■: Synopsis - Gojo is what you would call a typical party dude, and you are the pretty girl whom he wants to date, yet can't form the words to ask you out. So his first instinct? Say a lame pick up line to woo you for a motorboat session (2k words)
■: Tropes and tags: Gojo is desperate, he loves you so bad, and so do you. You both losers in romance, tits and tits i suppose, he motorboats finally, kisses and yearning, cussing.
■: Shizu's Sticky note: uh uh baby's first smut work (it's not but that's between me and 150 people) and also uh uh please dont throw tomatoes at me i would cry and sob like a wet puppy. I wrote this at the account of y'know, I was kinda horny
"So, are nerds supposed to have tits?" You glanced up at the sleazebag, who was smirking down at you, a cheap mango juicebox in his hand, dangling like an alcoholic beverage, despite him being a childish lightheaded dickhead. Now why would he start with such a bizarre statement?
"Excuse me?" You looked up at him in amusement and slight confusion, his gaze panicking then going back to a mischievous stare at your tits. "I excused you." He licked his lips, leaning towards you, his gaze falling on your soft mounds yet again, "Can I motorboat them? Seems so tightly squished in that pretty little blouse." You raised an eyebrow, looking at him straight as he mimicked a squish expression, and seeing you stare, his hands faltered, before he hid it behind a confident smile.
You knew this loser from your physics class, surprisingly brings good grades despite half of his time spent here. He was endearing, charming, he was like a jester to the university, entertaining many, even you. And you didn't mind much, he was a handsome and hilarious guy, who got along with everyone, even the professors, maybe too close because you saw him give beer to your physics professor but nonetheless, he was a guy who had sunshine in his soul. And now the same guy was standing here, staring at you, mainly your tits, as if he had never seen tits in his life.
"I mean, sure, why not?" You shrugged, causally confident, and he had to pause, gaze faltering, dropping his juice box, eyes falling on your back. "I can?" You blinked, "I am offering, aren't I?" He chuckled nervously, palming his semi-hard dick by readjusting his sweatpants, gulping down, "I was just- y'know, uh-" he looked to the floor, his mind flashing him photographic images of your tits, his mouth watering. God he loved tits, specifically yours, but how can he say this without burying himself in a more deeper hole of judgement? God he was an embarrassment in front of his crush.
He liked you, a lot, like a LOT. He bribed the professor with a monthly subscription of his favorite beer in exchange for the fact that he could be paired up with you. The pretty girl who has a gel pen and a small notebook in her pocket, ready to note down anything. He admired you, your working, your concentration in lectures, your passion for study.
He never knew when those feelings blossomed, turning into fluffy clouds. His hawk eye stare always fell on you. Whenever you answer a tough question, when you laughed at a joke he made in class, when you are walking through the shelves of library, he can't seem to deviate his attention from you. How did you even enter his mind and his soul, even he doesn't know.
But right now, you were standing, with your squishy, probably soft and tempting breasts, luring him like a moth to a flame. He wrung a finger around the underside of his collar, adjusting it. "So uh, how do we do this?" He asked, genuinity in his eyes. Did he really not know how to motorboat? Your judgemental, confusing expression made him weak in his knees. He gulped hard, sweat pooling down his neck. He didn't want to be a loser, so how can he even approach this situation? Surely, he can just wing it, right?
"I-I was just joking, y'know. I know how to motorboat a nice pair, I have done it several times!" One thing is for sure, he did know how to convince people with his lies, because people didn't ask much when he said such stuff. They assumed he already did it. But there was something about you, something that felt like you could read through him.
What do they even know? Not even once has he done it, touched or glanced at any girl ever since he saw you, he has been star struck by you, and only you. He was been saving himself for this movement, he has to get ready, to take action, to show you he is really the experienced, suave boy that everyone thinks he is. But oh, oh how can he, when his palms are all sweaty, and his dream of touching his majestic girl is finally coming true after the yearning and waiting for 2 years straight. How can he let some sweaty hands taint the skin of his loveliest girl?
You were patient, so patient, waiting for him to touch, and he was panicking, trying to understand how to touch, how to please you, to make you happy. All that flirting, all that flithy talk, yet when action came into play, he was motionless. He aggresively wiped his sweaty palms against his sweatpants.
And you understood how he was. A pathetic mess, really, he was trying his best you suppose. Being his classmate for 2 years sure made you read his emotions easier than ever, or maybe it's the fact that you can feel his nervousness in your bones as well.
Maybe it's the fact that your breasts have never been touched intimately, that a slight silver of anxiety was trumming through you as well. How would it feel? Would it please you, make you moan? You don't know how someone touching your breasts would be.
Back to Gojo, who was trembling like a soaked cockroach. He extended his hands, shy of touching your mounds, then withdrew them. He again lifted his arms, closer to the material of your blouse, again withdrawing them in cowardice. He angled his hands to another position, yet all he felt was-
It wasn't right.
How can he make this moment perfect for you? He has to do something fast, he can't just stand there like an idiotic scarecrow, scrambling like a pebble on ice. Time was running out and his mind was burning up, trying to gauge the perfect touch for your delicate breasts. You sighed silently, and if he wasn't observing your every moment, he would have missed it, and god strike him if he did. The alarms in his head went blurring into his ears, into his system, trembling him, making him act like a zap, no, no, he couldn't, he couldn't disappoint you.
His palms went to your pillowy tits, grabbing them immediately, and oh, oh god, what a delight it was. He has never touched something so soft, so beautifully perfect, so tender in his hands, ever.
"Hah- wow" he huffed a breath of fresh air in his lungs, trying to regain his oxygen into his body as he squished your tits in between his fingers, feeling the softness of the fat onto his skin, feeling as if he was on the sixth sky, "Wow- oh, oh- fuck" he whimpered breathily, taking in rapid air through his mouth, playing with your tits experimentally, in awe, in happiness, in a sort of ectasy he never knew he could feel.
He kneaded your tits, slowly and grinning ear to ear. He started giggling by itself, loving how the spongy flesh felt beneath his pads of fingers. Dreams do come true, isn't it? He wondered how, he wondered why, what did he do to deserve such happiness?
You were in a state of shock at his cupping, seconds ago he was reeling and hesitating, and now this series of giggles were flowing down his lips. You couldn't even register his whimpers, and his heavy breaths, until you snapped out of your trance, and a strange heat coiled in your stomach, curling it into squirms from your body.
He was touching your breasts, and god was he good at it. His touches were unpredictable. He would squeeze the fat roughly for a duration, then soothe it with his gentle ministrations. It's as if he was exploring, trying to find the right frequency of his touch to your breasts, trying to find which one he should do.
Your soft moans heated him up more, his cock rising in, his whole body was hot. How did you make him into this? How can you fire him up with just a touch? He squished and squeezed, your blouse suddenly becoming a double edged sword. Frankly, he loved how it made them all so tightly squished out, but oh how he desired to just feel your bare breasts through his skin.
He breathed heavily, he didn't wanted go stop, he was addicted, he was obsessed. No, that would be too tame. He was beyond control. Your softly gasped, "G-gojo- ah, you-" neither of you could speak, only breathe in the heated moment.
He heard your soft gasp, and when your breasts were already tantalising him, who was he to not fall? He leaned over, burying his face and did a loud brrrrr! Of your cleavage, exciting you now, making you giggle now unexpectedly at his actions.
He never felt such a texture on his face. Sure he felt serums and sticky sunscreens but never the softness of tits. He continued motorboating, until you pushed away his face a bit to the side in between fits of giggles, and he didn't want to, no, he was protesting. He wanted to stay there, live there, die there in the warm softness of your tits.
"C'mon Gojo, it's making me all ticklish" You giggled, and he shook his head, as if drunk, as if in daze from your tits. "I don't want to, please, please- hah, darling, my sweetheart please." He pleaded, squeezing your tits. You both didn't register what you were doing, what you were, what was the surrounding, only thing that mattered was you and him.
He did pull back, just to play small kisses onto your neck, each kiss with a "his" stamped on your neck. "A-ah! Gojo- please- hah-" "Satoru, please- please call me that." He begged, pleaded like a trembling petal, because he was afraid that he would wake up and this would all be a wet dream, that you would abandon him, avoid him after this, he wanted to savour the crumbs of you before you slip away, selfishness pooling in his heart.
"Ah- Satoru?" It rolled of so smoothly from your tongue, his name gliding like butter, and he couldn't hold himself back. He looked up, his cerulean eyes swirling in his broth of love, turning into an ashy grey. He cupped your cheeks, holding them as if he could lose you.
He was sure he was dreaming. He would accept if you punched him out the universe, but no, you were standing, your lovely breaths, your sweet voice enticing him. "So are you gonna keep staring?" He blinked, his hands withdrawing, chuckling nervously. It burned to even be without you
"Y-yeah, sorry. What got into me, fuck-" he grabbed the strands of his hair, pulling it. Man, fuck this. He could give a shot, he can be confident, he has to bring that same attitude he did when he said that sleazy ass comment about, do nerds have tits or whatever his stupid brain cooked up.
"Would you go out with me? Maybe to a book date?" He said in one breath, rapidly, fastly, as if the words would rush away. You looked up at him, and felt into a series of giggles.
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, staring at your giggles in a perplexed look. It was beautiful, but was it in a mocking way or in a nice way? He hoped it was the latter one, though he didn't mind to be mocked by you, but he wanted to know so terribly, desperately bad.
"I-is it a yes or no?" He asked with nervousness in his soul. Him out of all people being nervous was rare, but it was you he was talking about, and he would be crushed to ever be the reason of your disdain. You went silent, peering up at him, a sweet but mischievous grin on your face. "I would be surprised if we didn't dated after.....that tit session." He groaned in embarrassment, the tip of his ears flushing in a beautiful maroon while you giggled yet again.
"I-I know, sorry- urgh, that was immature of me. But would you give me- us, a chance?" He looked at you, with hope in his eyes. You smiled gently, standing on your tiptoes and putting a small kiss on his cheek. This was the first thing you intiated with him. And he doesn't know whether to burst fireworks or to burst his heart. His cheeks flushed as pink as a strawberry shortcake, looking down at you, his smile going crooked.
"So, it is settled isn't it?" He nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck in shyness. You giggled, "Yeah silly, it is." You looked at his billion dollar smile, eyes sparking and radiant towards you, "I will text you the details okay?" And this was the start of something beautiful, something only his, as he stared at your beautiful irises.
"Also, you can cancel the monthly subscription for our professor's beer."
"Yeah I was going to- Wait- HOW did you know?"
"Our professor isn't as tight lipped as you think he can be."
♡ Synopsis: Tap! Tap! Swish! Hold, Flick! That was the gameplay of someone who played rhythm games. Satoru and you were just like two hold notes, perfect with each other, attached to the very hip, until circumstances changed, your lives changed, and new people came. Now you both were in the new music class, and can you both swallow the new versions of each other? (10k words)
♡ Tags and Warnings: angst, fluff, open ending, fratboy!gojo, nerd!gojo, nerd!reader, a lot of rhythm games references specifically bandori, Tae Hanazono is used in the header NOT as a self insert but rather as a character that Satoru likes, arguments, academics, bad parents, using games as escapism mechanism, co-dependcy
♡ Shizu's sticky note: Hey guys Valentine's is up and happy Valentines. I hope y'all don't kill me for this once-in-a-lifetime fic. This is my entry for the @sixxels valentines writing event, I hope you all like it. Credits to @/dollywons and @/angeliicide for the dividers ♡♡
It was one of the coldest winters you known. The air was blurring with ice in it's howl, and the streets were laden with snow. You were watching out the window, looking at the dusky skies as they laid out small balls of snow.
You had awoken earlier than usual. The clock had ticked to 4:45 AM, you wished time would go slower. Today was snowing, and you hated it. That means-
"My lovely child, you are up so early!" Your mother clasped her hands together firmly. Her presence alone sent a shiver down your spine, the atmosphere heavier and the air was filled with the electricity of tension that was making it difficult to breathe, as if uranium had exploded in your room.
"Yes mother?" You tried to keep your voice steady. She tilted her head to the side, smiling so fakely, "Don't you know what time it is?" She walked ever so slowly, your heart was beating out of it's chest, preparing to explode into smithereens. She cupped your cheek, oh so tenderly, yet you know the touch well.
"Look at your skin. It's so soft, so plump, you should thank me." She pinched your cheek, and to anyone, it would look like a lovely scene between mother and daughter, but her fingertips had anguish only you could feel.
"What did I tell you sweetheart? To always wake up exactly at the allocated time. No delay or eagerness. We don't want that, do we?" She pinched it harder, and you felt the sting. "Yes mother." She smiled, removing her hold on your cheek, "If I was any other mother-" her gaze sharply darted to a flying creature, she did a loud of her palms, killing a mosquito, "You would have gotten a huge slap. But not me, I am the kindest mother there is." And you believed her, because you did wake up early, and maybe it's your fault.
"Ah, looks like it's snowing heavily, you won't go to school today, isn't it?" You looked at the snow in agitation. You wanted to go desperately, because— whatever this was, was suffocating you. Your lungs always felt congested whenever your mother was around, and as the girl you were, you felt as if it's your fault every single time, she made you feel like that.
"Yes mother, it's snowing heavily. I won't be able to see my friends." You frowned. Truth be told, you didn't had friends you would say. Just people who were cherry picked by your mother as to how fitting they are to your friend. Smart, rich and goal oriented kids, who were also in the same loophole you were in.
"Mhm, such a shame. Well, it's mother-daughter's day then!" You gulped harder, you were afraid of whatever would ensue in that session. And you know how it goes, she always comes into this "strict" mode, the one that scares you to death.
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"Sweetheart, do not befriend anyone that isn't good in studies, okay?" You nodded, scribbling quietly in your notebook, heart in your throat. You glanced at your mother, she was checking your maths homework with a hawk eye and a ruler in her other hand, the tap of her ruler on the table like a bomb tethering to be blown. You gulped, and prayed to whoever was up above that all your answers hopefully come correctly. "Focus on completion", she caught your glance immediately, and slapped her ruler on the table, causing a dent on the table. You gulped and nodded, paranoia travelling through your veins.
You shouldn't glance, you reminded yourself, yet the paranoia was getting to your brain, air was becoming shorter and shorter as her rustle of pages could be heard. Would she slap your head like she did to the table? A deep wound in your head? The blood trickling down of your head, would she laugh and bring another copy of you? You shivered at the thought, and she noticed it yet again, her eyes piercing your soul.
You again tried to bring water back in your system, gulping down your saliva, steadying yourself from the direct arrow your mother put on you. You scribbled, and her piercing gaze went back to your homework.
