I'm Not That Girl
Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
Summary: You've fallen for Steve, but he's in love with Nancy...at least you think he is.
Word Count: 2.8k
Warnings: set during season 5 so SPOILERS, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, confessing feelings, mild violence
AN: This was an anonymous request! I feel like I ending up going in a different direction with this than what you may have envisioned, but I hope you still like it! It's very loosely based off of I'm Not That Girl from Wicked, but after watching vol 2 of season 5, I wanted to write something involving the fight between Steve and Dustin. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
(last warning for season 5 vol 2 spoilers, like there is straight up dialogue from episode 5 in here)
Falling for Steve Harrington was not something you expected. Back in high school, you hated him. Well, hate may be too strong of a word, but you didn’t like him. He was arrogant, rude at times, and all around only seemed to care about himself, but that was before everything in Hawkins turned upside down, no pun intended.
You worked with him and Robin at Scoops Ahoy and later at Family Video. You saw how protective he was of his friends, how goofy he could be, and just how kind-hearted and caring he was. Before you even realized it, you were head over heels for him.
Steve had really proven himself time and time again that he had changed for the better, but there was one thing you knew would never change,
his feelings for Nancy.
Nancy Wheeler was perfect. Smart, ambitious, creative, driven, brave, beautiful, you could go on. Not to mention she was a complete badass. She truly was perfect, and it was no surprise that Steve fell for her, hard. And despite what your friends told you, you knew you were nothing like Nancy, not even in the slightest.
A sting echoed in your chest whenever you saw the way he looked at her, with such love and admiration. You wished you could talk to Robin about it, but to you it seemed that she was rooting for the two of them to get back together, so you wallowed in self-pity instead, allowing yourself to get lost in your daydreams of what it might be like to gain Steve’s affection. There were times when he would smile at you that you thought, if only just for the tiniest moment, he might have feelings for you, but once Nancy was even mentioned, Steve would go all moony-eyed. Lately, it seemed he was in some sort of competition with Jonathan to gain her favor. Your only saving grace with that was Nancy seemed more annoyed by it than flattered, which you didn’t blame her, there more pressing matters at hand.
One such example of Steve and Jonathan’s feud happened when you, Dustin, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan all got to Hawkins Lab in the Upside Down.
Dustin told you all his theory of there being a shield generator somewhere in the lab that would take down the wall, so you set off to look for it.
When you opened the door to the stairwell, you looked over towards the others, “Up or down?”
Nancy answered right away with a sense of determination, “I say both. Search in two teams. Cover more ground.”
“Yeah, that’s cool with me, but can we just switch the teams up? Nance, you and me go up?”
“Really, Steve?” You released a huff of air, trying not to take offence by Steve’s suggestion, but it went unnoticed when Jonathan responded to the idea in clear annoyance.
“Are you serious?”
“Me and Henderson need some space.”
“Please.” Dustin begged.
“Fine. How about me and you?” Jonathan suggested.
“I think we need some space too.” The tone of Steve’s voice shifted, and you wanted to roll your eyes
“Fine, then how about Dustin comes with us, and you go with Y/N?”
“Uh…um,” Steve hesitated, not able to come up with an answer, and it left a bitter sting in your heart.
Jonathan laughed, “What, you need space from her too? So, everyone but Nancy. That’s just convenient.”
“I don’t need space from—” Steve was cut off by Nancy.
“Hey! We don’t have time for this. Let’s just keep it simple, stick to the usual teams,” both Steve and Dustin tried to protest, but Nancy shut them down, “End of discussion.”
As Nancy and Jonathan made their way up the stairs, you turned to Steve, “Well, guess you’re stuck with me. Sorry. Let’s go.”
Steve gave an exasperated sigh before following you and Dustin down the stairs, “Just awesome.”
~
Your descent to the basement of the lab was silent. The tension between Steve and Dustin could have been cut with a knife, and a dull one at that, and the tension between you and Steve was only getting thicker, though that may have been more one-sided on your part. The silence was killing you. You just hoped that you would find this shield generator thing, so you could leave as quickly as possible before any of the tension escalated.
But things never seem to work out the way you want them to.
You had gone with Dustin to continue searching in the basement, leaving Steve in the rainbow room, much to his disappointment. The almost sad look in his eyes when you told him you were going to go with Dustin made you want to run over to him and apologize, but you didn’t feel like being alone with him. Unfortunately, your search came up empty, and when you returned to the rainbow room, you found Steve struggling to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
“Really you’re actually playing in here?” Dustin asked snidely.
“I’m just following orders, dude,” Steve threw his hands up in exasperation, the only mood he seemed to have towards Dustin lately, “Judging by your pissy look, I assume you didn’t find the shield generator.”
“I’m sure it’s here somewhere.” You answered.
