I have to do this. More posts to come about this, but this is a quick post from my twitter about everything that happened with Sad Milk.: This context is entirely from twitter, with the expectation Blair will see it.
I think it’s time that I actually speak out on the current twitter threads regarding Sad Milk. I cannot express how scared I am to do this, the fear I have in my gut to even speak out. However, I do feel it’s important to say my peace on this subject matter.
Yeah, it’s a mess, but the tweet threads posted by wonder and Click, and what they have stated about Sad Milk is the truth. I will be adding those threads below.
The whole project was a mess. From start to finish. I really wish I didn’t need to do this, but with the flurry of Dm’s I’ve been getting, I don’t have a choice but to speak out.
Blair, I’m sorry, but you have hurt me. I need to speak without being told by you “Oh I’m just the villain? I’m always in the wrong?” or something along those lines. Words I have heard from you consistently. I want to be heard for once. I need to clear my mind and conscious after holding this in for 2 years. Forgive me, but it's what needs to be done. When looking at the whole of the project, it was mostly controlled and run by Blair.
Her main worry was that because of her, in her words, "Lack of Personality" she felt as though her contribution to sadmilk needed to be the managerial bureaucracy behind the scenes to justify her presence. This led to a defensive approach when anyone would attempt to assist with the nitty gritty behind the scenes. (Despite her claiming that no one wanted to help her. One of the factors she claims to be the final nail in the coffin of Sad Milk). Blair was indeed the aggressor. She always has been. As an example of this behavior, look at the legal eagle situation. Blair has the habit of starting fights, but will almost never publicly apologize if proven wrong.
She will instead hide behind a private apology probably, and from my perspective, act as though this makes everything better. Afterall, she would express to me that admitting error would only make her look stupid and weak.
This will be followed by her blocking people on twitter, silencing her detractors through youtube channel bans, deleting comments, and putting her accounts on the downlow to prevent interaction. For example, on Sad Milk, she would blacklist former collaborators from being mentioned, but manually approve hateful comments towards them, which in my opinion, were specifically ones which instead praised her or the remaining members. Including me. This is her MO. It has been for the 4 years that I’ve known her. It actually perfectly ties into how we first met and began to be on speaking terms in April of 2019. Sadmilk was very much like this. At the first sign of dissonance, her response was to have me confront OT and Click with this list of talking points in an attempt to show them just how wrong they were. Which I accepted. This brings me to, well. Me. What is missing from both Click and Wonders threads, is that fact that I acted as Blairs front runner. Anything Blair needed to say went through me first. Essentially act as a spokesman. This was actually a common factor in our relationship.
I would always act as a filter to keep her out of drama or from saying things which would be seen as offensive or kindle for a larger fire. I stopped doing this in January. This does not excuse me from protecting her for this long, but it is the truth. I could take the approach and say I was manipulated. Which, perhaps I was, but I still knew what I was doing was wrong. I always did, and it always hurt. It left a huge blackmark on my spirit and my ability to feel comfortable in my own skin. I had moved to Colorado, got a house, and lived with her at the time. She was in my life every day and I would hear these theories and villainous explanations directed at anyone who “wronged” her. It was hard to avoid, let alone not fall for them. I believed it was my responsibility to protect my friend from something that, in my view, was clearly hurting her, something that I felt was eating at her and making her daily life worse. Things which in hindsight, could have been solved with a conversation she was unwilling to have. Instead the conspiring, backstabbing, and rumor machine were put into full swing. I, much as wonder and Salty, were forced by Blair to choose between her or Click and OT. Of course I chose the person I lived with. What was I going to do? Move again? I mean I could have.. Once I chose my side, I was met with praise and adoration from her and her modstaff. It, at the time, felt like I was making the right decision. Fuck man. Boy was I wrong. I’ve lost so many friends, isolated myself, been at her side despite feeling like my connections to the world were being severed. I always acted as her talking piece, from yelling at One Topic, to berating click, and other things I did in service of someone who at the time, I believed every word of. I trusted Blair to hell and back and thought I was doing good. I have learned since then, through both self reflection and conversations with old friends, just how much I was (unintentionally, hopefully) used.
There, of course, is more. Much more. More than I could ever hope to cram into this stupid fucking twitter thread that I know I’m going to get angry DMs and phone calls over.
Blair. I need you to know that YOU hurt me. More than you realize. I know you’re scanning this and having your team read over it. Maybe even looking at sending me a legal threat as you parade around to do so. But I want you to apologize for once in your life and take accountability. Please. Blair, you would rather paint the world red than admit you have fault.
