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Jun 15, 2020

It Had To Be You XLIX

Chapter Forty Nine: It Had To Be You

Summary: It’s finally time for you and Tyler to get married. But what’s a wedding without some drama?

Warning: Angst, language, maybe some fluff but not likely, trigger warning for mention of ED

Author’s Note: Y’all I was literally bawling as I wrote this. Like so much so that I had to stop and save it, so I could finish crying and then return to it. I don’t know how many of you saw it coming, but here we are. One chapter left and I can honestly say I didn’t really see it coming. The length of the series that is. I really do appreciate everyone’s love for this series; it’s been up and down for me where some days I love writing it and other days I just can’t bring myself to make these characters co-exist. I wanted there to be closure, because at the very least, it’s what these two deserved but I also needed a good dose of angst to send this series off -- since that’s pretty much what it was built on. So, yes, this chapter is INCREDIBLY, EXCEPTIONALLY, almost OUTRAGEOUSLY long and it took a lot of time to write but it was extremely necessary! Enjoy these last two chapters and thank you again for all your support.

Song Credit: It Had To Be You -- Frank Sinatra

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Tyler’s P.O.V.

You woke up in your mom’s guest room and, for a second, thought it was just another day but when your sisters came barrelling into the room to wake you up, you jumped up in excitement.

“YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!” Candace shouted

“I KNOW!” you replied. Candace made some joke about how normally she would expect you to stay calm, cool and collected and that it was typically the girl in the relationship who was this excited on their wedding day.

“I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable,” she laughed, “I just didn’t expect it I guess”

“Well what can I say?” you smiled, “I love (Y/N) and I’m so lucky to be the one she chose. The one who gets to marry her.” Candace smiled at you as you cooed over your fiancée just as your mom walked in

“What are you still doing in here?!” she exclaimed

“What?” you answered

“You should be getting ready!”

“I’m getting there, Ma,” you chuckled, “don’t worry!” She huffed as if to say ‘you’re not taking this seriously’ before walking out of the room, throwing her arms up as she did so and your head fell back while Candace followed her out of the room. Shortly after, you made your way to the kitchen for some breakfast

“So...” your mom started, Cassidy and Candace looking at you, “how you feeling?”

“Good,” you smiled, a blush creeping on your cheeks, “really good.”

“Aww” the girls shrieked, making the dogs jump up from where they were sleeping and head to where they were

“You guys are scaring the dogs!” you chirped and they laughed

“You’re just so cute!” Cassidy cooed

“I never thought you’d be getting married...” your mom started to tear up

“Mom...” you started, waving your hands to get her to stop as you walked over to her, “don’t start crying now. Please. There’s so much day left.”

“I’m just so happy,” she sobbed, “that you found the person you want to be with. And I’m so happy she is so amazing to you and to us. I just love you both so much.”

“Okay, mom,” you said, hugging her as she continued to cry into your shoulder, “I have to go take a shower now. I love you. Save the tears for the ceremony okay?” She nodded once and you kissed the top of her head to comfort her before you walked away.

You woke up with a huge grin on your face. Even after seeing Kate on Tyler’s story last night, knowing that she was with him, you had managed to put it out of your mind and you were back to being excited about marrying the man you loved. You rushed into the shower because your day was planned to the last millisecond, from hair and makeup to making sure the catering, décor and everything else was set and ready to go.

“Alright...” Karen said through the door as you showered, “we’ve got your hair and makeup at the same time, Diana is taking care of all the Bridesmaids dresses and their hair and makeup. You’ll be in separate rooms here while you get them done and then we’ll do pictures. Your flowers are on their way from the florist and caterers will be here by the time you're ready to get dressed.” She continued to talk at you but you had to put your head back under the water to wash out the conditioner in your hair that you didn’t hear what she said.

“Okay, I’m going as fast as I can” you laughed as you opened the door, noticing people walking around behind her. Once you had put on some lotion and the silky robe with ‘Bride’ embellished on the back, you followed Karen into the room where you would be getting ready.

“If you need anything, call me,” she said, “but hopefully you won’t need anything. I’ll send the photographer in once the hair and makeup people are here and they’ll kind of just roam around you and take some shots. They’ll do the same outside.”

“Got it.” You smiled, letting out a sigh of relief when she finally walked away. The next two hours were a whirlwind of photos and makeup and hair and gifts for your Bridesmaids before finally getting into your dress so you and Tyler could exchange notes.