You heaved a sigh of relief internally, feeling all airy. You continued scribbling, the atmosphere was tense, yet her gaze on your homework instead of you kept you at ease.
She closed the notebook, and you were so at ease, you needed to get out and breathe some fresh air. She noticed your relaxed shoulder and her jaw clenched, like seeing you happy was something terrible. "And after this, you have to prepare for the science Olympiad exams. Make sure to complete all the lessons taught tonight itself" You nodded, at least she wouldn't have her stare at you at that time, while you were in your room.
Your home was a prison, and if you even looked out of the desired oyster that she crafted for you, you would be pierced with the broken shards of yourself. At least numbness and absentmindness from everyday routine is way better than whatever your mother makes you feel.
It was time for breakfast, and your stomach was grumbling. You sat down immediately, hunger clouding your mind. And for some reason, seeing you so happy itched her up, "Sweetie, don't you think you should stop eagerly waiting for the food? It makes you look so desperate. Have some manners"
The world stilled around you. Her words rung in your head continuously. You were just trying to eat some food. You didn't mean to upset her. "I-i am sorry mother." Her smiled quirked up in cruelty. "Yes, and what do bad children get?" You braced yourself for the slap that was going to ring your soul out, until a door bell rung up.
"Huh?" Your mother immediately went and opened the door. Her gasp of happiness was something even you were surprised with. What caused her to glee up so much?
"Mrs Gojo?" Your ears perked up. The Gojos? You have heard of them more from your mother than from anyone else. Apparently, they are an elite class family, which your mother says that "she is on the same level as they are."
"Ah yes darling! I was just in the corner, I was distributing the muffins." Your ears perked up. Muffins were good, and you were hungry. "Oh.....really, I do not want to eat them." Your mother reclined, as if the hue of other people on the muffins disgusted her.
"Why not?" Mrs Gojo asked, ever so kindly and politely. "We just had breakfast so I am not that ready to eat them." She smiled, so sacchrinely sweet. "Oh, we were thinking of spending the morning with you, since Satoru and your daughter seem the same age." And as if a lighter has been burned into a heap of leaves, your mother practically jumped. "What! Really? My goodness yes! She was missing her friends and school anyways, right sweetie? And anyways, I ate the breakfast, my daughter has yet to eat, so there is plenty of food!" You gulped, nodding instantly. Gojo's mother smiled, "Then, we shall enter, shall we?"
Your gaze instantly fell on the boy, shivering despite being in layers and layers of clothes. His fluffy white hair, nose runny, and cerulean blue eyes made you lost in him. How did you even stumble upon him? You thanked your mother for introducing him this day.
"Satoru, say hi to her!" His mother pushed him forward, despite his reluctance. You stepped forward, extending your hand, "Hello Mr Gojo." Both the mothers giggled, seeing you call him that. The tips of his ears got a beautiful red hue, sensing his embarrassment.
"Mr Gojo is my father. You can just call me Gojo." His hands were still in his pocket, not even taking the initiative to extend it to you. Your hand was still awkwardly up there, waiting for him to take it.
And then you saw, Mrs Gojo ugly glare at her son, she looked like the evil stepmother of Cindrella, who was Gojo in this case. You shuddered, you could feel the energy you felt from your mother.
And maybe it was a rush of adrenaline, a peak of courage, seeing the glare of his mother, that you grabbed his hand out of the pocket, "Yes hello Gojo!" You smiled sweet as ever. He got red as a tomato, blushing rapidly. You held his hand tightly. You would be the prince to his princess.
Both of the mothers giggled, and as if the atmosphere had become less suffocating and more lighter. He looked up at his mother chuckling, and by the surprise of his eyes, even he didn't know that his mother would laugh.
"Can we both have a talk, just us smart students?" You firmly held his hand. Both the mothers giggled, nodding in. "Sure dear, he is all yours." As if it was an inside joke between both of them.
And now you were alone with Gojo, and he was with you, in your room. You felt more at ease with him, a total stranger than your own mother. He looked around, looking at your numerous trophies, "Your room seems so....." You immediately answered, "Is it weird?" He blinked, confusion in his eyes, "I was gonna say impressive. It's not that bad, though I have more trophies than you." You blinked rapidly, "Yeah, even my mother says that"
He raised an eyebrow, looking at you nervously twiddle your thumbs, "Hey, it's okay. I am older than you, maybe that's why I have more trophies?" You looked up, holding his gaze, "Really? How old?" He shrugged, "2 years older. You gotta learn and do more to catch upto me."
You pouted, huffing, "Yeah right as if! I am gonna be more smarter and cooler than you." He smirked, looking at you, "As if, you can't do just do that. I am superior for a reason. For example, I have done a level 25 on expert mode on Bandori."
You blinked, a game? You never played that many games before. "Wait, let me see!" You perked up, as he pulled his phone out and opened a girly game with a glittery screen. "See? It's cool as hell. Watch and learn disciple."
Disciple? You wanted to argue, until he opened the "any song mode" and poof, the round notes came rapidly in. You couldn't even keep up, as his fingers tapped rapidly, showing "Great!" "Perfect!" Repeatedly as he tapped the circles.
"What are those?" You asked, as he smoothly slided those green long slide notes. He answered afted a while, as the notes got slower, "Those are the sliders, we can never go wrong with them." You watched how he pressed his fingers more harder upon them then the round notes. The sliders seems difficult, especially with the several cuts that had on them.
Study for you was something you were obliged to do, something you were forced to do by your mother. But here, your eyes were twinkling in glee. Maths was predictable, science was memorisation, but this? This was pure skill, and you realised, how cool Gojo really is.
As he flicked the pink diamonds, the pretty pink colour dissipated into sparkles, making a cute sound of the ting of a bell. You noticed how he pressed the flick imperfectly, like the flick of his finger was different than the normal slide and tap. It caused a difference in his finger movements.
And as he played, you got more closer, more engrossed, as his fingers glided effortlessly upon the blue screen, the characters bumping up and down in joy, a fun animation. The score went up and up, from a C score to a double SS score. The taps were becoming to 100, then 200 combos, and finally, he finished the song in 786 combo, and the animation popped up, "Full Combo!"
He did a small air pump, and you were so engrossed, you didn't even register the tap he sent upon your shoulder, "See? Easy as a pie." You asked excitedly, "H-how do you do that! Teach me! Teach me!" You were vibrating in excitement. He blinked, looking at your excited self. He smiled, betraying himself. He didn't see such shine, such spark from anyone.
"As I say, sheer talent of mine, that only I, Satoru Gojo can do." He flipped his hair back, smirking up. "But I wanna do it as well!" You pleaded, joining your palms together. He looked at you, at your trembling palms and smirked, "Sure, only a humble being like me allows it. Do it disciple."
You gulped in anticipation, as he changed the settings of the speed to your level, and gave you an easy song to do. "Only easy? Can't I do just like you?" You asked, and he smirked, "Practice makes perfect, isn't it? Your first live is going to be horrendous" You gulped, your hands shaking, as the screen loaded in
And oh he was right. You couldn't catch the notes. They went the other way, or always got a "Good" or "Bad" or the worst, a "Miss". It's as if they were escaping you, running around in speed you cannot comprehend.
Gojo watched as you awkwardly tapped the notes with your lanky fingers. You weren't catching it, weren't able to he would say. But still, there was a happiness in your soul doing this, a happiness he didn't see when he first saw you cowering behind your mother.
"Gojo! I can't do it!" You whined, handling him the tablet in a groan and crossed arms. You were a perfectionist, and when things didn't go your way, you might give up. He shrugged, "Suit yourself." But there was a hint of sadness in his voice and his movements
He started playing again, and you couldn't help your betraying gaze fall upon his gameplay, as he played effortlessly. "I wanna try." He paused the game immediately, missing a note yet didn't registering it. "Really?" You gulped, "Yeah, I want to." His face, as if it was the sun, beamed up, and his usually navy blue eyes flooded in a soft cerulean blue haze.
The screen loaded again, and as if on cue, your focus got more harder. He saw as you taps got more consistent, rough, yet still doing the thing. He smiled as you got a singular perfect, yet that was enough to make him proud of you.
"That wasn't good." You frowned, and he looked upon you, "It isn't some competition ya know?" As if on cue, like an electric bulb lighting up, you looked upon him, feeling so ectastic, "It isn't, right?" He nodded, "Yeah, I often do this for relief.'
You smiled widely, feeling so happy. "Can we play like this, everyday?" And even if the winds grew more loud, the snow coming in strong, nothing could stop the shared heartbeat between you both.
"The internet connection is really bad down here. What if you say, we go up there?" You raised an eyebrow, "Of course it is, it's snowing. And where should be go up, mister?" You asked, swimging your legs. "Well, there is a secret place only special people know." You blinked in curiosity, "Eeek!! Tell me, tell me!"
He smirked, adjusting his glasses onto the bridge of the nose, "It has a password." Your feet tingled, "Tell me the password!" He did a dramatic gasp, then started tapping his forehead, "Hmm, should I tell you, or not?" You pouted hard, "Please Gojo, tell me!" He extended his hand, pointing his finger at you, did a hairflip and smirked, "Its-"
You vibrated with anticipation, "It's what!" He did a dramatic twirl, oh he was annoying, and pointed at you yet again. "The password is-"
"The Great and Powerful Satoru Gojo."
You stilled up, eyes blinking in confusion. Then as some seconds grew by, and awkwardness and silence filled the air, you fell into a fit of giggles. You never laughed so much ever. Your stomach was turning up, your smile lines were hurting, and your throat was itching with the laughter bubbling in your voicebox.
He looked at you, giggling so freely, holding your stomach, and your laughter was contagious, he fell into chuckles as well. You both laughed constantly, for about three minutes, then looked at each other, and again started laughing.
When you both didn't had the capacity to laugh anymore. You both were laying down on your bed, lungs heaving up and down. "So- heh, there is this treehouse, which is being built-" you giggled again, "H-heh? A treehouse? Mickey mouse clubhouse sorta?" He chuckled, pressing his cheeks together, trying to stifle the giggles, "S-shut up. It's winter, so it takes time to build up. In summer vacations, we will spend time together there. Get loads of internet." You giggled, "At Gojo's treehouse, come inside it's fun inside." You mimcked the clubhouse theme song, making him shoot you a glare with no heat behind it. "Yeah yeah, laugh all you want. But it's gonna be awesome. I can get tons of internet and play at my max capacity. But until then, I can come to your house and play, your house's interenet is neat"
Everyday, as of cue, in the evening, after classes were done, the best part came. You both played the game on his tablet. He let you have your turns, as you learned everyday, trying to get a full combo in the aching cold with your cold fingers. Each day was filled with anticipation, happiness and joy. And surprisingly, both your mothers saw it as a "good" arrangement, discussing their "politics" over tea parties. You never dwelled onto those words, or your studies when all your focus was becoming better in this game.
"So, when's the treehouse gonna be made?" You ask him, as he was close to finish a full combo. He mimicked your voice in mockery, "wHeN's tHe tReeHoUse goNa be MaDe?" You huffed, messing up his full combo by tapping his screen, and he groaned, "What the hell!!" He put down his tablet, glaring at you.
"It's gonna be made soon." You blinked and looked up, "Before your birthday?" He shrugged, "I don't really know. But it's about to be finished." He sighed, "Don't tell my mother, but, I really love the treehouse. I want to play-"
He gulped hard
"With you."
Your heart thudded rapidly, looking at him. The previous time he said it, it was for himself. But now, in his story, you were there. You were included.
"Me? What made you say that?" His cheeks became flushed red, trying to assemble words even he didn't know. "It's just- that- we- uh...." you both remained heated up, because of the vulnerable words spoken to you. You both remained silent the entire evening, because vulnerability is a weapon even adults can't wield.
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It was his birthday morning, and you were ready to say a huge "Happy Birthday!" to Gojo, gift him something you brought with your own pocket money. Finger-electric gloves, aka gloves that would help him tap more efficiently. These gloves protected the finger pads as well as make tapping more easier, more smoother. You could see how at times his fingers twitched out of pain in between sliders and how he sometimes missed those flicks. You saw professional rhythm gamers play it, might as well buy it.
You had it hidden from your mother, the purchase and everything. For her, it was useless, but between you and him, it was something greatly valuable. Something that cemented something beautiful. It was your first month friendship anniversary and first Birthday celebration with him. You wished to celebrate with him today.
Such mornings are always so warm, filling with joy. Chimneys ablaze, the smell of sweet treats and happiness. Yet, as you woke up, you felt, a dark husk fill your being. It was darker, heavier than usual, as if you were trapped and the oxygen was snatched away.
You walked, footsteps slow. And maybe you shouldn't have woken up. Maybe you shouldn't have walked out your room. Because as you entered in, you saw a sight that was making the liquids in your chambers flow out.
Both the mothers were seated, with their arms crossed, as the wicked witches of the west and east. Faces uglily curled up into one of, if not, the most evilest faces you have seen. It's as if their face was all green, with barely restrained anger. You walked up, slower than ever, to see Gojo.
And oh, oh my god. He looked like he was chained up, trapped in by his mother. His sky blue eyes had turned gray. He looked hollow. The blue bruise on his cheek was growing like a nasty fungus. And in front was his tablet, his safe space, all broken up, shards all over on the table.
"Gojo-" a slap across your cheek, so loud it bleeded your nose out. "Did you see your grades?" You blinked, your grades? You wouldn't get your grades until the end of December. How did your mother had access to that?
"Shame on you fucking brat! Not only did you dragged yourself down, you dragged a brilliant child like him down as well!" She looked just like a monster.
And you know why she was blaming you. Because more than she needed you, she needed Mrs Gojo, to cement her place in the elite society. And right now, Mrs Gojo was looking ethereal, all dolled up, with the most vilest glare you have seen.
"Yes darling. My Gojo would never download such distracting things, and that too, such a girl's game. He is obsessed with cars and planets, not.....band girls." Gojo’s head was still down, looking at his fists. He was trembling, about to cry.
At the end of the day, you were both kids. And you looked at him, for help, for anything, to assure that the breathless laughs, shared groans, secrets and so called "training" meant something. But he was afraid, because he was a golden bird under a silver cage.
And you scoffed, tears falling down, "Gojo, say something!" You tightened your fists, and your mother again slapped you, "Don't speak to him like that." She spoke with gritted teeth.
The silent tap of Mrs Gojo fingernails made the room silent. "Hmm...." she looked at you, analysing you out limb by limb. "She got a A- at maths, right?" Your mother nodded, "Y-yeah! She did."
