I was on a dance workshop, and we were dancing on adlib. We were singing along while dancing. One of the people at the back called me and said,
"Keep it up, Sam. I can hear your voice over here."
That made me smile.
After that, acting workshop came up next. There was a guy who was really good, he acted as a villain. I came up to him and said, while smiling,
"I have a question. Are you really friendly, or is it just acting?"
He didn't say anything and just did a thumbs up, lol.
Fast forward, he became my boyfriend. The heck, right?
It was my birthday and I fell asleep while waiting for him. After a while, he arrived. He picked me up and placed me in his car, careful not to wake me up. Everyone who saw us were surprised and jealous because my boyfriend was very handsome. Well.. Kidding!
I woke up in my bed some time later and then I looked for him. I asked everyone I saw, like literally.
"Did you see him?" (Like they already know who I was pertaining to.)
And then a man said,
"Yeah, he's been gone for a while. We're also wondering. He said he was going to buy bananas there."
I ran where he pointed (there were no banana stalls here), screaming his name frantically. I can feel my heart beating so fast. I was already overthinking. Is he OK? Is he flirting with someone else or what? And then I checked at the edges where we are (on a mountain it seems) and saw him! He was trying to climb back up. I helped him. Just as he arrived at the top, I hugged him so tight while crying.
And then... Of course, I woke up.
I thought to myself, do I really want a boyfriend that badly to the point I'm having dreams about having one for quite some time now? Omg.
I was just going home from school and was in a line for a train station.
(I think I'm in college in this dream. This is kind of a weird feeling since I already finished college.)
I was holding my notebook, and then when I was about to place it back in my bag, I was approached by a familiar face. He was my classmate in elementary school.
(What's so special about it is that he was my crush back then. Why him? It's been so long.)
He was smiling at me, like he was thinking to himself:
"same old sam, still diligent at taking notes."
(He probably thought that because I was already in the train station, and yet I was still holding my notebook. Why the heck am I even holding my notebook? You're such a nerd, Sam.)
A short convo about how we are's exchanged between us, and then the weirder part came along.
He asked me:
"we're okay, right? because of what happened with..."
(I already knew what he was talking about, but what's weird is that I don't know how he became aware of that. Or maybe it's not that weird because it's possible he might have heard about it, or maybe, I think they were close, that's why he knew. But why would he ask that? He wasn't even part of that issue. It was just between me and her, our classmate in elementary.)
So reluctantly, I said:
"Yeah, we are."
Then he added:
"Because you know, there's no life after death if a fight happened because of a movie."
(So weird, right? like something so important and deep, like the topic of life after death is connected by fighting because of a mere movie. What's even weirder is that we didn't even fight because of a movie...)
Then I noticed big amounts of brown and orange crumbs, like that of choco butternut donuts...
(Lol, why these donuts? They're not even my fave.)
...beside my feet, piled up. And then I tried slipping them out of the level of stairs I'm in, using my feet. Then I woke up.
I was really weirded out by this.
(Word of the day is weird, lol.)
Well, I know dreams are weird. But I'm just saying. Like, why now? Why him?
As we all might probably know, dreams are in our very deep, subconscious part of our minds.
I discussed this with my lil. sis, we did a little bit of brain storming and came to the conclusion that this is one of those memories from the past that still crosses my mind from time to time, but I'm just shrugging it off 'cause it was already a long, long time ago. I realized that every time it crossed my mind, i kept thinking how I wanted it to be over already. Somehow hoping that we're already okay with each other. Maybe that's what the crumbs are symbolizing, crumbs that were left from the past. And by cleaning them off from the stairs, it indicates the part that I want that issue to be over.
Another conclusion from my sis is that maybe those crumbs are left over from what was whole before, but became broken. Ooh, so deep right, coming from a lil sis.
Also, why did he say that about movies? Maybe because I've been watching too many movies? Or is this a warning sign that I won't be going somewhere after this life if I don't fix that issue with her? But it's already a long, long time ago. I bet she would also be weirded out if I asked her about this so suddenly.
When I think about it, it's not a big deal anymore since, just like what I said, it was a very long, long time ago. But maybe I'm just that kind of person that is not really used to fights and cold wars, not that I'm a kind person, but I really tend to avoid it because it makes me feel this way. Makes me feel so heavy inside.
I don't know if I'm just overthinking, like maybe she's already okay with me but, just would like to add that, I did try to reconcile with her in high school, 'cause yeah, she became my schoolmate back then as well. I tapped her back when she passed by, hoping she would acknowledge it. But her reaction made me stop. She just looked at me and continued on her way. I don't know if she was just shy, but it made me think that maybe she was still not okay with me that time.
