My elderly dad(he is a lot older than my mom and had me in his 40s) had a heart attack and is in the hospital and I feel so confused, sad and lost because he was angry at me a lot for like two, three years and we were angry with each other a lot because like he was angry when I spoke too long or when I didn't do something fast enough and he called me a c"nt(Dutch version) stupid or crazy a few times but now he is very sick and I was like, was he so mad at me becauase he was sick or dying
It's so different from when my mom was sick last year(she got better thank God) but at that moment I was broken inside, just so sad and scared to lose my mom
Now I feel guilt and weird relief because it's just me and mom so it's quiet and I am autistic and I enjoy no talking to tv, no anger etc
IDK how to feel someone help me
Did I do this to him because I wanted him to die
I didn't say goodnight to him last night bc I was angry because he scolded me for talking through the news and yelled at me so I didn't want to speak to him