And Mrs Gojo, ever taking the form of devil in disguise, hugged Gojo, and Gojo's eyes widened in shock, "I am sorry m'love. It seems like it's a misjudgement by me."
And Gojo, manipulated by his mother, tears of relief fell down, pearl by pearl. And all fingers came upon you.
"I am sorry darling, but because of the actions of your daughter and the unneeded beating I gave him on his birthday because of her, I can't allow you to the Golden ball." She said, so honeyed and sugary, but all laid within in was bitterness.
Your mother's eyes widened, bloodshot red, glancing at you. You weren't dettered by that, as she went to beg and plead with her, excuses, apologies flying out her mouth. In this play, they painted you green and made you the villan.
What detterred you was Gojo's angry glare at you, that shook you. Cerulean eyes that always showed amusement, happiness, laughter, cries and frustration now showed pure hatred. Lips that spoke with you, teased you, made you feel more than your academics, played, guided you now quirked up a mean frown.
Crack!
Your heart began to crack into shards of blood, all echoing his name. You could take your mother's wrath, but you could never take the frown of someone who was so dear, so precious to you.
You blamed yourself. It's all your fault. It's you fault he was in pain, that he got the slap, that his tablet was broken, that the game he saw as a silent escape now became his biggest nightmare.
"I-i am sorry, Satoru-" Mrs Gojo stepped forward in front of her son, "You don't deserve to touch him." As if she was shielding him from the ugly villan that was you.
And that was the end of the dreams you were going to have with him. The end of the treehouse you both anticipated, the fun, the games, it was just as shattered as your friendship. The gloves were never gifted, and you never got a full combo.
Your mother got more stern, more snappy and the guilt in your heart turned like a shadow fairy, always ready to stab you in the middle of your nights, where you looked up, yearning for the treehouse and his blue eyes, yearning for him, to play games, to show him the full combos you were going to do together.
And years had passed away since he went to another part, while you were stuck the same, except you got worse, more hesitant to share your interests, your words, your opinion because if you open up, you would be shattered by the hurt you gave to him, to yourself.
And you were now in one of the most prestigious colleges. Not only was the campus vast, the people seemed sophisticated, and it had an air of elitism even you could sniff.
And as fate loves to laugh at your mockery, the first day in college was a disaster, literally. Not only did you miss the bus, you had to come in a filled class, saying an awkward "May I come in?" who stared back at you like you were a cockroach from their basement. And obviously the strict professor didn't let you in, they sent you out.
So here you were, roaming the hallways of the college as if it was a maze. You came into a small corner, and saw the same dazzling eyes that haunted your soul, except, the owner of those eyes was busy making out with a girl, who was the pinnacle of a diva. You froze, after all those years, your first impression of him was him diving his tongue left, right and center with a girl. You stayed frozen, blinking back shock. "Gojo?" You said his name in familiarity. He was too engrossed in the girl, that the poor girl had to tap him out, "Look's like someone knows you." She giggled and smiled at you sweetly. You smiled back awkwardly.
Gojo groaned out of the kiss, adjusting his pants and wiped the lipgloss of his lips. He looked at you and scanned you up and down. "And who even are you?" He said it not even out of mockery, but because he truly didn't know who you were, and maybe his mockery would have hurt less than whatever this curdling of embarrassment was.
The girl stepped foward, applying her lipgloss, "Are you one of his admirers? I am sorry sweetie he can be harsh." You shook your head, "Uh I-" Gojo scoffed, "Those admirers are ugly as hell, not even joking, I look at them and feel utter disgust, how can they think I have a chance with them when I have a pretty thing like you right in front of me" He grinned and she giggled, looking at each other with so much hunger.
"Remember me?" You asked awkwardly. Of course he didn't. He laughed, "Yeah no, sorry, I am clearly busy, can't you see?" You sighed and uttered your name.
And as of cue, he pushed her aside, looking at you, at your eyes, at your skin, your face, your hair. You had changed. Definitely. Was he that much of an idiot to recognise those dreamy eyes that haunted him as well? He gazed at you, in regret, in guilt and in sadness.
"Ahah, sorry, i-" he gulped hard, he felt regret in his soul. But how could he recognise you? The you from before, who used to tease him, play alongside him, now looked so dull, as if the colour from your soul was drained out. How can he recognise the same twinkle and sparkle when it has nothing of that?
You nodded awkwardly, already trying to escape, "Yeah, uh, I just bumped into you, because I was uh, just roaming. Nice meeting you both, enjoy yourselves!" You marched out. Your anxiety ate you, muttering how they were laughing at you, when in fact, Gojo was clenching and unclenching his fist, regret pooling his body, anger upon himself. He had so much to say, and no time to give.
The kiss scenes repeated in your head. You aren't a dumbass, you know love and what not, you had a few crushes and all, but that's it. You were a utter loser in terms of love, not in other cases of course. Why were you repeating a kiss scene? Maybe it was the fact you never had a love life, nid, nada, nothing. You sighed and walked ahead to your next class, not letting your brain fry up.
Gojo was roaming corridors over corridors, trying to catch a glimpse of your name on the bulletin boards. He was desperate, yearning, to catch a glimpse, to catch a flick of hair from you. He missed you, he missed your laughter, the girl that's never out of his mind.
He still remembered that day like it was yesterday. His 10th birthday, when his tablet was shattered and you both were torn apart. At first rounds, he felt anger at you, because he was put into coils of torture by his mother.
But as he grew up, matured, learned to read his environment by being in those elite parties, he realised, one single night, that it was never your fault, and neither was his. You both were kids, trying to salvage through your parents.
Except he was a coward, and you clearly were someone who was brave, taking all the blame, the hits from your mother. And all he could do was watch, watch as his mother killed two birds with one stone, one being not letting your mother come in elite society and the other being the most tragic one, where her goal was to outcast you.
While he looked down, cowering in fear, you were upright, asking him what had happened, trying to find reason. And then the ugly glare he gave you, the silence he gave you rang the loudest in his lungs. The devastation in your face, as you looked at him as he broke his heart, still strikes him with a thousand needles
And as a petty revenge for his mother, knowing she needs him more than he does, he rebelled. He slept around, partied all night, yet never gave her a reason to strike, as he brought all the shining A+'s on his report card.
And now here he was, chasing a ghost of you. It's probably your first day, yet he acted rudely, harshly because of his own stupidity. Why does he always mess up with you? Why does he always hurt you, again and again? He doesn't want to, you are the funniest, sweetest and nicest girl he has ever met, and yet, all he does is pierce your soul.
This was another experience that was going to haunt him. Shit, he hates himself. Can't he just be a nice person for once? He really thought he changed, well, he jumped too far and drowned yet again.
He reached at the same time you did, clinging onto the door frame like his life depended on it. He trembled, looking at your form, glitching beside him.
"Ah- uh- sorry!" You tried to walk out, until he blocked your path. "Sorry for earlier, I do know you, fuck- I do." He was near out panicking, trying to get in tune with your startled eyes.
"Ah- no worries! I must have been mistaken" you awkwardly tried to walk back, seeing the accumulation of people gathering in, looking at you, and you hated so many eyes, makes your paranoia heighten up.
He has changed, that's for sure. Gone were the cerulean spring blues, replaced with the disco dazzling seas. His lips had gotten plumpier, his chubby cheeks had gotten more slender, turning into a sleek jawline, and his fluffy hair seemed to be more stylish. And his fashion sense really evolved, considering he always wore flannels and those bowties.
And Gojo, he almost melted seeing you. How could he not recognise you? You haven't changed much in appearance. Had he gotten stupid? You had the same tantalising lips, the same eyes that focused on a full combo, and the same nervous habits you had when you waited for him to finish up a hard song. And the Tsugumi's keychain, it was so you, he softened like a mush for you.
"So-"
"Mr Gojo, and new student, class time is up. Are you ready to participate in music class?" A stern voice snapped both of you out of the trance.
You both blinked up. Music class? You both didn't had a flick of knowledge in music. Maybe you both didn't change, considering that you both idiots landed on the same wrong class.
"So uh, I guess we signed up for the same class. Coincidence?" You awkwardly tried to start a conversation and he nodded back awkwardly. He had gotten better, he thought he did. He really thought he broke out of his shell, got more confident, but the presence of yours made him curl back to a loop of guilt and pain in his heart.
"Yeah, total coincidence." He answered back, as the silence got more bigger. "Y-yeah. You always loved music, right?" You did a finger gun at him. You knew he didn't liked to that much, and he also knew you weren't that much big of a fan of music, considering you still were holed up kids.
"Uh yeah, aye aye, hands in the air?" He said, tapping a beat on the bench. You did a small air fist, trying to match up his taps, "Hands in the air, hair swaying, we don't care?" You both looked at each other, and as if no time has passed, you both did the ugliest snorts, pulling the whole class's attention.
"Mr Gojo, do you have anything to share to the class?" He rolled up the textbook, patting it on his palm. You covered your mouth, head down on the bench, while he tried to stifle his giggles.
"N-no sir. We were- hah- making a sensational beat, worldwide Pitbull style." You couldn't help but put a hand on your stomach, trying not to let the laughter bubble out. It reminded you of the better times, when you both were innocent kids. The class went into giggles, looking at Gojo, the effortless man, the shining star.
The teacher's silent glare meant trouble, because it silenced the whole class, "Oh yeah? Well, sing it then." The teacher said, his vein of his jaw about to pop off, and you immediately said,"Sir, he- we- I was just asking him about the weather, and he said it's a dusty weather, and since we both have the dust allergy, we both sneezed, in front of each other's faces." Everyone went into a disgusted face, looking at you both in "Ew wtf" expression.
Well, this was better than telling the whole class the most awkward lyrics you sang. "Yeah, dust allergy! Achoo!!" Gojo did a fake sneeze, still giggling in between. "Yeah achoo!" You faked as well, copying him. "Well- uh...carry on." The teacher grumbled, chalking down some notes. You both fell in the same ease you did back then.
"So, darling, dust allergy, really?" You giggled, "M-maybe people who dislike you would roll themselves in dust?" He chuckled, doing the dramatic hair flip he always did since he was ten, "Well, sweetheart, all my haters are non existent. The only dust they rolling in is their grave." You both stared at each other, again trying to stifle your laughs, the light-heartedness of the atmosphere winding you up in a headspace you both felt safe.
"Well, we are at class, we should learn something, right?" You nudged his shoulder, and his smile got all dopey, "Now that you say it, we should." You giggled, looking at the front while he looked at you. "The board is at the front mister, not here." He paused, as you caught him staring, "Yeah, well, there is a booger in your eye." He tried to hide his strawberry cheeks from you, looking at the other side. You blinked, scrambling to wipe the bogger at the corner of your eyes.
"So, new student and Mr Gojo, want to take a try at the instruments?" You both perked up, looking at each other. "Do you know any songs?" You whispered. He shook back, "Baby, I don't even know how to fucking toot a horn." You both realised, you were both screwed.
"Maybe the piano? A song that is common to you both" The teacher said, as if he was saving you both. You awkwardly looked at each other. "Should we play mozart?" He blinked, then looked at the piano and looked at you, "I don't even know how to play Mozart on a triangle."
The teacher's clear cut cough sent you both to the edge, "It seems that you both don't know. How do I know? Because your emotions have a rhythm in it, and right now it's playing the beat of panic." You both looked at each other, in a glance of "What is he talking about?"
"And as your dedicated teacher, I give you both a month to play a song right in front of all of us. Be prepared." The bell rang, right on cue, as if he was the master of beats, and you both looked at each other, "So- what are we gonna do?" You asked, packing your things up. "I don't know, maybe practice?" You both sighed in tiredness, looking at the calendar, asking him in anxiety, "Should we brainstorm right here?" His ears perked up, "You have a plan?"
Your thumbs twiddled, "Nevermind, that is stupid." He urged you, holding your gaze up, "Why? Is it bad?" He could see the nervousness in your veins, thrumming up and down. Well, there was music in your veins, and maybe he was the only one who could see it. "Nevermind!" You pushed him, all embarrassed, walking off.
"Shit, she really does hate me." He scratched his neck. Maybe you wanted to say curse words, beat him up, tell him off. He was being too forward anyways, thinking that just because you laughed at his pathetic jokes, you both were okay. Him and his stupidity really makes it harder for him to survive in the storm of guilt, isn't it?
But also, he only made jokes just to make you laugh, because real laughter only comes when he is with you, laughing in the most silliest of things. He doesn't had to pretend to smile when he was with you, and maybe, he needed you for him to be happy in this world.
In your next class, as you sat down, you saw the crowd of students. "Hey! Psst!" Everyone gathered around that one annoying dude, ya know, the one who thinks he knows it all, "So we all know the frat right? The sorority right?" Everyone looked at each other with a bored face, you all were already tired, why was he delaying time?
"So the frat consists of the most hottest dudes there are, with the most highest grades in either academics, sports or arts, and the sorority, it is the same like frats." You perked up, Gojo looked like he would be in the frat, considering his high grades, even when he was little.
The annoying guy might have been right in some way, because when you were about to go into lunch break, a group of people came forward, all smelling like richness and their laughter eluding dollars itself. There were the prettiest girls you know who smelt like a Victoria Secret runaway, and the guys looked like they were from an otome game. Everyone had their quirks, their own unique styles, which piqued your interest.
What really caught you off guard was Satoru himself, standing there along with the same girl you saw him making out with. She was whispering in his ear, too close to your liking. He looked so different, so much more confident, sleazy. But as the music sir said, you could see the coil of fakeness around him, disrupting his real music. He walked forward, clapping her hands, making everyone shut down fast, "Listen here freshers. On Friday night, we have organised a freshers party, from our own money, just for you guys. Everyone should deserve a warm welcome, we have to stay together in all this." He smiled and walked off, the entire group of senior students following him, as he was in a whole different world. The girl was curled upon his arm, making you flinch up in an ugly feeling.
Of course, he only pitied you. You who was his childhood friend, or enemy? Whatever you were to him, he only laughed with you, talked with you because he was sociable, fun and nice. And maybe, the fakeness you see around others, maybe it's extending to you?
But you were desperate, desperate for his validation. Did he really forgive you? Does he hate you? You wanted to get a signal, that he didn't see you as an enemy. But maybe easing with him in laughters was enough to feed you, because the starving can also accept crumbs, because for them, food is their base for survival, and for you it was Gojo.
"See, because of me, they came to give us a party." The annoying guy smirked looking at everyone. They did it out of goodwill, to pick out people who they think might fit in their circle, and not because of him. But who was he to understand, when all he was doing is blowing his own horn.
He massaged his temples as he saw the budget, "Shit, this is too grandeur, it's going out our budget." The men patted his back, "Aye Gojo! It's okay, just sweet talk those teachers, they can give us the money." He didn't like begging someone, made him feel.....feel unmasculine.