Doing the first move that time to reconcile is not really easy. 'Cause I'm kind of a prideful person, and it made me feel pathetic that she might be thinking that I was regretting everything and wanted to be friends again with her just because she's popular. But it's bad to think like this. And that's why I think it's better to shrug this all off. Out of mind, out of sight, dreams.
Nasa bus ako ngayon. Nilabas ko yung earphones ko para makinig na lang ng music. Matagal pa kasi yung byahe. Nakasandal yung ulo ko sa bintana nang napansin kitang umupo sa harap ko.
Crush nga pala kita, mag-lilimang taon na. As usual, ang pogi-pogi mo. Pero di talaga dahil dun kung bakit kita naging crush. Nakakahiya man, kukuwento ko parin sa inyo.
Enrollment noon, at bigla mo na lang ako tinapik at tinali ang isang jacket sa bewang ko. Nabigla ako nun, pero wala ng mas bibigla pa nung bigla mong nilapit yung mukha mo sa tenga ko at may ibinulong.
Me and my introvertness:
PERSONAL SPACE SPACE SPACE-
Ang sabi mo:
"May tagos ka, Miss."
Lalo akong namula at bigla na lang napatakbo sa CR.
Nung nakita ko meron nga, dumiretso agad ako sa vending machine para bumili. Kamalas-malasan, nastuck pa yung napkin sa loob. Ayaw mahulog.
Pinalo-palo ko yung gilid baka sakaling mahulog pero ayaw talaga.
"ABA, POT-"
Napatigil ako nang bigla ka uling sumulpot at sa isang malakas na palo sa machine, nahulog yung napkin.
Bago pa ako makapagpasalamat, sinabi mo nang nakangiti:
"You're welcome."
Sabay alis.
Dun, dun na kita naging crush. Anubanamanyan Jiyoo. Wala ka talagang kwenta. Masyadong marupok.
Naglagay na ako ng you-know-what at lumabas. Luminga-linga ako baka sakaling mahagip kita ng mga mata ko. Sa malas kong 'to, nakita kitang patakbo sa hagdan. Di naman pala ako ganun ka malas. Sinundan kita.
Nung makarating sa pwesto mo, na lugmok ako. Malas ko nga talaga, haha.
May kahalikan kang babae. Haha, gf mo siguro. Ang swerte naman niya.
Ngayon, almost 5 years have passed at parehas na naman tayo ng school. Kaya naman hanggang ngayon, crush ka parin ni self.
Napansin kong malapit na ako bumaba kaya tumayo na ako. Nabigla ako nung bigla ka ring tumayo. Oh diba lagi na lang ako nabibigla kapag nakikita kita. Ano bang meron sayong lalaki ka?
Bumaba na ako ng bus ng napansin kong may paparating palang kotse sa kanan ko, napapikit na lang ako nang biglang naramdaman kong may humila sakin. Nagtataka ako kung bakit wala akong naramdamang sakit. Binuksan ko yung mga mata ko at di ako makapaniwala sa nakita ko. Ikaw na nasa harap ng kotseng paparating kanina, nakabulagta.
"Hoy-"
Tanging nabanggit ko at tumakbo papalapit sayo.
Nagising ka at nagsalita.
"Patawad."
Nagtaka ako.
"Bakit ka nagsosorry? Baliw ka na ba?"
"Patawad, kasi di na kita mapoprotektahan pa. Mahal na mahal kita."
Lubos na akong naguguluhan.
"Anong pinagsasabi mo diyan?"
Pero napapikit ka na lang at di na huminga. Inalog-alog kita baka sakaling magising ka.
Pero wala, wala ka na. Namatay ka dahil sa katangahan ko. Sino ba ako para gawin mo yun?
Tinangay ka na ng ambulansya habang ang pamilya mo na dumating ay hagulgol ng hagulgol. Pero nagulat ako nung biglang napatingin sakin yung babae. Nanay mo yata.
Lumapit siya sakin:
"Jiyoo?"
Kelan ba matatapos lahat ng surpresang ito? Di ko na kinakaya.
"Pano niyo po nalaman-"
Di ko na natapos kasi bigla mo akong niyakap ng mahigpit.
"Mahal na mahal ka niya, Jiyoo."
Umalis ako sa pagkakayakap mo.
"Sino po kayo?"
