#screamingcryingthrowingup

[algorithymn]

IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

[pixlart04]

I told myself no more murder drones merch for a bit but ofc they decide to drop new merch now whyyyyy ToT

Probably gonna get some new animiniz now… but also I need the lizzy plushie but also I need an N keychain

Annnddd when I get more money I might have to grab the copper 9 high jacket hehe ^^"

So basically, I’m buying everything from this new drop pls pray for my bank account…

(This is me rn if u even care :3 )

[imgoingtohellpleasehelp]

just every time pentious references "it starts with sorry" my heart explodes a little bit. just that charley was the first person in so, so long to show him genuine kindness and foregivness even when he hurt her. just that he's spreading her message now throughout heaven, helping even the angels realize that they can also make things right one bit at a time.

[flightlesstrash]

im gonna throw up

[nperoconelcositoarriba]

BRO I’ve been aching to write for days and the moment I sit down to study—BOOM. I blacked out and started typing.

Like 40 mins in, writing something about Dean, soft I think, no idea what it even is. I dissociated and came back with almost 5K words written. Help.

[a--a---a]

i am definitely hoping (praying) this is a dream or case related fakeness, but if it's not i think it would be really interesting to see the inner dynamics of everyone with their own personal drama and how they do (or do not) put it aside for this occasion.

like, elephant in the room with tommy being jealous of eddie/addressing his statement about "competition" when mb things get heated? mb tommy comforts buck, and eddie sees it and doesn't mask his reaction right away. and that starts a THING. and buck is like *this is not the time*. and like he holds eddie's hand or something, but it's the end end for bucktommy.

but like that's buck's DAD. and may and harry.

and low-key he's kinda eddie's dad too. more his mentor and guide. but UGH.

and like whatever happens to hen. like i am sure there's trauma from whatever happens in 8x13, but just imagine her stepping up. and like becoming captain. taking everything she learned from bobby and moving forward.

i don't even wanna talk about chimney cuz like. this is the end of an era. started in a pit of mud (gerrard) and ended there too ig? if he takes back over, will that undo all of what bobby did? the environment and the FAMILY he created for the 118? UGH. (but again hoping for hen.)

and ATHENA. (omg 🤢😭🤢😭🤢😭)

[jasper-is-not-emo]

i am a girlfriend again

i have mixed feelings on the matter

i like who i am dating. i do not know if i like who i am as a girlfriend. 

the last two times i was a girlfriend where the most stress enducing experiences of my life. i worry that by being a girlfriend again i am opening myself up to those previous versions of me which i have shut off. the constant emotional rollecoasters of my previous relationships. i know i must let go those previous versions of my self. reinvent my self as a new girlfriend. but i am feel them tugging at my heels like a sirens call dragging me to drown with them. will i stand firmly on the shore of selfhood or drown in the all consuming turmoil

i will try. i will try to cling firmly onto my selfhood. my independence and my peace. i will not let myself be consumed wholly, devoured by the girlfriends of my past present or future. i will remain alisa. i will not simply be a girlfriend. i will not let this relationship consume me if nothing else

on the other hand. by staking out my independence. by clinging to myself am i isolating the other? am i rejecting in part what it means to be in a relationship? to entwine yourselves together for better or for worse. am i to hardened by the past to truly let another in? will this struggle for selfhood be the downfall of us? i don’t know. i suppose i will never know just how much one should surrender to the other and just how much one should keep. i worry the pendulum will swing in the opposite direction we will become another civilian casualty in my struggle for freedom

is an embrace of the other an annihilation of the self?

in the meantime i will cling to my art, to my interests and joy, to my friends whom i love, and my self. i will remember to be vulnerable, to let myself entwine without melting into the other

[secret-third-thing]

MY WORKSHOP PIECE WAS A HIT !?!?!