Hunger - If you’d rather read on AO3
Rating: Gen | Word Count: 818
Summary: Jason can’t taste Nectar anymore, but it’s worse than that. And he can’t shake the hunger that’s been dogging him.
Jason was hungry when he took his place at the table in the mess hall. Jason was always hungry these days, but eating never seemed to help.
He stared at his empty plate unenthusiastically as the rest of the seven settled around the table beside him. They all seemed eager to eat, as usual. Jason watched surreptitiously as various meals materialised on the plates around the table as they made their selections in turn. His gaze flickered unappetisingly back to his own empty plate. He could not think of anything to summon for himself.
Jason knew that he had to eat, if only to keep up his strength over the quest. He needed it now more than ever with the curse from Michael Varus’ sword gnawing away at his soul. Jason’s fingers brushed faintly against his chest where his bandaged wound remained. The curse seemed to be as ravenous as himself.
Jason made sure to eat when he was supposed to, or at least once a day. As long as he wasn’t too tired, or if there was somebody around watching closely enough to remind him. But nothing had any taste anymore.
He wasn’t quite sure when it had happened. It had been a shock to him after his run in with the suitors to find that Nectar no longer had any discernible flavour to him. It tasted like sawdust in his mouth. Jason had been left with the startling realisation over the following days that he hadn’t been able to taste much of anything anymore. These days, he ate mechanically; only for sustenance. There was no joy in it.
Jason didn’t remember much about his life, but he had remembered brownies from his favourite bakery back home in New Rome. He remembered that that was what Nectar had used to taste like for him. He could still vaguely remember their flavour, but even the memory of their taste was dull and fading. They used to make him happy. And now he couldn’t taste them anymore. The realisation had initially made him want to cry, but now he just felt dull and heavy. Why didn’t it make him happy anymore?
Around him, the others had begun to eat cheerfully, trying, as ever, to keep their spirits up. Jason kept his eyes downcast, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He stared at his plate some more. He couldn’t think of anything he might like, so nothing appeared. That had been happening more often lately.
The hollow pit in his chest widened another fraction, and swallowed a little more of what was left of him. It had started with the holes in his head that Juno had so carelessly punched into him. They had allowed a void to open up inside of him and now he was collapsing in on himself slowly like a dying star. Jason wasn’t sure how long he had left before he’d crumple in on himself completely.
The wound in his chest twinged again and he grimaced quietly at the discomfort. He remembered Michael goading him to choose, Greek or Roman. He remembered the nightmares Gaia fed him each night, Greek or Roman. Jason didn’t know why they were so worried abut him choosing a camp. He was more worried about if he were still alive, still a person, still Jason Grace. He felt numb and disconnected.
Beside him, Leo’s elbow connected gently with his ribs. Jason turned dull blue eyes to him distantly.
“Come on, man, you eating?” Leo prompted cheerfully.
Jason blinked slowly, trying to rouse himself from his introspection. Leo frowned at him, scanning his weary expression.
Jason’s lips curved up slightly into a tired smile. The effort exhausted him. “I’m fine.”
The faint crease in Leo’s brow remained. “You sure? You look like something’s on your mind…”
Jason maintained his weighted smile. “It’s nothing.”
He felt it was an honest enough answer, conscious of the void in his head continuing to gnaw away quietly at his memories, and the sensations of taste, comfort, and happiness.
Leo did not look fully convinced. He motioned quietly towards Jason’s empty plate. “You should eat something. You’ll feel better.”
Jason’s gaze flickered briefly to Leo’s plate and then to his own as the same meal appeared. He was hungry as ever, but he knew eating would not help. It was the flavour he craved. He missed the taste of food, and that continued to elude him. He was starving for something to make him feel something other than hollow.
He picked up his fork and began to pick idly at his meal. Satisfied, Leo let him be, and tuned instead to pick up his previous conversation with Piper. Each mouthful Jason managed settled heavily in his stomach and only served to accentuate the empty feeling he had been carrying around for days now.
Jason chewed dully. It tasted like sawdust.