"Boyfriend mo siya dati. Kaso nagkaroon ng malaking away sa pagitan niyo. At naaksidente ka. Nagkaroon ka ng amnesia. Nagdesisyon siyang di na magpakilala sayo dahil sa nabanggit mo noon sa kanya dati."
"Sana di na lang kita nakilala."
Napailing ako.
"Kelan po nangyari ang aksidente?"
"5 years ago."
Akala ko ako ang unrequited dito. Maling-mali pala. Dahil ikaw pala yun.
Word of the day na naman siguro yan ni Zach. Mahilig kasi siya sa new words at di matatapos ang araw ng hindi niya yun nababanggit ng maraming beses sa isang araw. Last time nga, word of the day niya 'repertoire'.
Subject naman namin nun Art class.
"Repertoire, repertoire, repertoire. Asan na ba yung repertoire ko ng mga utang? BWAHAHAHA."
Yan yung unang una niyang binanggit pagkalabas namin ng room noon. Napakahype. At ngayon nasa music class kami at eto ang lesson namin ngayon. Ang ibig sabihin daw nun ay:
"gradual increase in the loudness of a sound or section of music."
Tinignan ko si Zach sa likod ko. Tahimik yata. Usually, nakangisi yan kapag alam niyang titignan ko siya. Ngayon, seryoso mukha niya. Kulang yata sa tulog.
After class, dumiretso ako sa CR bago pumunta ng canteen. Lunch break na kasi. Pagkatapos ko dun, agad kong hinanap si Zach sa canteen. Nakakapagtaka lang talaga. Yung taong yun laging gutom eh.
Napadpad ako sa terrace. At dun may nakita akong baunan na nakalagay sa pulang bag. Sabi dun:
"Eat me. - Repertoire"
Napatawa ako ng onti. Si Zach talaga daming pakulo. Binuksan ko yung baunan at tumambad sakin ang amoy ng chopsuey. Mahhh feyvorit. Yum. Tinikman ko. As usual, napakasarap ng luto ni Zach.
"Ang takaw mo kahit kailan."
Narinig ko ang iyong boses mula sa likod ko kaya napalingon ako.
"Chopsuey ba naman ihain mo. Baliw ka na."
"Oo, baliw sa'yo."
Ha? At bago pa man ako makapagreact ng tuluyan, biglang na lang akong natumba. Buti na lang nasalo mo 'ko. Nandilim ang aking paningin at bago pa man ako tuluyang nawalan ng malay, narinig ko ang iyong sinabi.
I woke up Christmas morning. I checked my messages as usual whenever I woke up to liven up my being, haha. And as usual, you messaged me:
"Good morning, best."
You always make me smile, even with those small things. I replied:
"Good, with you in it."
Pfft, stop it Rakki, you're blushing. He's your best friend, remember? I went down my bed and went to the comfort room.
How great, I have my first day of period on Christmas day. Isn't it awesome? Aish. I decided to take a bath because I already soiled my underwear. It's my last napkin. I'm lazy to go down and buy some. When I got out of the comfort room, someone knocked on the door. I opened it but no one's there. I looked around.
"Boo!"
"Sh*t!"
I slapped his shoulder.
"What the heck do you think you're doing?"
I said to Baek.
He's Malaysian but he speaks fluent English.
"Ahm, buying you what you need?"
He said as he gave me a plastic with a pack of napkins in it.
"How did you know? Gosh, you're such a stalker Baek!"
I shouted.
"Hey, don't let everyone know!"
He chuckled.
"I just know whenever you have your period, so here I am. Trying not to get on your nerves."
"And it's certainly not working, you dork."
I laughed. I pulled his ear and whispered:
"You're a savior. See you later!"
And I pushed him outside. I closed the door, smiling widely.
"Well, well. Christmas morning, and my daughter is smiling a lot, coming from outside. I wonder who that was."
Mom smiled teasingly.
"Relax, Mom, it's just Baek."
"Hmm, just Baek, huh?"
"What? Why? Haha."
"Never mind, darling. Eat breakfast."
After eating, I texted Baek that I would be going to his house. I knocked on their door. Tita was the one who answered it.
"Hi Tita! Where's Baek?"
"Oh, he's there, just preparing himself like he's going on a prom with the girl of his dreams. He's taking hours. Come inside first."
When I got inside, I shouted:
"Hey Baek! Don't make me wait for too long, or some prince will snatch the girl of your dreams!"
After I said that, I heard fast steps of going down the stairs. He peeked at me.
"Oh, you're here. So fast. I thought I'm the one who would pick you up?"
