It had turned into a never ending cycle of Rasmus bursting out laughing after a short moment of confusion due to Dexter’s expression and Dexter dying of embarrassment in the aftermath.
Rasmus was a giant in comparison to him. Athletic, strong and quick as Dexter was, he wasn‘t bulky like the other. He’d rarely been with anyone that much taller and stronger than him in his long life. It came with certain pleasures that Dexter hadn’t expected to enjoy as much as he did. In Rasmus‘ arms he felt saver than he had in a long time. And he knew it was kind of stupid to feel that way, knew how ridiculous his body was for turning into jello the second he was enveloped in Rasmus‘ hug. But whenever he found himself there, it was like going underwater, like breaking through a surface to disappear in a place where every thought and every noise turned dim and far away. A place where they couldn’t hurt him.
Right now, he had more a case of the words „OMG HOT“ being basically written out on his forehead in giant blinking letters.
Dexter quickly bowed his head when a blush spread on his cheeks, Rasmus moving towards him with those deep, rumbling chuckles of his, having the nobility to leave his sexy pose and come over to his boyfriend.
„Sorry,“ he growled gently, his nose at Dexter‘s temple - again, he didn‘t seem to understand that the height difference and the tone of his voice were doing things to Dexter. He shivered slightly, mouth agape and Rasmus started laughing yet again, one tall, heavy hand gently placed on Dexter‘s shoulder. „If you keep acting so cute, I can‘t promise not to snatch you and carry you back to bed.“
Dexter tried not to sound too flustered when he had to chuckle at Rasmus‘ words against his will. He brushed Rasmus‘ shoulder with his nose and quickly slipped past him, biting his lip and opening the fridge in an attempt to keep from grinning and blushing and altogether acting like a lovesick idiot. He was embarrassed, he was confused, he was so incredibly happy and yet felt like he shouldn‘t be, like the second he‘d allow his reactions to Rasmus to show too visibly, he‘d find himself in a miserable state. He knew he wasn‘t ideal. He knew he was stubborn and often too flirty, too quiet, though he knew he laughed too loud. He knew his outer appearance was too pretty for him to always feel comfortable in his skin, knew that people tended to expect a lot from him - physically and emotionally and he got overwhelmed so fast. If Rasmus settled for anyone, it shouldn‘t be him, it shouldn‘t be him, it shouldn‘t be-
Strong, warm arms wrapped around Dexter‘s middle and he realized he‘d been staring at the open fridge for a while now, immobile and with a possibly concerning expression on his features. He gasped and instinctively flinched at the touch of Rasmus‘ arms, earning another one of those deep rumbling chuckles. This time, they were short and controlled though. Rasmus started rocking him gently and Dexter realized that he‘d gone very quiet all of a sudden, that there seemed to be an intense emotion in the room. Maybe, probably, possibly this was due to him crying.
A tear rolled down his cheek and dropped on Rasmus‘ forearm without Rasmus letting go off him even slightly. If anything at all, he was only reinforcing the tightness of his hug, his chest so close to his back that Dexter felt himself sway with the breaths of his boyfriend, slightly back, slightly forth.
Who was he fooling? He was already reacting entirely, unstoppably to Rasmus. His soul was aching for him, his body was desiring him, his thoughts were circling around him. He could restrain himself to a degree, but he could not lie to himself. The feelings, the wishes, the hope - they were all right there, within him, bursting to step into action. He was putting himself under so much pressure that his body begged him with tears to release it all. Release it. Release it, Dexter. You are allowed love. You deserve love. To love and to be loved.
« Even if you fight all alone,“ Rasmus murmured softly, interrupting one of Dexter’s inner wars, his breath ghosting over his hairline like gentle fingers. « Know that I am here. To talk, if you ever want to. But also to try and help you quietly, the best I can. Cheer you up, take your mind off things. I’m glad if you let me stand on the side line to support you. »
Dexter felt the pressure of Rasmus’ arms change, felt himself be turned around until his chest was touching his boyfriend’s front. A gentle thumb wiped away at the tear stains on his cheeks and the profound gaze from the brown eyes before him disarmed Dexter completely. Without second guessing he wrapped his arms around Rasmus neck and nuzzled his nose in his shoulder. He held on as tightly as he could and the pressure of Rasmus’ arms around his lower back responded by growing in force as well, almost lifting him off the ground.