“But you didn’t find it.” Steve’s cynical tone made you want to slap him; you really hated when he was like this.
“Yeah, not on this floor.” Dustin bit back in an equally irritated tone.
“Dustin’s right, let’s just head back up and catch up to Nancy and Jonathan.” You turned to head for the stairs but stopped when Steve stood up and continued berating Dustin.
“So, you were wrong.”
Dustin rolled his eyes, “You would just love that, wouldn’t you?”
“Guys,” you released an annoyed huff and muttered to yourself, “this really isn’t the time for this.”
“No, I’m just stating a fact.”
“No, you’re gloating,” Dustin countered, “Despite the fact that if I am wrong, we don’t reach past the wall, and don’t find Holly and the other kids. Do you understand how selfish you’re being?
“Okay, Dustin—” You attempted to try and deescalate, but Steve cut you off.
“Me? Selfish?” he pointed to himself then to Dustin, “You wanna talk about selfish? How about when we finally reach Hop and El, we promptly ditched them to pursue this bullshit theory of yours? Not to mention, you’re the reason that we lost contact with them in the first place because of your no-show at the crawl. So, this whole mess is actually your fault. And I haven’t heard so much as a sorry.”
“Steve—” You were cut off again by Dustin.
“Shit. Again, it’s not like I just didn’t show up, Steve. I was attacked.”
“No, you wanted a fight, and that’s exactly what you got. Just look at your face, man,” Steve stepped closer to Dustin, “You’ve done some stupid shit in the past, but this? Man, this takes the cake.”
“You wanna talk to me about dumb shit? How about chasing somebody else’s girlfriend while the world is ending?”
And with that, you admitted defeat to yourself and leaned against the wall with your arms crossed, figuring that once this long overdue argument blew over, you all could get back to the task at hand.
Steve quickly glanced over at you, then back to Dustin, “Nancy is a friend. She’s a friend, okay? You remember what that’s like? Having friends?”
“Yeah, I do remember what it was like to have a good friend, a real friend who actually believed in me, and who was actually kind to me.”
“Aha!” Steve exclaimed, wagging his finger as if he had just pulled the truth out of Dustin, “Aha!”
“What?”
“There we go. What this has all been about, really, is Eddie. All your bullshit, pushing everyone away, it’s because no one could ever be as perfect as he was.”
You noticed Dustin tense at the mention of Eddie. It was clear that Eddie’s death took a toll on Dustin. He hadn’t been the same since, and everyone moving on, even if it was just for the sake of appearances, didn’t help him with his grieving.
“He wasn’t perfect, but at least he knew that, unlike you.” Steve scoffed but Dustin continued, “He was never fake. He didn’t care what other people thought about him. He was just himself. And you know what? He was the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever met. And he would’ve solved this,” Dustin held up the Rubik’s Cube Steve had been working on, “in thirty seconds flat.
“Well, if I’m such a goddamn idiot, how come I’m the one still standing here?”
Your head snapped in Steve’s direction, and you spoke to him with urgency and sternness “Steve, don’t.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“That night, I told you not to be heroes. I told both of you. What did Eddie do? He charged into a swarm of killer bats.”
“To save my life!”
“He saved no one.”
“Steve!” You interjected.
“He saved everyone!”
“You can keep telling yourself that, Henderson, but deep down, the reason you’re so goddamn pissed is because you know the truth. Eddie wanted play hero, and he made a dumb call, and he got himself killed.”
“Shut up!”
Dustin threw the Rubik’s Cube at Steve, then lunged at him, backing him up against the wall. Steve tried to pull him off, taking the punches that Dustin landed on his side.
“Dustin, stop!” You ran over towards them, hoping in vain that Dustin would give up the fight.
“What the hell, man? Stop it!” Steve managed to shove Dustin off, causing him to fall to the floor, but Dustin grabbed a nearby chessboard and started hitting Steve in the legs. Steve was on the defensive, only blocking Dustin’s hits and punches, not wanting to hurt him. Right as Dustin was about to land another hit, you grabbed his arm, telling him again to stop. He shoved you back with enough force to make you crash into one of the shelves of toys and games and fall to the floor. You heard Steve scream out your name before Dustin landed another blow, this time to his face.
“Enough, man! Enough!” Steve grabbed Dustin, trying to pin down his arms, “Stop!”
Dustin drove Steve back into the wall again, and they both fell to the floor.
As Steve began to stand up, he looked at Dustin with a pained expression, “You know what, man? I’m done,” he walked over to you and crouched down, “You good?”
You nodded, allowing Steve to take hold of your hand and help you stand.
“I’m done.” Steve said again as the two of you left the room.
“Alright, yeah, just go and crawl back to Nance!” Dustin yelled, “You dumb…fake asshole!”