"Ahm, you are so slow. I got bored waiting."
Tita asked:
"Where will you two be going? Not on a date, are you?"
"No, Tita!" "No Mom!"
We simultaneously said.
"Whoa, okay. Indenial teenagers."
We looked at each other. I almost laughed.
"We'll be going now, Mom."
Baek said.
"Be careful, you two. Rakki, hon. Please keep an eye out for this Baek, okay?"
"Will do, Tita."
I smiled.
"I will be the one keeping an eye out for her, Mom. I'm not the one who gets in trouble every now and then."
I glared at Baek.
"Geez, okay, okay."
He said.
We went to the mall to watch a film together. I wanted to watch a horror film, he wanted to watch a romantic film. I feel like he's the girl here. My gosh!
It was the day our christmas party would occur. I decided not to wear my dress first because I would be commuting. I wore a black shirt and skirt with white rubber shoes and red socks. I was afraid that I might get lost because I hadn't been there before.
I asked my classmates where I could ride to get there. They say that I should take the jeep on Guadalupe and get off at Market Market. Luckily, I got there safely.
I asked the guard where the Treston Gymnasium is. They pointed it to me and again, surprisingly, I arrived at my destination. I look for a place where I can eat because I haven't eaten anything since I woke up.
I found an expensive looking place and didn't bother about the price because I'm so hungry. When I got inside, I left the place. Why? Because they only serve bread, cookies and cake. I want something with rice. When I got outside, I stumbled with someone I knew from my school.
"Hey, Lucy!" Jiyoo said.
"We're going to eat first before the party starts. You know how they schedule eating time at parties. We're starving. Wanna come?" She replied.
"Oh, hi!" I answered. "Where are you going?"
"Yes, please." I agreed.
We entered the store I entered before. It's the only store opened there. I was surprised when I got to the cashier and saw that the menu included rice meals. My eyes twinkled, and ordered the one with the rice, spam, and egg.
Jiyoo and his friend, Kijo, decided to order an ensaymada and a slice of banana cake. When my order arrived, my friend was glaring at me.
"I'm angry at you. I'm jealous of you. I want that, too." She said.
"You can have some if you want. Taste it." I responded.
I ate the spam and egg. Spam is my favorite, and the egg was so fluffy and soft. It's not salty like the usual egg in other restaurants. I felt full. I forced Jiyoo to taste it because I noticed that she was staring at my food. She liked the spam. Haha.
"No, never mind. Don't make me jealous anymore." She replied while smiling.
After eating, we decided to go ahead at the party so I could change into my dress. My dress was pink and glittery at the top, with satin-like, kind of see-through texture below. I wore gold with black heels.
I just laughed as a reply.
"Wow, pink!" Jiyoo said when she saw me.
The party started, then the raffle. I was super disappointed because my name was not called, even once. The prizes were iPhone 7 and a PS4. Golly.
We ate, and then the party ended after six hours. There was an after party and I decided to go with my schoolmates. We decided to walk from here to the new venue but eventually called a cab to take us there. My feet were killing me, for goodness sake. When we arrived, one of my classmates, Ace, said:
We took a seat and they started pouring drinks. I only asked for coke, but there are no available glasses anymore except the shot glasses.
"Don't tell them that we took a cab." And we laughed.
I was getting kinda bored and my phone was already dead so I asked Sweet, one of my classmates, if she could book a Grab for me. She said okay and when a driver accepted, it said that it would arrive in 3 minutes.
"Just use this." Ace said, and we laughed.
You may notice that I'm always laughing when I'm with my classmates. I'm lucky to have them.
Ace and Sweet went with me to wait for the Grab. When we got outside, we found out that the driver had canceled. Ace decided to just call a cab for me. He was still holding his drink when a cab stopped in front of us.
So, I took it. But then, these two love birds thought of a joke. They told me to hold the glass with class and took a photo of me. They sent it to the gc with the caption:
"Because you're holding a glass with wine." I added.
"Lucy ran outside. That's why the glasses are becoming less."
I glared at them. But that doesn't stop there, they told me to hold the glass near me like I don't want to give it back. Again, they sent it to the GC with the caption:
"Luce doesn't want to give it back."
I glared at them again. I don't know why I agree with them to do these nonsense. And then a cab arrived.
Ace told the driver where. He asked me:
"How much does it usually take?"
"About 450." I answered, then he told the driver.
"Yep." I agreed.
"You okay with 500?" He said to me.
I entered the cab.
"You still have the glass with you?" He asked me while smiling.