“Do you still want to keep everything a secret?” he asked from where he stood behind the door, handing his note to you without looking over the door

“What do you mean?” you smiled to yourself as you handed him your note

“The dress? Is it going to be a surprise until I’m at the altar?” he laughed

“You really think you can handle it right now?” You looked at Jackie who had brought over the photographer to capture the moment that you and Tyler were reading your letters

“Oh I’m ready,” he smirked, “are you?” Jackie seemed to tell the photographer that you two were going to look at each other first before reading the letters and just as you stepped forward he stopped you

“It would be a much better picture if you two revealed yourself to each other after you’d read the letters. Much more romantic.” You nodded and asked if Tyler was ready

“More than you know, babe.” You could hear the smirk on his face and you chuckled to yourself as you opened the envelope and read his note to you, while he stood silently reading your note to him.

(Y/N);

I never thought I’d meet someone who made me reconsider so many of my life choices but from the moment I met you, I knew you were going to change my life forever. From thinking I never wanted to get married to never wanting to let a minute go by that we weren’t with each other, you’re the one for me. You’re it. The sound of your voice over a call when I’m on the road, the smell of your favourite perfume, that little giggle you make when you watch dog videos on Youtube; these are the things that I cherish and crave when we’re apart and when we’re together. I’m so thankful to be part of your life and I feel so immensely lucky to get to call myself your husband, or I will be once the ‘I do’s’ are done. I know we’ve had our ups and downs and I know our life together won’t be without it’s challenges if for no other reason than our schedules but I wouldn’t want to face those challenges with anyone but you.

I love you so much,

Tyler.

Tyler’s P.O.V.

You opened the letter from (Y/N) and took a deep breath before reading it while you listened to her silently sob as she read your letter to her.

My Dearest Tyler,

I’ll admit when I first met you, I didn’t think too much of you. I knew your reputation in Boston and I let that sway a lot of my opinion of you but you soon proved me wrong and I have never been so grateful for anything in my whole life. Because it gave me you. Yes, I ignored my feelings for you because I was with someone else, but for so much of my life, you’ve been one of the only people who have made me feel safe and loved and who I could fully trust. It took us a long time to get where we are today -- bad break ups, family tragedies, things I’d like to never speak of again -- but we’re here, we made it. It’s you and me, babe. And I couldn’t be happier. I know I can be a lot to handle most days and I know that I drive you crazy more than you’d probably like to admit, just know that it’s all done out of love. Because I do love you. No matter what I might say or do, I’ll always love you.

You’ll always be the one who changed everything.

You’ll always be the one I never want to lose.

You’ll always be the one I love the most.

To the sun and the moon and the stars, I love you, baby.

(Y/N), xo

You wiped away a few stray tears as you folded up the piece of paper, your mom soon telling you it was time to reveal yourselves to each other.

“You two ready?” she asked

“Just give me a minute,” you heard (Y/N) laugh, “I think I’ve ruined my makeup!”

“You look great!” your mom replied and (Y/N) laughed again, taking a deep breath before finally agreeing to come out. The photographer clicking photos continuously as both of you stepped out from where you stood, your hand quickly raised to cover your mouth; you couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked and that the day was finally here.

“You look...” you stammered, “gorgeous.” She blushed at your words, the smile on her face growing each second before she took your hands lightly in hers.

“You look so handsome” she smiled, moving closer to you for a kiss which your mom and the photographer both stopped.

“Not until the ‘I Do’s’!” Your mom yelled and (Y/N) laughed

“She’s right.” (Y/N) added, squeezing your hands, “I should probably go check on the girls anyway.” You didn’t want to let her go just yet, so you held onto her hand as she walked away.

“That’s a great shot” you heard the photographer say to your mom and she was quick to agree so you decided to give your opinion on it.

“It looks beautiful,” you said, furrowing your brow as you continued to examine the photo, “but she looks kinda sad doesn’t she? I don’t know... it just looks like she’s leaving me...”

You walked back to find your Bridesmaids getting their finishing touches done before being taken to an area by the lake where the photographer wanted some shots of the entire wedding party as guests made their way into the backyard where the ceremony would be; Tyler gathered his Groomsmen and your Bridesmaids mirrored their positions beside you when the photographer began rearranging everyone. You and Tyler laughed at the commotion surrounding the two of you but were eventually able to reel everyone in for a few good photos.

