Any of you guys been sedated/ under general anesthesia before?
Finally, I am going to get my wisdom teeth removed around the middle of next month, and I am not thrilled about it. Not only have I never undergone any surgery, but I am also almost religiously abstinent from ALL substances that could possibly hinder my thinking, so much so that I wouldn't be surprised if I found out it's escalated to pharmacophobia. Thus, I have absolutely no clue how I react when not in my mind's driver's seat.
Quiet and confused? Pouty and upset? Rant depressed? Nonchalant and nonsensical? Inappropriate? TALKATIVE? Terrifying.
I do already plan to thoroughly hide all social media connected devices from myself and attempt to brainwash myself to stay quiet beforehand, but hearing any (hopefully reassuring) stories you guys have may ease my worries.
“But, like, not like The Silence from Doctor Who or those Gentlemen bastards with them-” and I’m quoting his grace word for word here exactly as he said it, so I apologise, “-eternal paedophile grins from Buffy the Vampire Slayer-” both extraordinary and amazing shows in my opinion. Although let's be honest here, there have been quite a number of times where things have gotten a bit iffy in both of those shows, but that’s a topic for another time “-but like the actual silence. I just absolutely f*cking hate it. And hate’s such a strong word for me to use!”
He was upfront and somewhat calm with his explanation and examples as he gave them to me.
Though what prompted Remus to come to my door with this confession of sorts I guess, is a question I have yet to receive an answer to. However, knowing Remus, I wholeheartedly believe that I shall ever get one.
I’d admit that whilst I knew his grace hated quite a number of things, I didn’t expect the silence to be one of them. He explains to me that he hates silence more than Patton hates spiders. More than Roman hates not being the centre of attention, which I believe is a falsehood. Truly no Side holds as much hatred as Roman does when something is not about himself in any way, shape or form, but I’m veering off-topic here.
I still don’t quite understand what exactly it is about the silence that Remus finds so unpleasant. And in turn, Remus doesn’t understand what it is about the silence that myself and the others find comfort and solace in.
The washing machine spinning fast in the kitchen
The light strokes of the keys of my laptop as type this out.
Virgil’s absent-minded singing along to the music he’s listening to whilst sketching away in his sketchbook
Roman and Janus “discussing” at length with Thomas on new potential storylines
Patton’s screams of absolute terror upon just now discovering what I hope is a fake spider in the biscuit tin.
All of these sounds and so much more are what Remus finds comfort and solace in as it reminds him that the world is alive and teeming with life.
Summary: An experimental fic for @chibi-mushroom‘s Dragon Age AU for the Kingdom Hearts series. Exploring a HumorousHawke!Xion, sedatephobia, mild trauma, bunny children infiltration, and hope. Mild spoilers for after Act 2 of Dragon Age 2. I want to apologize now for how easily startled Xion is, it’s not intentional. ^^;
Rating: K+
Word Count: 2,978 words
If you liked this story, please reblog!
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The estate was just too quiet. Of course, anything would seem quiet after the Qunari uprising. A few months after, and life at Kirkwall was back to its usual chaos. And yet, Xion found herself staying at home away from the business of the city. Even more so, it gave her time to think about a lot of things.
The Qun. Her mother. Her siblings. The Fifth Blight. Events and experiences that have passed but still insisted on festering in the darkest part of her mind. Was it all her fault? Did she make any good choices in the past five years?
Silence made it worse. Silence made Xion want to hide in a corner, cover her ears, and scream ‘you can’t find me’ like when she was a child. She couldn’t keep doing this. Today she’d go for a walk. Not a long one, but long enough to redirect her thoughts. At first, just getting out of the house had been the harder part. After that, she just followed her feet. Her mind was numb to her surroundings as she walked. It wasn’t until she reached the edge of Kirkwall -to where the walls surrounding met the outside leading into the Free Marches- that she stopped.
Run.
Run as fast as you can and never turn back.
Xion shook her head. No, there were still things in Kirkwall that needed to be sorted out. She was the city’s champion, after all. She had to stay. If not for the city, then for what family she did have left. Her uncle was debatable, but Cloud? Cloud was… safe. Safer where he was than in being here with her.
