#seussian taxonomy

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YINGS

A species I should have covered a long time ago for no other reason than they feature heavily in my extremely silly story. But enough of that, let's talk Yings.

Yings are creatures known for two things above all else: their love of water and their beautiful singing voices. They're aquatic creatures plain and simple, and in most cases, can't happy unless they have access to some form of water. Flowing water is ideal, a pool acceptable. In a pinch, they'll settle for a shower.

Yings are graceful and agile swimmers -- moreso than their appearances might suggest. But those long, powerful frames turn sinuous in the water, and they can hold their breaths for up to 20 minutes. They're capable of floating within an hour or two of being born, and learning to swim is one of the most important rites of passage a little Ying can make.

Singing, specifically the acoustics of song in combination with water, is a deeply ingrained part of traditional Ying culture. Family reunions, conventions, festivals, and spiritual gatherings are all commonly held at rivers, lakesides, or somewhat less commonly on beaches. The most revered, sacred Ying ritual of all involves waterfalls, dating back to a time when they waited all year for the perfect conditions to swim upriver and join their voices to the crashing water.

Physical notes that stand out.

Coats come in all colors. Their fur, while not quite as thick or dense as their cousin the Zower, is still extremely soft and extremely dense.

Height. Anything under six feet tall is considered downright miniscule for a Ying.

Long muzzles.

Long, wavy, tufted ears.

Webbed paws.

Long necks and backs.

Powerful back legs and shoulders. They need them to fight the buoyancy of their own coats, and to make up for their lack of propelling tails.

(Fun fact: Extremely tradition-minded Yings consider it a matter of great importance that their children be conceived in the water.)

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SAM AND PAM

Alright. I was deliberately holding out on this until we saw Sam’s mother and/or father, and having looked at Pam, I feel fairly confident in standing by my first theory regarding Sam’s Seussian heritage -- namely, he’s a mutt. He’s a little of everything in the kitchen sink, with a pedigree that includes, but is in no way limited to...

- Who. Pam’s got a head full of humanlike hair, an almost surefire way to tell that someone’s either a Who or a Who-cross. Even if she didn’t, the rounded muzzles, lack of visible ears, sandy-white fur, and incredible flexibility also strongly backs up this theory. Specifically, Pam and Sam’s short statures suggest they’re descended from the massive Who population found on the nearby Tinytopian islands.

- Snuv. This one’s trickier because Snuvs aren’t the only creatures in the Seuss world to possess a “skirt flap”; we also don’t know if Pam possesses one --  although she does sport some very Snuvvian cheek fluffs -- or if Sam got this from his dad. However, the overall bell-like shape of Sam’s coat definitely suggests something in the Snuv family.

- Zower. Zower-crosses are extremely common in Yookia and Zookia -- their long muzzles and low hanging ears, not to be mistaken for Knox ears, can be seen all over both countries and especially among their guards. Pam’s ever-so-slightly elongated muzzle could simply be that, a slightly longer muzzle, but it wouldn’t be surprising if she had a little Zower in her.

- Miscellaneous. Just about everyone in the Seussian world can claim at least a little bit of something else in their heritage. It’s the little things, like the uneven coloration in their fur or Sam’s rough neck and skirt fringe or even just the way they carry themselves, that could potentially suggest any number of species have been in their family at some point. Given the way Pam’s hair stands up without assistance and how long Sam’s arms are, it wouldn’t be surprising if they both had a little Zode in there.

So yes. The somewhat polite term for these two would be Who-crosses. If you wanted to be a funnyman about it, you could call them Who-brids, but you should know before you do that every single Who-cross has heard it half a million times before, and that it wasn’t all that funny the first time.

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HINKLES

Next up is another somewhat-rarity in the Seuss world, the Hinkle, which traditionally inhabit the westernmost regions of the Flubrian continent. Known mostly for their prodigious sets of head quills and the problems these cause in less quilled, more litigious areas of the world, Hinkles are easily recognizable by the following traits.