“Okay,” Tyler breathed, “I think it’s time. I’ll see you up there.” He kissed your hands before walking up the hill toward the house, looking back only once to smile at you and you smiled back before taking a deep breath of your own as your Bridesmaids started their journey to the house

“You coming?” Lucy asked

“Of course. I’ll be there in a second,” you laughed, “I just wanna practice my vows once.” Lucy nodded and continued up the hill with the other girls. You looked out at the horizon, smoothing the front of your dress to calm the nerves you were starting to feel.

“You look beautiful” Chris spoke softly, leading you to look over your shoulder to meet his smile. You slowly turned around to let him see you and dropped your eyes to the ground, catching glimpses of the dress as your eyes scanned the ground.

“Thank you,” you smiled before finally looking up at him, “you look very handsome.”

“Thank you.” he replied and outstretched his hand to you to get you to walk up with him, “It’s time for you to get married.” Just as the two of you reached the front door, Chris said there was something he forgot to give you but it was in his car so he went to grab it, your eyes following him as he ran to where his car was parked; turning around and bumping into someone hastily

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed

“No it’s my fault. I must not have...” Kate replied, trailing off when she saw it was you and realizing that you might not have known that she was going to be there

“Kate..?” was all you could muster and she gave you an awkward closed mouth smile before making her way into the backyard to find a seat. You stayed still for a moment, waiting for Chris to come back, until Kate turned around once more

“You look lovely,” she said, “Tyler’s a really lucky guy...” The words sounded sincere so you thanked her and watched as she disappeared around the corner when a sudden rush of doubt washed over you and you ran into your bedroom. You stood in front of the floor length mirror, examining the intricate details of lace and tulle and beading on your custom-made dress, training yourself to look at yourself in the dress. When you finally met your eyes in the mirror, you couldn’t connect the beauty of the dress to the girl you saw wearing it. Your mind kept wandering to what everyone would think when they saw you, or what you convinced yourself they’d think

“Hey,” Chris called, running to find you, “where did you go? I was only gone for a minute and I come back but you’re not...” You turned to him with a slow tear running from the corner of your eye

“Is this a mistake Chris?” you cried and he shook his head

“No.” he stated simply, but sympathetically as he walked slowly toward you, “This is not a mistake.” You dropped your head, shaking it to clear your thoughts, and Chris pulled you in for a hug that you could only melt into. When he pulled away from the hug, he handed you a small box, “this belonged to your dad.” You opened the box to find an old guitar pick

“I didn’t know he played guitar?”

“Oh yeah. He was pretty good too. But this one pick was really special to him. So when he had you and Lucy, he wanted to make sure it would be special to you both as well.” He said and you furrowed your brow when you looked up at him, “turn it over.” You did as he said

“I love you” the words on the pick read, in your dads messy writing and you brought your hand to your mouth to stop from sobbing.

“He would be so proud of you.” Chris said, leading you to look up at him and frown

“I miss them so much” You replied while Chris encouraged you to grab his arm and start to walk to the altar. The two of you stopped just in front of the door before you were met by your bridal party.

“Didn’t think you were gonna make it” Katie joked

“Well I did. I’m here” you smiled

“Alright. Let’s do this” Cassidy exclaimed

“Let’s get you married!” Candace added while the girls lined up with Tyler’s Groomsmen to walk down the aisle. As they made their way two by two to the altar, you took a deep breath before biting your lip

“You ready?” Lucy asked, Jesse trying his best not to butt into the conversation as her arm was interlocked with his

“Yes” you smiled, a small sigh leaving your voice

“We’ll see you up there” Jesse winked as he nodded to Lucy so they could walk down the aisle to meet Tyler at the altar; she mouthed a quick ‘you got this’ before walking down and just like that, the music changed and it was finally your turn. When the door finally opened, you looked up and saw Tyler smiling back to you. And the whole world faded away.

Tyler’s P.O.V.

You had no idea what had taken so long but when you finally saw her standing at the end of the aisle in her dress, about to walk toward you, you didn’t care about anything other than how beautiful she was. And how much you loved her.

“Hi,” you whispered when she finally met you at the altar, “I missed you.” She reciprocated your smile before mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ to which you just shook your head before the ceremony officially started. The two of you gazed at each other while the officiant spoke about marriage and what it meant to make this commitment to each other. Your eyes never left (Y/N)’s, even when she began to blush and press her lips together to stop herself from laughing.

