Summary: Hermes is really excited about his relationship with you! But you mentioned something he wasn't particularly knowledgeable about, so he takes a minute to visit his family and see if they can puzzle out the new information...
A/N: I've got three wips all juggling around in my brain for attention and this one is finally in a place where I'm happy enough to post it! Whoooo! May or may not get another one out in a week or so, depending if the gods can sit down and behave when I write them, lol. I have one more that is complete but it's pretty short, so I wanted to post this first.
Potential trigger - At one point Zeus and Hermes discuss sleep, and Hermes makes a comment that Zeus interprets as an allusion to sex. Hermes is aware of his father's assumptions but at the time doesn't correct him. Hermes and the reader are in a firmly asexual relationship in this fic as in all of my fics.
I put it in the tags but I want to be clear that this involves MY PERSONAL HEADCANNONS for the gods' sexualities, including that Athena is a Virgin Goddess, as she is often called in the mythos. If you have other headcannons, you are welcome to fill them in. Reader is also given the label of Asexual, as they are described in all of the fics in my series. I tried to keep their description as gender-neutral as possible.
The is a good chunk of discussion of sexuality in this; I personally identify as Asexual, Alloromantic; all of the definitions and explanations are based on my own research and understanding of various terms within the community. If you feel I have described something glaringly wrong, please feel free to reach out to me! I (almost) never turn down a chance to learn about the Queer Community at large!
I'm not gonna lie, I've been extremely nervous about posting this one, so I really really hope you do enjoy it! I love you all and happy reading! And for those of you going back to school, may Hermes shower you with luck, and only add a little mischief to your days.
Read on Ao3 here!
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Athena was comfortably settled into her (absolutely not a nest) bed for the evening, just beginning to open a text on a new study of military theory, when there was a knock at her door.
The disadvantages of staying in the Palace vs her own Temple on Olympus: visitors.
“Announce yourself.” She called, clearly and with authority.
“Hermes.” Call the surprisingly timid answer. Athena narrowed her eyes.
“Business or personal?” She called again, still not bothering to stand from her comfortable position.
“....Personal.” Hermes replied, even more timid.
Athena huffed. “Go away.”
“ ‘Theeeeeeeeeeeeenn…” Hermes whined from behind her doorway. She went back to her reading, calling out simply,
“I have told you not to call me that.”
“Sister, pleeeeeeeeeeease…”
Athena finally rolled her eyes; really, there was no way to truly keep Hermes out if he wanted in. He could open just about any door, regardless of whether it was locked or enchanted. She knew this personally; they had spent a few months of the very early days testing the limits of that particular power. The only thing that was really keeping him outside her chambers at the moment was the fact that, in his heart, he respected his siblings’ privacy.
…Well, most of his siblings…
…Most of the time…
She huffed.
“Fine. Enter if you must.” No sooner had she given the affirmation, Hermes was through the doorway and in her room. She didn't bother to look up at him, simply waiting for him to state whatever purpose had brought him to pester her at this hour.
“Athena, I need your help…” Hermes landed gently on her floor, staying a respectful distance from her bed. Athena huffed again.
“Yes, you implied that with your whining.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw her little brother make a face and quickly hide it.
Well, then; this is quite important to him…
Hermes almost never ignored an opportunity for a quip, even when he was working. He loved teasing and wordplay, and he could take an insult as well as he gave. For him not to snap back at even the slightest of Athena's sarcasm, it had to be something he desperately needed.
When his elaboration on the subject was not forthcoming, she pressed, finally looking away from the papers, “What assistance do you need?”
Hermes looked down to the floor a moment, slightly shifting from foot to foot. Anxious. Possibly embarrassed. His hands were held behind his back, and he was probably toying with his fingers to keep them there.
“Ah… What research have you done into human sexuality?” He finally asked, not looking at her.
Her eyes sharpened slightly. “I would think you have done more research into that than I have. I am a Virgin Goddess.”
Hermes flushed red, right up to his ears.
“N-no. Uh, n-not like that. Um…” Hermes' head bobbed left-to-right a few times, as he carefully picked his words. Athena waited; she was well familiar with her younger brother's occasional pauses to properly express himself. That was a long and unfortunate history she would rather forget; talking over him or forcing him to speak faster would only make him shut down.
Besides, he had piqued her interest…
“Um… like, the mortals now, they have a lot more words and stuff. And there's different types of sexuality. A-and I was wondering if you had done any research on that…”
He had just piqued her interest even more.
“Oh? No, I wasn't familiar. I haven't been close with any mortals in at least three hundred years; I don't much care for modern styles of warfare. There's little elegance or strategy in it. And it seems there are several nations which are seeking to regress their scientific education and usage…”
Hermes sighed, and his face, which had been hesitantly hopeful, fell.
