i'm laughing rn because i just saw your [careless whisper playing in the bg] tag for that pic of aph america while the radio was playing the same song in my house
Leo groaned. He hoped Mitchell would have forgotten about it by now. He hadn't brought it up for hours, and was quiet all the way back to Bunker 9. Leo had just begun to think he was in the clear, but alas. Sometimes he wondered if Mitchell's powers were actually mind reading and not mood reading.
"Nothing happened. Swear it," Leo traced an X over his heart with his finger and sat down at his work table. "You know how I get around Mister Tall, Dark, and Gloomy."
"Exactly." Mitchell grabbed his usual chair and dragged it to a position for him to sit where he could make eye contact with Leo. "This is a reoccurring thing."
Leo's knuckles knocked against his thighs. "That doesn't mean it's a problem," he said quickly, turning toward his work area and gathering his tools to tinker. "You've got your thing about Percy too, and I don't make a problem about it. So I don't see why--"
"My thing with Percy," Mitchell said without missing a beat. "Is because, to me, he represents everything I hate about Camp and the world we live in. What does Nico represent to you?"
Leo hated when Mitchell got like this. His powers made it almost impossible for Leo to lie to him. It made Leo feel like a mollusk being pried open by a ridiculously attractive fisherman, promising it won't hurt but leaving Leo with a broken spine.
"Can we just not talk about this?" Leo asked, with a sharper edge to his voice than he intended.
Leo rolled the inside of his lip between his teeth. He didn't need this. He really didn't. The worst part was that Mitchell had a point. For years Leo wondered what it'd be like to have a partner that could see through is facade and care for him like all the couples on TV. But now that he actually had one, he'd rather go and fight dirt-face again than be sitting in this chair having this conversation. And Mitchell knew it. Leo couldn't hide anything and he hated it. Mitchell knew everything he was feeling right now and usually it doesn't matter so much but now Mitchell knows how much Leo hates him and it's not true because he loves Mitchell but what if--
"Breathe, Leo."
Suddenly Mitchell's hands were resting on Leo's upper arms, and Leo could feel his shoulders relaxing into the touch. A warmth spread through Leo's chest all the way down to his fingers and toes. He found himself breathing easier, in slow, deep breaths.
Mitchell wrapped his arms around Leo's shoulders, and Leo could feel the artificial calmness fading away into a genuine sense of ease. Mitchell whispered into his hair, "You're safe. You're strong enough to make it to the other side."
Leo leaned his head back against Mitchell's chest and mumbled, "It sure doesn't feel like it, sometimes."
"We'll cross together," he said, kissing the top of Leo's head.
Leo's mouth twitched into a smirk as he craned his neck to look up at Mitchell. "Any chance of us just making out instead?"
Mitchell's eyes crinkled as he returned the mischievous smile. "Absolutely none."
"Damn."
Mitchell laughed, ran his hand through Leo's hair one last time, and made his way back to his seat. As Leo stared at his retreating frame, it was easy to tell he was related to the goddess of beauty. Even the way he walked could be mesmerizing. (Which was just a really fancy way of saying Mitchell had a great ass and, bless the gods, knew exactly what pants to wear to complement it.) But now Mitchell was sitting down and smiling at him and Leo was going to be expected to carry on their earlier conversation and, wow, wasn't that a sobering thought. He started fiddling with his spare parts again.
"So, why don't you like Nico?"
"He's creepy," Leo said with a shrug. "I'm not sure how you and Jason can stand the guy, to be honest."
"That's not the whole story, is it?" Leo didn't say anything, not trusting himself to open his mouth. Mitchell waited a couple of seconds, and said, "You don't have to worry about offending me. Or Nico. I won't tell him anything you say here. I could swear on the Styx, if you like."
"Nah," Leo said, waving the thought away without turning around. "S'fine. I trust you. It's just... hard. I know you like the guy..."
