#shitting yourself

[happy-watching]

Doo-doo favors are what real friends are for.

[khyan]

a video about throwing out the old me, before someone else does

[textpostdave]

shitting yourself

Dave: (to Justin) Shitting yourself is never fun. Dave: Dave: but if I did shit myself, I'd come to you to clean me. Dave: You're a good cleaner!

[wannabe-james-dean]

Okay so! If you have diarrhea, and feel a fart coming on, don't force it. You will shit your pants a little like I just did, in the middle of Waffle House.

[pelikinesis]

it's sort of comforting to know that no matter where you are, whether things are looking up or have taken a turn for the worse, however your life may be going, you're never immune to ending up in a situation where you're in danger of shitting your pants. no matter how educated, or rich, influential--no matter how fancy your pants are, they aren't impervious to catastrophic bowel movements in the wake of food poisoning, or poor dinner/drinking decision-making, or when the stomach flu pops in to say hi.

no matter how much i change over the years, every time i'm trying to outdrive my impatient and distressed bowels while being mired in SoCal afternoon traffic, for example, it feels exactly the same. i think to myself "not this shit again. heh. shit. SHIT, this sucks." I bargain with God to show mercy. I eventually accept the possibility of shitting myself, and make frantic back-to-back drafts of contingency plans. i try not to give myself an aneurysm when, having made it to my own neighborhood, i end up behind a car that is going 15 mph for some reason. i tell myself that speeding in a residential area is never worth, because worst case scenario i hit a child, and THEN shit myself. and then i make it to the bathroom in time and after all is said and done and flushed, i idly wonder how long until the next time the universe and i set myself up for another experience in the same vein. or colon.

[tweakofnature]

One time, while I was high...

I almost always worry about shitting my pants while I'm high. It always feels like I did. I never have, but...

When "Return of the King" was in theaters (holy fuck, 10 years ago?) a group of friends and I decided to get ripped before going. We smoked on the walk to the theater, just way too much. I was a poor college student at the time. I smoked so much I barely understood where we were even going at this point.

Suddenly, I'm in a theater seat and the previews are yelling at me. The movie had barely started and I needed to fart. I needed to fart bad. It was loud as hell so I figured I'd be fine.

"Diiiiiid I just shit?" I thought to myself.

So, I'm positive I shit myself and during every dark part in the movie I had my hand between my legs and prodding my blue jeans trying to figure out if I can feel shit trapped in there,

I definitely felt it. I felt something squishy. I was absolutely fucked right then. I didn't understand how I'd get to the bathroom, I didn't understand how I'd get underwear and pants, no, fuck underwear, I didn't even understand how to get pants. I didn't know how I'd live that down.

I decided the only way out was killing myself in the bathroom, but that still involved getting to the bathroom. Eventually I said fuck it, because I know the sooner I got there the better for this kind of thing. Maybe I could have washed my jeans in a toilet and it would be dry by the time people came out of the movie. I got up and bolted for the bathroom.

I was above the toilet, I tore down my pants, and I braced myself for a mud party... There's nothing.

NO SHIT!

...Did I miss some? Am I just looking wrong?

No... NO SHIT!

But what the fuck was I feeling in my pants that felt like poop? I put my jeans back on, sit on the toilet, and start prodding.

It was my balls.

[gingarella-change-your-life-blog]

Watching Titanic

My sister: imagine all the poo in the water, cos you'd be shitting yourself.

[lambyep]

When a Deathclaw comes out of no where and bites a chunk out of your arse and also making you shit yourself..