Episode 43 Recap
Join me for storytime, SASholes. I’m Bren, resident SAStorian and the most unreliable of narrators. Welcome to Episode 43: Keggin And Company.
Clout Scouts
The Nobodies wake up the next morning to Pongu making more wankcakes, and talk over breakfast about going ahead and making the half-day’s journey to Bludsand. With this destination in mind, they discuss their shopping list: healing potions, components to make bullets for Pearce, and new knives for Pongu. Kess ponders for a moment, then realizes that one of her brothers might be able to supply them with some potions that he’s made personally, saving them some gold. She asks Pongu to message Rook in order to make the request, and he does– only having to wait a few moments before the alchemist responds through the fairy’s open mouth, agreeing to outfit the party with as many concoctions as he could spare.
With one item taken care of, Kess breathes a sigh of relief for their collective pocketbooks. She also tells Pongu they may be able to procure him some knives on their detour to Mardosta, to which he is amenable. He hands each member of the group a scone of greater healing, and Pearce scarfs his down while telling his friends that he would be more than happy to get his five-finger-discount should they let him shop for the potions instead. He is largely ignored as Kess reveals she may have an alternative to flying for the next time they travel. As it stands now, however, the druid transforms into her eagle form and takes the gang the rest of the way to Bludsand.
The party flies into a huge city alive with beautiful structures and sprawling beaches. Pongu looks out toward the ocean and recognizes The Sea Leaf, a boat that he had seen before on his oceanic travels. Kess decides to land the group smack dab in the middle of a crowded area, and she makes a show of transforming into her high elf form. As if this doesn’t draw enough attention, Pearce turns to nearby onlookers and announces that Pongu is the Prince of Pieces of Bread. The gunslinger whispers to Pongu to introduce Kess as some sort of queen in order to continue to level up their Cool Factor, but Pongu reminds him that she had already solidified her badassery with shapeshifting so she’s the coolest one already.
The Alest Ale That Ever Was
Once the hubbub around their arrival calms down, the Nobodies set themselves a limit of five hours in the city for their shopping needs. As they look around at the various shops and stands, Pearce tells Kü not to make any trouble, to which the kobold replies ‘no promises’ while running off toward the nearest food cart. Kess considers a trip to a bathhouse and gets excited about the prospect of cleaning up and relaxing for the first time in a long time. She brings this up to the group, and they decide it would be a good idea to look presentable while shopping in this relatively nice city. The changeling seeks out a sign that marks all of the pertinent spots in the market, and after finding out the direction of the spa– the four adventurers start walking that way.
Pearce spies a stand selling ale, and as he draws closer, the gunslinger notices it is actually the alcohol that Xefi, their old benefactor, produces. He stops, striking up a conversation with the proprietor, Jerreth. Pearce asks if he’s heard from Xefi at all, and Jerreth says he has, but not recently. The seller goes on to say that the people of Bludsand are somewhat thrilled that Evercrest has gone mostly silent, as there’s a bit of competition between the two. The gang shudders at what they know is keeping Evercrest at bay– but Pearce shifts gears by offering Jerreth 20 gold for half a keg of ale so that they can pregame for their spa trip.
After this transaction, Jerreth asks the Nobodies if they’re from Evercrest themselves, but Pongu tells him they hail from Breadlandia– specifically the city of Panera. Not knowing any better, the merchant accepts this, and laughs with the group at the audacity of King Elemend changing the name of Panamere to the more edgy Bludsand– drawing inspiration from the signature crimson beaches of the city. In parting, Pearce asks Jerreth to tell Xefi hi if he talks to her– confirming that his supplier is indeed alive and that they’ve worked for her. Jerreth immediately perks up, relieved that there may be more Alemason Ale for him to peddle. He thanks the group as they move on, keg in tow.
Bring the Keggin
The party finds themselves standing in front of The Pampered Feather, a tall and dignified building. Pearce looks down at the keg that he’s been dragging along behind him, then shifts his attention to Pongu. He asks the fairy if he has any wigs on hand, and Pongu readily supplies him with a long red number that the gunslinger pulls over the top of the wooden lid of the keg. Pearce dubs his Frankenstein creation Keggin, and drags it into the spa. The proprietor takes one look at Keggin and tells Pearce that outside kegs are not welcome in the bathhouse. Incensed, the gunslinger refuses to leave his ‘son’, saying they aren’t able to be separated.
Pongu discreetly casts Minor Illusion, making Keggin appear to a couple leaving the spa as a small redheaded child. He greets the duo, and the elven woman they had been speaking to heaves a huge sigh, allowing the five of them entrance. As Kess makes her way past the staff member, she slips her 10 gold and confides that it’s better that the interaction went this way. They are then led into individual changing rooms that are right outside of the expansive spa area. Pearce slides Keggin into the communal bath while he heads to disrobe. He comes back out in just his hat, and takes a spot near his keg-shaped child. Not long after, Kess dramatically joins him– opting for a cannonball approach to the same bath, but she dives in completely nude.
Kü, however, chooses a neighboring mud bath to crawl into. As he sinks into the warm sludge, Pongu slides in as well. The fairy shapes the steam around them into the shape of tiny soldiers, making them fight above their heads. Kess calls over one of the assorted staff hovering around the space and orders a meat feast for Kü. As she and Pearce watch the kobold happily dig into the protein platter, the gunslinger poses a serious question to Kess. He wonders if they should stop trying to save the world. He tells her that he doesn’t want to sacrifice her or the rest of the party in order to prevent destruction that may just be inevitable. Kess agrees, but argues that they’re too far in to stop. They either have to choose to run until it catches up with them, or they fight.
