Virtual world vs Real world
Fanfiction under the cut! ^_^
Kazuto closed the door behind him and sat on his bed. His room, an androgynous grey to his design, surrounded him with comfort. He didn’t even need to look when he reached for the amusphere, which had been sitting in it’s familiar spot on his bedside table like always. Setting it on his head and closing the visor over his eyes, he closed them and welcomed the split second of darkness before he could say “Link Start!”
Whenever Kazuto closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but remember the hours that came before. Usually the most interesting thing that happened at school came to mind. Other days’ topics were things like dinner. Today was different.
He could feel himself wince as he reminisced on the most spotlight-worthy interaction of today.
“You look like a boy,”
Mixed reactions filled his head. What would’ve been considered an insult on regular terms made him filled with joy. But what followed...
“Yeah that’s actually really weird. Why do you do that?”
He remembered the feeling of being at loss for words. He remembered being alone like always and praying that a stranger would come and interrupt the situation. It’s not that they were intentionally singling out. Or maybe they were. It was just an incredibly difficult question. Why?
Why is it such a difficult thing to do. To dress and act the way I truly am? I’d say it’s far more stranger to put on that stupid mask every day and act like I’m happy. Truthfully I can’t stand it. I don’t know how you guys can. For as long as I can remember, it’s made me feel awful. I’ve finally made the choice to act for myself. Is that so bad?
Kazuto sighed as he regretted not saying those words in that moment. If only he could’ve frozen time in that moment to give himself enough time to think about something cool like that to say.
Realizing almost 5 minutes had passed of him sitting in complete darkness making faces to himself, he said the command to boot up the amusphere.
“Link start!”
Kazuto loved the virtual world. He had since he was a kid. His virtual name, “Kirito” was the first masculine name he chose for himself, and it felt so strange, but so good. When he first put it in the system, it felt so different compared to his given name. Every time he put his given name on anything, it felt like there was a sickness ready to make his brain collapse in on itself.
This is normal, he grew up thinking.
But why does he have to settle for what he’s handed? What’s the matter about taking matters into your own hands and fixing what’s broken? Is it so “weird” to find happiness for yourself?
“Kirito...?”
He looked up to see his only friends looking at him. Their vibrantly colored elven avatars crowded the living room of his virtual home.
“What’s the matter? You look upset.” Silica said to him.
“Oh, sorry. Don’t worry about it, some girls just got on my nerves today. No big deal.”
“Wow look at you, chick magnet!” Lisbeth smirked. “You must be so popular to have enough girls on you to get annoyed about it!!
“I-”
“Bad news for them! You got the best girlfriend in the world sitting right here!” she exclaimed, pointing at Asuna, sitting on the couch just a few inches away from Kazuto. She had somewhat of a worried look on her face, staring straight at him.
“Girl, you gotta be tougher on him.”
“No she doesn’t!” Kazuto managed to inerject, remembering their time in early Aincrad. Asuna may seem like too much of a sweetheart for her own good on the surface, but when it comes down to it she can, will, and has kicked Kazuto’s ass.
“You know what Kirito, I don’t blame them. You really are a cutie.” Asuna said.
“Get a room.” Sinon joked.
“Eeh...”
“I’m serious Kirito!” Asuna began to get upset. Half joking with a side of concern.
“Yeah, listen to your girlfriend, Kirito. You’re a hansome boy!” Lisbeth added. “Everyone knows this!”
“That’s not funny. I’d never compliment Kirito. It’s against my moral code. I’d compliment anyone but Kirito” Sinon joked again. Kazuto let out a quiet chuckle at her teasing.
“I don’t blame you. He looks like a boy who’s just discovered punk music and is dipping his toes in the water. Like, he’s not dedicated enough to the genre, but he wears black in appreciation.” Lisbeth began the tease session.
“That was weak. He looks like he washes his clothes in nothing but coal because he spilled the detergent and is too nervous to go out and buy a new bottle.” Sinon followed up.
“Oh, oh!” Silica chimed in, “Kirito looks like a wannabe manga protagonist!”
“Please. He IS a wannabe manga protagonist”
The room erupted in laughter, but nobody was wheezing nearly as hard as Kazuto. He was nearly tearing up.
“Stop it you guys!”
He was grinning ear to ear, and his face red from laughing. As his laughing fit calmed slightly down, Asuna leaned over and looked him straight in the face. She had that terrifying, dead serious, determined look on her face that she made all the time in Aincrad.
“If people are giving you trouble, you tell them that your incredibly powerful girlfriend is on her way to get them with her intense gaming skills.”
The room interrupted in laughter yet again.
“I love you guys.” Kirito said when the laughter died down. “I’ve never met any of you in real life, but I want this to be my world so bad. Is that weird of me?”
“We spent two years in Aincrad. Those were undoubtly the best years of my life, because I could spend them with you guys. If i could be completely honest, I want more than anything to drop my real life and live in this world forever.”
Silica, Sinon, Lisbeth, and especially Asuna were listening attentively.
With this confession, Asuna knew just the slightest bit more about Kirito’s life in the real world. That it wasn’t as fortunate as hers. Although it made her feel slightly bad, she became determined to help and support Kirito even more.
