#self-thoughts

[mrsol-unidentified-writer]

Dear Mr. Sol

I am writing from a very uneventful life again. I am sure you are no longer thrilled receiving my letters. I understand. But please bear with me, I have no one to talk about these things except you.

Things aren’t exciting these days. As life ventures ahead, so are my thoughts. It flows in the air carelessly and hit me back in the face with so much angst I am still unable to get up from my bed. I didn’t know so much free time can affect one’s thoughts and wellbeing.

These thoughts run in my head like a river on a high tide. Have you ever feel like you’re a waste of space? Space is infinite but if you don’t know where you belong, it can be suffocating. People around me already claimed their own spaces but I am still wandering, asking where should I put myself. Any where I try to stand feels like I shouldn’t be standing there.

I wish I can fly. Any where without solid ground is good enough, I think, tho I can’t say. I can’t fly. Humans don’t fly. Maybe that’s why when we see birds we associate it with freedom. They can just flap their wings, land on any trees or cables to rest then fly again.

Maybe not settling is the answer to my question. Be like the birds. Wander, land somewhere to take a rest, then wander again.

But then again birds are born to fly and wander. Humans are made to take their own places on earth.

I wish I was a bird. Or maybe I am in my past life. What do you think?

It must be so nice up there, Mr. Sol. You already knew your place from the very start and now I look up on you from where I am.

From this suffocating world of mine.

Please let me continue to feel your warmth.

Sincerly,

[the6thpaladinofvoltron]

Sometimes I just sit there and think quietly to myself “I sure wish that Elf would just die in the most gruesome way possible.”

Sorry not sorry to the haters that actually like that evil gremlin.

[grace-tlee]

Self-thoughts

Why. Why are you deeply insecure about every little thing? Is it truly the fact that you think you will never be good enough? Or are you too scared to lose someone? As I said before, everything you think is mostly overthinking. It is all what ifs. None it actually happens. So why do you do this to yourself? It is as if you are intentionally trying to hurt yourself. Although I know you are not, but you do this over and over. It is always the same problem. It’s you. Right now you are dealing with insecurities because he is always with her, but you are the problem. You break yourself down and cause problems. I know you trust him, but you don’t trust yourself. If only there was a way to isolate yourself and push everything away. That used to be easier when you weren’t in a relationship. You could actually be free and not worry about anyone else. But it is time to grow up. You have to face your problems. I know you don’t want to, or hurt anyone, but it’s the truth. If you are truly incapable of dealing with everything, then maybe you aren’t ready. 

[life-of-no1]

People always complain that I don’t want anything. Or rather I don’t ask for anything by anyone. Yet, I’m selfish because I don’t want to share the few things I have to myself. Because I don’t want to lose the only things I have. I don’t want to owe anyone anything, because then they’ll realize I can’t return the favor.

But that’s only an excuse again.

The true reason is, I feel guilty for asking for something I don’t deserve or haven’t earned. Why should I have something, it’s not right. Ever since I was young, I didn’t ask cause I knew we were limited on money. I don’t want things, as long as we have a place to live and basic things. That if I got something without asking, it means it’s because I deserve it. Of course I’m appreciative of that. But can one blame me for getting mad at my brothers when all they ask is wasting money and then not take care of it. It only seems like I had a lot, cause it’s small things that grows over time and taken care of. I’m tired of losing things, because I don’t know when I’ll ever get it back. And the things I care about the most is terrifying when they aren’t there. Like my parents, my dog, being alone, losing everyone.

Yet...there’s another reason. Not as strong, but still a reason.

Why would I want anything, if at any point I could just be gone. That some time in the future, everyone will be gone including me. So what’s the point? Sure I see things that look nice. Sure for a fleeting moment I might want it, but I know I won’t do much with it. So what’s the point?

[beamarlena]

This is me . I’m not good in posing, i have pimples, I have an awkward smile, i’m fat, in short I have flaws. And these past two weeks I feel so down and really have low self-esteem, well until now. That’s why i don’t wanna post these pictures in my FB account and IG account. Eto yung mga araw na gusto ko nalang magtago sa kumot buong araw lol I need to love myself , yes i know that self-love is really important but it is not an overnight process, sometimes it takes a week, months or years to really learn self-love and I admit that i’m still working on it. ( Mahal ko naman yung sarili ko , hindi pa man fully 10000% pero may mga araw talaga na diko feel , mga bad days ganun. so eto yung mga araw na yun , just to be clear hehe ) 

Minsan nakakabaliw na din talaga kapag naka quarantine ka na ng ilang buwan, nauubusan ka na ng gagawin at pumapasok na ang mga negative vibes.Ano na nga ba nasa isip ko? kamusta na sarili ko? Anong nararamdaman ko ngayon? masaya bako? bored? okay lang ba ako ngayon? kaya ko ba ? kikita kaya ako?  Ilan lang yan sa mga tanong sa isipan ko. Sa totoo lang , hindi ko nadin alam, nababaliw nako hahahah pero kidding aside, eto yung mga araw na pinaghihinalaan ko yung sarili kong kakayanan, sarili kong itsura, yung kinakain ako ng insecurities ko, yung pakiramdam ko hindi ako makakatulong , pakiramdam na baka hindi ko kaya. Ilan lang to sa mga nararamdaman ko ngayon , hindi ako masyadong okay ngayon pero okay lang naman :) Wala lang gusto ko lang ishare dito . 

Kinakaya pa naman at kakayanin :) magiging okay din ako. siguro next week okay na . At alam ko na magiging okay din ako dahil naniniwala ako sa gabay ng panginoon , at may isa ding taong malapit sakin na laging andyan. na laging nagpapaalala na mahalin ko ang sarili ko , mahalin ang flaws ko. 

Para sa sarili ko , Okay lang hindi maging okay lalo ngayon. Mag practice ka lang ng magpractice ngayon, Kapit ka lang , Laban lang , at magdasal lang lagi. ♥

[the6thpaladinofvoltron]

GUYS!

Think about this for a second...

Dynamaxing Legendary Pokemon.

[sonicasura]

Chapter 4 changed everything

As you all know, a lot of shit practically happened in Chapter 4 through the entire thing to ending with two brand new characters at end. This has thrown me through a literal loop for both my mind and my current stories involving Bendy and the Ink Machine. Heir of Ink is not affected much by it but my other story Will of Ink has practically been punched in the face. Bendy and the Fairy Tail for my Fanfiction.net account won’t be affected due to it being based on the games plot when it comes to the special missions for the fairytail gang.

The theories you guys make also is considered in these stories and you guys helped me piece together a lot of ideas or future plot twists FYI I am very thankful for. So my beta is going to be written once more to become a worthy successor if Heir of Ink practically falls apart. New chapters for Heir of Ink are being worked on so chapter will be coming.