Ah, yes. Everything Dean's we've always wanted. This comes shortly after meeting Max & Alicia Banes on 12x20, who also use "We" to cloak their individual wants and needs, like a shield. So what are the requirements for this everything-I've-always-wanted?
Mary (a flawed-but-Loving Parent-Hero; the symbolic road to accepting Our Imperfect Selves)
Cas ("Flawed Father Material" who is Brave, Dutiful, and Devoted; the One Who Carries Your Burden-Halved; the symbolic road to de-Romanticizing White Picket Fence & Apple Pie Life)
Sammy (the child who finally Grew into Leadership; circa season 12; The one who leads the American hunters against The British Men of Letters; the one who elevates the Family Legacy; the symbolic road to dealing with The Moral Gray of life)
///
We also get this aired line from 12x22:
DEAN: (dejectedly) Yeah. You know, it wasn't long ago, I thought we had it made. We saved the world. We got Cas back. We had Mom back. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but still, we had 'em.
It wasn't perfect. Like I was thinking in this season 8 post, this represents the acceptance of De-Romanticizing the Apple Pie Life.
Obsessed with how, in SPN 12x07 Rock Never Dies, Dean makes a comment about how Cas should change up the duds, and Cas changes nothing.
CAS: Sam, Dean.
DEAN: Hey. You consider switching up your duds there? Bit stiff for this town.
SAM: He could be an agent or something.
DEAN: Yeah, maybe a third-tier agent.
CAS: At least I don't look like a lumberjack.
(Dean grimaces and looks nervous)
SAM: Okay, enough.
However -> Cas fires back -> Dean immediately changes clothes
Combined with the below moment from 10x03 Soul Survivor, I'm fairly certain that if Cas ever paid Dean an actual compliment... Like, if he called Dean beautiful, in any sort of way, joking or not, then Dean WOULD spontaneously combust on the spot. 🔥🔥🔥
CAS: You look terrible.
DEAN: You know, it wouldn’t kill you to lie every now and again.
CAS: No, it wouldn’t kill me. I just … You …
DEAN: Forget it. Well, you, on the other hand, you… Looking good.
Pre-13x06 Tombstone moments were among Jack's best
Jack’s Heaven was the car ride to Dodge City
(Image from Naomi Aria)
Some fun observations about the scene:
They stopped for food at an adorable dog-theme diner called "Skipper's Beach Cafe"
Which....BEACH. The ghost of happiness -> toes-in-the-sand beach!
Anyway, it's adorable that they're lost, but it's also a little sad that the very act of getting lost is what led them...to the symbolic beach.
But wait! On the other hand, the specter of this beach COULD BE a false beach promise, symbolizing that whole "checking out and running away" temptation
When viewed as such, it makes SAM's proximity to Skipper's Beach Diner / Miracle / False Salvation a little disturbing, especially when viewed with the 15x20 finale in mind; it could be a figment
It could be read either way, that SAM's the only one who finds salvation by becoming lost and not adhering to a plan; OR (since Sam's app sucks) it's a danger sign, that Sam's off-road "checking out" is being led to a false dream. Apps tend to give instructions and steps, but maps must be interpreted in a spatial context
This would imply that Dean/Cas + Jack are actually the ones finding their footing here (at this moment in time in the story, anyways)
But back to cute things: Sam's phone app sucks ass & he's not happy about it
Sam is even whining about it, which makes me think that his whining in 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You) is totally a legit thing that Sam does often, because Jack has no reason to exaggerate here (God bless my annoying, tall man-child)
In this memory, Cas gets associated with maps, as he pulls an old-school map from the glove compartment and hands it over to Dean
(Cas is often associated to maps; he is the navigator-commander to Dean's captain-of-the-course to Sam's field marshal)
Cas is that holy North Star, the symbolic "North is up"
He's the thing that the boys put their faith in; a family protector; "angelic defender"; the thing that grounds Dean in particular
We see this dynamic again later, in 13x21 Beat the Devil. That is, Dean & Cas, as a UNIT, get the bearings for the group:
DEAN (snapping into business mode): Yeah. Thought we’d get spit out in the same spot, but this isn’t it. All right, well Charlie -- the other Charlie -- said that Mary and Jack have an outpost in Dayton.
SAM: Okay. Let’s get our bearings and head that way. Cas, where are we?
CAS (closing his eyes and concentrating): Uh, Kentucky. Northeast Kentucky. Or what used to be Kentucky.