“Kirito,”
“Hm?”
“Let’s meet up in real life.”
Sinon, Lisbeth, and Silica lit up in unison. The three were now excited to hear more about this plan.
“We can save up money and the whole gang can vacation to some place fun together!” Asuna said.
“Maybe a weekend in the summer somewhere? We could go some place like Osaka!” Silica added.
“Oh my gosh, yes! And maybe-” Lisbeth was suddenly interrupted by a saddened Kirito.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can...”
Kazuto truly wanted to be able to meet his only friends in the real world. You could see it on his face. But he was being held back by something.
“If you aren’t comfortable with it it’s totally fine, we don’t have to go this summer!” Asuna reassured. “Is everything okay?”
“Don’t worry about me. It’s getting late where I live. I should go to bed.” Kazuto said depressingly.
Everyone worriedly wished him goodnight and watched his avatar dissolve out of their virtual world.
“I really do hope everything is okay,” Asuna started. “I don’t want to pressure him to open up when he isn’t comfortable with it. I just want to be able to be there for him. I wish I could just teleport to his home in the real world and tell him everything is alright. Whatever he’s going through, I don’t want him to be alone in it.”
Kazuto removed the amusphere and looked out at the dusk sky. With the rollercoaster of emotions that today was, he was exhausted. Or at least that’s what he told himself.
He let down his ponytail and hid under his covers, wishing he could just skip trying to fall asleep and teleport to the next morning. Kazuto dreaded the thoughts that would flood his mind while he would try to fall asleep.
Closing his eyes harder didn’t prevent the floodgates from opening as he hoped.
In his time in aincrad, Kazuto was himself. He was Kirito. Although the Black Swordsman identity wasn’t exactly his cup of tea, he rest assured knowing that at least everyone saw him as he truly was. Male.
Kazuto remembered the moment Kayaba switched everyone’s avatars to represent their real selves. His stomach dropped as he saw his hair flow down his shoulders. As soon as the spectacle was over, he ran into an allyway, took his beginner sword, and sliced the length clean off. In that moment, he felt the literal and metaphorical weight off his shoulders. It wasn’t the best cut, but it got the job done. The rage and anger of the unfairness of it all manifested in that one cut. If only he could do that in the real world.
That’s when Klein found him, and where he left him. Part of the reason he left was so he wouldn’t feel guilty about lying to him, and he knew that. But what was he lying about?
Had he been lying to Asuna for those two years? Building their relationship off of a lie? Kazuto tried to stop the thought train from going to the place he dreaded, but it kept on rolling.
What if I told her and she hated me?
I wouldn’t blame her.
No. He has been living the truth. It just wasn’t the truth that reality wanted him to live. But it was the truth that he was. If Asuna hated him forever, then they weren’t meant to be.
But then two years wouldn’t have been wasted. If you told her in the beginning and she hated you, you wouldnt waste two years with her.
Tears started to manifest in his eyes, one slipping away into his long, tangled hair. What an awful way to think of his girlfriend. What an awful reality. He wished for nothing but to slip back away into the virtual world in that moment, just to be able to distract himself from this torture. But he had already told his friends he was going to bed. He would be caught with another lie on his hands.
Why not bring the virtual world to here?
Something, some force, made Kazuto shoot up out of bed. He wiped his wet eyes on his blanket and stormed to the bathroom. His footsteps echoed through the empty house. His sister and only other person in the house, was gone on a kendo trip. But even if she was home, nothing could stop his forward force. Nothing could stop his mysterious determination.
No. It’s not mysterious or weird. It’s what has to be done. It’s what has had to be done for a long time.
He opened his sister’s drawer and located the scissors, and grabbed the length of his hair with reddened knuckles and a furious grasp. Just like that, years worth of agony were draped on the bathroom floor. He swing his new, light head to the left and to the right. Not an unfamiliar feeling thanks to the likes of full dive, but surely it was different. It was new and refreshing, and it felt beautiful. Kazuto looked straight back at himself in the mirror and for the first time in what’s felt like a lifetime, he smiled. And with that, uncontrollable tears came flooding down his face.
This wasn’t the same crying that he’d been doing for years. This was liberation. He swept his own hands through his new look, and grinned ear to ear through his swollen, tear-stained face, and proceeded to make his way back to his room. With the weight of what felt like the world off his shoulders, Kazuto proceeded to sink into the most comfortable rest with a genuine smile on his face.
For context on what is happening is that kirito had a nightmare....about what, you may ask?
He dreamt about the cathedral fight and was trying to save Eugeo from blood loss ( which unfortunately didn’t work ).... this leads to Eugeo dying in kirito’s arms and kirito left broken....
After the dream, kirito screamed at the top of his lungs, shaking,crying, and yelling Eugeo’s name in agony.
As flaxen haired boy came to kirito’s aid, kirito jumped from bed and ran into his beloved’s arms...saying he failed Eugeo and begged him in tears not to leave him.
Seeing kirito in this state made Eugeo himself cry... they later both embraced one another as Eugeo reassured kirito he would never dare think of leaving him.
After comforting him, Eugeo decided to sleep with kirito to keep him company...to which kirito agreed
* sorry for the crappy art, but at least am getting better at it 😓😌*