And that was the problem. Mitchell did like Nico. A lot. It was really obvious, too. Like, if Nico wasn't dating Jason right now, would they be dating? Probably. So what was Leo then? Where did he fit in between Mitchell and Nico? He was supposed to be Mitchell's boyfriend, and yet--
"Talk to me," Mitchell said, jerking Leo out of his thoughts. "What were you thinking about just then?"
"Nothing," Leo said automatically, his screwdriver slipping out of the head of the screw and scratched his fingers. He swore and put the cut in his mouth.
Mitchell watched him quietly for a number of seconds and said, "It wasn't nothing. That was the root of your problem with Nico."
"Yeah, well," Leo fidgeted in his seat as he applied pressure to the cut. "I don't wanna tell you."
"Why?"
"Why do I need a reason?"
"Because you won't talk to anyone else either."
"Maybe there's a good reason for that."
"Like what?"
"Like..." Leo floundered, quickly realizing he boxed himself in.
Mitchell gave him five long seconds before repeating, "Why don't you want to tell me why you don't like Nico?"
Leo pressed so hard against his cut that it started bleeding again. He chewed on his lip for a long time before saying quietly, "I don't want you to hate me."
Mitchell was quiet for so long that Leo turned to look at him. He was sitting with crossed arms and a furrowed brow, his eyes looking at the floor below Leo's chair.
Leo swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "Mitchell?"
Mitchell shook his head, and looked straight at Leo. "Sorry, I was just trying to figure out how to respond to that. You need me to say, 'I won't hate you', but that's not something I can guarantee. No one has that kind of control over their emotions -- except maybe the gods."
Leo's stomach squirmed. "Yeah, I know. Sorry for being unreasonable." There was a little extra bite in that last word that he hadn't intended to be there.
Mitchell sighed. "Look, I can't promise anything without lying, but odds are that I'm probably not gonna come out of this hating you. I can't even manage to hate Drew. I doubt what you have to say is worse than what she's put me through."
"Yet you can hate Percy without him even knowing you exist."
"I already told you--" Mitchell's 'therapist' face faltered as he sighed again. He covered his face with both his hands and rubbed his forehead for a couple seconds before dropping them into his lap. He looked tired, but his eyes were firm when he said, "You're deflecting. Why don't you like Nico?"
"Why do you have to keep pressing about it?"
"Because I care about you!" Mitchell threw his arms in the air with a frustrated grunt. "Gods Leo, it's like... like..." he faltered, and waved his arms around while he tried to find a proper metaphor. "It's like watching you chain yourself to a mountain each day to get your liver pecked out by birds. You are utterly convinced that you have to go up to that mountain every single day to get your liver eaten. It's really painful, but it's your punishment for being you, so you tolerate it and pretend to smile as it's happening. And I'm watching you do it, desperately trying to convince you that, no, you don't have to put yourself through all that and suffer quietly, but every time I bring it up you tell me, 'Oh no, I like being eaten alive by birds! No reason to change anything. Gee, the sky sure is blue today, huh?' Like, I don't have the key to your chains, Leo. You do. There's not much I can do but try and convince you it's a bad idea to let your insides get eaten by birds, and you're not making this easy for me."
An image of a girl flashed through Leo's mind. He couldn't remember he face, but he remembered her, and the way she refused to leave Narcissus's side, convinced she could save him. Leo had wanted to help Echo so badly, but she wanted to help Narcissus even more. In this situation, was Leo Echo or Narcissus?
He pushed the thought to the back of his mind. "I think that metaphor's a little overkill, don't you?"
"Overkill?" Mitchell's jaw dropped, and he sat up straight. "No! It's not terrible enough. It doesn't convey how you're the birds too. You pick at yourself over and over at the smallest things, whittling yourself down to nothing. It's just as violent, except it's not physical. Your anxiety is real. Your fear is real. Your anger is real. And I've watched you bottle it up ever since you came to camp and started building that war ship. I don't think you've talked to a single person about it, and I think it's about time you did. I can't stand watching you do this to yourself. I want to help you, but you've got to let me."
Leo was stunned into silence. He didn't have any clever retorts or snappy one-liners for this. And he was just as tired as Mitchell was. "I'm sorry," he said, barely above a whisper.