DEAN (looking at the sky then pointing): Which means that’s north. Okay, so Dayton’s that way. Roughly. Two days by foot but...that way.
SAM: All right.
[The group begins to move towards where Dean pointed.]
In AU earth, in later episodes, Cas even draws a map for them to reference as they go; Cas is keeping them grounded
Overall, Cas helps Dean get his bearings, and together, they help the group get their bearings (especially when Sam's way isn't working--in 13x06’s case, the app).
So, in 13x06, after Cas hands Dean the map, Dean is calm, maybe even grounded for the first time since Cas died.
Immediately, Dean begins teaching Jack to "read a map," perhaps taking on the role as PARENT TO JACK for the very first time (Jack and Dean have known each other ~20-25 days at this point). Dean is passing down the legacy of wayfinding.
Side note: Jack is shown gobbling down a burger, the thing that CAS loves in 5x14 My Bloody Valentine, and the thing that Dean makes, even as late as 15x14 Last Holiday (specifically with the goal of getting Jack out of his room):
SAM: What’s with the apron?
DEAN: Burgers! But the pilot light keeps going out. It’s like the third time this week. Between that and the hot water, I thought this place was supposed to be state-of-the-art.
SAM: It was, in the 50’s.
DEAN: Hhm. Ah, Jack come out of his room yet?
Here in the 13x06 scene, when Jack crams the burger in, Dean nags him.
It's a contrasting callback to their first real "meeting" in 13x02 ("You can slow down, you know. That stuff’s not gonna disappear.")
The warning against eating too much, too fast, is a nod to parental nagging, sure, and that's cute.
But it's also tacitly associating Jack to overconsumption, which a key motif to both his Nephil-status and status as a rival, Usurper-God (not to mention, his zombie obsession):
[in Jack’s Heaven, working the case from 13x06 Tombstone, Jack gobbles a burger while the rest of TFW stand by Baby researching their route to Dodge City with their food laid out on the car’s hood. Sam is in the background on his phone]
DEAN: Jack, take it easy. You don't have to cram it all in at once, right?
SAM: Still no signal.
DEAN: Yeah, 'cause I told you, that app blows.
CAS [emerging from the car with a map]: I found this in the glove compartment.
DEAN: Ah! Old school! A real map. Let's find our way to Dodge City. C'mere, Jack. I'm gonna teach you how to read a map. So, rule number one--
rule number one--
rule number one--
JACK: Dean?
DEAN: North is usually up.
[the sun appears to flicker on and off, and Jack looks up at the sky]
JACK: Something's wrong.
[Jack leaves his personal heaven and wanders out into the stark white hallway of Heaven, where the lights are also flickering. A tidal wave of black goo fills the hallway and chases after him as he runs away.]
He's recalling Dean specifically here, in order to get his bearings. He's using the wayfinding skills symbolically gifted to him by Dean & Cas.
It gives more weight to Dean & Cas in the prior scene, because this skill allows Jack to see the truth (about Heaven, about The Empty).
There's something about how Mary, Dean, Cas, and Jack are all associated with certain food choices and manners of eating.
Jack loves Sam, but that boy does NOT share the same food palette as him. Jack's a little burger guy, okay? He also looooves sugary snacks, like cookie cereal. Cas is a PB&J and pork rinds dude. Dean is a burger maniac. Mary is a bacon fiend.
////
I mean, you just KNOW Jack must be relieved when Dean does the food... Jack SNEAKS sugary cereals in the middle of the night.
(Above) Dean bringing Jack a HUGE sandwich in 14x07
I'm reminded too of the 15x14 script, where Dean appears in a little Chef's apron, making "burgers!" and (in the script) asks if Jack has come out of his room yet.
AKA when an actor is allowed to act and keep the takes he wants, the real emotion seeps through
In this particular GIF, something happens at the very end, when Cas goes into what appears to be an incredibly violent seizure.
Dean's face transforms into the picture of grief. (Usually he shows panic, fear, or dissociation when it comes to Cas.)
GIF from @magnoliaswift
So, what is the shape of grief?
In simple terms, it's the wrinkled brow and rectangular mouth. Above, we see it in the way his mouth falls open, pulling back at the jaw. Like this:
The Artist's Complete Guide to Facial Expressions by Gary Faigin
The various forms of sadness—weeping, dry-eyed grief, mild distress—differ from each other mainly in intensity... The long habit—going back to infancy—of connecting any level of distress with crying causes certain muscles of the face to contract involuntarily as though one were going to cry even when we are not.
