like Gamestop makes Trade-In credit. Every thing has to go in favor to Mr. Trump so he pays little to nothing for these trades while everyone else pays full price if not the inflated prices. I would not be surprised if Donald Trump was the owner of Gamestop as they share the same cheap, evil, corrupting policies. You can trade in the newest of games and consoles to Gamestop but you will leave the store with just a small fraction of what you actually paid for them. It is almost like you're getting robbed and given chump change in exchange. With Trump, he wants to do the same. He wants to have China trade us their goods for the least amount of money. In this scenario Trump is the evil corporate known as Gamestop while China is the little boy looking for a good deal to buy new things but will be greatly disappointed as they have no choice but to trade. Trumps Gamestop reign is affecting everyone, even Mexico. Trumps wants to build a wall to keep Mexicans out but wants Mexico to pay for it. That is like saying I want you to fix my Xbox but you're paying for the parts and expenses. Anything wrong with that? I guess not because it's been going on for years with Gamestop. Due to this treachery, all of the little boys and girls are protesting trump and his horrible trade policies. He is ruining little kids hopes and dreams by stealing right in front of their eyes. Hopefully we can open up Trumps eyes and show him how absurd his terms and conditions are, which no one ever reads ( maybe we should ). I just hope that Gamestop, I mean Mr. Trump will change his ways.

[rockingrestaurateur-blog]

Local Michelin Star Restaurant to Close After Heart-Breaking Yelp Review

Francine FoodFanatic Reporting from Chicago, IL -  

World renowned restaurant, Camellia, will be closing its doors this coming March following a 1 star review posted on the popular website, Yelp. Owners of the three-star Michelin rated restaurant were devastated beyond repair upon reading its most recent review posted by user Bob859. Yelp user Bob859 stated: “The food wUz weird nd Da wAiT staff rude. No hawt dawgs or michelob uLtrA.”  Bob859 went on to say he will never return to Camellia and then recommended frequenting the Sonic Drive thru down the road in Kenwood.  

Executive Chef, Theodore Redzipinitan, is highly regarded internationally for his 18-course French Tasting Menu. He has been applauded for his use of rare ingredients prepared using classical French cooking techniques. Mr. Redzipinitan unfortunately could not be reached for comment at this time.

Waitstaff Server, Emma Fishington, recalled Bob859’s experience at the restaurant:

“Despite our establishment having a business formal dress code, Bob859 walked into Camellia wearing basketball shorts and a T-Shirt advertising the Mighty Rascals Little League baseball team. User Bob859 then proceeded to harass our Sommelier to order a chili cheese dog. Camellia doesn’t make food off menu. Our Sommelier specializes in French Wines; she doesn’t even know what a chili cheese dog is.”

Owner, Archibald McHallScottington VII, was devastated upon hearing the news of Bob859’s review. In a fit of anguish Archibald proclaimed: “If Camellia’s food cannot nourish the heart of patron Mr. Bob859, it has forever failed as a restaurant. We exist to serve Mr. Bob859 and only him. Camellia has not only failed Mr. Bob859 but it has failed the culinary profession as a whole!”

Although Camellia is projected to remain open for the remainder of this month, out of despair, the majority of restaurant staff are unable to perform their regular work tasks. It is reported that Chef Redzipinitan has locked himself within his prep kitchen where he has been obsessively attempting to figure out just what ingredients exactly do go into a hot dog? Following the review, Camellia’s Sommelier left for sabbatical in attempts to figure out which region of France the Michelob grape can be found in. Though efforts are strong, the future is uncertain in telling if Camellia will redeem itself in the eyes of Mr. Bob859.

[leftkoalapuppy-blog]

The End of an Era: Chipotle and Its Sure Demise

 - S. Ortega

Chipotle seems to be in a lot of troubled thanks to our dear President Donald J. Trump. Earlier last week, President Trump stated that the Mexican-American border wall will not be paid by Americans, and he would impose a whopping 20% tax on any imported products from Mexico, including a national favorite, the avocado. Guess what we eat during the Super Bowl, at “Mexican- American” restaurants and during the Fourth of July? You got it. Avocados!

Chris Martinez, a Chipotle manager, said that the demography of their clientele is mostly white and they’re the ones that order the most guacamole. If you have ever been to Chipotle, “guac” is, in average, an extra $1.80. Imposing a tax of avocados from a fresh, organic farm will cost you an extra $0.36 for every bowl and burrito you purchase.

But where there are losers, there are also winners. Qdoba is flipping over because all the customers that do not want to pay extra at Chipotle must compromise they’re palates and brave going to a Qdoba. Qdboa manager, Jesus Romero, says she’s already seeing customer increase the past few days.

“We’re lucky is we have a couple dozen people taking advantage of the fact that our guacamole is free. After Trump announced this tax on avocados, customers are flocking is by the tens to order. It’s a miracle. A ghost town has now become a flourishing city.”