Too Much, Too Big
The gang, getting progressively more toasted as they drink from Keggin’s sKüll, start to fall into that emotional state of inebriation. Pongu uses Sending to drunk-message Nix, apologizing for his late response, but telling the tiefling that he’s thinking about him. He tacks on that he supposes he’s thinking of Nileena too, but only inasmuch as he wants to know why she ignored his cry for help during the dragon duel. Nix replies and says he’s been thinking about Pongu as well, and as for Nileena– the human seems to be in one of her ‘states’ where she is effectively lost to time. This response drives the fairy to tears, but he attempts to shrug it off and leaves the mud bath for the communal pool. He asks Kess how the water is, and Pearce invites him in to test it for himself.
As Pongu places a mud-caked foot into the bath, he sees the grime disappear without polluting the pristine water. It’s then that the fairy takes a look around and realizes just how many enchantments must be keeping the spa clean, warm, and inviting. Once Pongu has submerged himself in the water, Pearce asks him about Nix. Pongu explains that he was his mentor’s assistant, but doesn’t say much else. Sensing how sad his friend is, Pearce asks the fairy what he needs. He tearfully tells the gunslinger to steal him some knives, to which Pearce agrees. He also reassures Pongu that everyone who meets him loves him, and he’s sure that Nix does too. This causes a strange reaction in Pongu, who says he’s not sure how he feels about the tiefling. Pongu divulges that he has so much love for everyone that it’s difficult to sort them from romantically to platonically and whatever is in between.
This conversation leads into the party complimenting each other just like that drunk girl you meet in the bathroom of your favorite bar. Kü eventually joins them in the bath as well, and after a bit, Kess suggests they all go shopping while they’re still tipsy. They go to their changing rooms and grab the supplied robes and flippy floppies, but as they start to make their way toward the door, a staff member alerts them to the fact that they will not be able to re-enter once they leave. He also helpfully reminds them that the Pampered Feather is still cleaning their clothes for them, and offers to bring the group toast and coffee to help them sober up instead. The gang agrees to these terms– and each make their own journey through the effects of the alcohol. Kess settles into a massage and throws up during it, bringing her back to her sound mind quite quickly. Pearce makes it through quickly with caffeine and a higher tolerance. Pongu, however, laments that everyone always leaves him– and somehow all the crying keeps him from coming fully to his senses.
Retail Therapy
Heading back out into the city, the Nobodies first go to a blacksmith so Pearce can buy components to craft ammo. He also asks the proprietor for an attachment that would make it possible for him to fire more bullets at once without having to reload. The man tells him that he will need to go to someone else for what he wants– so he goes into the back of the shop and reappears with a halfling named Grimswald. The blacksmith tells them to follow the halfling, and thanks them for their patronage. Grimswald leads the party through a few alleys, then stops in front of a sewer grate. They all lower themselves down and after a short walk, wind up standing in front of an aarakocra. He introduces himself as Jakyla, and asks what has brought them to his underground shop.
Pearce steps forward and details his ideas for Iris, and Jakyla says he may be able to make the gun store three shots at once, as well as doing a bit of magical damage for 500 gold. He goes on to offer him modified pistol bullets that would do extra elemental damage for a little bit cheaper. After a bit of deliberation, Pearce decides to do the expensive mechanical upgrade– then out of excitement, the aarakocra begins to offer them other random magic items he has procured to see if he can squeeze any more gold out of the foursome. Pongu shows interest in Jakyla’s book of spells, and the aarakocra reads out some pages that the fairy could copy down and use for himself. Pongu picks out three spells, but talks Jakyla into throwing in a fourth for free. He winds up with See Invisibility, Mass Suggestion, Hold Monster, and Chain Lightning. Pearce adds on acid damage rounds and one of the aarakocra’s pistols. Kü picks out a Ring of Spell Storing. Kess decides on a Prism of Spell Splitting, Sweet Accident Bears (gummy bears that make your foe feel as though they’ve shit themselves), and purple salt imbued with Zone of Truth.
When all is said and done, the group spends most of their savings. Jakyla also asks to keep Iris overnight to work on the upgrade, and after tearfully setting the gun gently down on the aarakocra’s workbench, the group takes some time for Pongu to etch his new spells onto his skin with his mage hand as Kü watches on, and Pearce and Kess head back to the blacksmith to buy more bullet ingredients. Kess also picks up a broken sword from the same spot. They then go have dinner and wander around the blood red sands until about 11:00, when Pongu and Kü finally emerge from the sewers. Kess looks at the party with a shine in her eye, and tells them that she has a plan regarding their lodgings for the night. She flies them over to a nearby forest and casts Transport Via Plant on a tree– creating a portal that opens up to a tree in her greenhouse inn Mardosta. When they enter, they see Kess’ mom and dad there looking at the flowers. They’re startled of course, but happy to see the group alive and well. Thus, our heroes spend the night on freshly made beds in the only place that has felt like home to them.
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TL;DR
This episode reminded me why I don’t get super drunk often. I turn into Pongu-levels of depressed!
I’m not going to lie, Bludsand seems fucking BALLER. Better than the Pink Sands of the Bahamas.
I sure hope the Nobodies figure out a way to get some more gold…
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Secret Adventure Society: Session 43: Keggin and Company