Only rarely do adults revert to the fierce unhappy outcry that we associate so strongly with infancy. Fortunately, daily life offers few miseries intense enough to trigger such a vehement response. For most of us, only the death of a loved one or the ending of an important relationship inspire the most fundamental sorrow.
More...
Those are the muscles Jackles is activating here. Beholden only to his own directing, he's feeling the loss at the moment without holding back.
Lucifer will go on to mock this deep concern, with "CAAAS" in 11x18:
How Dean sends Jack and Sam to battle in the impala in all versions of SPN 14x09 The Spear scripts
///
In almost all version of The Spear drafts, Dean isn't driving Baby.
Why?
Because.
In these specific scripts, the emotional symbolism of protecting one's children is prioritized over the marketing motif of Dean in the black Impala.
///
Dean sent Sam and Jack to the post office in the impala...for protection.
///
Transcript:
As our heroes start packing up, getting ready, we CUT TO...
INT. CAS'S TRUCK - NIGHT (PMP)
Cas drives, Dean rides shotgun. He's been scouring the radio dial-- we hear Christmas music on the RADIO. Giving up on getting any classic rock, he turns it OFF.
///
Of note, Cas is driving in all script drafts.
Why?
Well, one way to look at it is that Cas is now acclimated to earthly life, and he's much more frequently driving his own (doomed) road. He's become more confident of his place in the world and within the family dynamic as family protector (and Dean leans on that.)
In seasons 13 & 14, Dean is shown riding shotgun with Cas in the "family truck" (The Dodge), often when he's feeling vulnerable. (Later, when Jack dies and they go looking for Sam, they drive the truck. Here, Dean's fresh off his Michael-induced psychological injury.)
He needs Cas.
He's allowing himself to need Cas.
Something has changed for Dean.
And yet, like the (scripted) broken tapedeck in Cas's truck, Cas can no longer hear their music. Because The Empty deal has effectively put an end to it. Despite his damaged mind and burning desire for revenge, Dean is still an active participant in the relationship.
("We have a broken tapedeck and you did not complain once.")
Symbolically, Cas is not. Cas is still participating as brother-in-arms and family protector, but he's holding Dean at arm's length in other ways.
///
Cas has already sacrificed himself (his happiness, and symbolically also Dean's happiness) to protect the family child. This very child is swaddled within the protective confines of the Impala.
///
The impala is John's family car, and it protects children. However, the impala is both safe haven and death omen.
When children are loved, they become targets. The protective enclosure of the Impala is the mark of love as much as the mark of death for the children that ride within it (Dean, Sam, Cas, and now Jack).
Impala is stalked by lions, hyenas, and wild dogs. Like the savanna impala, the Winchester boys too are stalked by "angry gods."
Becoming a hunter is an attempt to assert protective dominion over the harsh wilderness that threatens to overtake you. To punch above your fighting weight.
///
Transcript
Off Sam's look, Jack tilts the box-- shows Sam. Sam smiles--charmed by Jack's innocence-- and by this small, good omen.
As Sam turns back to the Impala-- THWACK! He's brutally CLUBBED in the face-- and he GOES DOWN!
Sometimes I think about Amelia Novak's 10x20 line of trying to put her family back together.
Amelia Novak, trying valiantly to protect Jimmy, after realizing he wasn't lying about the demonic world he'd gotten mixed up in. Although it was ultimately Jimmy who invited the Devil in, she perhaps thinks she'd failed to support him when he needed her the most. This guilt propels her into further ruin. (Images courtesy IMDB)
In SPN 10x20, Angel Heart, we get this:
AMELIA (tearfully): I was dreaming. This whole time, I was dreaming... of finding Jimmy, of putting my family back together. You're not him anymore. I can tell.
CASTIEL: No.
AMELIA: Where's Jimmy?
CASTIEL: Your husband is in heaven. Amelia, I promised to protect your family, and I failed.
AMELIA: Not if Claire's alive. She's all that matters.
CASTIEL: Claire is alive. She's grown up to be a very strong-willed young woman.
AMELIA: Oh, that's my girl. I just ... I shouldn't have ever left her. I-I thought if I could find Jimmy, I would make everything right. But I should've never left her. I shouldn't ... I shouldn't...
(Amelia breaks down crying and Castiel embraces her)
You see Amelia...never stopped wanting to fix it. Like as it is with Dean (the symbolic mechanic), her devotion is marked by coming back together even after you've unimaginably failed one other. Like in SPN 7x17 The Born-again Identity:
CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean.