However, the health of some Chipotle customers has seen a dramatic drop ever since Trump’s announcement. Chelsea Manning from the Center of Disease Control and Prevention had the following to say.

“In a survey taken from samples who live near a Chipotle in Newark, NJ, New Brunswick, NJ, Houston, TX, and Los Angeles, CA, 73% of the participants feel ‘blue’ and anxious about not being able to go to their nearby Chipotle because they fear paying extra for guacamole that they are already paying extra for. This is a very alarming issue that President Trump cannot ignore.”

The pressing issue here is that President Trump’s decision to tax imports from Mexico is affecting not only the companies that employs the very people he loves (Latinos, millennials, and most likely people who voted for Hillary Clinton) but also the health of this country. The already crippling country will now slowly starve itself because they cannot feast on the wonders of America’s go-to “Mexican” restaurant and all its extra wonderful glory, the favorited guacamole.

[cybergivergoatee-blog]

Trades with the Devil?

Americans are well known for their thirst of imported goods. Americans love the foreign materials and styles that America as a whole has a high import deficit. Due to last years numbers Trump has decided to renegotiate and abandon certain pacts. Alongside of this Trump is now demanding for Mexico to pay for the Wall that is en route to being built. However, president Enrique Peña Nieto has not yet attended the meeting with Mr. Trump nor has he agreed to paying for the wall. Mr. Trump claims that he is planning on renegotiating the economic relationship The United States has with Mexico. It is said that a "Trade War" may be soon coming between the two countries. Mexico is the United States Third biggest Trade partners. With This known, if the Trade War begins it is expecting to be a 580 billion dollar relationship that is being broken that may bring down millions of jobs with it. The wall is not the only issue Mexico has on their plate but a 20% tax on all Mexican imports. Mexico is not the only country that is feeling Trumps Wrath but China is as well. Trump is seeking to renegotiate the pact the US has with NAFTA or abandon the organization all the together. Mr. Trump also wants to abandon the 12 group. With all this said claims are being brought up against China that they are being unfair with their trades. The Trump team is going against China with their trades and may soon start a Trade war with them as well Many things has happened Ever since Trump has been president. A lot in which many Americans disagree with. Even though I Also disagree with our new presidents thoughts and actions all I can do now is hope and pray it only gets better from here.

[manicwombatfervor-blog]

Area Man Wonders if an Iceberg Can End the Drought

Gavin Cohen

San Jose, CA

Bay Area man Greg Thompson, 33, believes the key to solving California’s multi-year drought is by towing an iceberg into the state to be used as freshwater.

This idea came to fruition after skimming an article on Wired about an attempt to transport an iceberg to Africa to be used for drinking water.

According to the article, a French engineer named Georges Mougin planned to move the six-million-ton iceberg by tying a large rope around it.

“This guy has the right idea,” Thompson said. “I don’t know why someone hasn’t tried to do this here.”

According to an article on The Atlantic, several attempts have been made throughout history to transport icebergs to various parts of the world. Many of them were unsuccessful.

The article mentions how the concept of iceberg towing has existed since the 19th century. Attempts were made by the British to bring icebergs to London. In one instance, a British expedition ended up being towed by an iceberg after getting stuck to one.

One of the more outrageous plans was proposed by a Saudi Arabian prince. The idea involved using tugboats to transport a 100-million-ton iceberg from Antarctica to Saudi Arabia, where it was to be used as drinking water.

Despite the low success rate of iceberg towing, Thompson remains hopeful that someone will listen to him

“I’ve been calling many different organizations, but none of them will hear me out. It’s as if they think I’m crazy or something.”

According to Thompson, his phone call to the California Natural Resources Agency was met with guffaws of laughter before they hung up on him.

When reached for a comment, an official for the California Department of Water Resources called the plan, “ridiculous” and “a waste of money and resources.”

At press time, no plans have been made to transport an iceberg to California.

[sbrooks143-blog]

