Jun 7, 2021
And here's the last part.
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And here's the last part.
Uh sorry if you can't see the words on the grey side, it says 'kill me'
'i know you want to' and 'philza kill me'
More dead dan
Dan's funeral Phil's getting ready. It's been a few days and it's time for the funeral. He is looking at the suit he had planned on wearing and glares at it, like it's the fault of his damn clothes, even though there is no one to blame that dan isn't here any more. He pulls it on and looks at himself in the mirror. He sets his glasses on, though he probably won't be any be to see through all the tears anyways. Everyone is sobbing. Tissues are being passed around constantly. Phil stands to make his speech. It sounds dull and monotone. Everyone is wearing black and white. dan's brother is to the side, patting his mother's back. Phil nods at the cluster of tearful people, friends and family, and then takes his seat again. The world is blurred from phil's distraught emotions making everything seem dark and twisted. The coffin is laying in the ground. Phil takes a yellow rose from his pocket and throws it into the ground. "Why did he have to go.. he was my best friend.." Phil's hushed whisper is lost in the cries of everyone around. A few days later phil takes a walk. He let his mind lead him along wherever the world will take him. As he got dressed this morning he looked at his clothes. Nothing seemed right. The bright reds and navy blues seemed so.. wrong. He wandered to dan's closet and pulled on his eclipse shirt. It was perfect
Don't imagine Phil being sad. Don't imagine Dan looking over at him with a concerned expression. Don't imagine Dan getting up and going over to Phil and hugging him. Don't imagine Phil nuzzling into Dan as Dan gently rubs Phil's back until Phil feels better. Just don't
A broken glimpse of the universe (@ captainofsexualencounters)
Phil's good at moving forward.
He's done a lot of it in his life. Pushing through situations, injuries. It's one of the reasons he does yoga to center himself. If he can draw his next breath, then draw the next, life moves forward. It's just a matter of staying in control as he can, helping control the situation, move toward something positive.
Now he knows that at some point, that process broke. He'd been dead, and now bits and pieces of memory return, showing through what SHIELD had tried to write in over the reality... and the brutality... of what had happened with him.
And he's not sure how to handle this information, the knowledge and memory of being repeatedly brought back into a body that was.. dead, being torn away from a glimpse of.. something beautiful.
He's trying not to think about it, assembling something resembling his usual composure as fast as he can so his team can think he's alright.
When he's the farthest thing from it.
So when an assignment gives them a chance to stay wheels down in a nice hotel he takes it, and slips away once he can, sitting at the bar in the hotel with a glass of nice wine so he won't crawl into a bottle of hard liquor and stay there.
Two fingers pressed into his opposite wrist, feeling his own pulse and counting it off as he breathes.
Phil took home the school hamster and killed it.Wow phil