Athena considered for a few moments, surprised that she felt genuinely regretful for not being able to answer Hermes' questions. Who among the Olympians besides Hermes would have been closest to the mortals?
“Have you asked Apollo?” She prompted.
Hermes raised an eyebrow, and the little wings behind his ears fluffed up a bit, opening just slightly. “Why Apollo?” he asked.
Athena shrugged, looking back at her papers. “Apollo spends the most time among the mortals directly; with musicians he favors, artists he favors, seeding prophecies over the internet. I believe he has taken to some of the mortal social medias to feed his vanity as well. If mortals have new terms for sexuality, he would be the most likely to know.”
Athena heard Hermes' wings beat a few times, agitated. He muttered something she didn't quite hear, and then bowed formally to her before he made to leave.
“Hermes.” She said, looking up again. He turned back to her.
“If he does have insight, please tell him I would be very interested in his notes on the subject. Preferably in prose.” A small smile graced her face as her younger brother flashed a conspiratorial grin.
“Of course. Thank you ‘Theen!”
He was out the door before she could throw a pillow at him.
-----
Hermes had a few errands to run before he could drop in on Apollo; he stopped by the smaller throne room where Father held court and listened to lesser gods bicker and beg. It was late, and it seemed everyone had been cleared out for the evening. The god king was sitting on his throne, reading over a pamphlet of notes, and only his eyes looked up a moment to see Hermes enter, although a small smile graced his face.
“Nothing important today,” Zeus said before Hermes could ask. Hermes allowed himself a small smile as well as he bowed respectfully.
“Permission to speak freely, your majesty?” he asked, and Zeus snorted, amusement coloring his tone,
“Unfortunately, you always have permission to speak freely, and you've never been shy about it before. What is it you need?”
Hermes’ grin grew. “Nothing, Father. But I wanted to say you looked rather tired.”
Zeus snorted again, and shook his head. “I believe, by the day, the lesser gods become pettier and pettier. There was a fist fight this morning in the court yard over someone stepping on another god's robe.”
“Sounds entertaining.” Hermes said, and his Father chuckled.
“I wish it had happened in here so I could have seen it. It certainly would have livened up the proceedings.” He finally looked up at Hermes, who was still standing there with his hands clasped carefully behind his back. “And what about you? Do you take any time to rest, or will I have to have one of your siblings put a spell on you?” His tone was teasing, with a layer of warmth and caring underneath. Hermes grin grew wider, and he felt a little blush paint his own cheeks.
“Ah, lately I sleep quite well when I feel like taking the time…” he said softly.
“Oh, yes…” Zeus chuckled, “I have heard about that. I should hope you plan to bring them here at some point?” The god king’s eyes flickered and glowed in the fading light, like a storm just over the horizon lighting a dark sky.
“Someday, Father. I don't want to overwhelm them.” Hermes replied, thinking warmly, “I’ve brought it up once or twice, but I think they're a bit… intimidated by the idea of even visiting the palace.”
“Of course. Mortals usually are.” Zeus sighed, and looked back down at his papers. “I won't even have you bother with these. I’ll have one of the servants put them in the daily record later. Take tomorrow off; go do whatever it is you do with your Favored. There is an exchange of offerings in two days for which I will need you well rested and focused,” the Thunderer teased.
Hermes bowed again, “thank you Father,” and at the wave of the king’s hand, Hermes was off again, towards Apollo’s quarters.
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“I'm clean, I swear! I'm here for advice!” Hermes nearly shouted as a nymph carefully ran her hands over his sides and down his legs like a security guard.
“I trust you exactly as much as I trust a snake.” Apollo responded, leaning back on a chaise with his arms crossed. Hermes huffed.
“No contraband, my lord.” The nymph said from behind him, and Apollo nodded, dismissing her.
“Contraband?” Hermes was incensed, now crossing his arms and glaring at his brother.
“Anything you could use in one of your pranks.” Apollo clarified, still staring the younger god down.
Hermes rolled his eyes. “Will you help me or not?”
The sun god hummed and began inspecting his nails. “Fine, although whatever it is you need help with, I'm offended you went to Athena first.”
Hermes purposely bit his tongue to not start another argument. “Sure. Fine. Whatever.”
There was a pause, in which Hermes began tapping his foot.
“...What was the question, again?” Apollo asked, looking up.
“What, if anything, do you know about mortal sexualities?” Hermes asked again, gritting his teeth. Apollo looked confused.
“I know you know what happens, what do you need me for?” He asked, and then grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Is someone having a little trouble initiating intimacy?”
Hermes blushed scarlet, trying not to bare his teeth outright.
“No, I know that. I’m asking if you know anything about the titles and things they've come up with! The definitions! If I knew you were going to be less helpful than a Winion on the matter I'd have just looked on the mortal internet!”