- The aforementioned head quills, which contrary to popular belief, they can’t fire as projectiles. These shed and are regrown constantly throughout their lives. - Broad noses.  - Prominent incisors which lack roots and never stop growing, and need to be worn down with regular chewing. - Small rounded ears. - Short coats, usually of a lighter color. - Short to moderate heights.

The thing you have to know about Hinkles is that they tend to be extremely family-oriented by nature. Unlike Bumbles, who form communes, Hinkles are all about family specifically. This could take the form of a romantic partnership, four generations living under the same roof, or a group of friends that have made a life together, but once that bond is formed, it’s set in iron. Case in point: the Hinkle-Horn Honking Club, well known in the West Flubrian music scene, who famously refuse to sleep more than an arm’s length from one another.

Our Linda Schwartz fan is clearly a cross with something else -- possibly Who, but given her rounded face and the presence of head hair, also possibly Zode. However, the nose, teeth, and effortless mohawk are all textbook Hinkle.

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YOOKS/ZOOKS/OOKS

So. It’s been a while. Let’s talk Yooks/Zooks/Ooks.

The Yook/Zook situation is one that, quite frankly, drives Seussian taxonomists to the bottle. That’s because what precisely a Yook/Zook is depends on who you’re asking, and the term at any given time might refer to...

- A specific, officially classified species inhabiting the East Flubrian region, now practically extinct for several reasons. This frustrates the scientific community immensely because the Ookian species was right on the blurred Seussian line between mammal and bird; beaked but fleshy, toothless and covered in a very short, fine coat of fur. They gave live birth to their children, which they then fed partially on crop milk, and possessed delicate digestive systems coupled with rapid metabolisms that drove them to favor simple carbs paired with a small hit of fat and protein. Bread covered with fatty spreads* weren’t just a preference, but a staple diet and their way of life. - The less ambiguously mammalian descendants of these creatures, specifically the ones displaying long muzzles -- a lingering memorial of a time when they had beaks. The guards are mostly Zower crosses, and indeed, Zookia and Yookia have extremely high populations of Zower crosses. -  Anyone living permanently in the countries of Zookia or Yookia, regardless of species. - Anyone inhabiting the countries of Zookia or Yookia for any amount of time, regardless of species or nationality. - Anyone even loosely affiliated with the countries of Yookia or Zookia, regardless of species or nationality. - Anyone who prefers to butter their bread a certain way, regardless of species or location in the world.

Politics and hair-pulling terminology aside, the actual Ookian species as it once existed -- that is, not interbred with Whos and Knoxes and Snuvs and the like --  survives in tiny, fragmented pockets. There’s a movement in the Seussian world that’s racing the clock to catalogue their stories and bank their genes away -- I imagine our professional Guy-watcher, despite being a hybrid, was just old Ookian enough that he was invited to participate in both.

*Other meals beloved by the Yooks/Zooks include bread with eggs, bread with peanut butter, rice with eggs, rice with peanut-coconut sauce, biscuits with gravy, and noodles with butter. 

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Jibboo crosses. Clockwise from top right: Bumble, Knox, Sneech, Who, Sneech, Grinch, Grinch.

Jibboo, although capable of breeding conventionally, have a unique method of reproduction that allows them to have offspring with just about any creature that doesn’t run screaming from them. A hefty chunk of what the Seussian world knows about Jibboo and their genome comes from those scattered few who’ve survived intimate encounters with them, and the hybrids left behind.

Luci is profoundly grateful that his parents love each other as much as they do, and that they somehow made it work. Most of these stories run along the lines of...

 “Dad met my mom by the river one night. When he woke up my egg was lying there in the grass, but he never saw her again.”

“They tried, you know. They really did try. They had my egg, and my mom wanted my dad to take her away to the place he came from, so they could be together...but she didn’t come back right. Just sits and stares at the walls.”

“Mom was into these things, and she didn’t care what happened to her. So she went looking, and she found one, and whatever happened out there, she doesn’t regret it.”

