#sickguyyyy

[tired-as-fox]

It's wild to realise how much and how quickly I normalise new symptoms.

Just this morning I was debating with myself if my leg pain was actually worse than usual and if it warranted calling out of work or not.

And then it hit me.

Since when do I have leg pain? Since when do I consider leg pain so normal to my day that I have a baseline of leg pain? I never had leg pain when I first got diagnosed? Where did it come from?

[tired-as-fox]

This is going to sound weird but I'm kind of worrying about this, but

Does anyone have any experiences telling your therapist you're alterhuman/animalhearted/therian? (especially as an adult)

I'm worried my therapist will not take it seriously or will freak out and inisist I need more psychiatric help that I actually don't want.

[tired-as-fox]

I've barely watched the first seven minutes of into the manosphere and I've already paused 5 or 6 times because the amount of stress all those guys radiate is genuinly scary. They start foaming at the mouth at the drop of a hat. How can you live like that without considering that maybe there is something wrong.

Louis Theroux is killing it by just being an absolutely unbothered king about everything it's so delightfully awkward to see him just destroy their entire ego with one word.

[tired-as-fox]

Have been mostly inside and rotting into my couch the past few days and tbh it's been very interesting working on accepting that sometimes that's just the reality of a flare-up

Also still angry and scared and bitter and feeling like a failure.

But also better than before and that's actually pretty cool

[tired-as-fox]

I'm so fucking tired of the constant doubt I have around being sick and being lazy.

I've flunked out of every attempt I've made at higher education and feel like I'm about to fuck another one up and I'm scared I'm losing my job because of it but also know I'm not going to be able to keep working 40 hours a week because I can barely do it now and I work in a field I really love but also I really hate the amount of energy it takes to do it.

And part of me thinks I need to get way more honest with myself and my surroundings that I'm sick and I can't do this and I need support.

And another part of me is so deeply terrified that I'm just hiding my laziness behind my illness, and I'm never going to make my parents proud, and I'll always be a good for nothing leech and the guilt will eat me alive.