kinda wary of posting this because I don't want people to know my age but I need to rant about disability stuff a bit.
All my friends are preparing for [an event that is only possible to do like twice in your life and there are similar things but it's not at all the same] at the moment and it's kinda heartbreaking knowing I'll never get to do that. When I've told my family/people I know irl this they've tried to comfort me by saying there'll be other similar things, and that I don't like things like that anyway. But the point isn't the thing itself first of all, it's the fact that it's an experience so many people around me have or will experience and I never will, and secondly the main reason I don't like events like that is because of my disabilities and nuerodivergence and anxiety, I really love being around people, especially people having fun, and I genuinely do think if I wasn't so overwhelmed by them I'd love them.
Also it's more the idea that I won't be able to do that particular thing ever, more than an actual want to do it?
It's just a reminder of all the things I've already missed and all the things I will miss because of the way I am. Especially since the way my disabilities make me have to be is so contradictory to me internally (which most people who know me don't believe because they've never seen me act any different). Like generally everyone who's ever met me thinks I hate being around people, love being alone, hate talking, don't want to ever do anything etc, but i don't want to be like that, and desperately wish I could do more stuff.
I love people so much, it's on of the main reasons I watch and read so much, so I can feel connected somehow, I love being around large groups of people, I love the energy. I have being alone but it's just too overwhelming for me often to be around people. I love talking so much, and to be fair those I'm really close to do know this as I am able to talk a lot because it helps regulate me.