“(Y/N) and Tyler have written their vows today. Have you decided who would like to go first?” The officiant asked

“Ladies first, always.” You chuckled while (Y/N) fumbled with her note card

“I had to bring it with me or I knew I’d forget,” she confessed, “I’m nervous. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous.” She tried to catch her breath and you smiled at her nervousness

“It’s okay, love, take your time.” You said, reassuringly, allowing her to slow down and steady herself and her breathing.

“Tyler; I wrote and rewrote these vows a million times. Trying to make them perfect. Trying to make them the most amazing words you’ll ever hear and the most beautiful vows anyone, anywhere, will ever hear. Which only made them cheesy and full of things like ‘I’ll make you laugh when you’re sad,’ and ‘I’ll walk the dogs when you can’t,’ which is true. I’ll do both of those things, but I would anyway,” the room laughed and she smiled at you before continuing, making sure to look at you as much as she could, “so when it came time for me to really write my vows to you, I scrapped everything and wrote five words.

It Had To Be You.

There was no one else in my life that I would ever find that made me feel the way you do. No matter how many times we fought or disagreed or ignored our feelings for each other, you were always the person I imagined myself with. I never thought that I... I would find someone who looked at me the way I wanted to be looked at, someone who made me feel seen. Until you. You changed everything for me. You changed the way I looked at myself and the way I looked at relationships. You’ve become this amazing person, you’ve grown into such an amazing man and I’m so proud that I’ve gotten to be part of that journey. Through the ups and downs, the fights and the make-ups and everything in between, you’ve been so wonderful to me. And I love you for that. It was never going to be anyone else. I can’t imagine a better person to share my life with, to be in love with. It Had To Be You. I knew it from the second we met, It Had To Be You.” She tilted her head to the side and smiled sheepishly at you before clutching your hands to steady her

“Tyler...” the officiant continued, “it’s your turn.” You laughed at his statement but cleared your throat to say your vows.

“(Y/N)...” you started, “falling in love with you came suddenly and unexpectedly. Loving you, however, was slow and sometimes infuriating.” You smiled as she gasped at your words, jokingly pulling her hands away from yours for a moment, “but I know,” you continued, “that love is worth fighting for. So, I fought. and fought. and begged. and hoped. and wished that I could keep fighting forever. Because I loved you so much it scared me to not have you with me. When the worst would happen and I thought we wouldn’t make it, my heart broke. Only to get put back together again when you showed up at my door and fell into my arms. The place where you fit so perfectly. I loved you before I even knew that I could love again. Before I even knew I wanted to love again. You snuck into my life when I was trying to figure out who I needed to be and how I needed to change and you were like this breath of fresh air. Exactly what I needed. You stayed with me when I lost the people I loved most in the world and you held me when I needed to be held. There’s no one else that I would rather argue with or make-up with or share every moment of my life with. There’s no one else I could ever love more and no one else I could imagine myself with. I love you. Now, yesterday, tomorrow, forever and for always.”

“And with that, I have a few last questions and responsibilities...” the officiant said. You watched (Y/N) look out at the crowd, examining the guests reactions, when she stopped suddenly and you followed her gaze to where Kate sat; solemn look on her face before dropping her head, “so, if no one has anything they’d like to say. No objections...” the officiant added and you smiled, starting to jokingly get him to continue when (Y/N) spoke up quietly

“I’m sorry...” she said and you furrowed your brow at her before she looked up, “I love you, Ty, but I can’t... do this. I can’t marry you. I’m sorry.” You were left in shock, your mouth gaping slightly as she ran down the steps and into the house. You ran after her once you composed yourself, calling out to her but she kept her back turned to you

“What’s going on?!” you yelled

“We can’t get married”

“We can. We almost did. What happened?”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this. It’s all too much”

“Too much?”

“I’m sor--”

“STOP!” You yelled, interrupting her apology, “stop apologizing. Stop saying you’re sorry and just help me understand what you’re thinking.” She finally turned around to look at you and you noticed the tears streaming down her face as she tried to get the words out. But she couldn’t seem to make the words leave her throat.

Your eyes burned with tears as you tried to explain why you left the altar. Why you left him standing there alone. Why you couldn’t marry him. All you could do was whimper, all you could say was ‘I’m sorry’ but Tyler wanted more.

“No,” he argued, “tell me what’s going on. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know. I don’t have the answers”

“You’re the only one with the answers right now”

“Tyler please...” you sighed, tears still falling from your eyes

“I love you,” he replied, moving toward you so he could brush his hand along your arm, “I want to be with you. Maybe today isn’t the right day. Maybe we rushed into it. Maybe you’re feeling pressured. Whatever it is, tell me and we can work through it together.”

