Being an Old Lady to the club was hard enough, but being one who didn’t move with her man was another thing. Kozik didn’t want me to move to Charming with him, saying he would be there long enough to help with numbers and if it wasn’t a good fit with Tig he would move home. I was doing my weekly trip to the club house with homemade food today, because who knows what the boys would eat if I didn’t feed them. I saw the redwood charter pulling in just as I got there. Though I didn’t see Kozik with them. “Hello boys” I said cheerfully. “What brings ya’ll to Washington?” I questioned. I moved to lift the box full of lasagna pans from the back seat when one of them stepped up to help. “Oh, aren’t you kind.” I said grabbing a bag instead. I also grabbed my purse swinging it onto my shoulder.
“Just stopping in with some news” the president told me. I felt my blood run cold. I didn’t see Kozik, but denied that it had anything to do with me.
“Well, enjoy some food while you’re here” I motioned to the box, “There’s plenty to go around.”
“Thank you, Y/N,” I heard, catching sight of the curls and blue eyes, I knew exactly who was talking.
“Tiggy!” I yelled moving towards him. He didn’t hug me back though, which was odd for him. “I missed you” I said pulling back, “We should catch up before you leave. Kozik only has bad things to say about you. I want to hear the good too.” His face faltered a bit. I kept smiling though. I didn’t want to know the news anymore. I knew it wasn’t good. And from the looks of it, Kozik was the news.
She was still the same happy girl from years ago. I didn’t want to have to tell her about Kozik, how he was dead. She was tough I knew that, she had to be to deal with the separation and club shit. When she hugged me I felt like shit, I knew what this news would do to her. She would become Gemma, maybe worse. She would lose the happy attitude she always had, she was the one Tacoma went to for a pick me up. “Let’s go inside doll” I told her. I placed my arm around her shoulders.
“Lee can we talk man” I stated more than asked.
“Sure” he said, glancing towards Y/N. Clay had warned him as to why we were coming up.
Once we were closed off in his office, I sat down in a chair rubbing my hand across my face and threw my hair. “I need you to make sure she is ok. Make sure she isn’t lost after hearing the news. I can’t stand the thought of her not being her” I told him. I looked him in the eye, probably more serious than I had been in a while.
“I will do my best brother, but we know what this will do to her. She is going to be crushed. She was happy he was thinking about coming home. They were talking starting a family finally. We are in a good place up here.” He sighed sitting across from me.
“I know. We had started to get to know each other again. He was my best friend. Even after everything.” I told him honestly. His death hurt, more than I liked to admit. “I told Clay I would handle telling her. I know how she is. I know how she in going to react.”
“She’s going to be pissed at first”
“I know.” I whispered, before standing up. I headed towards to the door, “I’m sorry Lee” I told him.
I waited for Tig to have his meeting with Lee. None of the Redwood Charter would even look at me, they acted like I wasn’t there. Like I wasn’t talking to them. All except one. Bobby, I think is what his name was, and I found him quite charming. As soon as the office door opened though I was up and moving towards Tig. “Hey doll. Can we talk somewhere private?” he asked before I could even open my mouth. I looked around, no one would look at me now. Now even Lee.
“What is this about?” I asked coming up short, I knew this was about Kozik now. “Is Kozik ok?” I asked, my arms wrapped around my torso without my conscious effort.
She looked so young, I remember when I first met her fresh out of the Marines, we were all young then. Wide eyed and innocent. She looked just like that again. “Please doll. Can we go somewhere quiet?” I tried to get her to a room where I could close the door. Somewhere nobody else would have to watch this.
“Tell me what this is about!” she started raising her voice. Her eyes welling up, she knew she knew what I was about to say, “Is Koz ok?” she asked quieter now.
“Y/N. He’s dead” I told her honestly, calmly. She started to scream at me, her hands balled in fists came at my chest. I let her go for a minute, knowing she needed to get some of it out of her system. When she started to sob more than scream, I grabbed onto her wrists stopping her wild swinging at me, pulling her into a tight hug. Everyone looked away from the sight, not wanted to watch her falling apart.
“No!” she screamed over and over through her sobbing. I held her close, held her head to my chest, her arms trapped between us. “No!” We slowly moved towards the floor as her legs could no longer hold her. People started to move towards to door of the club house. Soon it was us and Lee left. I held her to me, even as she was crumbled to the floor. We waited until her sobs started to quiet, until all she was doing was sitting there, silent tears streaming down her face. She was a shell of herself. I could tell this killed her. This was what it looked like.
I suddenly understood, in the silence surrounding us, just how a person could die, but still be alive.
The Y/N I knew was dead. Just like her husband was.