But she didn’t want to stay. She wanted to get away from this draining city before it ate her up alive. No, she'd rather die than stay to help the people here. They didn’t need her. Knight-Commander Sephiroth was doing a decent job at keeping peace. Kirkwall didn’t need a champion. It did not need her. If anything, things would probably be a lot more peaceful if she just-!
The sound of a small squeak caught her attention. Blinking (and quickly wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye), Xion looked around for the source of the squeak. She looked down to give a jolt of bewilderment. There, almost at her feet, was a small blue rabbit. The blue creature looked back up at her with wide, almost completely black eyes. Despite its odd appearance (and Xion’s own questioning if it was mortal or not), it didn’t seem to be much of a foe. It just looked at her with its big eyes and wide smile. Nothing else of real note beyond that, really. When it finally decided to bound away from her, Xion jumped back in surprise.
“Wait!” she found herself saying, “Where are you going?”
The blue rabbit paused for a moment before turning back to her. It titled its head from side to side in thought. A grin came across its features again as it waved for her to follow it.
“You’re not serious.”
She was given another grin before the creature started back on its original path again. Xion could feel the hairs on her arm stand up. Something about this wasn’t right -she’d seen too much in Kirkwall for it to be anything but- and yet…
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” she mumbled to herself before finally taking the steps outside Kirkwall’s walls.
That little bunny had been very sure that Xion would follow it. It would go a certain distance before pausing, looking back at her (sometimes even jumping to make sure she knew where it was), then starting back on its trail again. Something about this little game felt surreal; like a part of her was just sleepwalking and she was actually back at home, and still in bed.
She didn’t stop following that bunny, though.
The two of them travelled further and further away from Kirkwall. The imposing walls around it fading from view as they went on. They did keep to the established roads, though, so that was worth some amount of hope to work off of. Eventually, they started to see a caravan along the roadside. Seeing it made the little bunny hop faster- Xion was still too numb in her senses to match its speed. Outside of the caravan were more of the blue bunny children; three were playing some card game where one bunny was being absolutely smug about winning, another two were trying to feed the caravan’s horse a carrot, and one other was with a human young man. It was in noticing the young man that Xion paused.
He didn’t look much older than Cloud- maybe a year younger, but not by much. His clothes made her think he was a lesser noble that ran away from home, with his cleaned black jacket, vest, and pants. Not a wrinkle to be seen. Something about him seemed faintly familiar, as if Xion had seen him around Kirkwall, but not for long periods of time. Was it the hat? It certainly was a style all its own, featuring a long white and red feather for accent. The brim was long enough in the front to hide his upper face when needed, and at the moment it was hard to tell just what kind of face he was making as the bunny child vied for his attention.
The bunny child that had been guiding Xion let out a very loud shout of “I’m ba-ack!” that nearly scared Xion out of her wits. The noise also brought about the attention of the young man. He adjusted his hat a bit before giving a wide grin.
“About time.” he replied. “Did you find Sabi or not?”
The blue bunny just let out a happy squeal before continuing to the young man’s side. Xion had started to come forward again, her feet guiding her to be within arm’s distance of the young man. The two looked each other over- the feeling that Xion had seen this young man before was even more prominent than before.
“Well, you’re not my baby sister.” the young man noted, tilting his hat up a bit to get a better look at Xion. To the bunny child, he got down to about its height before saying, “And did you forget what Sabi looked like? Our sis has brown eyes, not blue ones.”
The bunny child looked back up at him, crossing its arms and giving him a stink eye.
“You are a bit too short to notice that, huh?” the young man then mused before ruffling the top of the bunny’s head. “Don’t worry, I still got a treat for you. It’s in the back of the caravan.”
The small creature gave a sound similar to an ecstatic squeal before heading toward the aforementioned caravan. This just left the two humans to themselves -for the most part- and the silence was starting to weigh on Xion again. If it wasn’t for the sounds of the bunny kids in the card game apparently picking a fight, Xion would have backed away from this odd caravan and straight back to Kirkwall. But did she really want to make that walk back up alone?
“Are you looking for someone?” Xion finally asked, if only to distract her own thoughts. “I could help if you really needed it.”
