Ride
Prologue
Pairing: Dad!Kozik & Daughter!OC
Summary: Herman Kozik never thought he would want to have kids. He’s a biker, an ex-junkie, he wouldn’t be a good father anyway. But when an ex girlfriend gives him the chance to be in the life of their daughter even before the birth. He leaps at it. He won’t abandon her like he was. With the help of his ex, his best friend, and even Mama Lowman he finds that he loves being her father.
Trigger/Content Warning(s): angst, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of drugs and rehab, mentions of jail, an unsupportive family.
Word Count: 3280
A/N: The title is based on the second verse and chorus of the song “Ride” by Lana Del Rey. Honestly this entire fic came from a maladaptive daydream I had when I had this song on repeat for days recently. Lol. Anyway, this chapter is obviously mainly about the mom OC and the pregnancy. Baby girl comes into it properly next chapter. But still, enjoy the background info.
Tags: @staley83 @hodgepodge-musings @ravennaortiz @privatetruths @kateawolf13 @tinyshyteacup @mrstelford
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Jennifer looked at the pregnancy test in her hands. A knot forming in her stomach at the positive result. There was nothing she could do to change that now. She was pregnant. And she knew exactly who the father was.
The problem was…the father was currently relapsing on heroin and she’d left him two months prior.
Still, he deserves to know right? Maybe a call couldn’t hurt. Her fingers hesitated over the number pad of the motel room she was currently in. What if he didn’t answer? What if he did? Which would be worse?
Finally she broke and dialed the number she had had memorized by their second week together. She’d always been good with numbers.
“Maybe I shoulda been an accountant…” she muttered to herself.
The line rang and rang and rang until finally a gruff voice she recognized but didn’t expect answered.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, hey Happy, it’s Jen, I was trying to call Kozik…” she said, it felt weird after dating for so long calling him by his last name again, but that’s what happens when you break up she supposed.
“I just dumped his ass at a rehab,” Happy said.
“Oh…okay…just…when he gets out, have him call me…” she said, a sense of relief and apprehension overtaking her, “It’s important.”
Should she tell Happy? No, wouldn’t be right to tell anyone before him.
“Too important to tell me?” Happy tried to joke, “I will Jen, you were good for him.”
Happy wasn’t usually emotional unless he was drained. Kozik must have really gone off the deep end this time. She prayed he got and stayed clean.
“I would at least like a sober conversation,” she joked.
Happy agreed before they hung up. Gruff and closed off as he was. She’d always liked Happy. She sighed and looked at her stomach. She wasn’t even showing yet but she knew her and Kozik’s child was there. And she was doing it on her own.
For now she hoped.
—
Jennifer was around five months along and still looking for a place to stay permanently. Right after she had broken up with Kozik her roommate moved her boyfriend in effectively kicking her out. And then a month into her extended stay at a motel she found out she was pregnant. Around three months along.
She had a job as a waitress in a bar but that didn’t pay as well now that she was starting to show.
She didn’t know the gender yet. Waiting desperately for that call from her ex before she found out. She’d hoped that he was truly clean this time. So that their child could know him.
Herman Kozik was many things. An addict. A biker. A felon. Troubled. Herman Kozik was troubled.
But he was also a good man. He had a good heart.
Sometimes it was harder to get to that part. But she knew that it was there deep down. And even though she also knew that they could never be together as a couple again. Maybe they could be friends. Co-parents to their child.
She hoped.
When she was leaving the diner she’d just gotten a daytime waitressing gig at she ran into the last person she expected. But also made her worried. Happy.
Who could see exactly why she must have called Kozik a few months prior.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” He asked.
“Because I wanted him to hear it from me,” she answered honestly, “Plus, you said he was going into rehab. He needs to focus on staying clean.”
She knew it might be selfish to hide it until then. But she felt it was best. For him. For her. For the child growing inside of her.
Happy sighed and nodded. He could understand why she wanted to wait.
“He’s getting out next month,” he said, “I’ll have him call you then, unless you wanna wait to be sure he sticks to it.”