“I guess...” you sobbed, dropping your head to the ground in defeat, before picking it up to find his eyes again, “I don’t know... I thought if I could be this perfect person for you then all of my... pain, my insecurities would just go away. Because I loved you and I wanted you and I wanted us but from the second I walked into your life, I’ve felt so incredibly out of place. I don’t belong in this life. With the fancy cars and the beautiful people and the big houses. I don’t belong here. I wanted to. I thought I could, despite everything and everyone trying to convince us we weren’t meant for each other. But you can’t tell me you don’t see it. That I grew up in a modest house with a modest family of modest means--”

“I told you that I didn’t grow up with all of this stuff, I worked for it” he interrupted you to argue, furrowing his brow at your confession

“I know! I know,” you sighed, trying to compose your sobs in such a way that your words could be understood and not just heard, “but I can’t get past any of it. I... you deserve someone who can keep up with this life. Who can keep up with you and someone who doesn’t feel... threatened at every turn. I have tried so hard to trust you and honestly, I have trusted you. What I wrote to you was true. You have made me feel so safe and so loved and I have put my entire trust in you. You’ve been as close to perfect as perfect gets. But then something happens, something small, and I lose track of everything. I lose track of how far I’ve come, how far we’ve come and I just... my heart breaks because I have this overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong with you. That, no matter how much I love you or how much you say you love me, we don’t match.”

“Not this again” Tyler dropped his hand from your arm, lobbing his head back and sighed before finally stepping back

“I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. So purely and intensely, so all-encompassingly. All I ever wanted was you, even when I was with someone else, even when we were just friends. All I ever wanted was this. Us. But I went through a lot of crap to get you, to lose the old me and find this girl who would be good enough for you. Because, truly, It Had To Be You. It was always going to be you. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. Keep worrying about the girls you meet here or on the road, the girls that you’re friends with, the girls who are friends with your friends and show up at parties with them. I can’t keep thinking that you’re always keeping me at arms length because you don’t want to give up your old life just yet. I don’t want to feel like I have to be someone else just to be with you. All of our problems, everything that existed before today, will continue to exist. Getting married just means we have more to lose”

“(Y/N)...” He sighed, a look of heartbreak creeping across his face as his eyes began to tear up at your words

“I wish I could say this was just wedding day jitters,” you said as a new batch of tears streamed down your face, “I wish that’s what it was but I don’t think it is. I think that this has been boiling under the surface for a while now and I don’t want you to be the one that suffers when I blow up. Because I will. I’ll cry and scream and blame you for things that aren’t your fault--”

“And we’ll make up like we always do. That’s what love is... It’s staying together through all the shit and the crazy parts and working through it... together.”

“No see...” you sighed, stepping back when he stepped forward, almost tripping on the long train of your dress, “we shouldn’t have to stay together to ‘work out all the shit.’ We should want to see each other through hard times because we want to see each other grow. I want to see you grow. I want to grow with you. But I have too much... shit that I have to work through on my own that you don’t deserve to be dragged down by”

“Don’t do this (Y/N), I love you and I need you to understand that I’ve changed. I’m not the same immature kid I was when we met. You’ve made me a better man”

“And that’s great!” you smiled, tears still cascading down your cheeks, “I know you’ve changed. I see that. And I am so proud of you, Tyler. Uhm...” You hesitated, your voice stabilizing for only a second, “But I haven’t. I’m still closed off and distant and hurt and insecure and... broken because of the things that have happened to me.”

“I want to take your pain from you. You’re not broken, not to me.” He admitted and you squeezed your eyes shut at what his words meant. That he actually loved you as much as you hoped he did

“I can’t keep doing this to you. In time, you’ll see that, you’ll understand,” you tried to recover from everything that you had to say, straightening your posture and wiping away the mess of tears on your face, “I hate that I’m doing this, especially now. But I know I should’ve let you go a long time ago.”

