#bi discourse

[a-polite-melody]

It would be so nice if every few years queer tumblr didn’t do a, “this queer identity is more privileged than the rest of us and shouldn’t talk about their issues/shouldn’t even be in the community,” about another identity.

Since I’ve been here it’s been: nonbinary people, bisexual people, asexual and aromantic people, polyamorous people, pansexual people, people who only use the word queer for their identity, trans men/mascs, and intersex people. At least. I might’ve missed something.

We’re stronger together. We all need space to discuss our experiences and all deserve not to be spoken over.

[the-dracologist]

I remember during ace discourse, how exclusionists would say “cishet feelings” when they meant “ace lives”

Now I see people saying “TME feelings” when they mean “trans lives”

It’s my turn to stand up for the latest discourse target, just like how bi people stood up for me when they saw me targeted by the same rhetoric that was once aimed at them

[biphobiaarchive]

biphobia AND trans(andro)phobia too!

[bisexuality-the-concept]

I understand lesbians who would prefer to date other lesbians rather than bi women as they have more experiences in common, I'm the same except the other way around. However, I would never rule out dating a lesbian entirely, that's stupid. And if you start going on about how you won't date bi girls because they cheat, you've lost me entirely.

[sourpatchgrapes]

I would like to address some stuff this

Akihiro has for such a long time been just a very harmful bisexual stereotype.

Promoting your favorite bisexual characters and basically saying "Force yourself to like this other queer character you have zero interest in instead of just fighting for the character you're passionate about getting better representation because I refuse to knowledge your Canon favourite character as queer "/ "Actually his bisexuality don't matter don't fight for better representation for them instead care for these ones instead" is in an insane take.

Love how this person glossed over the genderfluid thing because they know their arguments falls falt when we acknowledge that lok's gender fluidity has been has been shown on page alot therefore they are queer.

Why do you feel the need to tear down a queer character to promote your queer characters? Do you actually genuinely think people is gonna like them when you behave like this?

[emeldiir]

I saw a post from someone who was talking about how lesbians and bisexual sapphics have differences in what they are, not what they do, for example both lesbians and bisexual sapphics dating women and other sapphics is something we do together, but they then went on to talk about how a bi woman in a relationship with a straight man is not as queer as sapphics who are living within ‘queer relationships’

and while it is true to a degree that society has differences in how they treat and react to different types of relationships, i have to wonder, do you guys think that cis bi woman in relationships with straight men cannot have meaningful and DISGUSTINGLY queer lives (/pos) simply bc of their proximity to a straight man???

do you think these bi women cannot go out and participate in queer culture because of their man?? do you think that bi woman are chained into the position of lesser queer bc they have a straight male for a partner??? do you think that they cannot contribute to the health and well-being of queer communities??

the person who posted the original post which got me thinking about this also stated that it’s ’less a bi woman makes a relationship queer, and more a straight man makes the relationship straight’ and i cannot tell you how fucking upsetting it is to see the resurgence of this rhetoric, bc this is what gets bi women abused and killed.

our oppression as the bisexual community is not hinged on or limited to who we fucking date or how we present to society and i’m so tired of people assuming our queerness is based on the gender and orientation of our partners.

[in-my-bisexual-opinion]

Hot fucking take o’clock: if you do not understand biphobia and what bisexuals specifically experience, and especially if you think bisexuals hold any privilege for their sexuality. you are not culturally queer. If you don’t understand why bisexuals take issue with someone refusing to date us SPECIFICALLY for bigoted or ignorant reasons, you are not culturally queer. If you haven’t bothered to engage with the literature or theory about one of the largest contingents of the LGBTQ+ community, you are not culturally queer.

[femaustinpowers]

i cannot speak for other bisexual women and i won’t try to, but here’s my two cents on the eternal “bi women just end up dating men/aren’t serious about dating women” discourse

i think that when bi women say “dating women is so scaryyyy omg men are just so much easier” 1. that is annoying and also 2. they are not using correct accurate language. it’s not actually ‘scary’, in the sense that there is no where NEAR the same genuine risk of physical harm, abuse, sexual assault, etc. i think by ‘scary’ what they are actually trying to say is

“dating women makes me anxious and uncomfortable because i have not been raised with a prescribed set of roles, back and forth dynamics, scripts to follow, actions to take, in the same way that society has groomed me all my life to one day date a man”

when you’re a woman dating a man, once you have a little bit of experience, it’s a very very very easy rhythm. there are default gender roles, divisions of labour (emotional and physical) that can just be slid into without discussion. when dating a woman, you have to take the time to manually work those out. this isn’t to say that relationships built on pre assigned roles are ‘better’ or that building space to discover each other and have conversations about how your dynamic is going to look isn’t extremely fair and valid, but it IS an additional step that many people, especially those who aren’t super in touch with their own emotions/sexual energy and who don’t like having direct conversations about sex and romance are happy to skip.

i think this frustrates lesbians (kinda rightly so) because they do not have the option to just take the ‘easy road’ and date a man. and, because of this, by the time they’re an adult with some dating experience, they typically HAVE figured out relational shorthand to make those convos easier or sometimes not even necessary at all. but for bisexual women, who normally grow up dating men mostly/exclusively because of comphet, social pressure, etc, knowing what it feels like to have a fast familiar hookup is very appealing. trying new things is HARD, even if you do in fact want to do it.

on a more personal (nsfw warning) note, i’m currently in a very free love era of my life where im really not trying to be dating anyone, i just wanna smash nasty style. my favourite type of orgasm is internal-vaginal, and every time i talk to a man to potentially have sex with him, i can assume with 99% confidence that he

a) has a penis

b) will want to put it in me if we get that far and

c) he has it with him right now and doesn’t need to pre-pack it for a later occasion.

when i’m talking to a woman, i do not have that same guarantee. it’s not that im not open to trying non conventional PIV sex at some point, but im 23 and young and i want things to move FAST.

i think this is probably closer to the experience that many bi women are trying to describe when they say “women are scary 🥺”. what they’re actually afraid of is having to try something new and do all the work that goes with that when they already know one kind of sex they enjoy and don’t have to pre-arrange