There was only one Dalinar Kholin.
And all the Shards wanted him.
"I want him," Odium muttered.
"But I want him!" Honor objected.
"No, I want him." Cultivation declared.
"Oh please, do you even know him? Didn't you just send a bunch of generic 'help wanted' ads?" Odium accused, to Honor.
"I did," Honor answered, "but I definitely want specifically him now."
"I've been working on this one for a long time, and I'm not about give up all my hard work!" Odium argued.
"You're not the only one who knows how to play the long game, Odium," retorted Cultivation. "I've had my eyes on this one, too."
A long, seething silence followed.
"Ahem, how about this?" Cultivation suggested. "We'll let him pick whose influence he'll follow."
"Kill. Murder. Feel the passion," Odium goaded, whispering into Dalinar's ear.
"Unite them," Honor practically yelled into Dalinar's other ear.
"Get a trim," insisted Cultivation, proceeding to cut Dalinar's memories way shorter than just 'a trim.'
"That's cheating!" Cried Odium, "You touched him directly, that's not just influencing!"
"Oh yeah?" Shouted Cultivation, "And haven't you been messing with his feelings? Is that not cheating?"
"I've been sending him visions in his head," confessed Honor. "I think we need to admit we've all been inside him."
"Be my champion!" Odium commanded.
"Unite them!" Honor urged again, apparently out of original things to say.
"Grow!" Cultivation ordered.
The Shards kept bickering over Dalinar Kholin. There was no part of his life that was not altered, manipulated, or otherwise soiled by their influence.