The sadness in Dustin’s voice broke your heart. You wanted to stay and make sure he was alright, but Steve pulled you along until you were back in the stairwell.
He sat you down on the stairs and crouched down in front of you, looking over your face for any injuries, “Where did he hit you?”
“Steve, I’m fine, really.” You pushed his hands away.
“No, he hurt you, let me make sure you’re okay.”
“Steve!” you stood up, “I’m fine. Let’s just go up.”
You started up the stairs, but he got in front of you and blocked you from going up any further, “What the hell’s wrong with you?”
“What the hell’s wrong with me? What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Steve deflated, sitting down on the steps. “Great, so now you’re mad at me too?”
“Why would you bring up Eddie? Do you not get that Dustin is grieving? He lost someone important to him, and everyone just expects him to be able to move on, and pretending everything’s okay? Do you seriously not understand that?” you tried to stop yourself, but once you got the ball rolling it was like word vomit, “Oh, no, of course you don’t, because you don’t understand anyone’s emotions, even when someone makes them crystal freaking clear, unless it’s Nancy, then you understand everything, like you have a fucking PhD in Nance-ology.”
Steve’s brows pinched together in confusion, “What does Nance have to do with this?”
“Oh my god! She has to do with everything! Do you think we don’t see this stupid, macho, he-man competition you’ve been in with Jonathan? You have been so busy chasing after what could have been with Nancy, that you have become blind to the person who has been pining for you for two years!”
In the silence that followed your outburst, you wanted to fade away, faze into the floor or just be swallowed by it. You never meant to tell him, and even if you had one day been brave enough to, you never wanted to tell him like that.
The sting of tears filled your eyes, and you looked down to avoid Steve’s gaze.
“Um,” Steve cleared his throat, “you and I both know Robin hasn’t been pining for me.”
You couldn’t help the pathetic laugh that bubbled up from your chest; you should’ve known he wouldn’t get it. With a deep, calming breath, you plucked up your courage, “I wasn’t talking about Robin, dingus.” You sat down on the steps next to him.
You watched as Steve’s face contorted into expressions you had never seen before as he tried to work this out in his head, “Well, then who?”
“Steve, how long have we been friends?” You said, offering him assistance.
“Two yea—” he cut himself off, “oh!”
“Yeah.” you nodded, “And I feel so stupid being so jealous about Nancy, but I can’t help it. You’re in love her, and I’m nothing like her.” You buried your head in your hands and waited for the rejection, one way or another, you knew it was coming. You just wished Steve would be kind and not laugh in your face.
“I’m not in love with Nancy.”
“What?”
Steve took hold of your hand and pulled it away from your face, “I may have been, but I’m not anymore.”
“I don’t understand.”
He chuckled, “Listen, when Nancy and I were together, I did love her, and I’ll admit, for a while, I wasn’t sure if I would ever get over her. But then this one crazy summer, I got a job with two of the coolest people who ended up becoming my best friends,” he squeezed your hand in his, “And as we grew closer, one of those friends, I realized, was the funniest, most kind-hearted, and caring people I’ve ever met, and before I even really realized it, I fell for her, hard.”
“Steve…”
“I’m sorry for being…what’s the word Robin’s used before?”
“Obtuse?”
He snapped his fingers, “That’s the one, thank you. I’m sorry for being obtuse and not realizing how you felt.”
You squeezed his hand, “You don’t need to apologize for that.”
“Well then, I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt sooner.”
You watched Steve’s eyes glance down to your lips and butterflies filled your stomach. He began to lean in and you felt yourself lean in as well. Just before his lips could brush yours, you pulled back.
“Everything okay?” Steve asked, his voice just above a whisper.
You sighed, a single tear rolling down your cheek, “I just…I wish I could be more like Nancy.”
“Hey,” Steve wiped the tear away and gently cradled your face, “You don’t need to be like Nancy. You just need to be you. And I think you is pretty great.”
A quiet laugh fell from your lips, “I don’t think that was grammatically correct.”
“Oh, shut up.” Steve moved his hand to the back of your neck and pulled you forward, placing your lips on his. You instantly wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed yourself to get completely lost in the kiss. When Steve started to pull away, you pulled him right back in, both of you smiling as you continued.
When you finally separated, both breathless, Steve placed a quick kiss to your cheek, then leaned his forehead against yours.
“I think you need to apologize to Dustin.”
With a slightly annoyed huff, Steve leaned back, moving his hand into yours, “Are we seriously talking about Henderson right now?”
“Steve, he’s hurting. Be the bigger man. Plus, I know you are incapable of staying mad at him.”
He sighed heavily, “You’re right. But I think I need a few minutes, the little jerk packs quite the punch.”
You examined the red mark on his cheek before placing a gentle kiss to it, “That make it feel better?”
A soft smile upturned in the corner of his mouth, “A little.”