« Thank you. » Dexter whispered, closing his eyes and enjoying to focus on nothing else but his own even breaths for now and the way Rasmus’ warmth and strength were surrounding him. He was feeling at home. The feeling was the same as it had been with Saracen. But this was a different home, a new home. And Dexter started to understand that he could actually stay here. That he could move on in the world of the living. That Rasmus, as much as Dexter was convinced of not being good enough for him, had chosen to be with him. Rasmus didn’t want him to be anyone else than he himself wanted to be. When Dexter melted into the hug, feeling more relaxed than before, Rasmus went to speak up.
« Soo, there is this theory I have now… »
Dexter smiled at the surprising lightness in Rasmus’ voice, grateful for hearing it. He remained in his position, the tip of his nose drawing patterns on Rasmus’ chest.
« Hmm? »
« But I don’t know. I could be wrong. So I figured it needs testing… »
« What is it? » Dexter asked tiredly, the smile not leaving his face as his temple came to rest on Rasmus’ shoulder.
« When I went to hug you from behind a few minutes back, you flinched a little… »
Dexter opened his eyes. His heart started beating a little faster as he cocked his head back slightly to look at Rasmus with eyes that tried not to give him away. Not yet.
« What about it? »
« Well, see, this is really the part that needs testing. » Rasmus’ smile remained unchanged on his face, calm and friendly as always, but his arms seemed to hold Dexter a little tighter now. Dexter felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge, his body tensing up in Rasmus’ embrace. He knew he could tell Rasmus off if he truly wanted to. But he absolutely did not and therefore started to blush like crazy when a knowing, playful spark seemed to pass through Rasmus’ eyes.
« It seems » He continued in his deep, calm voice, smiling in a good-natured manner. « that you are a little ticklish, Dexter. »
Dexter bit his bottom lip to keep from grinning too widely and sneakily glanced for the worst possible escape. Who was he to actually flee from his big, muscly boyfriend who had just threatened to hold him down and search for his ticklish spots? He was certainly going to put up a fight, but only because that would make it all the more fun. He hadn’t been tickled in forever, but he did know that Rasmus was right. Others tended to be too weak to really stand a chance at overpowering him, Ghastly having been one of the few to actually make him experience how ticklish he was. With Rasmus, escaping would be even harder than it had been with his old friend. Dexter was thrilled at the idea.
« Impossible, » Dexter answered of course, making Rasmus’ smile turn into a grin as he tried to push himself away from his giant boyfriend. « I am made of steel. »
With a well placed blow to Rasmus’ stomach Dexter managed to break free and decided to make a run for the living-room. He laughed slightly more hysterical than he’d planned when he heard Rasmus growl « Ohh, you are so in for it now. » and swiftly after that felt himself get scooped up in a pair of two giant arms, kicking and squirming in Rasmus’ embrace as he decided to let himself fall on the couch with Dexter pinned to his chest. Dexter was already laughing before a single finger had grazed his skin, his eyes closed shut with mirth as Rasmus kept his arms around his middle and managed to pin his wrists against his chest.
« Now, » he mused contently, « how bad are your sides? »
Oh, they were really bad, leaving Dexter kicking and squealing, his head tossing from right to left, endangering the integrity of Rasmus’ nose, as his fingers were wiggling into the ticklish spots continuously.
Dexter was helpless against the attacking hands, laughing so hard he was sure he’d simply begin to dissolve at some point as Rasmus was searching his body for good spots, finding plenty of them. Dexter had often longed for a moment of bliss in the past months and almost dissolving from ticklish laughter was closer to that desired state of mind that he could have expected. When he had fallen half-way off the couch, Rasmus finally had some mercy on him, stilling his hands and pulling Dexter to his side, his head tucked in under his chin.
Still shaken from giggles, Dexter cuddled as close to Rasmus’ side as he possibly could, one hand on his chest. He sighed happily, when Rasmus’ arm wrapped around his back, holding him where he was.
« Of course my boyfriend turns out to be the actual tickle monster. » He slurred tiredly, smiling when Rasmus chuckled at that.
« I guess there is a tickle monster for everyone. I simply turn out to be yours. »
Dexter remained silent for a moment, then brushed his fingers down Rasmus’ cheek and whispered. « I love you, Rasmus. » before kissing him passionately,
Rasmus’ ever-present smile feeling good against his lips. In between kisses, Rasmus managed to squeeze in his answer, his voice full of emotion, before actually snatching his boyfriend and carrying him back to their bed.