“Nah.” the young man said with a wave of his hand. “If Junior can’t find Sabi, then Sabi doesn’t want to be found right now. She’ll show up in her own time. Always does.”
“And Sabi is…?”
“My baby sis, of course. Don’t worry- she’s human too.”
A moment of confusion hit Xion, but then it rolled over into good humor.
“Oh good,” she mused, “For a moment I thought she was a Behemoth.”
“With that tenacity of hers, it wouldn’t surprise me if she was part darkspawn.” the young man cheerily replied, tipping his hat toward her in goodwill. “But that’s younger siblings for you; get in all the trouble and think us older kids are gonna bail them out. Not that my sister needs the help, truly. But it’s nice to always be there. You know?”
“I wouldn’t know anything about that.” Xion told him with a smirk. “I was the youngest in my family.”
“Pardon if I’ve offended you, then.” the young man replied. “But you know it’s true. I’m sure your older siblings are down right jealous of how often you get away with things.”
Despite herself, Xion let out a small chuckle. “That’s what my brother would say.” she agreed. “Our father was a mage, and my brother was the only one of us siblings that wasn’t, so he didn’t get to spend much time with him.”
After saying this, Xion froze. Maker, being Kirkwall’s Champion or not, she had forgotten that there was a prejudice against mages. The young man didn’t seem to notice her bluff, or even indicated he thought of it as one, instead giving her a light laugh.
“Now I’m jealous.” he said. “Our old man left sometime after my fifth birthday. He probably never even knew my sister existed.”
Still recoiling from her mistake, and realizing that she had not been listening to him, the news gave Xion a small jolt. She fumbled over her words as she mumbled, “Must have been hard for her. Your sister, that is. There are still days when I wish I could have my father by my side.”
And the rest of my family. It’s too quiet. Too lonely. Too… too…
“Mom was sweet on her.” the young man said, taking Xion out of her thoughts for a moment. “Definitely had a solid reason why she gave her a name meaning ‘princess,’ that’s for sure.” But then a frown appeared on his face. “I think she gave her too much affection, actually. Sabrina doesn’t realize that the version of our mom she saw wasn’t the whole thing. She wouldn’t listen even if I did tell her.”
“Why can’t she see it in your mother herself?” Xion wondered, thinking back to her own father and the times he did something slightly worrying her mother didn’t approve of when she found out about it.
The young man’s expression only darkened. “Mom died when Sabrina was 11, and I was 16. How old were you when you started to question the image you had of your parents?”
Admittedly, it took her a moment to consider it.
“It was probably when my sister’s magic started to manifest,” she carefully decided. “We moved to Lothering to protect (or, I guess more accurately, hide) her. I must have been…?” That was when a realization hit her, and she looked back up at the young man in mild surprise. “I wouldn’t have been much older than Sabrina. Maybe even younger.”
“Exactly.” he affirmed. He let out a long, conflicted sigh before giving a small shake of his head. “But where have my manners gone? We’re talking about family, and we don’t even know each other’s names yet.”
The young man adjusted his hat once more, pushed up his sleeves a bit, then held his hand out to her. “The name is Brain, madam.”
For a moment, Xion just blinked. Her thoughts went on pause from this young man’s change of topic.
“Xion.” she carefully agreed. “Xion Hawke.”
“So that’s why you’re familiar.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve seen you in Kirkwall.” he explained, as simple as day. “I used to operate a pop up store in Lowtown, then moved out to the Gallows by request. Well, it wasn’t so much a request than it was to help out a little wallflower. Either way, I come around every now and again. Circuit around Orlais, Ferelden, and the Free Marches to get the word out.”
“I do recognize you, then!” Xion marveled, speaking more of a thought out loud than actually talking to him proper.
“Nice to know I’m recognizable.” Brain mused, tilting his hat toward her. For a split second, he looked like he was going to say something more, but decided against it. Instead, he gave her a soft smile. “Things have gotten a lot better for us since then. Since Mom died, anyway.”
Returning the conversation back to the original topic made Xion’s heart stop for a moment. “They have?” she carefully asked despite this.
Brain gave her a confident nod.
