#samrambling

[tunababyyyy]

btw slimeriana are like a binary star system made to always orbit each other, born of the same cold dust, destined to destroy each other in a beautiful explosion of matter and energy and light. if you even care.

[tunababyyyy]

also i think we as trans people need to start being a problem again. call yourself a faggot transvestite and crossdress whichever way you want in public. embrace the inherent glorious punk nature of a sex change. be a horrible freak full of love. i'm so sick of being palatable

[tunababyyyy]

i think too many people assume gillion's upbringing was lavish. he says that he lived in/near the palace, but at one point he refers to his clothing as what "servants" of the elders would wear (i think in one of the episodes in edison city when they are disguising for the heist maybe?). I think gillion was intentionally raised utilitarian and humbly so that the elders could better break his spirit and make him follow orders similarly to how the military does in real life. by making him wear servant's clothes and train alone, they effectively strip him of his identity. keeping him away from his family is another strategy used by real-life militaries and cults to groom members into only taking orders. i have a hard time believing someone with an inferiority complex level like gillion would have been given any preferential treatment or luxuries.

[tunababyyyy]

love that british people say they're "called" their name instead of "named." "i'm called" versus "my name is" or "i am." it implies none of them ever give you their true name. or that the name is separate from the person.

[tunababyyyy]

if i were a late 18th century italian oil painter who was kicked out of my convent/art school at 17 for having relations with a nun (sorry not sorry) and eventually began to make a living doing portraits of horrid bourgeoisie aristocrats while crossdressing as a man so they would take my art seriously but i eventually made enough money to buy a secluded villa in northern italy with a view of the mountains and the coast only a few hours' ride on horseback and i was in the town square one morning picking up fresh bread and tea because i had been so busy painting i didn't have time to bake any at home and i ran into you selecting a fine cheese to take home to your mother in naples where you were studying chemistry at the university and learning about electricity with the top minds of the western world and i was struck by your beauty and insisted you come back to my villa so i could paint you and there we basked in the sun and ate the cheese you picked out and the bread i was able to make the next morning before i continued on your portrait, but when you saw it, you said it felt stiff and not like you at all and that you believed a painter of my talents could capture your soul if we spent enough time together and so we bathed in the river and chased each other through the trees and i kept painting you and painting you and painting you until suddenly you had become my muse but it was august and you had to return to naples to continue your studies but you promised to write and i didn't know what to do with myself but continue painting you as the fall set in followed by a winter where you couldn't visit either because your father had fallen ill and you had to help your mother care for him in the city where the best doctors were so instead of painting you i took up sculpture and i recreated your figure from memory out of clay dug from the rivers we swam in but i still couldn't capture you perfectly, even as the spring came and warmth came back to the earth and you still couldn't return to the villa because your work in the lab took up all of your time working on a cure for the illness your father was still ailing from and then one day i got it right, the painting of you, on the last day of may when you finally arrived to see me again and you said the painting was perfect and we laughed and i went to meet your parents in naples where i sold the painting of you and then proceeded to make more like it over the years with different subjects, but mostly you, i would accidentally invent the style of romanticism because i wanted to capture you properly in oil and ink and stone and clay. that's probably what i would do.

[tunababyyyy]

you know what? thom yorke was right. what the hell am i doing here???

[tunababyyyy]

they should invent a kind of love that isn't soul-rending and doomed from its very inception

[tunababyyyy]

it's time to buckle down because a) four more years of trump presidency not to mention the state of congress and the supreme court but, more importantly b) second semester of my sophomore year of college starts tomorrow