“Oooooohh! You mean like the rainbow and things.” Apollo’s face became sunny (pun intended!) and excited, as if this was Olympus’ latest gossip or something of similar interest. Hermes rubbed his temples. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“Well, what do you need to know about? If we went over all of it we would be here at least a week.” Apollo shifted on the chaise, patting it as if welcoming Hermes to sit. He did not.
“I know stuff like gay and lesbian, I've been around mortals enough to know the basics. But there's a lot more categories now…”
“Yes, well… by mortals' standards as of this decade, you and I would both be Bisexual, or Pansexual. Attraction to multiple genders versus attraction regardless of gender. Whatever you prefer.” Apollo said. Finally, they were getting somewhere.
“Ok. I'll look those up later because I don't care about me. It's my partner. Like, we spend time together and we cuddle sometimes on their couch and they don't push me off when I put my arms around them, but they only ever call me their ‘friend’ and not ‘boyfriend’, even after I showed them my wings... So I asked them if they wanted to call ourselves a couple, like officially, and they got really fidgety, and said they wanted me to know they were ‘Asexual’ and they wanted me to think about it before starting a relationship with them. I didn't want to look like an idiot so I said yeah sure, but I thought we were already in a relationship? Sorta?” Hermes explained, finding another chair to sit in across from Apollo.
Apollo’s face shifted to understanding; “Oooooohh!” and then he paused, and his face fell a bit. “...oh…”
Hermes was struck with panic, “What? What is it? Is it bad? Do they not like me, you think?”
Apollo giggled a little, and shook his head, “oh, no, nothing like that. It's not bad. But it is different. Asexual means they don't really feel sexual urges or interests. A lot of the poor dears feel very lost, even ‘broken’, before they are able to find the word for it, and learn that they aren't alone in their feelings. Sometimes that feeling lingers even after finding the term. It sounds like your partner is nervous that you won't want to be a couple with them because they don't experience sexual urges.”
Hermes looked down at his hands, twirling his thumbs a few times to think. “......never at all?” He finally asked, his voice small.
Apollo shrugged, “It depends on the person. There's a lot of sub categories. Some people never ever feel it, some only feel it after being with the right person for a while. Some people will ‘perform’, so to speak, for their partner because it makes their partner happy, and some people are repulsed by the idea and resistant. Some even find interest in sexual fiction but don't want to participate personally.
“There's also the other side of the coin, which is Aromantic: never feeling romantic desire. But some Aromantics may feel sexual desire and some Asexuals may feel romantic desire.”
Hermes felt the blush returning, and his head started to hurt just a little. It was a lot of information; he wished he had a map or a chart to look at. He always did better with visuals…
Apollo could tell he was getting confused, and continued, leaning towards Hermes a little bit. “Artemis is both Aromantic and Asexual. She has no desires either way; she just wants to run with her huntresses and otherwise be left alone in the wilds of the world. I suspect Athena would call herself only Asexual and perhaps Demi-Romantic, because of the closeness she had with Pallas; but ultimately it would be up to her how she identified.”
Hermes hummed, and slouched. “So…[Y/N]… do you think they told me this because they don't want to stay with me?” He felt a churning in his stomach.
Apollo's smile turned warm, and he stretched to put a hand on his little brother's shoulder. “I have a feeling they said this to you because they like you very much, and want to have a relationship with you, but they might be afraid that you would be upset if you tried to initiate something and they rejected it. Or, worse, that you would press the issue and/or ignore their saying ‘no’. I think they want you to think about what you want in a relationship, and what will make you happy, and if that means sexual intimacy, then perhaps you should find another partner.” He said gently.
At first, Hermes wrinkled his nose at the thought of ‘pressing the issue’. That had been him a few thousand years ago, but he was working very hard to be better, now. They all were.
But, the reassurance from Apollo, the hand on his shoulder, did help to make Hermes feel better. At least, a little.
He thought about you.
He thought about the feeling of being summoned for the first time in almost two-hundred years, and finding the summoner holding one of his feathers; one he had given away maybe five-hundred years ago. He thought about your curiosity, how you had listened to the stories he made up about the necklace even though you barely knew him; how your eyes sparkled a little and how you looked at him so directly, like you wanted purposely to give him your full attention. How he had gone in one day and been prepared to steal the charm right off your neck, maybe reveal his godhood and torment you a little; and then he had been so utterly baffled when you just gave him the charm, as if it was nothing, and asked for some quarters in return.
Less than a handful of coins, in exchange for something so powerful and valuable it could change nations.
How you had totally consumed his thoughts, for days. He’d been distracted to the point that he was flying into trees and branches; bumping into things like a fledgling!
He thought about how badly he had needed to know more about you.
