seen from Türkiye
seen from Israel
seen from Brazil
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
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seen from United Kingdom
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Grief
No one seems to care if I'm in a funk.
No one cares if I'm stuck.
No one cares if I'm in pain.
No one cares as tears roll down my face.
No one cares if I miss my brother today, yesterday or last week.
No one cares, just God and me! Bia~
It’s crazy how fast the waves of grief still come. One minute everything is fine, and the next I’m ugly crying into my pillow because all I want is to talk to my big brother, I just want to tell you all the things that are going on in my life. I want my person back, I want to fight with you, I want to drive around and talk, I want to beat you in video games, I just want more time with you. I want to stop being so envious of the people that get time with their siblings. I just want my big brother back.
⌚️
Grief fucks with time. It seems like just yesterday you were here but also feels like eternity. Does anyone else out there feel like that? That this grief that you have forms and impacts every other choice you will ever make. That's super overwhelming. I look for escapes, in writing and reading other posts here.
Sometimes the fight to be strong is messy.
I Miss You So Very Much...... May Your Memory Live On Forever!
Love Your Big Lil Sister Bia~
Saturdays are the hardest for me! Always a sharp dresser with a big smile and a heart to match. I miss you so much! I look at these photographs and there are time(s) when they make me laugh... (just like our favorite song by Nickelback). I know that I have to keep going and live my life bro, truthfully there are days I just don't want too. I love you and I miss you every day.
Forever In Our Hearts
Life Forever Changed 11.06.2021
Ya, Big Little Sis,
Bia~
Here I am again, meeting new people, starting a new job, having to answer questions about my life. The dreaded “do you have any siblings?” inevitably comes up, and here I am explaining that yes I have a brother, but he died awhile back. Sometimes I just want to say no, so I don’t have to deal with the awkwardness that it causes, but It hurts too much to deny your existence. You are still my brother, even though you are no longer here with us. I miss you so much.
Guilt
I go about my day with a new normal, my grief no longer consumes me, I can listen to my friends talk about their siblings without spiraling out of control, I have accepted that you’re gone, and I’m not even sure I remember your voice anymore. I feel an intense amount of guilt for moving on, and living my life. I feel guilty for creating a life for myself that you will never know. I feel guilty for letting days go by that I don’t think about you. I feel guilty for not stopping at the cemetery to see you. I know you wouldn’t want me to feel this guilt. I know you’d want me to be happy, but I just want you to be able to be here.
Every time something in my life changes, it hits me a little harder that you’re gone. When everything is the same it’s easy to get into a routine, it’s “normal” not talking to you, but when something changes, that’s when I just have this burning desire to call you. I just want to tell you about the people I’m meeting, my new job, and all the crazy shit that happens here. I just want to talk to you about how mom is becoming grandma, and that dad is lonely. It breaks my heart that I’ll never get to talk to you about these things, that you’ll never know what I’m doing with my life.