How long had he fought for the fact that he should feel more masculine in his skin, in his body, but all he felt was insecurity, as he looked at himself in the mirror every night. He still felt unworthy of the man he was.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
The party, was nothing like you seen before, like ever. It was what those Lady Gaga songs described adult party life. The lights were gleamimg everywhere, the music booming through the floor, the smell of beer, weed and vape was clogging your nostrils along with the obnoxious amount of perfume and scented candles.
Beer pong, skinny dipping, makeout sessions left and right, someone was fucking upstairs, it was overstimulating. You sat on the corner of the room, regulating your nerves, from the noise and music. Your friends were out dancing, while you were here alone.
Then came the frat squad, and the party stilled. Then came Satoru, best dressed with his obnoxious shirt and pants. He stepped in, making the room look at him and only him. He was magnetising, alluring, making everyone fall over their feet. You couldn't keep your eyes off him. Of course, he had become the dazzling star while you had stayed the same. Maybe that's why he was making out with that girl? He claps, "Let the party continue peeps!!" He smiled and went to chatting with the squad.
The music raved up, and everyone was dancing, the beat was climbing up, and the floor was shaking. You tried to blend in, cup in hand, looking at the crowd.
Gojo seemed to be engrossed, in the crowd beside him, music in his ears, beer in his hand. He definitely had changed, and you no longer belonged in his world.
He would he fine, without you, right? You would leave the party and he wouldn't notice you at all. He had a different world, and now, you both weren't nerds fitting in, just people who used to know each other strung in nostalgia.
You couldn't see his smile as he partied, couldn't handle it. Because all you wanted was for him to get detached from this fake world, stop those fake smiles, and laugh with you. He still hadn't taught you the full combo, and maybe, something was beyond what you felt. Maybe you felt something, and you hated it.
You walked in the balcony, as quiet as a mouse, but Gojo noticed. How couldn't he? He has memorized your actions, and even if he was in other room, his hawk like eyes would always search you up in a sea of people. He always did, you, the twinkling star of his mind. He pushed through the crowd.
"Aye Gojo! Nice party!" One yelled, he didn't care.
"Gojo, are you free tonight? Maybe we can try something?"
He didn't care.
"Gojo, more drinks please."
Get them yourself for fuck's sake.
"Gojo, the party is lit, can you write my resume for frat?"
Oh yeah, like he was a free writer for you.
"Gojo, you truly are the man!"
How was he, when was still the same cowering kid from that day? Who couldn't even hold the fact that he was playing a girly game? That he distracted himself with parties and drinks?
He was tired, tired of everyone. Tired of living in a life that wasn't made for him. He wanted to be with you, curled up, laughing at stupid things, playing the rhythm game, teaching you, teasing you.
"What's on your mind?" He looked up at the sky, breath heaving, and you flinched. You sighed, "It's just- new people, new college and all" He looked at you, his dazzling eyes sparkling. "You have a group of people, and I barely know anyone." You tapped the railing of the balcony, a nervous habit you developed.
He sighed, "Yeah, college. You know the game we played?"
The ease quickly became unease as you both remembered the shattered memories with the game. The girlish glitter wonder that you both don't speak of
"Yeah, what about that?" The shards of the broken tablet still haunted you, making your soul again crunch up in pain.
He said softly, "You know, you liked that character, Tsugumi. I remember how she sacrified herself again and again for her friends, to a point she fainted in the hospital. Honestly, I can see why you like her. Because you are like her."
He walked towards you, "You are strong, steady, the glue that sticks. You are always ready to help, sacrificing yourself. You are everything, yet you are overlooked. But when the right people come, they click to you so much, you stay stuck to them." He cupped your heated cheeks, looking at you, tilting his head.
You looked at him, your being trembling. He still remembered the character you liked. Well, you remebered his as well. You rested your cheek on his hand, making his palm flush up.
"You like Tae, right? A cool guitarist, who only like bunnies. Did you know, that I checked the game after a few years? Apparently, she was made as a temporary guitarist into a new group, but she couldn't keep up, with their music, their beats. So she faked it, until one day, her eyes became so bleek and grey, all her passion was gone."
"You remind me of her, how you push yourself for other people. You shouldn't, because you shine on your own. Just because your potential shines beyond your capacity doesn't mean you should force yourself into a zone you don't care. I could see your greyness as I saw you arrange another party for the frat."
The room went still, and you both went into a stilling silence. You both knew each other, even after 10 years, characteristics that you both didn't see in oneself. "So, should I give up frat?" You said softly, "I am saying, you should give up things that is out of your comfort zone." He smiled sadly, "I would try to, just for you, disciple." Your heart bloomed at the old nickname, looking at him. "And you, you better give up being all sacrificing, disciple." He smiled, poking your nose, making it scrunch up. You both fell into a comfortable silence.
Wait.
Did you both just confess?
You both flushed up, looking the other side.
"Look at us, going on this nerdy tangent!" You nodded, trying to cool down your heated cheeks, "Y-yeah! We did, silly us!" He nodded back, "Y-yeah! We don't even play the game anymore!" He quirked up, gulping hard.
"We can still play- at the treehouse y'know? Do some songs, though, I don't remember."
"Me too! I-i-t would be great for....uh our piano practice!"
Shit, he completely forgot about it. But oh well, it seemed great excuse for him to show his treehouse, the house that you both never got to play in.
He offered you his phone, "O-o-only for special VIPs only." You shyly took it, holding it up, "Really? For me? Ah- how merciful of Lord Satoru." He smiled, "Take my phone number. I will arrange our outing, okay?" You smiled, holding it in, "You really are the same kind Satoru, aren't you?" With the roll of his name on your tongue, he flinched, "Satoru, huh? I like it." You heatednup, pushing him and running off in a hurry, "S-see ya!"
Shit, you both forgot to ask if it was a date or not, considering the intimacy of it.
"We are only two people, maybe it's a date!"
"They don't see me as that way, maybe it's just a bonding session?"
"Urgh, what should I tell them?"
Those thoughts clouded both your minds, until it stuck to you both like sticky tape. And now, you were waiting for him after college, in an outfit you didn't think you would wear. "H-hey!" You waved up, and he flinched, looking at you.
He would faint right on the spot just by your sheer beauty. He grabbed the fabric around his chest, the thudding of his heart getting so loud he could feel it. He didn't want you to hear his thoughts, his feelings that were growing ever so strong because he didn't deserve you, deserve your kindness.
But at the same time, he was a selfish man. And a selfish man doesn't think twice about his actions.
He rushed towards you, as if you would fade if he would come any slower. He reached you, heart palpitating, sweat across his forehead. "Hey." You smiled, "Hey." You both looked at each other in awkwardness. He loved your lips, and you loved his. He wanted to smear that pathetic attempt of a gloss across your lips, taste your tongue fully.
"So- the treehouse?" He snapped back, looking at you, "The treehouse, right, right." He walked behind you, seeing your skirt flow through the wind. You looked like a goddess, and well, he was your humble disciple, some things do change, don't they?
"M'lady" he opened the door for you, bowing down so you couldn't see the flush of his cheeks. You entered in, with a small bow, and sat inside. He sat inside, and muttered in his head, the digits of pi to distract himself from you.
You looked at him, at the same boy that changed your life, that has stamped himself in your life like a stubborn sticker. And you, well, you always liked to keep the things as it is, so you let the sticker of his memories stay.
And he glanced back at you, the girl who haunted his dreams, who made him drown in the pool of guilt, and also made him dream of a life with him. He would apologise for the sins he did until the day he perishes, and even if afterlife exists, he would always be in debt of you.
You both didn't even realise, that in the clouds of thoughts of each other, you reached the destination. "Fuck- sorry." You put your hair behind your ear, "I-its okay. Happens to the best of us." And he stopped the car, right beside a dusty, blue treehouse.
"What did you do up there?" He shrugged, "Nothing, when my player 2 wasn't beside me, what am I supposed to do?" You blinked and looked up, "You mean-" he nodded, "Yeah, I know. I never had the courage to play here, because regrets just kept piling up."
He opened the gates, the atmosphere turning silent. "You know, I always regretted that I never defended you." He put his hands in his pockets, "That because of my own cowardice, I ruined something beautiful."
He chuckled, "But also to those bitches, aka our mothers." You blinked, "They aren't wrong. Maybe I was distracting you."
He paused, looking at you, "You already distract me with your looks, your smile, your laughter. It's on me that I am distracted." He walked towards you, cupping your cheeks, "Never blame yourself, for the things that were somebody's fault. We were kids, we didn't know shit. Fuck, I nearly tear up when I remember the slaps given by your mother."
He cupped them more tightly, "And it's never your fault, that we wanted an escape, so we played a game. That my bitch of a mother manipulated us all." He released your cheeks, "She is definitely ending up in retirement home, that's for sure."
"Climb first sweetie." He offered you the space, and you bunched up your dress, climbing up. He climbed back, in case if you injured yourself, looking at you in protectiveness.
You entered in, and it looked as if you were in a prism, looking at the various untouched furniture, paintings, and the various gacha cards.
"That's so-" he smiled, "Yeah, everything we dreamt of." You gulped hard, "I have something to give you!"
He admired the bravery you had at times, even through your shyness in expressing yourself. You pushed the plastic packet to him, "These gloves?" You nodded, "Yeah, they are used by those players." He smiled sadly, "It looks old. Fuck, I could have gotten this for my birthday instead of a beating." You frowned, "What-" he chuckled, "Relax, all water under the bridge."
You sighed, "You shouldn't joke like that." He shrugged, "I know, but it's what I call dark humour." You raised an eyebrow, "Dark humour? Sounds.......dark." he chuckled hard, free and happy, "Oh my god. You are so funny."
You flushed, looking down, "S-shut it." He pinched your cheek, moving the hair from your face, so close you thought he was going to kiss, so intimate your body was tingling.
"Wanna play one last round?"
He drew back, flush all over his body, heating up in nervousness. He brought out the ipad. "Only one?" He shrugged, "We can share, I can check your skills, disciple." He poked your nose, and you giggled up, looking at him shyly.
He opened the game, and both your eyes widened, "It changed, didn't it?" He nodded, "Yeah, it did. It does feel sad, but it got more polished, and oh-?" You looked at the number of bands and your eyes widened, "Five more bands?" He chuckled, "Expansion I suppose."
The graphics were more wonky for you both, as it ate up more internet. Yet, you both didn't care, because finally, the dream of playing beside each other was fulfilled.
The screen loaded up, and your bodies were so merged with each other, you could simply feel each other sweating.
"You do one lane, I will do the other." You gulped, adjusting the speed and going on easy.
Your fingers tingled, and then as the rapid notes came, you....yeah you both didn't do good, as both of you bumped fingers, accidentally tapped the wrong lane and missed notes.
"Should we try again?" You gulped, "Maybe we should aggregrate up the speed?" He blinked, adjusting the speed, "Is 6.7 good?" You shook your head, "Too slow, maybe 8.9 would be nice."
You switched speeds, left and right, index fingers bumping, making both of you scurry and get nervous.
"Should we practice co-ordination?" You nodded, "Yeah, let's do a practice live." You both started practicing. Gojo's fingers were swift, smooth and glided effortlessly in muscle memory, while you tapped gracefully, elegantly on each note.The goods became greats, and then the greats became perfect. Gojo's face was gleaming with the same twinkle he had in childhood, while yours was glittering with happiness.
Now it was practice of hold notes. You both looked at each other, observing each other fingers like the lovers you were, and tapped the two hold notes with such perfect precision, that you both gasped when you got it in first try.
"We did it!" You both looked at each other, at the first full combo you did together. "Maybe we can do good at the piano practice as well?" He shrugged, "Nah, I am pulling up with this." You chuckled, looking at him, "Are you sure? It can be embarrassing."
He shrugged, "It was embarrassing for my mother to know that I ever played the game. She thought it was girly, but honestly, as I grew up, I didn't really care about the glitters and pinks, because all I saw was the gaming that made me happy. My mother really thought that was "unmanly" of me. Guess who is getting all her property? Me, the unmanly man."
He sniffled, "Yet I took her words to heart, how pathetic I am. I started chasing a version of me. Instead of rebelling against her, I became the kind of filthy man even I am ashamed of."
You patted his shoulder, as you saw the glimmers in his eyelids. "I know, we-" he completed for you, sniffling, "Suffered a lot. Yet, we both are the same people, no matter what. Yet, those mistakes don't diminish. My guilt won't diminish."
You held his hand, "I- Satoru- please, I thought I was the wrong one-" He grunted out, swiping your tears harshly, "OF course you did! Because you are that nice!" You said in tears, screamimg outright, "No, because I thought the hurt you got was because of me" You both calmed down, looking at each other. Then he laughed manically, "Fuck, it wasn't. It really wasn't. Fuck both our mothers for messing us up, for making us believe it was our fault. When we were just kids, when we did nothing wrong. When all the weight of the world was upon our grades, how messed up is that."
You both put the tablet down in sync, tears falling down on both your eyelids, "Why are you crying?" You asked, sniffling, and he replied, tasting the tears falling down your cheeks with his tongue, kissing your eyelids as more tears fell down, curling you into a bear hug, "Because fuck- I am cursing, i am sorry, i am sorry to the kid you who stayed strong, who defended me, who grabbed my arm when we first met."
You shook your head, "S-stop it. Before you, I was a husk of a person. Then, my being brightened up. I started paying attention on becoming better. You make me want to be better in things I neved did."
He rested his chin on your shoulder, kissing it, trembling, "Stay with me forever, never leave me ever again." You both stayed in the hug, tightly, kissing each other tears, touching everywhere, trying to memorise each other scents and body.
As two broken people mended together, into two pieces of a heart, as two stones of a crown, sniffling as the night came in, enveloping you both in a darkness which you didn't fear anymore, because you had each other now, and maybe that was enough.
Description: Geto was happy being a cult leader, until your terrible husband comes along and shatters him with a picture of you, which ruins his thinking ability, which of course, is caused by your spells.
Pairing: cultleader!suguru x married!reader
Warnings: jerking off, mentions of killing, mentions of infidelity, creeps, misogyny, pregnancy mentions, toxic body standards, basically the husband is a huge douche, sorta sub suguru
Shizu's sticky note: uhm my first time writing smut, I thought suguru was the best test subject for whatever I will write
Suguru Geto was many things. Being a cult leader was one of them. And hating humans was another. In his defense, he says that humans are selfish, naive to the suffering they cause to others. And he is the product of that same selfishness. But do not fret, he sometimes can tolerate them, for money of course.
Everyone except your husband. When he first came, he sat down immediately on his expensive mat, acting like friends towards him by pouring him tea."So like ya know, how women are? They are so cold, smh. They can't even cook a proper dinner for their hardworking husband who comes home after a tiring day! I mean, I don't want the same old plain food and cold glares and rambles. And on top of that, they can't even look beautiful! I mean, what the fuck!" Manami and Suguru did a side glance at each other.
"Look at your wife, she is so well dressed, and I know she cooks well for you! And I can see from your happy eyes, how pleased you are with her every day." Your husband gazed at her. Manami shuddered with discomfort, and Suguru's eye twitched, "Oh, she isn't my wife. She is just my assistant."
Your husband looked in shock, "Damn, she dresses so well, so she is single?" Manami shook her head aggresively, "Oh no! I am so taken!" Suguru rolled his eyes and clapped his hands to bring attention to him, "Let's talk about all things pure. Why are you here?" Your husband laughed, "Get rid of my wife." Suguru's stretched out, faked smile came down dull.
"Huh?" He was in shock. He didn't mind killing people, but what heinous crimes had you even done to do that? "I mean, can't she stay in shape? The baby is born already, why be lazy? Some moms already start working out, like look at the actresses! They can do their work and still look like beautiful. Us men are visual creatures, we see and judge, and are blunt about it."
Suguru's forehead vein popped up, "Oh, huh? Really? So she just gave birth?" He nodded, "Yeah, and I am just so generous with her ya know, she needs to start doing her duties. Like look how ugly she is!" He showed Suguru your photo.
Oh.
Oh.
You looked so beautiful, holding the baby with a tired smile, that maternity gown of yours making you look so dazzling. Your skin was so glowing, and your tired eyes, you looked so majestic. Your smile melted his iron-clad heart.
"I am sorry, but I can't kill a mother who has just given birth. Who has just made a life, building it's skin and bones from the very parts of her body. Who made it ignite and build into a beautiful being." Suguru said, words he cannot dare utter to anyone.
The man said in desperation, "Look at her sire! She has gotten fatter, and so tired and ugly!" Suguru was tired of seeing this man utter "ugly" for the millionth time. What was wrong with him, can't he see how much you have done?
What was he even thinking? He shook his head out of his trance. You must be the devil, a curse, a witch messing up his head with unholy thoughts about yourself. You are messing with his mind. How can he admit to liking a mere human?
"Sure, but first, you bring me your wife here. We will both assess her, as visual creatures." It tasted like metal to him, the words he was saying. The man nodded rapidly, rushing out. "Manami, burn my clothes from today, set the cleaners yo clean this room, and bring me new pair of clothes. I want that stench of that man gone in here."
Suguru was tossing and turning in his bed, tired and angry, your glorious face flashing in his vision too many times he could count. How can his own thoughts be his own enemy? He felt ashamed, liking you. Not because you were ugly, oh no, he would write scripts over your beauty, but how you were making his cock twitch, he had to remove your thoughts out of his system.
Just thinking about your beautiful face, your smile, your eyes, how would you look at him from above while he kneels and kisses your feet makes him bust through his pants the very second.
He looked left and right, as if there would be you, who knows? You might be watching him through his walls, you have mind control powers! He removes his cock ever so slowly, looking at the photo your husband sent him, with the fee of his visit with him, he scoffs as he thinks about that idiot, his cock becoming soft.
He covers his body with the blanket, trying to think about anything else but you. But you persist his mind. He starts to count sheep, and then it derails to you, making him lose his count, "Fuck it!"
He scoffed and looked at your photo, trying to make himself angry. But he saw your smile, your hair, your dress, you were oh so beautiful. Marvellous even. The ancient times would have made statues of you. He removed his cock from the confines, giving it a few experimental twists. He closed his eyes, your face flashing in front of his eyes. He squeezed his balls tightly, imagining it's your hands cupping them harshly, punishing him for the way he is feeling over you, a human who doesn't has an ounce of cursed energy, yet has plagued his mind.
He resumed his moments, sliding up and down his cock, thinking about your beautiful self beside him ruling this cult. He was so hard, it was painful. He wanted to be yours, oh so yours. He would part the rivers for the taste of your elixir. He didn't even know your name, how ridiculous it was. He fastened his movements, thinking about how you would look in his clothes, ruling over all humans, helping him make a world better for everyone. He can only imagine how harshly you would punish him for liking you, you who crosses all boundaries of his beliefs.
Pearly drops of white bead on his head, making him ache for you, the need for you grows larger. He squeezed his cock, trying to divert his thoughts away from you, the need for you to go away. But he can't, he couldn't, when his mind is tattooed with you. He never believed in love at first sight, but devotion at first sight. He thought about being tied up, at your mercy, while you jerked him off, the evil, cruel expression would look so serene on you, so perfect on you. He would happily accept it, whimpering like a dog as he imagined it.
You would tug at his foreskin with your teeth, tease him, torture him, he would take it all, like a devotee. He was getting close, his hand growing sticky, stars forming in his eyes as he saw you sitting in front of him, looking at him, "Pathetic, jerking off to a non-sorcerer." He cummed hard all over his abs, moaning loudly, looking at his gooey mess. "Fuck, she is definitely messing with my head."
What would you say when you look at this mess? Would you lick his abs all the way up, play with him, use him like your personal toy? He has to really sleep. He went to sleep, dreaming about you.
You held your baby, your shine of life and kissed her chubby cheeks. She gurgled and looked at you. "Okay sweetie, mama is getting ready to go to meet papa's friend. You have to be a good baby, okay?" You stuffed extra diapers, wet wipes, napkins and food in case anything happens.
You wore your sundress and assessed yourself in the mirror. You felt more assured about your looks. It has been a while since he took you anywhere. He always seemed to be grumbling, but you had learnt to tolerate it, to push forward for your baby.
You carried your sunshine, as she giggled and clutched your dress. "That dress makes you look fat, and the colour is so bland." Your husband said, looking at you in disgust. So much so for feeling pretty today. You breathed in deeply, trying to control yourself, ignoring his remarks. Push it all in, you pushed your anger in. You saw the knife in your kitchen, glistening. "Today, we shall make steak, yes sunshine?" You held your sunshine in your arms, and smiled.
"Why are you carrying that bag of cookies? It looks dumb as hell!" Your husband said, "Oh, it's for our guest, ya know, you can try one honey!" You smiled, offering him a cookied. He munched on it, grumbling, "It tastes so burnt, you are so bad at cooking." You shrugged, keeping the two cookies packet inside your pockets.
An intricate temple, how beautiful. You looked at the designs, how marvellous. "Bow down woman!" You blinked in confusion by your husband's booming voice and due to him, your poor sunshine started crying. Your husband had to kneel down, "Apologies from this woman. She can't even handle a baby ahah."
Suguru stopped in his tracks. He knows he shouldn't feel like this, so drawn to you. Why does he care if your husband treats you like garbage? At the end of the day, his job is to get rid of you. Yet thoughts of you ruling over him caterpillars on his mind. He just feels shame when he looks at you. How can he show his face to anyone, knowing he is betraying his fellow members by moaning in your memory?
You were holding your baby, humming to her,"Ah, sorry, my sunshine was just a bit hungry." You smiled at him, oh so radiant. You are someone who has cursed his heart, his soul, his morals, and his mind. How can you do that? You must be someone surely powerful. He had to be sure to destroy you just like your husband told him to.
"Oi woman, bow down!" Your husband has already gotten up to lecture you for no damn reason, roughly handling your shoulders to make you bow down. The baby started crying more.
You scoffed, "You are making the baby cry! Can't you see?" Your eyes coldly glared at your husband, holding his wrist from one of your hands. Geto looked at you softly, "She doesn't have to bow down." Since when did Suguru get so soft? Was he weakening? Your magic must be really strong to push his heart down, yeah, that's it! Your husband stepped back, and grunted despite the iron hold you had on his wrist, "She doesn't? You are so kind sire! Praise to Lord Geto!"
You looked at Geto in question. Oh, your sweet, confused pout, he just wanted to kiss those plump lips. You were enchanting him in your spell! He had to look to the side, look at his walls. You asked him, "So, what is the occasion, Lord Geto?" You giggled as you said that sarcastically. It was oh so cute. He needed to bottle up that giggle.
"I-i-i don't speak German," Geto said in a stutter. Was he stuttering? How dare you put the stuttering spell on him! "I also don't." You and your baby giggled at him again, and he felt so offended. You smiled, he seems like a kind-hearted man, too bad your parents had to marry you off to your weird husband. He was handsome, that's for sure. Black, long locks, beautiful violet eyes and large hands. You now understand why so many people are around him, he seems like a star to you, a star you needed to crush.
Manami glanced at him sideways. Why was this man giving her so much second-hand embarrassment? She coughed, "I will lead your husband to his designated room while you and Lord Geto can discuss with each other." Your husband, for some reason, was so happy following Manami in a beat. She sighed immediately, leading him to one room.
Now it was just you, your baby and Suguru. He sweated a bit, gulping and looking in all directions. You must have put the sweat spell on him, how dare you! "So where is our room?" You smiled and he had to hold himself back from pouncing at you and kissing you all over your body, dragging you to his real room.
"T-t-the right." He pointed to the left. You smiled politely, "I see, uh let's go, shall we?" You walked ahead and he followed, like a devotee, as if heaven had dropped an angel from below. Suguru never believed in God itself, but if he was real, you would be the prettiest goddess there is, and he would get down to worship you with his hands and knees on your feet.
You reached the room, and smiled, "So here?" He nodded, trying to keep his butterflies in. "Y-y-yeah! This direction!" He pointed at the wall. You blinked, holding your baby tightly, maybe he is directionally blind? You shrugged and walked ahead. He was adorable, such a sweet man. He came instantly beside you.
"So this is my room! You like it?" He asked nervously. You nodded, "Yes, it's nice." He heaved a sigh of relief. An approval from you. He was getting too happy for his own good, for receiving a small praise from you.
Didn't he have to get rid of you? But why should he get your blood on his hands? Yeah, he will tell someone else, but why should he? But wouldn't it be oh so tragic, the devotee holding the blood of it's God? How poetic he is getting, just because of you.
You sat down and Suguru had to hold himself back. He felt jealous of the pillow that you sat on, he wished it was his face, where you ass sat. He wished you were suffocating him with that, cutting off his air supply. He sighed, oh the sad woes of life. He sat across from you.
He placed two cups, one on his and one on yours. He slowly strained the tea from the kettle for you first and foremost, pouring it carefully. He poured himself as well, looking at your lips sipping at the tea cup. He wanted to lick the soft lip gloss from your cup, and taste the flavour of your lips. And then he would shatter the cup, for ever being touched by your lips. "So, my husband, how does he know you?" You asked in the awkward atmosphere.
Ah, he forgot. You had a husband. How about he just demolishes your husband and makes you his goddess? "So uh, he wants to kill you." Your stomach dropped, and you looked so saddened, horrified even. You held your baby tightly.
"Really? How can he? I mean, we are arranged married and all-" Suguru perked up in happiness, "Wait, arranged married?" That means he has a huge chance. You nodded uneasily, "Yeah, is he doing this for money?" Suguru scoffed, shaking his head, "I don't know myself, but he already made divorce papers as an excuse for your death, and also uh I heard from my assistant that he slept around with other women and also he wants the baby all to himself so that he can sell her." Yes he was lying, yes he was rambling up anything and yes he didn't know shit, but hey, it ain't his fault. That man looks like he does that.
"Oh." You held your baby near you, cuddling with her, looking at her beautiful locks. Suguru felt disappointed, looking at your sad expression. "Hey, uh, if it makes anything better, you can always work in my cult! We earn a lot from donations, and you can get a lot of benefits, like free healthcare, food and clothes! We are all a family here."
Your baby held your finger tightly, bringing you to reality. "I see. Well, that wasn't surprising. But somehow, I felt he would have some sense of respect towards me, as an individual." You looked so saddened. Suguru knew he should hate humans, hate those non sorcerers, but all he sees in front of him is a goddess suffering.
"If it makes anything better, he assigned me to kill you, and uh, I don't want to." He said it so painfully awkward, you looked at him with such a dull expression, he wondered what should he do. "If anything does happen, do you promise to take care of my baby?" You said softly, holding her close. His heart crushed in pieces, that a beauty like you would be so heartbroken over THAT guy? He cannot believe it, he would kill him for you if you just said the word, it would be just another body, another Skeleton in his graveyard.
"Ya know, uh, you can always kill him, if not, I will kill him off in one slice." You didn't expect him to say it with such devotion, such passion, such urgency to do it. He expected you to say with your saccharine voice something about morals, but you laughed, in relief, "As if! I don't want his disgusting blood on anyone's hands. Can you imagine how hard it would be to clean these floors if blood got on them? Though, chemicals can always help."
Oh, oh, you were so perfect. You were absolutely perfect. Perfect for him. He was in love, so in love. He loved the crack in your beautiful self, the same person who would be the rise and fall of him, the Aphrodite for him. His dream of ruling alongside you would get fulfilled. You smiled, "I was so anxious, thinking you were just some friend of his. I am so glad we are on the same page." You sipped on your tea. He laughed back, looking back at you, "I thought you were like a normal human being."
You giggled and raised your cup of tea, "Guess we both are wrong." You switched both of your tea cups, drinking the remaining drops of liquid from his cup and winked at him, licking your lips, and his heart thudded so dangerously in his chest he thought it was gonna burst out and beat in front of you. He sipped from your cup, his eyes rolling back at the sweetness of you.
"And those cookies, may I have those?" He said, pointing at your pocket. Before you could answer Suguru's question, Manami steps in."Sir, the man collapsed!" Suguru raised an eyebrow and looked at you, "Oh, those cookies were slightly poisonous, though, I didn't know they would take effect this quickly." You smiled sweetly, "Would you help me bury a body?"
Your little sunshine was up at midnight, under her tiny pillow fort, with Mr Unicorn, making a greeting card for her dad. After all, it was his birthday, you had marked it in your calendar. With her little hands and 10 crayons, she scribbled a cake, a bunch of presents, and smiled. "I will add glitter to it as well! Don't you agree Mr Unicorn?" She grabbed Mr Unicorn and made him nod in a manly voice, "Yes yes captain, he most surely would like the glitter." She giggled, and popped out a pink glitter pen,
"Dear papa,
Happy birthday my dear papa! I love you sooooooooooooooooooooo much. I hope you saw how mama made a cake, a strawberry cake for you today, and now it's freezing up in the fridge. I helped mama make the cake by giving her the strawberries. I helped mix the batter, without my help, mama wouldn't have made the cake ＼(^-^)／
I love that you go to work, make money, and bring me so many toys and gifts! I also am thankful that you got me into a good school, and that you make money.
Don't tell mama, but I miss you papa. I miss your uppies, I miss you hugging me like I am a squishy, I miss weekly slides and playground things. I miss you papa, come back, mama is angry at you, but she wishes you were here as well. Come back fast, or else I will finish the cake in a gulp."
Your little sunshine got a little droopy, drawing the picture of you, him and her together, along with Mr Unicorn, holding hands and smiling.
You came in her room, looking at the lit pillow fort, "Sweetie, you aren't asleep-" you opened the fort curtain, only to find her cuddled up, snoozing with Mr Unicorn, glitter pens and crayons surrounded around her. You sighed softly and smiled, "My little sunshine, what you were making? Another story?"
You crouched down, only to find her eyes watery and her cheeks dry with tears. Your heart squeezed in pain as you looked at her chubby cheeks. She muttered softly, "Papa..." your heart thudded in the chest in pain, in seeing her crying for her papa. You looked at small greeting card she made.
As you read, you sniffled as you held her tiny card. "Why did you leave us Toru?" You held the card tightly to your chest, angry and sad at Gojo for leaving you and your sunshine to deal with his loss. Droplets fell down your cheeks, as you patted her head, looking at her.
You looked at your old photo frame, of you and Gojo in your wedding, his eyes wet with tears while you soothed him. You caressed his crying face, "Our sunshine is 4 now Toru. Why did you leave her, us behind? She misses you, and i miss you as well. Come back, you idiot." You sniffled, holding the frame close to your heart, grieving him.
You went to the kitchen, seeing the birthday cake you and your sunshine made together. You smiled sadly, "You would have gobbled this up and left no crumbs, and I would have tolerated it. Just, being there for Jujutsu, was it worth it? How they treated you, like a weapon? Was it worth it?" You said in a quiet anger, looking a the cake. "Happy birthday, Satoru." You went and carried your sunshine, putting her to sleep
Description: in Indian schools, to avoid cheating between peers, you often have to sit up with seniors during the period of examinations. And surprisingly, you sat with nobody then Satoru Gojo, an insufferable idiot, who was just making your heart stutter.
Author's note: Its been so long since I written any fic, and to write upon what I have experienced is kind of rattling, but we roll. I never got any handsome seniors, all were insufferable to me, but imagining gojo as that handsome senior ianfowkdowkxoek. Anyways enjoy sweeties ♡♡
Translation: the title means "half love" but it can also be interpreted as "one sided love" or "a by-passing love" depending on what the reader feels. Bhaiya refers to a male who is older than you. Elachi is also known as vanilla.
Warnings: none, its all fluff. A tinge bit of angst
☁︎꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱☁︎☁︎꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱☁︎☁︎꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱☁︎☁︎꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱☁︎☁︎꒰ა
Ah, exam season, aka the season where the top scorers are bombarded with hundreds of calls and texts, scampering of which tuition-based materials are best for study, sleepless nights and praying to God for extra luck. The season where teachers get extra evil with the assignments uproar and a bucket full of projects to hand over to the already stressed students. Truly, the season of despair.
As the clock ticks up, the tension rises up. The day arises, the first day of exam, how nauseating. Swallowing up, you look at your dear notes one last time, going through a rapid read through in the last fifteen minutes. Travelling through the auto rickshaw, you reach your horror mansion, your school.
Walking through the pebble path with your polished up black shoes, memorising the formulas, you reach the stairs, Stairs of doom. You sigh, walking up the crumbled stairs. As you reach your classroom, you breathe in heavily, and let it out. You got this, you have memorised everything, right? Well, you just hope that today's paper doesn't screw you up. You chewed upon a soft elachi one rupee candy you got from your pocket, to regulate yourself.
And your luck couldn't get any worse, that you were seated on the second bench of the third column. How wonderful. Your eye twitched with agony. At least it isn't the first bench, you are glad about that.
Packing up your books, saying the last "all the best" to yourself, you placed your bag in the shelf near the door. Gathering your writing material, you sat down, tapping your pen.
Now you have to wait for the senior boys to take their seats beside you based on their roll number wise. You see, the 1-30 roll numbered girls sit in their usual classrooms, while the year above guys from 31-60 always sit in the junior classrooms. It is said to prevent cheating between peers, and to learn "good manners" from their seniors. How laughable. These seniors will teach you everything but good manners, but it's just what the school thinks you suppose.
Calming your nerves, you memorised the acronyms for important answers and tapped your pen against the desk to keep yourself focused and not to a puddle of sweat.
In came the tap of shoes and the masculine laughter roaring, signalling their arrival. The boys tossed their bags on the floor, some hiding their cheating chits, discussing one last time till the teacher clapped her hands, telling them to quiten up and sit down on their assigned seats.
You saw how each boy sat down, except your seat remained empty. Was the universe shining light? Letting you sit alone in the two-person bench? Impossible, the universe isn't that kind, you know well, as you see the closed door open with a bang! Signalling the arrival of a white haired, loose uniform, navy tinted glasses wearing Satoru Gojo.
"Satoru, remove that damn glasses. And also, tighten your tie and fix your shirt, my goodness, you are a ridiculous boy" the teacher said sternly, looking at him as if he committed war crimes. He shrugged carelessly, removing those navy glasses, revealing his cerulean, glittering eyes. "Ma'am, you are so harsh upon me. Cut me some slack, it's exam day!" He said with an easy sway, spinning his glasses with a light tug. The laughter from the boys started, shaking the classroom. You didn't know what was so funny. But judging from his confidence, he seemed like the popular guy, a guy who thinks that cracking up jokes on teachers makes him a real star, when in reality, he looked like a clown. But that doesn't stop the validation he gets from the laughs the boys gave.
He smirked deviously, enjoying how he shook up the fragile temper of the teacher with just a few words. "Are you talking back to me? Didn't you parents teach you respect towards your elders?" She fumed in her harsh words while he put his glasses in his spectacles case. He smiled to himself, teachers were so easy to piss off, he thought as removed a single, half filled Octane pen and a Natraj pencil and zipped up his bag, pushing it down on the shelf. He smirked as he got up, brushing his pants of the imaginary dust.
He stood up, tall and lanky, walking towards you, wait you? Your seat? Your luck couldn't get any worse. Now the teacher would drone on your bench more because of him. He clearly seem like trouble, what if he makes jokes on your expense? You just hope he isn't that big of an asshole. He slumped down besides you, spreading his long legs in the small bench. You shifted a little, making space for him. He smiled and whispered "Hey, all the best" he gave you a thumbs up. You gave him a silent thumbs up back, whispering "All the best to you to bhaiya".
The bell rang, silencing everyone with a bated breath. The answer sheets first got distributed. Everyone grabbed their rulers, drawing up the lines for the margins. Gojo nudged you "Hey, can I get a ruler? I saw your big pouch, please?" He whispered. The teacher glared at him "Satoru, didn't you bring your own supplies?" The class was looking at your bench. With a rapid motion, you placed an extra ruler beside his left hand. Feeling the plastic, Gojo picked up swiftly, showing up his ruler "Oh Ma'am, you give me far less credit. I do bring my own supplies, I am not that characterless" the boys laughed again. You never understood why they hyped every back answer he gave to the teacher. It showed disrespect, but you suppose that's how they felt, undermining the authority of a strict teacher by jokes and back answers. Maybe it felt like a small rebellion towards the uptight, goody two shoes system. He poked your hand, muttering a soft "thanks" at your direction. You gave him a soft nod, continuing your margin drawing.
The question papers start coming up, dialling up the heat in your lungs. You waited with bated breath as the question paper landed on your desk. Reading the questions, you gulped and started writing the answers on the sheet. You glanced at Gojo, to see how he effortlessly started writing, rapidly with a slight smirk on his face. You glanced up at his question paper as to see which subject it was. Maybe English? No, it was Physics, and that too on the first exam day in itself seemed cruel, and you felt pity for your seniors. Seeing how confident he was, gliding his pencil to scribble down rough work, while he wrote the correct answer made you think that the physics paper might be easy, considering how he, as you allude was a dumbass, smoothly solved the equations.
Focusing on your paper, you wrote what you have learnt. Biology was an easy subject, but its rather lengthly answers and diagrams can be hand hurting. Gojo glanced at your paper and whispered, "Hey, the answer for question 2 is C instead of A." You glanced at him in confusion. "Are you sure?" He shrugged, smirking."Hey, it's been a year, I don't know. " You huffed and rolled your eyes, working back on your paper, ticking the answer as C despite your annoyance.
He had finished up his paper well, but during examinations, until the allocated time isn't finished, students aren't allowed to step out. He did the extra questions with an easy huff. A classmate beside poked him "Hey, what's the answer to Question 2?" Gojo huffed and showed him the answer sheet while solving his own at the side. Wiith a slight smile, you said, "Hey, I will tell the teacher" he closed the sheet swiftly and glared at you playfully "You wouldn't dare" you raised your hand and he slightly panicked "Ma'am, can I have an extra paper?" You giggled as he huffed in relief "Cheeky girl", but despite that, he can't help but have a soft smile as he looked at your skin while the morning sun glowed on your face.
He stretched a bit, folding his hands back from writing too much. He closed his eyes for a while. You glanced up at his biceps and stared at it, seeing how it stretched his shirt. With a small huff, you removed your gaze, zeroing on the paper. He peeked from his left eye and a small smile twitched upon his face.
You got up, pulling your own bag out the shelf. "How can Gojo say that today's paper was easy? It was one of the worst papers ever" One of those senior boys said in irritation. "Maybe he brought cheat chits?" Another snickered. A slight twinge of irritation bubbled in your chest. How dare these idiots even assume he cheated? His whole concentration was on the paper, you saw it yourself, how he wrote the answers so neatly, and how he rapidly diagnosed the equations in pieces. It was mesmerising, and slightly attractive? You shook your head, removing that thought.
After the two heavy hours, the time finally completed and papers were collected. The teacher stood up, telling some instructions about tomorrow. Gojo spun his pencil while he listened. Seeing how the pencil spun so effortlessly, you tried it yourself with your pen, only for it to fall down on gojo's side. He stopped his spin, and picked up the pen, giving to you. You nodded, signalling your thanks. He said softly "if you want to spin your pen, do it in a clockwise manner, gliding it to your index and middle finger" you nodded in embarrassment. He did catch what you were doing, though he didn't say anything mockingly. You tried to do it again, only for his hand to grab you, rough and big, softly touching your fingers and placing them correctly on the pen "spin in it this manner". "I could have done it on my own anyways" you said annoyed at him. He chuckled "yeah that weak spins weremt even managing to spin a decent spin". You glared and spun it again, to do a smooth two spins and then the pen fumbled off again. He chuckled softly, grabbing it up again. "At least the few spins were good. You are learning". You scoffed "I still did do it though". He smiled boyishly "Still not as good as me, but i wonder, who ever is even AS good as me?" He flipped his hair back and smirked. He cheekily smiled as he looked at the time. "See ya tomorrow" he did a mock salute, and walked off, carrying his cinnamonroll backpack. A soft thump in your heart. Huh, that felt strange.
Gojo walked towards you suddenly, breathing heavily, "Hey, your ruler" he handed it out to you, like a kid handing out a piece of toffee. You paused, and a genuine giggle escaped your face. "You could have given it tomorrow, it's slightly worn out anyways, why rush here?" He smiled "because I don't like keeping what isn't mine". He grabbed your wrist and opened your fist, putting the ruler in and closing it up tenderly. You gulped, your heart gave a slight thump as he placed it in. Clearly, he didn't know personal boundaries. He rushed off again, leaving you standing with a plastic ruler clutched in your fist.
As he was walking towards his bike, he brought his palm up his nose and sniffed it, "Hmm, smells like elachi, like her." He got on the bicycle, opening up an elachi hard candy and rolling it across his tongue. He cycled off, humming a soft melody.
♤ Synopsis: When loneliness plagues your mind, you wind up telling tales of an unknown time. All your social life went in shambles, why are you crying over your scraps in tremble? You just wanted to live like other people, and some external entity granted that, leading you to an unknown dimension. But uh oh, looks like there already is a version of you, what place do you have even in this world anyways? You have to do something, and it was going to be ugly (6k)
♤ Tags and Warnings on this chapter: reader is severely lonely, maladaptive daydreaming, reader is bonkers coo coo, she is a good person underneath all, awkward interactions (yes it's a warning), angst, more on word building and character establishment focused chapter, too many references, some gore.
♤ Shizu's Sticky note: hey guys....first chapter drop. I dont proofread its for losers and uh uh I hope you like it! It was rotting in my brain anyways heh. I put in a lot of references on purpose, and I swear this will all wrap up beautifully, i put a lot of thought please praise me (no its not needed just kiss me) Credits to @/enchantting for the bow divider.
Chapter 1: The Dodo
"Is the camera rolling?" A steady voice of a lady echoes in from a distance. The camera is focusing and unfocusing it's lense towards the dimness of the evening.
"Yes ma'am it is." The camera whirs around, the lense flashing on the lady in front.
"Good, is it recording?" The lady asked, adjusting her collar and her expressions, prepping herself for the interview.
"Yes ma'am." The camera man says instantly.
She adjusted her cuff, and looked in the camera, a calm smile on her face.
"Good evening everyone, we the Starlight news have all gathered here to check upon the status of the dodo bird that has been said to be spotted on the very outskirts of this village, which leads to this vastly thick forest."
"What is the dodo bird you ask? Well, according to our resources, the dodo is an extinct flightless bird that was endemic to Mauritius, an island east of Madagascar in the Indian Ocean. The dodo's closest relative was the also, extinct and flightless Rodrigues solitaire. Thry are a part of the group that includes pigeons and doves. The closest living relative of the dodo is the Nicobar pigeon."
"The dodo symbolizes the devastating impact of human activity on biodiversity, serving as an iconic, global emblem of extinction, ecological fragility, and negligence. It represents the irreversible loss of species and is a cautionary tale for modern conservation efforts."
"Back to the topic, In a surprising turn of events, the dodo bird had been recently spotted in this very forest itself. It is said by our sources that it's either a blur of moment, a different bird or something that is entirely a new species. Scientists speculate that they dodo bird is still out there, just not in our sight. We, the team of Starlight have commanded ourselves to discover every speck of the truth hiding behind white lies"
......
The camera shuts down, an ad break blurring in your screen, "Wake up and take up girl! Cause this summer, the sun blaring and the hotties flocking! Get your sunscreen, just for 67.99!" The girl smiles with that million dollar smile, gleaming through the screen.
You switch off the Television, resting your head back on your couch. You sighed heavily, looking at the whirring fan above you, spinning repeatedly. The paper ramen cup was getting soggy with the broth still there, and the opened plastic packet of chips was getting mushy.
You huffed, putting your hand inside your pocket, to snatch up your phone. The screen blared harshly onto your eyes, and you squinted through the light, your fingers rapidly dotting the password and opening up your phone.
You immediately went to your online space, like an addiction, a satisfaction from the digital world. You didn't know why you were disappointed to see no notifications from anyone nor new followers. You were still stuck with the same number of followers, and the last notification was ages ago.
You huffed, closing the app and going to your chat space. You swiped towards the status section, to see various statuses of the people you were with throughout the year, just as classmates, safe and distant.
You swiped through the status and wished you wouldn't. You wished you were more open with them, more fitting in their space. It seems they had it all figured out. Some were getting married, some were getting a new job, some were going in clubs, and some were going on concerts. The thing was, they had someone beside them, while you, pathetic you, had no one beside you.
It wasn't like you were some loser. No, you got along with everybody, you had good grades, good enough to make you have a decent college, a university and a good enough job.
But the thing was, everything you did was safe. You went along the right path, yet, all was left a hollowness in your heart. You made your parents happy, had a good job, but that's about it.
All you did in your life was remain like a robot, just functioning through, day in and day out. You didn't form any sort of relations, may that be platonic or romantic, you thought they would distract you from becoming the ever best.
Yet, what is the point in life, when you are still a bachelorotte at your age, with no one to take you out, no one to hug you, no one to cuddle with, no one to interact, what were you even doing with your life?
Loneliness is a coward, which hides beneath your ribs, never telling anyone that they are lonely. You wanted, no craved a human's touch, a human's taste on your tongue, someone- anyone to hold you close and be by your side.
You felt you were behind your peers despite having a stable life because unlike you, they were happy, they were content, they were living their life, while you were rotting away like a living corpse.
You wished you would have talked with them more, went to the hangouts they invited to, went to those loud parties, confessed to someone at least once in your lifetime, had a partner, at least talked with someone beyond studies, you wished so badly for a friend, for a human, for anyone to be yours, to be your person, to belong somewhere.
Now as an adult, how are you supposed to do it? Adults have already established friend groups, and they are afraid to break out of the bubble. God, you really tried to be friends with your co-workers but all you got were awkward stares and excuses of "I have things to do." How can you do anything at this point except gulp it all down?
You swiped at your documents app, where in the barrage of documents from work, you had some you had saved for yourself. Some things, checklists, to-do lists, anything that could spark some motivation in your already downtrodden soul. You tapped absentmindly at the screen, anything to keep you up and going.
Your fingers paused, slowing down, as you remembered one cringe incident you did for a handsome classmate. You giggled, a colour of expression on your dull face. You remebered how you defended him from some other boy who was mocking him, only for HIM to hold you back, saying to "not get serious." Well, you were dumb kids, and you wished you would have befriended him, instead when you heard that, you had ran away from him, saying you got "homework" to do.
Today you saw his favourite snack when you were getting home from work, and it immediately clicked upon you. How he used to share it with his friends, his face always lighted up. He has always been a nice guy. You couldn't even dot his face, yet you remebered every single of his characteristics. Hell, you still remebered everyone's roll numbers from school and college.
You had to rub that away instantly. You still had to live, you still had a job, money to earn. To risk your job for a reminiscent? You huffed, you would write it after you calm down, like a mature adult. You grabbed the headphones on your desk, connecting it to your phone, scrolling through your multiple playlists. The music hummed in your ears, soothing you. You looked up at the ceiling again, looking at the swirling wings of it.
...............
"And I am so happy to announce, my best friend is going to give us a speech!" The bride's smile lightened the entire stage, she clapped her hands, making some room for you. "Ah sorry sorry!" You giggled, pacing the hallways, everyone's eyes on you. You adjusted your hair around your earring in nervousness, as the soft music of the wedding piano vibrated in your ears.
"Ah, I am so honoured to be here today". You leaned over the counter, looking at the crowd of familiar friends, classmates, and your beloved fiancé. "I am just so proud of her, she has come such a long way. Ever since we were little, she wanted to be a princess. Now here she is, standing beside her prince, eloping to be the queen of her realm.
"I remebered when I helped her find her partner down the sweet shops, fighting with another boy. Ahah, it was so funny, seeing his bloody fists, and her crying and kissing his fists. It was heartwarming, to see such tender love. And years later, they still are the same. She, the ever kind one and him, the mischievous thug." Giggles erupt in the atmosphere, and the bride and groom looked at you in playful glares.
"To me, they have been the purest form of love. Always there for each other, supporting each other in times of need. I remembered when they opened their coffee business. At first they were struggling, and then in a few months, they flourished. I hope they flourish further down their life." Tears shed down your best friend's eyes, and everyone looks at you, proud and tearful.
.....
That's when the music stops in your ear, turning into an ad, and you snap out your daydream. Well, you don't feel patheticness at this point, when you crave the touch, the celebration, the joy of a human being so badly you would do anything. You had a silent hope that one day, you would be beside them, celebrating too.
You waited awkwardly for the ad to end, to switch to another song, this time romantic and sweet. You pocketed your phone down, walking to your room, the ramen cup and pack of chips still forgotten and the fan still whirring.
You came across your secret cabinet, where men's cologne is stored. They smelt nice and were all neatly arranged. You picked one of your favourite ones, which smelt like cinnamon, a smell you were obsessed with, and walked towards your closet.
You opened the closet, ever so slowly, and looked through the various shades of blues and blacks of the men's suit. What would your fiancé wear? Ah, this one maybe?
You chose one of the suits, removing from the rod. You carefully lifted up the arms, spraying the perfume underneath. Then ever so gently, you sprayed inside the suit as well, letting the specks of liquid soak the fabric.
You removed the suit from the hanger, letting it's loose arms wrap around your neck, as you hugged the suit, sniffing the scent, imagining a body hugging you back.
The music swayed you, and you danced around your room, imagining it was your fiance, handsome as ever, hugging you, keeping his arms around your waist while you rocked side to side by the beat. You let the night sway, music repeating again and again.
You looked up to see a handsome blurry face. You giggled, whisking him to a wedding scene.
"Ah sorry, I accidentally stepped on your foot!" Your fiancé said in concern. You giggled, dissipating the matter, "No worries, we can work with that, can't we?"
Wait was your fiancé going to be a clumsy guy? You had another juicy idea pop up. You rewinded the music, to that exact specific part, letting it repeat.
"Sorry babe, my moves are a bit wonky!" You giggled, accidentally stepping on your fiancé's foot. He chuckled warmly, looking at you, "Let me teach you darling, shouldn't I?" He wrapped his arm around your waist, making you heat up. He chuckled, "Getting all warm?"
You shook your head, hiding your face in the suit in embarrassment. He chuckled, rocking you to the beat, "Relax, I was just teasing. Though, you really look cute all heated up for me."
You pouted, scrunching up his suit from behind, and he chuckled more, "Babe, we are going to be the next ones, aren't we? You are going to be in a pretty wedding gown, waiting for me on that aisle. Going to be pretty, right?" He whispered warmly in your ear, possessive and hungry, making you tingle up.
The music ended, and so did your fantasy. You wished for someone to laugh beside you, to have that same teenage romance your classmates had, but all was stolen because of your own mistakes. You yearned for at least a romantic experince in your life, to smile, to eat, to sleep with anyone. You stopped, the battery of your phone dissipating, and your headphone giving up on you. You didn't want to give up this scent, so you still danced, despite it all.
Whirring in the room, the hands of the suit tied around your neck, your fingers scrunching up the fabric, you swayed, going here and there, making different scenarios to different songs. Nobody could read your thoughts anyways, so why can't you drink up the memories of the scenes that never happened?
And now it was 3 am. You were tired, sleepy and the report didn't had a word. So as the night owl you were, you sat down, cracking your knuckles and ready to type in.
You opened your laptop with a crack on, old laptop you see, ready to type in something, but as the words clicked, your writing got sloppier, you got more unfocused and your eyes were getting heavy. How can you write at this state? But you still had to complete it, print it out, that's what you were, how you were. And you can't betray the past versions of you who worked so hard to get to this point.
But how can you, when your eyes couldn't keep up with the harsh light, and all you can do it stare at it, words not forming, yawn coming one after another, as if your body was tired with you. So you wondered, why not let sleep a wink? Why not let a second take over? You puffed up the side pillow of your couch and rested your head. You let sleep take over you, lulling you to a dreamland of beauty and care, of things that were better then what they were in here. The ramen cup was soaking of the cup, the potato chips were falling out the packet, and the fan was still whirring.
........
Your eyes immediately snapped open, looking at the clock ticking on you mockingly. "Shit, did I oversleep?" You scrambled on your belongings, on the glaring white laptop, and stood up, only to find the clock is still on the same hand it was before you went to sleep. "Huh, maybe the clock's batteries are out." You checked your phone, and the timing was the same to that of the clock. So you checked if it was am or pm. It was am.
"Did I really sleep for a second?" You shrugged the question off, you did get a good sleep at the end of the day, or night. You started typing in your report, finishing it up immediately, all refreshed.
The time for your office had struck, and you had to pack up your things. The ramen cup wasn't soggy, the packet of chips wasn't open but the fan was still whirring
First thing in morning, you always ordered some sort of drink, to give you energy to power through the day. And what better way is to order up your favourite one.
"Excuse me, can I get my-" "Strawberry latte with cherries and sprinkles?" You paused, looking at the smiling barista.
"Huh? That's uh-" "I know, I know, I memorised all your order, discount of 10% from the house!" You gulped, the barista was looking at you with such a warm smile, so warm your heart was tittering.
Was this the same barista, who looked like his soul was sucked out from the straw? He seemed unusually happy to see you, maybe it's a good day? Well, maybe it's just employee policy, who knows?
The thing was, you didn't like strawberry. Not that it was bad, it tasted artificial, artificially flavoured you could say. Something that is pretending to taste like strawberry and be the look of a strawberry. Maybe he was confused? "Ah, no, not that one. I am going to take-" you muttered out your order and the barista looked at you in surprise.
"Aren't you allergic to that?" You blinked up, chuckling, "What, no!" The barista looked at you in confusion, "Are you sure? You said you hated that stuff." You blinked rapidly, you never mentioned anything that you hated, even the strawberries. In fact, this is the most conversation you had with him. Yet, why is he talking as if he personally knows you?
"Just, place up the order please." You said nervously. What had you done wrong, said wrong? In fact, this felt wrong. You know his face, sure, yet it felt so different, out of norm. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" You gulped, what a strange question, "No." The barista looked up, narrowing his eyes. He placed the order, and your eyes loomed over, pausing on his name tag.
"Ino Takuma, aren't you?" He chuckled, "You are talking as if we never met babe." Your cheeks immediately heated up by the word "babe" rolling of his tongue. "Babe?!" You asked him, and he looked at you as if you were the weird one, "Yeah, it's a nickname, I call you that all the time. You never had a problem."
You gulped, he called you that all the time? You never talked to him properly besides the placement of order, not whatever this was. "Well, I don't remember." He paused his cleaning of cups, looking at you, "You don't? Babe, we meet everyday, did you wake up with half the brain missing?"
Wow, how rude. You scoffed, "Excuse me? You are the one acting so bizarre." You immediately regretted saying that, why were you being so harsh? Ino raised his eyebrow, "Using "you" upon me? What is going on with you?" You gulped, you didn't know yourself. Thank god your order came in, which you immediately snatched, walking off.
What even was that? Why did you end off like that? Why was he acting as if he knew you? Just then at the corner of your eye, you saw......yourself?
Rushing in hurriedly, tighter clothes, more put together makeup, and beautiful flowing hair. You blinked rapidly. What were you seeing, was it real?
No it can't be, it must be some illusion. You rubbed your eyes again, peering through the glass of the shop.
It was you, and your stomach curled up in something disgusting. This was so bizarre, so weird you couldn't even put into words. Your fingers trembled, what were you seeing? You laughed, for the very first time, in fear. What were you looking at? Is it some sort of joke?
"Ah- urgh! Taku- Good morning!" She winced, hopping one heel, trying to stablise all her trinkets, bags and herself. She brushed her beautiful hair off her shoulders, and Ino blinked, "Wait didn't you just come like ....few minutes ago?" She blinked, looking at him as if he were some clown, "Dude, are you high?" Ino blinked rapidly, "Huh? You seemed to be high! Coming in and going out and being all absent minded!" She scoffed, "Excuse you, I am up this morning and you are bashing on me. I came like a second ago!"
A man walked out the sleek, white car which you didn't even notice, and your head snapped as the same, horrifying presence loomed over you. Your head snapped up, seeing the man who haunts your deadlines. Shit, shit, shit!! Wasn't it your boss's car? You panicked and hid behind a motorcycle. What was he doing here, at your favourite cafe so early in the morning? All things were going so strange. Firstly, this girl that looked like you, and now your boss coming here. You looked at his steady steps walking down the cafe.
Ino massaged his temples, "Wanna see your order, you ordered this!" He went to see on his counter, only to see no receipt nor the money. "Hey! You gotta pay up for your previous order." He was furious, how can he even lose the receipt. She scoffed, "As I said, I came here just now!" He tilted his head to the side, calling out the drink maker, "Haruto! What drink you made recently?" Haruto yawned, peeking from the small window, scratching his blonde hair, "Dude, I don't know. Some order of this and that." Haruto murmured, yawning again. "Seriously, you are hopeless. The point is, you have to pay up."
She sighed, "Look Ino, did you give a drink accidentally to someone else, thinking it was me?" Ino's ears flushed red, blinking rapidly. He didn't liked the implication, the subtle tease, that he was daydreaming about her. Well, he did, yet he didn't wanted it to be revealed so soon, in such an embarrassing way!
He imagined a luxurious garden, filled with her favourite flowers, as he saw her in her sundress, the skirt flowing in the air. He would get down on one knee and asked her out.
Well, that was the plan. Not whatever this was.
Ino panicked, looking at the shadow of the man looming towards him. He admired this man, he was nothing short of amazing.
"Takuma, she was with me, in my car and we were about to go to work. Mind explaining to me why are you falsely accusing her?" Ino shuddered at Nanami's piercing gaze upon him.
Ah, he paused. If he was anyone else, he wouldn't have noticed, but he did. A smudge of her lipgloss on his mouth. He was being delusional, thinking he has a chance with her, thinking about her.