It was so easy to spend time with you, and it was something he wanted to do. He wanted to hear you talk and laugh, he wanted to comfort you when you cried. He walked you home one warm night to your apartment and desperately wanted to hold your hand and perhaps take you up into the sky, to see the stars you complained about being blocked from light pollution.
He wanted to hold you. To be with you. He wanted to tease you and laugh with you and be teased by you, because you could give as good (or better!) than you took from him. He wanted to comfort you after difficult days and lay with you at night and listen to the funny little murmurs you made when you slept.
He wanted to kiss you. Softly and gently like a whisper; deeply and passionately like a storm. He wanted to pull you off your feet and twirl you around with abandon until you threw up right over his shoulder.
Wasn't that still passion? Wasn't that still love?
You had joked when he showed you his wings. You had been stunned at first, of course, and perhaps been even a little nervous. But you had rolled with it, and made jokes that made him laugh. He had been nervous too, that day, but just being next to you on the bench in the park made him feel more like a god than any flying or running or other powers had in a long time.
“I think….. I love them. Just as them.” Hermes said finally.
Apollo smiled, leaning back on the chaise. “Good! I'm happy for you! I hope I get to meet them soon!” He said with a wink.
Hermes smiled. He would go call you - ask if he could visit tonight. He wanted to tell you everything he felt. Then maybe you could spend tomorrow together. He wondered if you would still enjoy cuddling; you had promised to show him some movie and he thought it sounded like the best way to spend his day off.
“Thanks, ‘Pollo.” Hermes said, as he stood up. Apollo beamed (pun intended!), and swooped in to give him a hug. “I’m happy for you, featherbrains.” He said. Hermes laughed, but tried to hide it, and pushed the older god off.
“Oh, Athena asked if you could send her your notes on the sexualities. She was curious.” Hermes said over his shoulder, grabbing his cloak from where the nymph had hung it. Apollo beamed again, “oh, she wants to learn from meeee?”
Now Hermes laughed in earnest. “Yeah, I guess so.” Apollo turned to his desk, grabbing a pen and a good pile of pristine paper to start writing. Their sister was likely about to be buried in papers.
“No poems!” He reminded the sun god, who only laughed and waved Hermes off.
And with that, the Messenger god took off from Olympus, already pulling up your contact on his phone. The picture you had sent him when he asked for your number smiled back at him. His heart felt warm.
Yeah, he loved you. He loved you for you.
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A/N: Later, Apollo sends Athena a hefty stack of papers that is punctuated in perfect Iambic Pentameter.
I’m making art where Dream has crutches (the kind normally associated with permanent disabilities) and my middle sibling asked me who it was. When I said Dream, he asked if he had Polio. This sibling watches the manhunts, but not any DSMP stuff.
So I just said “this is the DSMP version of him, post prison, where he was tortured every day for three months”
Sibling “oh. Understandable”
Me “the damage would be enough that permanent trouble walking makes sense”
Specifically, when Detective Ryan puts his hand on Detective Esposito’s chest. Yesterday, probably 12AM, I was talking to @goat-and-a-pig and was like, “and Ryan was all like, 🎵They have stolen the heart from inside youuuuuu🎵 and they absolutely lost it. Now Ryan is Moana.
Shadow: I got y'all some diet Vaati. It's kinda like Vaati- but light *holds up a string of lights* eeeh? Get it???
Vio: *slamming his book closed* oh my Hylia-
Shadow: *covered in vaati lights* oh heyyy Blue, you're up early
Blue: Shadow, this was our only brain cell.
(I should have put the text up first, because of messy hand writing, sorry)
I had way too many exams this morning, so here's a doodle inspired by a hilarious conversation I had with my little bro.
I should probably note that this conversation devolved into implying the existence of Vaa-tea, dark malo mart, and trying to name some horribly punny store chains that would be in the dark world.
He seems to love sending the "give me attention or give me your life" shadow meme- so Vio and Shadow.
“Why you call each other “Lucario” and Yuletide?” asked Marinette to the Couffaine siblings.
They looked at each other and shrugged.
“It’s a sibling thing. I don’t think we have called each other by our real names… other than with other people, that is.”
“Yeah, we have called each other a lot of things… Juleka used to be ‘Purple Booger’” Juleka threw a pillow to her brother. “But I guess Lucario and Yuletide just stuck”
“Oh… I was just wondering why not a more cohesive theme, like, I know there aren’t pokemon with “Jule” on their names, but how about ‘Joltik’?”
Luka’s eyes widened in realization, while Juleka opened her mouth to protest, but only glared at Marinette.
“That’s PERFECT!” said Luka smiling wide. Juleka just glared at Marinette glarefully, while doing something with her phone.
“Just so you know, from now on you’re Mareanie to me”
“Oh my God. This is like Christmas! Welcome to the family Mareanie!”
Marinette was hella confused about what had just happened