Jennifer bit her lip. She did. But she also didn’t wanna deprive him of any more time knowing he had a baby on the way.
“I’ll call him,” she said, “Maybe ask him to take me to my next appointment…see if…if he wants this…” she rubbed her belly, “God knows I want them…”
“Don’t know what you’re having yet?” Happy asked.
“I wanted to wait until Herman knew…so we could find out together…” she murmured.
It felt only fair since she hadn’t told him she was pregnant yet. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as the doubts began to swirl again. What if he didn’t get clean? What if he didn’t believe her that the baby was his? Should she offer to get a DNA test to be sure? She knew she hadn’t been with anyone else. But she knew that might be best.
And what if he didn’t want anything to do with the baby? What if he completely turned his back on her and their child?
Jennifer shook her head when Happy said her name, stirring her from her negative thoughts. She looked up at him. Her fears dancing on her tongue but she said nothing. She didn’t know how to say it.
She wasn’t afraid of his reaction. She’s known Happy about as long as Kozik and despite his rough nature. He wasn’t ever threatening to her.
She just didn’t want to burden him with her rapidly racing thoughts.
“Happy…he’s not the type to run from this is he?” She finally asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Happy said, “But he still deserves to know.”
“I’ll call him before my appointment next month,” she said.
Happy nodded, “Do you need help?” He asked her, the exhaustion she was feeling was obvious and it couldn’t just be from being pregnant, there was something more there.
He could see it. He knew her too well. She was the one person that he swore Kozik might have settled down with if he hadn’t relapsed.
That caused the dam to break. Jennifer began to sob and nod wildly grasping onto Happy like her life depended on it. The man was shocked but held her, rubbing her back. She sobbed out everything that had happened and that she’d been trying to survive this pregnancy alone in an extended stay motel.
Happy’s resolve strengthened. He couldn’t stand seeing any woman suffer like this.
“Hey, I’m gonna help you,” he said, “You may not be with Koz right now, but you’re still my family.”
Jennifer nodded, thankful for him. Thankful to have some support.
—
Happy was a man of his word. He arranged to help her get an apartment in the same complex he knew Kozik was moving into. The manager being a friend of his and the club. So it wasn’t a hard sell.
Still she was grateful he had helped her get into a better place to raise a child. Having a home base would make finding work and everything else easier.
Soon enough Kozik was cleared to go home and Jennifer gave it a week before calling him. Saying she wanted to see him. That she missed him. It was the truth. And perhaps a little manipulative. But she knew that telling him over the phone would be the wrong choice.
She invited him to her new place and he laughed about the coincidence. Even though it wasn’t. And neither of them knew that. Only Happy did.
He wasn’t going to give his friend the chance to run or relapse. He would have to face this daily. Was it harsh? Perhaps. But he knew that Kozik was strong.
And he would never abandon his child. He always lamented how his dad stayed around just long enough to name him before he split.
So when he saw Jennifer open the door, visibly pregnant he felt his whole world begin to shift. He almost fell over in shock.
“Jenny? How? When? Mine?” He stammered out after a moment.
Jennifer had to laugh softly at the blond biker she’d fallen in and out of love with so easily. Yes, she still loved him. But it was a different kind of love.
“Get your ass in her and we’ll talk, but I found out about two months after we broke up. I’m about five along. And yes, it’s yours.” She said letting him inside her new apartment, “If you want we can get a DNA test done when they’re born.”
“You don’t know what it is yet?” Kozik asked.
Still too stunned to ask anything but the usual questions.
“No…I…I wanted to wait until I told you…in case…I don’t know…you wanted to find out together…” she murmured, “No pressure, I mean, only of you want to, I promise it’s your baby…”
She was stammering now. She was nervous. She wasn’t afraid of Kozik. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t unsure about all of this. She wasn’t sure how to be a mom let alone co-parent. And when she had tried to call her own mother for help she was ridiculed and told to just deal with it. The ultimatum was to cut Kozik out of the baby’s life competently for any kind of support. And when she said that wasn’t fair she was told that she got knocked up by a biker, she could have his baby alone. And to never call again.