I waved goodbye, and they also did. Some time passed, and I fell asleep at the cab. When I woke up, I realized the cab had stopped, and the driver was nowhere to be found. The place is still familiar, so I decided to just head back. It was already nighttime, and I was walking alone.
"No!" I said while laughing. "I gave it to Sweet."
A cold breeze blew, and one by one, the streetlights went out. I was afraid, so I ran until I arrived at the party venue. I was confused and bewildered because there was an ambulance, and I saw Sweet crying while Ace was comforting her. I don't know why, but I felt like going upstairs where the party was held.
There are no more people left except for the girl sitting, her head at the table like she was sleeping. Her dress was familiar, so I moved closer to her. I tapped her shoulder, and she woke up. Not looking at me, her back facing me. She slowly turned her head at me. I was scared. We have the same face, but what's different is that she was smiling, wickedly.
"I hope you like it..."
She paused like she was thinking of the right word to say.
Dedicated to: Chandra Augustine (nagsuggest nung title, salamats!)
"ENK ENK ENK ENK ENK ENK ENK ENK ENK!!"
Sinipa ko yung alarm clock na kanina pa nagiingay at nangiistorbo sa aking beauty sleep. Oo, BEAUTY SLEEP.
Wag kang ano, may beauty talaga sa sleep ko. Pagkasipa ko sa alarm clock ko, napansin kong mataas na yung sikat ng araw. Naalala kong first day of school pala sa nilipatan kong school.
"Aw-waw-waw."
Napabangon ako nang sobrang bilis sumakit yung ulo ko. Nung umibsan na ito, dali-dali akong pumunta ng CR at binuksan ang gripo.
"UGH ANG LAMIIIGGGGG!“
Nadatnan ko na lang yung sarili ko sa loob ng school. Lunch break na. Buti na lang may kakilala akong kaibigan na nagaaral dito. Sabay kaming pumunta ng canteen. Pumila na kami ni Chandra (yun ang pangalan niya).
"Ate, gusto ko yung sinigang."
Sabi ko kay ateng nagseserve.
"Gusto ka ba?"
Sabay na sinabi sakin ni Ate at Chandra.
"Eh kung pag-untugin ko kaya kayo?"
Napatawa ng mahina si Ate samantalang si Chandra ay nagkibit-balikat lang. Umupo na kami. Isusubo ko pa nga lang ung isang kutsarang puno ng kanin nang narinig ko ang tyan kong nag-ingay. Takte, tawag ng tanghalan- este kalikasan.
"Hoi anuba."
Sabi ni Chandra nung bigla akong napatayo at tumakbo papuntang CR.
Anong meron sa araw na 'to, lagi na lang akong nagmamadali o tumatakbo.
Pagdating sa CR, sa dulong-dulong cubicle ako pumasok. Lam niyo namannn, hahahahaha. Alam kong di lang ako ang gumagawa nito. Di pa nakakalabas ung poop ko (pasensya na po sa mga kumakain dyan), may narinig akong ingay.
Rinig ko ang mga yabag nilang nagmamadaling pumasok sa katabing cubicle ko. Biglang lumamig yung simoy ng hangin. Chill lang ako pero nung naalala ko na walang bintana dito, takte kinilabutan ako. Ayoko ng tumingin sa space sa baba ng kabilang cubicle.
Binilisan ko na lang tumae. Tatayo na sana ako ng, may narinig akong "Plok~" sa katabing cubicle. Fudge, pati ba multo tumatae? Dahan-dahan akong lumabas ng cubicle ko.
Tatakbo na sana ako, pagkalabas ko. Kaso nagtaka ako nung biglang yumanig yung pinto ng katabing cubicle. Pabilis ng pabilis. At may biglang umungol. Wth, multo nag-aanuhan? Yikesss. Tumakbo na ako. Nung tumakbo ako, napalingon ako sa salamin at nakita ko ang sarili kong tumatakbo.
Pagdating ko sa canteen, tapos ng kumain si Chandra.
"Bat ka namumutla? Anong nangyari sayo?"
Sabi niya at kinuwento ko sa kanya lahat ng nangyari.
"Teka, san ka ba nag-CR?"
Tanong niya.
Sabi ko:
"Dun sa tabi ng hagdan."
Sabay turo kung san nga ako nag-CR.
Agad niyang pinalo kamay ko:
"Walang CR diyan."
Di ko alam kung ano talaga ang kababalaghan sa CR na yun, yung pagtae ko o yung multong nagaanuhan sa CR na yun. Kasi san ako tumae diba?
