#self reflection is important

[cdsillyposting]

I wonder, very occasionally if people in this "community" hate me for being here

Not in a self hatred kind of way in a way cause of how I engage with these topics

[astrangertomykin]

You: Embellished - ca. 2010s, Various Mediums

In my mind you were the one -

The thousandth stroke in a masterpiece,

A Venus risen from the foam,

An artist’s greatest accomplishment,

And I wanted to create an exhibit just for you.

I took your image and moulded it my own;

Not the nice unpolished product you shared with me,

Not the rough complete image you allowed me to see

But my own warped lump of clay i sculpted until it was what I wanted,

What I needed,

But that wasn’t you.

I dreamt of you so often;

Wrote, drew, envisioned, embellished,

Until what I held in my hands was no longer real.

I thought you were my everything

But really I was looking up at the pedestal of my own design,

You weren’t perfect or a work of art.

You weren’t my saviour, my muse, my lantern in the dark -

You were your own being with your own life to form

And in my moment of darkness

I clung to you too long, too tight,

As if you could guide me out;

That wasn’t fair on you.

There was no way you could live up

To the storybooks inside my head

And even today I am trying to unpick my fables

And decipher right from wrong, white roses from red,

Because in my mind you were the one

I never stopped to truly admire.

[huphilpuffs]

are u happy with how u are in life rn?

this was probably for the yes/no thing but i’m gonna actually seriously answer it. for the most part, yeah? I think I’m learning to live my best life with my disability. I’m exploring more creative avenues I enjoy, and re-dedicating myself to writing, which remains one of my greatest passions. I’m doing pretty okay in school right now. and I’m seeking help to cope, financially, with being sick. I’m maintaining better relationships with my friends, and I have the greatest, most supportive girlfriend I could ask for. my self-esteem could definitely be better. I really need to work on my internalized ideas that I don’t deserve friends and everyone, even people who are friendly with me, secretly hate me. I still have some more practical things that aren’t ideal (not having a doctor, for one, is really stressful for me). but overall I think I’m doing better than I have in years, and that makes me quite happy. 

[the-inner-you]

I've been bigger my whole life. Not over weight but not dainty.

I've been "thick" my whole life.

I grew up in the time when skinny was beautiful. If you weren't skinny you were fat and you were unattractive. God I wanted to be skinny.

Fast forward to now. Being "thick" is a trend. People call me sexy now instead of making snide remarks about my bubble butt.

Now it's popular to have a huge ass but I still hide mine. I don't want people to notice even now because I never wanted them to.

Girls spend days in the gym squatting. They want a bigger butt. "You have such a nice butt" say girls that look just like the ones I tried to hide myself from.

They squat and compliment me and I do cardio and hate my body.

You see I guess I'm realizing that after 19 years of being told "thick" was fat and skinny was beautiful I didn't get over wanting to be skinny.

[thisloudmourning]

Sometimes you should probably take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're the problem.

[merlinsorb]

i remember the second time simon and i tried to date was when Too Close by Alex Clare first released and i loved that song and one time i sent it to him just cuz i liked it, not bc of the lyrics or anything, but like two weeks later i basically broke up (is it breaking up if it was never defined? i was like ok lets just b pals and stop trying to be romo but it seems like breaking up is the best term for that) and it was bc we were such good pals i couldnt stop feeling platonic no matter how hard i tried and that song rly. captured that feel.

[kremlin]

"engineering is basically learning some isolated temporal slice of scientific theories & their applications without exposure to the succession of theories or social practices which develop them. as a result, engineers tend to have babby perspectives of the epistemology of science and view the world in concrete ontologies, which is why they're significantly more conservative that most other educated demographics. most of the science- and techno-fetishists i know in academia are in engineering disciplines, while most the scientists i work with tend to have a much healthier skepticism of the epistemic power and social relevance of science."

[feniceargento]

So the question arises in my mind...do you ever really read the work of Black women? Did you ever read my work, or did you merely finger through them for quotations which you thought might valuably support an already conceived idea concerning some old and distorted connection between us? This is not a rhetorical question.

Audre Lorde, Letter to Mary Daly