“I have one parent I’ll never get to know because a Jibboo came, did whatever they do, and then killed them. Their tongue was missing but their eyes were open, like they never even saw it coming.”

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JIBBOO

Alright, I know I haven’t done one of these in forever, but it’s Halloween night and we’re talking Jibboo, my favorite Seussian entities.

Jibboo, also known as “fear birds” or “terror birds” are predatory bird creatures, and one of the most dreaded beings in the Seussian world. They’re also one of the most mysterious. Solitary, silent hunters, they usually prefer to pick off lone travelers, but have been known to wipe out entire towns. Those few individuals that they return alive are never in any kind of a shape to explain where they’ve been, or what they’ve seen.

 As threats go, they occupy a frighteningly liminal place somewhere between the supernatural horror of a shadow person and the real, tangible threat of a tornado. People have been demonstrably taken by Jibboo; schoolchildren take safety courses on how to avoid them. At the same time, no one has ever studied one alive, or been confirmed to have killed one. Their existence is swaddled in a sordid mix of fact and folklore.

At the same time, a few things are known about them.

- They’re capable of turning into shadow and back again, and manifesting tendrils of shadow capable of seizing prey. - Their feathers, like the feathers of most birds in the Seussian world, have a physical makeup that’s somewhere between hair and fur. Said feathers also emit an ashy residue that falls faster and harder when they’re injured. - If they come in colors other than black, no one has ever seen one, but a wide range of eye colors have been reported. - Their closest relatives are Vippers and Jurtains. - They’re capable of speaking, but for whatever reason, usually don’t. - Their presence is heralded by a sour sweet wind.

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Everyone in the Seussiverse’s favorite game: Is this person I’m talking to a Knox, Zower, or a dog?

Pure Zowers have short, thick, plush coats that are waterproof, as well as short, fuzzy tails. They’re usually tall and strong, unlike their more agile cousin the Ying, and generally come in shades of brown. Based on this, plus the especially bristly muzzle, it’s entirely possible Red Tank Top’s a Zower cross.

 Number Two, like Sam, looks to be a mix of a whole lot of things -- maybe a poodle, probably some Who (the lankiness), maybe a little Ying, possibly some Zelf, but who knows? Number 3, based on the shape of their skull, seems to be mostly dog.

It should probably go without saying that none of this is polite to say to a stranger. Seussiverse creatures, if they talk about this at all and it isn’t their job, are usually doing it as a fun novelty.

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KNOXES

Time for headcanons, let’s start with Knoxes!

Knoxes are bipedal tailless canines, easily distinguishable by their flippy floppy puppy dog ears, which are almost always several shades darker than the rest of their bodies. Guy, although not a purebred Knox in the strictest sense of the word (the Seussiverse is very much a melting pot and the bright coloration on both his parents indicate they’ve got a little bit of something else in their bloodlines) is a pretty textbook example of what the species "should” look like. That is to say, if they had shows for these things, he’d fulfill every breed standard. In particular...

-  Brownish-gold fur. Purebred Knoxes are invariably earth toned. - Broad, short face. - Tall, wide stance, big paws. - Thick neck ruff. The gene for neck ruffs is recessive, so it’s not particularly common, but it’s considered an incredibly attractive trait for Knoxes -- a sign of virility regardless of gender.

As is the case with most creatures in this world, Knox families can get very weird about all this, arranging marriages and laying down hard and fast rules regarding who can do what with whom. Guy’s family clearly isn’t one of these, as shown by the adorable hybrid nieces and nephews.

They’ve got a pretty keen sense of smell, although for some reason, it’s not quite as powerful as that of some of the more conventional canids which inhabit the world, like dogs and foxes. They also have something of a minor reputation for being mechanically inclined, but it’s not as strong a species stereotype as some you’ll find.

Knox hybrids are incredibly common. 

Gluntz has the signature ears and sandy fur, but the seamless coloration on said ears and “skirt flap” indicates she’s a mix of something else, possibly something from the Snuv family.

...I’m tired.