Mitchell shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. Just... talk to me. Please?"
Leo swallowed, looking to his workbench again. He twirled a screw around the table, watching it roll in a circle around his finger. "I... I'm jealous of Nico, okay? I don't like it when you go out with him. I'm worried that..." Leo took a deep breath and steeled himself before forcing out the words, "M'worried that you love him more and you'll leave me for him as soon as he breaks up with Jason."
Mitchell let Leo's words saturate the air before saying slowly, "For the record, I do not magically hate you now that you've expressed yourself, so it looks like you're gonna have to find a better way of getting rid of me."
Leo actually cracked a smile at that, but he was still nervous. Mitchell didn't actually react to his words yet. When Mitchell made eye contact with Leo again he asked, "So, are you saying you feel like you don't deserve to be loved? So much so, you're worried I'll leave you because I can do better?"
Leo's throat felt dry. "Yeah," he croaked out. "That about sums it up."
Mitchell stared at him, swallowed, and said, "Thank you. For your honesty. Is there... anything we can do to make you feel more worthy of love?"
"I don't know, man," Leo rubbed the back of his neck. "This is kind of new territory for me."
Mitchell nodded. "...Would you like to come along to one of my outings with Nico?"
Leo blinked. "What?"
"Would you like to? Because you can. There's no rule against it or anything, I just figured you wouldn't be interested. We go shopping and eat at a fast food place while we talk about random things for hours. It's really not romantic at all."
Leo chuckled darkly and shook his head. "Somehow, I don't think what I'd see would be the same as what you normally do."
"No; we'd probably talk about different things with you around. But if knowing your perceived competition will make you feel better, I think we should do it."
"I..." Leo wasn't sure he wanted to. It sounded like he would be opening the doors to disaster. But... it wasn't a bad idea. In theory. He rubbed his forehead. "Okay. Sure. We can try that."
Mitchell nodded, falling straight back into his thoughts.
After half a minute of silence Leo cautiously said, "Could we... could we have a scheduled date night too? Just the two of us?"
"Oh, of course," Mitchell said with an apologetic tone. "I spend so much time here in the Bunker with you, I didn't think of it. I'm sorry. Yeah, definitely, let's do that. When?"
"Fifteenth and the Thirtieth. Or the closest approximation thereof."
Mitchell smiled. "It's a date."
Leo mirrored his smile.
Mitchell dropped his eyes to the floor and said tentatively, "I'm sorry my friendship with Nico hurt you so much."
Leo opened his mouth to deny that it was a problem, but he remembered what Mitchell said about birds and entrails so he lowered his shoulders with a sigh and asked, "Is that all he is? A friend?"
"Yes," Mitchell said resolutely. "I'll admit it's a... very intense friendship, but that is what it is. We've discussed the topic of dating a couple of times -- before I started dating you. We mutually agreed that a romantic relationship wouldn't work between us, and we haven't brought it up since. Honestly, I think he already has his hands full figuring out polyamory with Jason and Piper. He doesn't need to add another partner to the mix."
"Oh." Huh. Leo felt a lot better, hearing him say that. If they talked about it, then they're actually aware of their feelings. And Mitchell would know if Nico's feelings for him changed, so they'd probably talk it over like he was right now. Which means things probably wouldn't happen suddenly. "So... you'd tell me if something changes, right?"
Mitchell smiled, and nodded. "Right away."
Leo grinned. "Thanks."
Mitchell opened his arms wide. "Wanna cuddle for a bit and brainstorm later?"
"Yes please."
Mitchell slid his chair across the floor until it was right next to Leo's, and leaned over until he could wrap his arms around Leo's shoulders, and fit his chin in the crook of Leo's neck. Leo wrapped his arms around Mitchell's waist, and pulled him closer until he was practically sitting on top of Leo. Mitchell laughed at Leo's mischievous smile, and kissed him on the lips. Twice. Three times.
"Does this mean we can make out now?"
"Yes, Leo. We can make out now."
"Cool," Leo grinned before kissing him again. "Just checking."