“Is this about--” he started and you shook your head

“It’s not about Kate,” you finished his thought. Even though that may have been the catalyst, it really wasn’t about her, “this is about me. Before you, before James, I was sick. Like really sick--”

“I know... you were in the hospital” you nodded

“But after I got sick, the first time, I met someone. My first boyfriend. He didn’t know about my ED, he didn’t know about me being in the hospital, he didn’t know about my parents. It was a completely blank slate. I could start fresh with him. But after he tried to get me to open up, I shut down again. I had a panic attack thinking about how to tell him everything I thought I’d never have to. He freaked out at me freaking out and I ended up going back to being sick. Back to who I’d always been. And then I was fine, for a bit. Until I met James. And then Marcus happened,” you stopped for only a minute to gather yourself, “and I realized, I never stopped being the girl who would shut down whenever something went wrong. Whenever I had to be honest about who I was or what I was feeling. I have too much baggage”

“I don’t care!” he yelled, his body moving forward but his feet staying put

“But I do!” you shouted in return, the tears brimming your eyes once more, “okay? I do. I can’t ask you to commit to someone who’s scared all the time of you doing something just because you’re living your life. I can’t ask you to change everything just because I love you. Or because I want you to love me back.”

“What if I’m doing it because I love you?”

“You deserve to be loved, Tyler. Truly, honestly, completely, uncompromisingly loved. I want you to have that. Even if that means it’s not with me...”

“It is with you!” He tried

“I’m sorry,” you said, beginning to walk away, “I have loved every minute of my life with you. I wish I didn’t have to hurt you like this. It’s the last thing I want to do”

“Then don’t do it!” he pleaded

“We can’t get married, Ty”

“Fine” he tried, “we don’t have to get married. we’ll call this off, go get some pizza, change out of these clothes and go home. To our home. With our dogs. And our life together. We’ll just be together.” You dropped your head, shaking it as you did so, letting the tears bead off the tulle of your skirt and fall to the ground

“I love you, Tyler, so much you couldn’t possibly know,” your voice hitched as you kept your eyes on the ground, “but I can’t be with you right now”

“Why?!” he shouted, your family and his finally coming around the corner to see the last of the argument, “because you think you’re going to hurt me? like you don’t think this is hurting me?”

“You’ll get past this!” you shouted back, raising your head and catching a glimpse of Chris’ face, his sadness for you clearly evident in his expression, “you will get past this wedding not happening. You will get past me hurting you today. You will move on and be happy and fall in love and have the life you’ve always deserved. But if we get married, if we go through with this now, I will drag you down with me and I can’t allow that”

“You’re not going to drag me down...” he said calmly

“STOP!” you yelled, squeezing your eyes shut in frustration, eliciting a small string of tears from the corner of your eye, “I’m selfish. I’ve been selfish for the past six years. You and me have argued with each other and yelled at each other so many times because of me. Because I can’t let you in. Because I can’t just let myself trust you completely.”

“I’ve--” he stammered, finally taking a step to move closer to you

“No, please” you started, outstretching your hand so he didn’t get too close, “you are so wonderful. and you have been so wonderful to me. You’ve grown so much in these last 10 years and I am so happy that I’ve been able to see that and be there for some of it--”

“I haven’t outgrown you...” he replied, as if those were the words you were going to say next and you tilted your head to the side when you looked at him, following his eyes with yours while you prepared yourself to say goodbye

“Maybe you don’t think you have but we both know that we haven’t been moving together, at the same pace, for a long time. This isn’t your fault, Tyler, please don’t put this on you. Please don’t try to find some mistake that you made -- because you didn’t make one. I’ve chosen person after person because I saw something in them that I didn’t see in myself. Something I thought I could have for myself if I were just close enough to them. But I just-- I can’t... I don’t want to do that to you anymore. I--” you whimpered, trying to keep yourself composed but the rest of the guests beginning to circle and the look in Tyler’s eyes made it impossible for tears not to stream down your face, “I need to choose me this time. I need to find that something in myself that makes everything else worth doing...”

“You’ve said this before. We got through it then, we can get through it now,” he tried, stepping toward you once before you turned to walk away, “please.” His voice was soft now, filled with sadness that made your heart ache, almost too much for you to bear. You turned your head just barely so he could hear your voice one last time

“Goodbye Tyler” you whispered to him, picking the skirt of your dress up as you ran from him, stopping only when Jackie stood in your path. She stared at you, with your mascara staining your cheeks and your eyes still flooding with tears, and you feared what she might do; slap you, curse at you, say she was disappointed.

“You were part of our family” she said, small tears escaping her eyes, “we loved you. Why... how could you do this?” You couldn’t bring yourself to give her an answer because the look on her face said everything her voice couldn’t

“I’m sorry” you managed to mutter before you ran to the car waiting in the driveway. You hoped that someday they would all come to forgive you, and that the pain you’d caused would simply be a memory, but for now you could only watch as Tyler crumbled in his Mother’s arms as the tears he’d been containing were finally set free.

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