He smiled sadly, a piercing pain shooting through him. So much so for getting the girl he suppose. "Ah sorry, I might be mistaken." His gaze softened, looking at her. Her lipgloss wasn't the same, two layered application. One layer was diminished, and he had to stop himself from breaking down.
"It's okay Taku" She held his wrist firmly, squeezing it. Ino looked up, his gaze on her beautiful face. Oh how he wished, desired, to be with her. But how can he rival upto a man like Nanami, who was nothing short of amazing, yes he was repeating himself. But how can he compare to Nanami, who was rich, stable and a straightforwad man. Someone like you deserved a man like Nanami, not him, who stumbles up his words.
"Sorry, truly. I didn't know what came onto me." She shook her head, holding it tightly, "You must be stressed, don't worry, it happens to the best of us." She smiled ever so kindly, while Nanami squeezed her waist in tenderness, making her giggle.
Now, what the fuck were you watching?
No honestly, what the fuck were you seeing?
No, you didn't do drugs, nor alcohol, nor anything addictive substance so most likely it wasn't a hallucination.
But oh my god, what the fuck.
You didn't mean to curse, but it's just so utterly bizarre to see a version of you, so healthy, so happy, and-
Loved.
Yeah, loved. Surrounded by love.
You looked at Nanami, the same boss who looked at you in the same cold gaze, now smiling in so sweetly at the version of you that was competent. You looked at the barista, who sleepily took your orders, look at a version of you that was beautiful.
You hated you could sense people's emotions quickly like a book. Maybe it's the human urge of yours, to know everything about someone while still maintaining your distance. Their smile, their laughter, lies and insincerity, you wished you could turn it off. Because how easily you could see that the barista was yearning for her, and your boss was looking at her like she hung the stars
Your nails squeezed around the rubbery handle of the bike. Of course, fate was so cruel, laughing at your sorry state, that they had to pop in a version of you that was laughing in happiness, something that was foreign to you.
No, this was a dream, wasn't it? You pinched your cheek hard, letting the pain sting you. You squeezed harder, more and more, again and again, twisting, pulling it, letting the sting seep in your veins. That would hurt less then whatever this was.
Did you look bad? Looked ugly? Said bad? Didn't know what to say, what to do? What was your life? You had money, hadn't you? You had a job, hadn't you? You thought that if you studied hard, you would get a good job.
And you did, you did get a good job. On the cost of your social life, your friends, your crushes, everything. Everything that you dream, hallucinate and imagine with everyday.
So yeah, it really did fucking hurt that the girl who had a higher job, maybe a higher pay, was happier than you ever were. She had the most dazzling heels, a tight pencil skirt, a blouse. And what were you wearing?
Some pants and shirt. You hastily scratched at them, you hated this, hated your skin. Your eyes went bloodshot red as you saw her smooth out her hair, the way people flock towards her, look at her, dazzling in the center.
Blood painted your blunt nails. Look at her nails, press ons and beautiful. While yours looked so dirty, smeared with your own crimson liquid.
Were you even needed here? How laughable, you were never needed by anyone. You would disappear and no one would care. Not your boss, barista, or even your family.
What did you do in life, besides work yourself to the bone? You wondered if anyone would ever bury you if you died, or the maggots would climb up your body and eat your rotten flesh.
You slumped down as the lovely couple walked out. Oh how romantic, he opened the door for her. She entered in the car, giggling about something, probably something like "Nanami, you didn't had to". And he ever so gently cup her cheek, saying "Sweetheart, your lipgloss is smeared." Oh what a romcom isn't it!
They drove away, and you were left hiding, bleeding, and near out exploding your head.
You got up, your feet nearly wobbling out, blood still on your nails and cheeks, skin peeled off, the tender muscle throbbing painfully. You honestly didn't care, it didn't hurt you that much, nothing more than the pain your heart was feeling, as if it would burst, blood splattering all over.
The throbbing of your heart was so loud, you didn't even notice when you bumped into someone. "Ah-" "Oh my goodness!!"
Warm tears fell down of the face of the most ethereal man you saw. He was so gorgeous, you didn't know what he was doing, looking at you like you were his sun. "Why are you crying?"
"Look at you idiot! I was gone for two months, and here you are, looking so-" He couldn't even finish his words, just cupping your cheeks so tenderly, trying to examine the blood with his soft pads of his fingers. He tried to smear away the blood, only to get some on his hands. His eyes dropped down more pearly tears.
"Please don't cry because of me-" "No! How did this happen? Who did this to you?" His eyes were burning with devastation, pain, anger, fear, things you never thought you could see in anyone. Never had anyone, not even your family, touch you like that, like you were a piece of delicate glass, an expensive relic.
You leaned towards in his comforting touch, it felt so good. You sniffed his hand, smelt like cinnamon. Oh, isn't he-?
"Kamo Choso?" You muttered his name. The same kid who shared his candies with everyone, who had the sweetest smile on his face when he did that. Who petted the cats along the pathway, fed them cat food. Who was around his brother, flexing him like the world's biggest wonder.
You still remembered, the sweet boy, offering you his candy, saying "Hey topper! I didn't know what flavour you liked, so I brought the blueberry one! It's my favourite." It was actually Yuji's favourite, but sure, you could take his leftovers as well. You, who slowly extended her small hand, taking the sour candy, and his touch which tingled down your to your being.
You hated being observant. Because right now, he looked utterly confused, "Full government name? Are you dying?" He sniffled, wiping his tears aggresively. "N-no, I don't-"
"Please don't die on me"
It made you pause, looking up at him. He sniffled, wrapping his arms around your body so tightly, as if you were his safe space, his everything. Just few minutes ago, you were wondering that if you died, who would come to bury you. And here is he, crying in your arms, telling you that you shouldn't die. He was trembling, sobbing outright, snot and a mixture of tears wetting your wet jacket. You wanted to laugh at fate's cruel play, but who are you to judge, you just have to play your part.
A hug, what is that? It feels so warm, so nice. You were so touch starved, that like a dry sponge, you soaked up all his love and affection. Your hands didn't know what to do, where to be, you were so awkward, you didn't know. You gulped, noticing his arms curled up on you back tightly, like a bear. You just had to, mimic those movements. You slowly hugged him back, awkward at first, then slowly reaching his back.
You let his scent sink in your senses, running past your veins. The way his body was warm, different from a cold suit, so rigid. You slowly moved your hands up and down his back, feeling his spine. His small shudders only seemed to drive you further into a realm of happiness. You wanted to laugh, to jump in joy and scream.
Is this what touching a human being feels like, tastes like, looks like? If it is, it's so wonderous. Your cheeks were heating up, your insides were tingling, heart throbbing in your ears. You were so happy, that the hurt from your cheeks didn't matter, the pain vibrating through your being didn't matter, all mattered was how your smile was straining itself across your cheeks.
"You need to be treated asap!" He held your hand firmly, squeezing it as you would disappear, pulling away from the hug. "I- uh- I can do it myself!" His eyes snapped at you, in frustration. "No! You idiot, you always downplay your suffering, and for what, why? You are bleeding, can't you see how much it's hurting me seeing you like this?" He looked at you ever so sternly, in such a fit of frustration, and for some reason, small droplets of diamonds slithered down your cheeks. The twinkle of your fountain filled eyes caught Choso, and he immediately panicked.
You wanted, no yearned, no that would be too tame, you needed those words to be spoken to you whether it was at your birth or death bed, anything to show that someone cared, someone looked at you the way you looked at everyone else, in silent observation. You wanted someone to feel for you, just once, you weren't asking much, you really didn't. All your life, you stayed on the right path, did everything alone, was it too selfish to pretend that all this was for you?
"I-i am so sorry- I-i Fuck, I didn't mean to!" His words were so soft, so kind, as he cupped your cheeks. You bit your lip hard, trying to stop the oncoming tears, the gaze he was giving you, so desperate. trying to piece you up, as if you weren't the incorrect puzzle itself, trying to find the correct actions, correct words. He brought his thumb to your lips, releasing them with a pop, caressing the bite.
"Please, stop biting it" He said so sweetly, putting his forehead against yours, trying to stop his own barrage of tears. And you, you were tremblimg. You couldn't take his touch, his gaze, his smell out of your mind.
He grabbed your hand firmly, walking you towards his motorbike, and you followed dumbly towards his bike. You both stopped, at his marron bike. Of course, he also had a sticker for Yuji, a worn out one that is. He carried you up, and you screamed, "Choso-" until in a blink of an eye, he had already sat you up on the seat. "Sit right here, I have some supplies in my bag."
He kneeled down on the dirty road, and you looked from up, his beautiful pointy pigtails and his coal coloured hair. He picked out a small antiseptic and some cotton. "You did always do this with Yuji, didn't you? Always bandaging him up?" You muttered out, and he perked up, looking at you oddly, "Yeah, I do. Why are you asking as if it's something new?"
Your pulse quickened, then slowed down immediately, putting that easeful smile, the same smile you had practiced over the years. "Oh, just- it's been two months y'know." He raised an eyebrow, "Well, strange then. You are never the forgetful one. Those games are getting to you." You cursed yourself internally. Never would you ever mutter words out of comfort of the scenary.
"Yeah, yeah, the games. The blood is fucking my brain up ahah." He looked at your awkward expression in concern. He dabbled some alcohol on the cotton, "This might hurt." You closed your eyes, letting the sting of the alcohol envelope your wounds. He looked at the twitch of your eye, and blew air onto the dab consistently. You let the cold air quieten the burning pain of the alcohol. He put a small cotton bandage over your cheek.
"Where is Shoko, Nanami or anyone?" He asked, and you caught the bitterness in his tone at both the friends mentioned. "Huh? Well- they are at work! I was going to go at work as well, until Woops! I accidentally was scratched by a cat" He immediately perked up, looking at you, "Really? Fuck- I shouldn't hold you up then! Should I drop you off?"
Your mind immediately calculated and you smiled easily, wiping your lips with your thumb, "No, Kento will drop me."
Oof, the expression of his face, it would kill someone. He looked so hurt, as if something pierced his heart and took it out and threw it to the ground. "Oh- I see. Well, we shall meet later, right?"
You nodded, squeezing your hand in nervousness. "Sure, later!" You got off his bike, walking off to the cafe to save yourself. You sat down at the farther more chairs, hoping the barista doesn't spot you. Choso remembered her favourite cafe as well, how lucky. How lucky she is, to have friends, to have men wrapped around her finger, desperate for her validation? You despised it, and that's a strong word coming from you.
What if you-
No, that would be too extreme. Imagine doing that, that would be crazy. That would be far crazy, for someone like you who has walked such a rightful path all along your life. But you can't help but entertain the thought.
Well, there can't be two of you in this world, right?
.........
"We, the team of Starlight are walking up to one of the nearby residents! Cameraman, whur it here!"
"Yes ma'am!"
The camera whurred to the elderly man, trembling on his stick.
"Can you decrease the brightness?" The man croaked out.
"Yes sir!" The cameraman decreased the brightness immediately.
"So sir, did you see the dodo bird around here?" She adjusted her hair, putting the mic near him
"Huh? Dodo? What's that?" He coughed out
"Cameraman, can you give me the picture?"
She extended her hand towards him, and he immediately gave her the photo.
"Yeah, thank you. So anyways, have you seen this bird?" She showed the trembling man the photo.
He laughed, so hearty onto her face, as if they were a joke, clowns for suggesting it.
"What? That bird? Pssh, keep dreaming young lady!"
"Please sir, don't you see? It was spotted right here-" she desperately tried to make him understand, and to no avail
"Pssh, you bunch of lads don't know? They are killed, all dead! Stop thinking about things that won't happen."
"But sir-"
"Remeber, we killed them, and there is no coming back from the dead, is there?" He firmly held his gaze.
"Yes Sir" she withdrew her microphone in sadness, only for the sway of trees to flinch her.
A horrid screech could be heard and the reporter looked up from her frown.
"Wait what?" She asked. The old man dropped his stick in shock
"That can't be."
The head of a pigeon had fallen towards their feet, bloody and torn out.
The music started, and Gojo approached you, smiling, "May I take this dance m'lady?" You giggled, letting him hold you in his warm hands, as he spun you around the dance hall, he kissed down your neck, sniffing the tender perfume. He grabbed your waist and you giggled as he teased your sides, your figure moving around the ballroom, because in here, it's just you and him.
A few weeks ago, you would have said you hated this man, hated how he was so cocky, talking about how he was the strongest, waving around in a sword fight, how he made you angry with every argument, calling you "weak" "spineless" and how he got hard with the insults you threw at him.
His dazzling eyes, white hair and his toned body made you rethink. He was kinda beautiful, and you mean kinda, not whole, still not your type. He would look like sunshine, and giggle at you when you said something rude to him, bat his eyelashes and raise his eyebrow at your rude glares.
But the real trouble started when you noticed the small things. How he knew physics so well, how he liked sweets, how he was lightheaded, oblivious and a masochist who liked when you slapped him or punched him. He would let you, wholeheartedly.
You noticed how he laughed at every situation, never showing his serious side, never showing his vulnerability, but with you, he could open up, let himself free as he talked with you about everything and anything. He loved you through and through, all the layers in your heart.
Gojo twirled you one last time, giving a goodbye kiss to your hand, an appreciation for you to have danced with him. You opened your eyes, as the music stopped. You were left alone, at the side of your messy room, as the fantasy ended. Gojo wasn't real, he was just a figment of your imagination, of the tales you made in your head. Your heart broke a little as you felt how cold your hands were.
♤》 Synopsis: When loneliness plagues your mind, you wind up telling tales of an unknown time. All your social life went in shambles, why are you crying over your scraps in tremble? You just wanted to live like other people, and some external entity granted that, leading you to an unknown dimension. But uh oh, looks like there already is a version of you, what place do you have even in this world anyways? You have to do something, and it was going to be ugly.
♤》 Tags: death, angst, horror elements, reader is extremely flawed, fourth wall breaking, blood and gore descriptions in detail, every chapter has its own warnings, these are the main ones you have to watch out for.
♤》 Shizu's sticky note: first ever series eeekkk so excited! This is one of the ideas that always rot in my brain several times, so I hope you all like what I am cooking trust me. Red dividers by @/enchanntings
Chapter Index
Chapter 1: The dodo
Chapter 2: Ruins in hearts
Chapter 3: Destruction of realm
Chapter 4: There is a wall beyond me
Chapter 5: She ate my heart
Chapter 6: Suspicions in cycles
Chapter 7: The Betrayal of the Worm
Chapter 8: The luring of snake
Chapter 9: The control established
Chapter 10: We are home
Note: chapter's titles can change, the number can change and the word count varies. I will update every week (I say to 3 people) I hope you all like it, please do not hurt me