“Sabi won’t admit it, but they have. Months after our mother died, we were adopted by an Orlesian merchant. He and his wife had been trying to have kids for years, but never could. (And it’s particularly hard to tell for how long they’ve been trying, since they’re one of those who are not quite human, but not quite animal. For some reason the Maker decided those folks could outlive us normals for at least a solid age or two.) So now I pay my dues helping him operate the most successful business this side of Thedas. Sabi also has her own little mission to repay the old rabbit. Although I must warn you- if you ever see a pretty girl with a rabbit mask on; run.”
“Noted.” Xion agreed with a little chuckle.
Brain gave a smile of his own before joining in the laughter. The sound echoed through Xion’s heart and filling her with a relief she didn’t know she needed until now.
After awhile, Brain collected himself to gently slide a finger across the brim of his hat.
“Things will get better for you too.” he then carefully told her, jolting Xion out of her joy. Not for the first time, the sudden shock feeling more like a slap to the face. It was rather concerning that this young man had that kind of power. “It might be something small- like buying yourself something nice, or meeting someone new. Maybe it’ll happen ten years from now. Who really knows? It’s hard, but it is possible to focus on the good coming, rather than the bad that’s already happened. It won’t be easy, but you seem the type to never back down.”
“Like your sister?” Xion asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“A lot like my sister, actually.” he laughed in return. His sincere humor toward the topic was enough to send Xion in a light laughter as well.
Not wanting the small joy to end, Xion let her laugh naturally die down before looking him over again. Brain only stopped laughing because a bunny child was biding for his attention. As he talked to them, Xion further studied the young man. You couldn’t tell it at first glance, but Brain did have a genuine worry for his little sister. He hid it well behind clever remarks and an unbridled confidence. She wondered for a moment if Cloud felt the same way about her. It didn’t cross Xion’s mind that she had been staring for too long until Brain brought his attention to her. He didn’t say anything, but he tipped his hat in goodwill.
“It’s getting late.” Brain noted, taking half a glance up at the sky before looking back at Xion. “Would you like an escort back to Kirkwall?”
Xion smirked. “It would be the smarter choice, wouldn’t it?”
Brain offered back a rather bemused chuckle. He then let out a shrill whistle. Not long after, a blue bunny child came out of the caravan and happily bounded over to them. The bunny kid nuzzled against Brain for a moment as he likewise gave them a pat on the head.
“Junior, do me a favor and take Xion back home.” he said with a smile. “It’s getting late.”
The bunny child looked up at him with a wide grin, nodded in agreement, then happily went to Xion. It happily bounded into her arms, looking up at her with an innocent gleam in its eye. A thought came over Xion- one that she spoke out loud in mild bewilderment.
“That’s… not the same one from before.”
Brain raised an eyebrow in time with tilting his hat forward a bit. “Wow, I’m impressed. How’d you guess?”
“A hunch.” Xion carefully admitted. A comment from before came back to Xion in that moment. Brain had mentioned that his adoptive caretaker was a rabbit, right? And these blue bunnies were likely from him, right? She felt a bit dumb in just now asking the question. “Didn’t you say that your adoptive parents were not able to have children of their own?”
A rather mischievous glint flickered in Brain’s eye for a moment. “That’s still correct.”
“So how’d this little fella come along?”
Brain smirked. “Their luck changed, just like yours will.”
For a moment, Xion didn’t know what to think about that. She idly looked back down at the bunny child. It looked up at her with a wide eyed curiousness that only children knew how to pull off. The raw innocence of the creature almost made her recoil. At the same time, something in her clicked.
There was still hope.
Xion hugged the bunny kid for a second before waving Brain goodbye. The walk back to Kirkwall wasn’t filled with heavy thoughts. If anything, she was almost skipping. Once she and the bunny child got back to Kirkwall’s gates, they waved good bye and Xion made the walk back to Hightown. She saw a lot of blue bunnies on the way there. Each time she saw one, she remembered what Brain told her. When Xion got home, quietly shut the door behind her, and started to make a cup of tea. She slept incredibly well that night. It felt nice.
After that day, Xion started to notice just how many blue bunnies hung around Kirkwall. Each time she would see them, she’d smile and remember Brain’s advice with clarity.