She could only hope that it wouldn’t be that way after the baby was born. But still…she wasn’t holding her breath. She was nervous about doing anything alone.
“Do…do you want to come to my next appointment to find out the gender?” She asked.
“Do you want me there?” Kozik asked.
“Of course…but only if you want to be there…” she said.
“I don’t think I could forgive myself if I took off on you,” he said, “I don’t know how to be a father. But I’m willing to try.”
It was as emotionally open as he had ever been with anyone. Maybe it was because he was fresh out of rehab that the right words were in his head for once. But he wasn’t going to worry about that now.
“I don’t, Herman, I don’t think we can be together again, but…I want you in the baby’s life,” Jennifer said honestly, “I love you, but not…not like I used to. But I don’t hate you.”
She had had months to think about what she would say to him. How she would explain how she was feeling and what she wanted to him. He nodded and she could tell that it hurt him to have lose her. But he was grateful she was giving him this chance.
He wasn’t going to fuck it up.
He was going to try his best to not fuck it up.
“Thank you,” he said softly, “For giving me this chance.”
“You only get one.” Jennifer said.
Kozik nodded, “I understand.”
—
Sitting in the waiting room Jennifer was bouncing her knee up and down. Worried for everything that was to come. She was about to find out if she and Kozik were going to have a daughter or a son. And see how he reacted to the realities of everything. She hoped to whatever deity existed that he could handle this.
Kozik arrived separately, church was called for his return from rehab and he had barely gotten out of that before he had to go. Making his excuses to their charter president, Happy backing him up on why.
He made it just in time. Apologizing for being late. But Jennifer was just glad he actually showed up. She was nervous. She hadn’t had the chance to even think about decorations or clothes or anything. She was just trying to survive.
When she was called back she let Kozik come with her. A wave of relief washing over her when he sat in the room with her. As she laid on the table waiting for the ultrasound tech.
“What do you want it to be?” Kozik asked her.
“I don’t know,” Jennifer said honestly, “Everytime I think about it…it switches between a boy and a girl…I just want them to be healthy…and have both of us…we’re all they’re gonna have…”
“I take it your mom wasn’t too happy with you getting knocked up by me?” Kozik asked.
He’d heard the verbal wrath of Jennifer’s mother over the phone. When he had agreed to taking a chance at going to Thanksgiving with her family. When Jennifer slipped up and said he was a mechanic…and rode a motorcycle…he hated seeing the typically strong Jennifer break down like that. So instead they had joined Happy at Mama Lowman’s house for the holiday. She was always happy for more company.
“Hap’s mom is gonna flip when I’m the one to give her her first grandchild,” Kozik joked.
Jennifer laughed, “Then Hap is gonna kill you for making his mom ask him for more.” She joked.
Kozik grinned, he loves how easy it was to talk to her. Even if they weren’t a couple now and never would be again, it was nice that she didn’t hate him.
The tech came in with a bright smile like usual and greeted Jennifer and Kozik. She seemed so excited for her that the father was finally here.
“Are we finding out the gender today?” She asked.
“Yes, I was waiting for Herman to come back from helping his brothers to find out,” Jennifer lied smoothly.
Kozik was thankful that she hadn’t been honest about where he had been. He didn’t want to be seen as a deadbeat. Because he wasn’t going to be one if he could help it.
He didn’t doubt he was the father. But he understood why she was insisting on a DNA test after the child was born. If something ever happened to her she wanted all the evidence that he was the father so her family couldn’t challenge for custody after they turned their backs on her.
The tech began the exam, “Alright, there’s the head, they’re developing properly…let’s see if they’re in a good position to see…right there…it looks like you two are expecting an adorable baby girl!” She said happily.
“A girl?” Jennifer asked with tears in her eyes, “I’m gonna have a daughter?”
She was so happy they were healthy before she didn’t realize just what it would mean to know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It made it all the more real. The baby growing in her was her little girl. She looked over at the rather shell shocked Kozik. He was staring at the screen.
“That’s…that’s my daughter?” He asked, feeling choked up.
