Very different from my usual stuff, but I was thinking today about how Frozen is actually a great allegory for eldest children's emotional suppression. Like, obviously that's half the point, but just:
Take the opening scene, where she and Anna are having actual fun, but then Anna gets hurt. I feel like every big sibling had that "you're stronger than you think" moment and "you need to be careful" moment. Which, like, yes. You do. However, that can also be a significant burden on a kid's shoulders. Like, yes I am bigger and stronger, which means that when we play, I need to be VERY conscious about what I'm doing and how. So it's not just play anymore.
You can't do what you want. You can't play like you want. You always have to think about what example you're setting, what the little ones are capable of. And that can get exhausting.
But beyond physical strength, I feel the ice powers very accurately represent emotional vulnerability. Again, I feel like older siblings are instructed pretty commonly to keep themselves together in front of the younger ones. It's not okay to be upset or frustrated because you're "throwing a fit" and "setting a bad example". But sometimes it's just: "She's little, she doesn't understand. You have to be the bigger sister." The bigger person. Because it's not okay to explode on your younger sibling even when you really, really, REALLY want to, because no matter what, when you're kids, you'll always be older and they'll always be younger.
Now, Elsa takes this and really leans into emotional isolation for her teenage years, which is poetic. I do feel like that's a common coping mechanism (not always to such an extreme) for big siblings to take. You either spend more and more time out of the house or you hole up in your room. Because little siblings are uncool and you don't want to deal with them. And YES, for a growing little sibling, that's so confusing! It's hurtful. That's your best friend, and now they won't even talk to you! From the eldest's perspective, it comes from a place of fatigue. You're growing, and you want a space where you can freely express your emotions with yourself. You cannot do that with a little sibling, but that's not the sibling's fault.
And from the youngest's perspective, you interpret that as abandonment or the cold shoulder. They don't want to spend time with you. They don't like you. You're annoying, and small, and they'll never take you seriously. Anna takes it well, but that abandonment and loneliness absolutely exist in families. You can live in the same house with someone and never actually talk to them.
But as long as you live in the same house, you're still siblings. The dynamics get interesting once you're both grown. Which is the WHOLE reason I made this post. For this scene:
Basically, this is where Anna is trying to reach Elsa emotionally with her: "Hey, you've frozen everything, but don't worry, we'll figure this out" speech. But ofc Elsa stops listening after the whole: "Hey, you've frozen everything". And then she low-key explodes from the anxiety, and Anna gets caught in the crossfire, BUT it's super interesting if we take away the whole 'ice' thing.
Anna and Elsa are adults. They both have their own problems and are capable of making their own decisions, but despite being siblings, they do not know how to talk to each other.
Anna is trying to bridge the gap. Elsa has made a big mistake and is clearly freaking out, and Anna is actually taking up that mature mantle. She is taking the initiative with the "I understand how you feel" and "We're going to figure this out." This is basically approaching your bigger sibling and seeing them as the kid they were, and not the big kid you grew up thinking them to be. This is Anna viewing Elsa as her equal and treating her the way she would want to be treated in such a state.
BUT! This is also Elsa not changing her perspective. Anna isn't older. She's just as fragile. Just as helpless to assist when Elsa needs it. Elsa has to figure this out herself (even though she does not know how). She can't rely on her little sister for help, what kind of big sibling would do that (spoiler alert: a good one). So when Elsa emotionally explodes under pressure (as most people would), her immediate reaction is to push Anna away again. As she learned to do in her teenage years.
Because Elsa recognizes she can hurt Anna. It's all she seems to do. She can't get a grasp on her emotions, she can't set a good example, and she can't be a good kid for Anna. When she "explodes," Anna does get hurt! Metaphorically, we can interpret this in a bunch of ways, but my personal favorite would be when a big sibling says something they know will hurt to feel superior, and the younger one has to sit there like: "Wow, I didn't know that could still hurt me."
And it does hurt, but Anna keeps trying. Elsa doesn't understand it, but Anna doesn't NEED that example anymore; she's figured it out on her own. All she wants now is that friend she used to have when they were younger.
Before Elsa internalized her role as a big sister. Back when they were just kids. Now, she wants to be just adults. Equals. Friends. And this is a BIG challenge for older siblings because not only do they have to deconstruct the vision they've fabricated of their siblings, they also have to deconstruct the role they've played for years. You are not a caretaker, you are a friend.
And this is what kills so many adult sibling relationships. The inability of the relationship to grow past that hierarchy. The older sibling has to let go of their exemplary expectations of themselves (or their refusal to acknowledge their little sibling as a grown adult), and the younger sibling has to recognize that the older sibling is just as flawed. It's something I've personally struggled with, and I was watching this movie with some cousins of mine recently and just kind of sat there soaking in the metaphor.
An older sibling just wants to be a kid, and the younger just wants a friend. As adults, the older one wants to continue feeling older, and the younger just wants to stop being looked down on.
The second movie brushes up on it too with Elsa trying to protect Anna and Anna trying to prove she is older and capable and doesn't needs that self-sacrifice. But that movie also leans a bit more heavily into the actual magic side of things, so we'll leave it for now.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk
