People acknowledging how hard it is to live with an illness that causes chronic pain almost everyday without taking pain meds is great but I'd be happier if my doctors could provide better treatments than taking pain meds. Even when I go to a hospital with severe pain and I request that they don't give me any narcotics, I'm still treated like a fiend looking for their next high. Then the doctors refuse to admit me because my hemoglobin is fine, the rest of my labs are straight and nothing showed up on the X-ray or CT. Frustrating as fuck because I know my body well enough to know that something is wrong but they aren't familiar enough with SC or me to know that I'm not making this up. Totally looking forward to the day that I run into a black doctor who is well educated on genetic blood disorders and wants to do more for me than give me dopey ass pain meds and tell me that'll be enough. It's for this reason that I've ALWAYS felt the need to educate myself on medical sciences but at the same time, I fucking hate western medicine because doctors are taught to treat the symptoms instead of the actual illness. I won't give up. Another thing that's been bothering me is the thought of putting this weight on my partner. I feel like it would be selfish of me to burden them with the stress of me being in and out of hospitals or being hospitalized for weeks at a time at any given time. I know that they will be willing to be there for me but I wouldn't want to do that to them. It's stressful enough dealing with this on my own. Imagine giving that stress to someone who has never experienced anything like that at all even if they want to be there for me. It's a lot to handle and it's not something that I want to bring into someone's life. I won't keep it a secret but it's definitely not something I'm going to be excited to share. I'll figure it out though. I always do. On a more positive note, I've been getting a shit ton of support that I'm crazy grateful for. Of course this has created a slight barrier for my little sister's French lessons but she FaceTimed me and was still trying to learn! I'm so happy to have made that impression on her. Things like this and my other sister having my back in the ER are more valuable to me than anything that could be bought. The happy tears be flowing 😭😊I have to get healthy so I can make it up to everyone who has been supportive during this time. 😌