“Yes sir, and she’s growing perfectly,” the tech assured them.
“Oh god…Herman…she’s going to be perfect…” Jennifer began to cry, her emotions taking hold.
The tech printed up photos of the ultrasound for them and gave the pair a moment.
“I…I’m gonna do all I can to be a good father to her, Jenn, you’re not in this alone,” he assured her.
Jennifer knew she wouldn’t be fully alone ever. She had some support with actual friends. And even more now with Kozik and Happy. Those two were the most like brothers in the entire club.
“Are you happy with a girl?” Jennifer asked.
“Yes, I’m just happy you’re actually giving me the chance to be in her life,” he said again.
Jennifer smiled. Maybe she really could do this. Her mom would eat her words at abandoning her.
—
The months wore on, and Kozik was there for Jennifer as often as he could be. In as many ways as possible. But of course the lifestyle he led as a biker had to throw a wrench into things.
He was sent on a long run and wound up getting locked up for a year. Leaving Jennifer almost alone. Happy hadn’t been picked up so he kept an eye on her for Kozik.
Jennifer gave birth when Kozik was four months into his stint. Happy was beside her as she gave birth. Letting her crush his hand.
He wasn’t planning on it until Jennifer demanded that she needed somebody in her life beside her. She don’t know anyone else that she would trust.
So he held her hand and after Jennifer was the first person to hold the baby girl who looked so much like her father with her blonde hair. It was her eyes that struck both of them the most. Deep brown like Kozik’s mother had had. Jennifer commented on that. Like Kozik she had blue eyes as well as both of her parents having blue eyes.
Kozik’s father had blue eyes but his mother had these soulful brown eyes. And now their daughter had them.
He got the pair safely home and promised to help her however he could. He stayed the night on the couch to watch over them. He’d promised Kozik he would.
He stayed there almost every night for the next few months. Helping out. He kept Kozik updated whenever Jennifer was too tired to talk on the phone.
One morning as he was finishing his breakfast and watching over Jennifer as she nursed the baby. Some music softly playing in the apartment. He was walking quieter than ever when he was there.
“He’s going to love her,” Happy said, he himself was already feeling extremely protective of the child.
Jennifer nodded and smiled softly, “I want you to be her godfather,” she said looking over at him.
“Me?” He asked, confused.
“I don’t know anyone Koz or I would trust more to take care of her if anything happens to both of us…” she said, “He doesn’t have any other family and…well…you know about mine…”
Happy nodded, the last thing that anyone would want was for the baby to end up with Jennifer’s parents or family. They’d abandoned her and would go through bouts of harassment trying to convince her that she was a failure. After being extremely neglectful and abusive when she was growing up.
“My baby girl will never suffer like I did.” She said.
Happy nodded, “She’s got an entire MC behind her,” he said.
But more than that she had parents who would love her and a godfather like Happy Lowman.
—
Kozik hadn’t wanted Jennifer to bring his newborn to visit him in jail. He didn’t want his first memories of his baby to be in visitation.
Instead his first memories were at the clubhouse. Her waiting inside with Happy when he rode up. He got off the bike and greeted his brothers before he saw her.
He hadn’t expected Jennifer to be there. To bring their baby to the clubhouse. To want to ingrain her into the world of her father.
But here she was, holding a bundle swaddled in a pink blanket printed with motorcycles, a gift from Ma Lowman, Happy’s mother was so excited for her god-granddaughter and was spoiling Jennifer with clothes and blankets and food. It was nice to be loved in that way.
He walked over and Jennifer carefully handed him his sleeping daughter, “I’m happy to introduce you to your daughter Circe Kozik.” She said, naming her after the Greek goddess due to a love of mythology.
His eyes snapped up to hers briefly. She’d given their daughter his last name. He wanted to cry. Even more so when the baby opened her eyes and he saw the beautiful deep brown that had once belonged to his mother.
“Hey babygirl…” he murmured, “I’m going to be the best damn dad I can for you.” He promised, “I’m gonna stay sober.”
That was a promise to both the baby and Jennifer.
“My Circe…” he breathed.