DEAN: So what?
CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?
DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.
Sometimes, you are granted second chances, and sometimes, you are not.
Ultimately, both Jimmy AND Amelia fall prey to angels, and there is no second chance for them. It isn’t fair. It sucks. Faith can be a double-edged sword. Lo, faith in angels can be a triple-bladed dagger. It's a tragic thing.
And like when Dean touches a winged pony and sings along to Air Supply's "All Out of Love," and like Dean when searches desperately for Cas in Purgatory, Amelia is looking for Jimmy, desperately wanting to find him. Because she is consumed by regret and guilt. She feels like she did not support him when he needed her the most.
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone
I'll be gone
<Dean starts mouthing along>
… I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without youI know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong…
Oh, what are you thinking of?
<Sam, witnessing something unbearably private for his brother, awkwardly cuts the radio off>
///
In SPN 10x20, Angel Heart, we see that Amelia falls prey to Grigori.
This Grigori lures her with the illusion of the repair of her family. Just as Jimmy fell prey to the Heavenly warrior-class of Angel, who lured him with the promise of glory of purpose and the promise of protection for his family from the Apocalypse. (That's why we pray to gods, isn't it? To become under their holy protection?)
But Grigori are a disturbing revelation about the truth of not just Grigori themselves, but the symbolic truth of angels as a whole, as well as their place in the predatory rank of the cosmic hierarchy, (at least in comparison to humans).
DEAN: Grigori.
(Scene changes back to Sam walking through the house gun drawn and ready walking away from the kitchen doorway. We hear Dean say ‘The watcher angels’ as Holloway appears in the shadows of the open doorway. Scene changes back to Dean and Claire at the hotel)
CLAIRE: So are they good or bad?
DEAN: Well, some of the lore says that they, uh, they help people, and some says that they prey on people.
///
HOLLOWAY: I'm a Grigori. A watcher angel.
SAM: Since when do angels feed on humans?
HOLLOWAY: Since the dawn of man.
SAM: What are you talking about?
HOLLOWAY: Your souls... (Holloway walks behind Sam and Sam hides the nail in his hands) Are little slices of heaven that are, if properly kept, delicious meals that can last for years, decades even.
SAM: You're not an angel. You're a monster.
(Holloway laughs and reaches out to lightly punch Sam on the shoulder)
HOLLOWAY: Ahh. (We see Sam’s hands using the nail to open the handcuffs) I prefer to think of myself as a gourmand. I make heaven a place on earth. Keeps me alive and hidden from the rest of the failures that call themselves angels.
SAM: Oh, they are failures? Yeah, 'cause you're living so large in your own life.
(Holloway turns around quickly and draws his sword on Sam so that it is pointing directly at Sam’s face)
HOLLOWAY: There were hundreds of us, but now... (Holloway raises the sword up to show an inscription on the blade) Each of our names inscribed on our swords. A brotherhood of perfectly crafted, engineered beings sent to protect you pathetic, bottom-feeding disasters.
///
Amelia cannot repair the ghostly specter of her perfect family. But she can save what's left of it.
HOLLOWAY: You know there's no fixing her, right?
(Claire drops Amelia and aims her gun at Holloway. She shoots him four times in the chest. On the fifth shot the gun clicks, as if it’s empty. Claire shoots several more times with the same result. Holloway shakes his head and walks towards Claire, Angel sword in hand)
HOLLOWAY: You really think that's gonna hurt an angel of the Lord?
(Holloway moves to strike Claire and Amelia jumps in between them)
AMELIA: No! Aah!
(Holloway stabs Amelia straight through the chest and then pulls out the sword. Amelia falls to the ground and Claire kneels behind her, holding her up. Holloway looks on, smirking)
CLAIRE (crying): Mom! Mom! Mom!
Dean, too, tried to save what was left of his family. With John gone, he followed in his father's footsteps, reaching for the protection of the child at his own expense.
"I was dreaming... of finding Jimmy, of putting my family back together."
And that's sort of what Sam & Dean are doing the whole time, and why he and Sam both hang in this terrible ghost of arrested development. They're reaching for this broken, idealized childhood that they were denied. They crave that lost, nebulous ghost of stability and trust.
“Fixing” is admirable; it's a sign of devotion. But it can also foolhardy when carried to extremes. Sometimes, you get second chances, and sometimes you do not.