DEAR EL PRESIDENTE

By: Probably 1 of the 3,000,000 Voters that Trump’s Pissed Off At

Dear El Presidente,

As I write this letter, my only concern is the fact that you may not even get through the first sentence of this written emotional out pour. If worst comes to worst, maybe you can have your wife help you. Now that I think about it, shouldn’t she be in line with the rest of the banned immigrants? As I’ve mentioned before, but you probably couldn’t hear me over the sound of your own typing from your ridiculous tweets, this wall you plan on building will not be funded or supported by the country of Mexico. And apparently my confidential informant in America (that’s right you can’t ban all of us immigrants), Pedro El Chapo, says “Trump don’t give one flying Ivanka whether Mexico wants to pay for the wall or not!” Maybe I haven’t been clear. Do I need to use my hands to explain it? MEXICO. *waves hands around for no reason* NO. *waves hands around for no reason* PAY. *waves hands around for no reason* FOR. *waves hands around for no reason* WALL. *waves hands around for no reason* YOU. *waves hands around for no reason* THAT’S RIGHT YOU. *waves hands around for no reason* PROMISED *waves hands around for no reason* So thats right, ya oompa loompa behind gonna have to tell all your little oompa loompa friends that you are a liar. I bet all the taxpayers are gonna be thrilled to know that this wall has an estimated cost between 10 billion to 12 billion dollars. Thought I would ask, because you're the expert, with all that money how many golden showers could you afford with that? Nevermind. Unlike Russia, we could not give two showers about what you do in your free time. However, I do have to applaud you on one thing. You are the first president that somehow managed to piss off the entire population...in 140 characters or less. As an experienced leader of the country, I suggest you find some other form of social media. I heard Pinterest is pretty good, and it's really hard to piss off a bunch of soccer moms with pictures of how to lose that muffin top. One last thing, I must thank you. For what you may ask? You, and your main chick Kellyanne Conway, have now given every liar a new loophole---what is it called? “Alternative facts”? Well here is my final “alternative fact” for you! I, Enrique Peña Nieto, am so thrilled to see how you take on these next four years and “Make America Great Again,” whether it's through never showing us your tax returns, or completely disregarding the fact that Russia got yo ass on the tightest leash, bruh!

Sincerely,

The Mexican You Have Never Been So Eager to Throw Over the Border

[afailofanashton-blog]

White, American family left baffled as Iranian government imposes ban on American visitors

Ashton T. Gunawan

SPRINGFIELD, MO— A family of ten in Springfield, Missouri were left devastated today after news from Tehran surfaced regarding the Iranian government aiming to ban all US citizens from its borders in retaliation to President Trump’s most recent executive order. 

While many in the nation were left without a clue - or care - about this ground shattering announcement, a family of ten in Springfield, Missouri were left with a sour taste in their mouths as soon as news from Tehran surfaced. 

“Them boys in Eye-ran be two bricks shy of a full load”, said father and brother, Billy in an extremely uncomfortable and unconventional southern accent. Billy then further commented, “now my boys Jeb, Bo, Buck, and Dale were just so darn excit’d to see the camel humpin’ capital of the world. It’s a damn shame. It’s dat stupid gummit out der and that dammed bast’d, Roohoney”

While Billy hung his head in shame, wife, Wanda-Joe was left with a slight hint of relief in her mouth. She comments, “this is the best thang I coulda hop’d for! It’s handier than a pocket on a shirt! Just wonderful!

“Did you know I heard dat dem Eranians still ride roun’ and roun’ on the backs of them humpin abominations? I heard it’s more than just ridin’ sometimes!” Wanda-Joe finished. 

Bo, the eldest son in the family, sporting a red Make America Great Again baseball cap and torn up t-shirt with sleeves cut off exclaimed, “in truth, I’m happy we dint go. I don’t understand, so I disagree. Lord knows what coulda happened to my baby sistas? They could have been kidnapped and raped by dem goat shaggers!” 

The family then drove off in their Confederacy-themed Ford F-250, with its bumper so erratic in movement, one could easily draw attention to the multiple Confederate flags being showed off by the family.

[melanationonfleek-blog]

Rutgers making Olympians

Who would have thought  going to Rutgers would train you to become an Olympian. With in my 4 years of going to Rutgers I have become an Olympic athlete who competes every single day. Little did I know my first day would start the vigorous training.

Lesson 1: How to run like an athlete.

You might have thought an easy way to get around is the Rutgers bus. It is, if you can catch it. On the bus schedule it says you have 2 minutes but, you see that red bus turning the corner. Run as fast as you can! After doing this so many times you will be able to outrun Usain Bolt.

Lesson 2:  Become a contortionist

Once you have caught the bus you have to fit in. So you have to bend your body in an unnatural position around all of the backpacks people refuse to take off.

Lesson 3:  Hold your breath for a long time

If you are a minor germaphobe like me taking the bus is a horrible experience. Once somebody coughs the clock starts. Take the amount of clean air that you can in before the air is infected and hold it until the bus ride is over. Our eye witness Kianna McIver states “I once seen her breath for 2 minutes straight after someone coughed”

Lesson 4: Building your muscles

Now the bus is going so you have to hold on. The bus is going to stop hard and take off hard so just stay for at least 15 hard stops per ride and you will be built by the end of the semester.

Lesson 5: Do what ever you must until your goal is completed.

A syllabus Means nothing it’s just a bunch of words with far away dates. Until the date actually comes so stay up all night to finish the paper that is due. As you can see I’ve taken a minor in procrastination .

Lesson 7: Don’t let them see what you feel.

Now last but least. Don’t let the teachers see your emotions. Some of the vampires we call teachers live off of our misery. So no matter how ridiculous you feel the assignment is keep a demeanor of confidence.  

Now theses lessons were something I didn’t see on my financial aid bill.