#schizoafucktive

[schizoafucktive]

I don’t know if this is relatable or not, but do you ever watch a tv show or read a book or engage with some type of media, then have a very very difficult time determining what is from the media and what is actually real. I’ll think I’m a character from the media, that my loved ones are characters from the media, that I’m in the place where the media takes place. I’ll have a difficult time telling if my dog just died or if that happened in the media, if I just won a competition or if that was the media. Anyone else? Just me?

[schizoafucktive]

One time I started having a manic episode on the train ride home and when I went to wait for the bus, I saw a man with a shovel coming to attack me but I wasn’t scared because I’m god so I just laughed at him and whenever I think about it, I cringe, because it was definitely just me randomly bursting into laughter next to a man shovelling snow at the bus stop and then giggling uncontrollably and muddling around all jittery-like until the bus came.

[schizoafucktive]

Sometimes I try to describe something or someone as bad, wild, overreactive, wrong, or extreme, and instead of saying an appropriate word, I say psychotic.

It makes me feel empty, like even though I am psychotic and I am not necessarily those things because of my psychosis, that’s still the first adjective that came to mind.