#sideways glances

[well--hellothere]

You know it's probably a good thing I like animated men over the real ones.

Because I simp for Dazai even when he's being...

DERANGED

BATSHIT

And WEIRD.

Just as much as this Dazai...

I don't even know what red flags are when it comes to him. Never heard of them

(What I think the vibe of a Dazai relationship would be)

[yo-itsella]

[turianspeedjunkie]

@crassussativum

A little later Dius helped Eros to clean up. They were alone in the kitchen. And he gave Eros sideway glances. “So...” He started.

[yo-itsella]

[yo-itsella]

[speakhappyheart]

Sideways glances...& holiday cheer

Meeting and making new friends is always a tough-y...especially for in a MERLD world.

I remember when I was growing up, I moved around a lot, and moving schools was never the most fun on my to-do list. I lucked up a few times and happened to know someone there...Or sometimes I might even know someone who knew someone or knew someone who was kin to someone else...and admittingly, that made for a slightly less difficult transition. It helped that I was a pretty outgoing kid...but it didn't always help that I was a smart kid that danced to the beat of her own creative drum (more often than not, literally).

When you're different, things are different. When you're not cut from the same cookie cutter mold as everyone else, things don't always pan as easy as some may hope. It's strange to me that adults can look at kids and deem them as too quiet or too smart or too talkative or too active or too anything for that matter. Why can't kids just be kids? But the same questions goes for peers...why does different have to be looked at as strange or weird??? Why do kids look at their peers with the same judgements as adults, with a cookie cutter in hand? As kids get older these judg-y, shifty eyes stare at differences and deem them as unacceptable. Why? Because being cut from the same mold is trendy, socially acceptable, the cool thing to do? Is it possible to just be who you are - whether that's creative or smart or athletic or techy or something else completely???

Tee is incredibly intelligent, genius level even. And that's not just the proud mom in me talking, that comes straight from the mouths and diagnoses of professionals (the real kind, not the ones who think they know but don't...*cough* 'professionals' mentioned in previous posts). And believe it or not, my MERLD kiddo is a social butterfly (he gets it honest!). I know this is not typical of some MERLD kiddos (this is due to communication skill barriers), but Tee followed in this girl's footsteps and marches to the beat of his own. He may sometimes have difficulty in carrying on a conversation, but guaranteed, he has no problem in starting one with anyone he meets.

But with that said, it is still sometimes difficult when meeting new people or making new friends. Because not everyone understands...

That's the thing about going to the same school with the same kids from Kindergarten up...everyone knows you. They've already seen the downfalls and the genius, they've already seen anxiety and the heart, they've already seen the drum that's different from everyone else's...and after a few years of being in the same institution with the same faces everyday, some are okay with it and some are not, some fall away and some stay close, some join the bandwagon of 'conformity' and some embrace the trail of 'different'.

With all of that said, this year had been something...homeschool has been a blessing in such perfect timing. And among other things, finding a co-op program so soon was one of those perfectly timed blessings to mention. But just like any other scenario, when coming into a new situation, oftentimes already established, when no one knows you, no one sees or understands, in fact, no one even asks...they just make their own assumptions.

I wonder if people realize that we see the sideways glances???

When I offer information about MERLD on day one, but I just receive a nod and maybe a 'hmm, never heard of that before', then the sideways glances can be a little aggravating. Even more so, if I think it's effecting Tee. Tee sees the sideways glances just like I do - in group activities  and gatherings, when the already established have game rules that are silently understood or the activity that day has been carried over from a previous one or quickly explained because the established should already know. They don't realize how difficult it can be for a MERLD kiddo to come in and just pick up and understand already understood rules or how-to's. Tee does exceptionally well because of how perceptive and obsevant he is. Otherwise, he might not. In fact, a teacher and parent has said to me, 'Wow, I'm impressed with how well he joins in with any group' or 'he picked up on that lesson much faster than I thought he would...he finished before all of the others and they've been here all year'. Yes, that makes my heart swell in one fashion, but in another I want to ask why is it so 'impressive' that he tries to join in the play or activity group, or why is it so astonishing that he picked up on a lesson so quickly? Just because he doesn't use all of the same bricks and mortar as everyone else doesn't mean he can't build something...in fact, in the time it took you to question his capabilities, he's already designed and built a skyscraper, perhaps in four different landscapes.

Now, don't get me wrong - giving these sideways glances doesn't make you a bad person...just uninformed. Maybe instead of giving the sideways glances when a MERLD kiddo says something in a different way than you're used to or answers a question with question, then quickly corrects themselves to answer it appropriately...give chances in place of those glances. Stop judging books by their covers...some substantial relationships could come out of these meetings if you just let it. Be informed, be kind, be understanding.

And let me just add - at co-op, the kids are great, the parents are great, the families are great. I just wished that there was more of an interest in understanding Tee. I look around the room and see anxiety issues, speech deficits, (some undetected) learning disabilities...and yet, it's Tee who receives the sideways glances, from kids and adults alike. Why? Because he's the new kid on the block, because he's more different than they perceive themselves? Again, not knowing or understanding the MERLD diagnosis, even giving the sideways 'why or what' glances doesn't make you a bad person, it just shows me how uninformed you are, how uninformed society is, about MERLD.

Another thing, Tee is incredibly LITERAL (a lot of MERLD kiddos are). So, meeting new people and being introduced to new personalities is sometimes tricky. Sarcasm is something that is sometimes difficult...I know this well, I often use playful sarcasm in humor, and Tee (though, sometimes he still stops and asks me about my phrasing or wording) overtime has caught on to some things. But new personalities, especially younger ones, are often more difficult to decipher. Time will serve Tee (and the others) well as they get to know each other. But for now, the sideways glances are still there...we see them. They are not the first we've seen, and for certain, they won't be the last. But young or old, look...watch.... MERLD, LTs, and Literal kiddos could teach you something, like how to be more perceptive, more observant, more understanding, more compassionate.

Now, on to other things...This week was the Co-op Christmas party, ending the Fall Semester of Co-op. It was fun to fellowship (but sideways glances, present). Tee is looking forward to Spring semester, and I am as well...looking forward to seeing what learning and social opportunities may arise (hopefully, less a few sideways glances).

Beginning with this week, I have sprinkled Christmas over every single lesson...I'm not joking...every. single. lesson! We are decked out in Christmas Holiday fun! Advent, arts and crafts, music, Christmas themed Math, Literature, Science and Geography. Its the most wonderful time of the year, after all...right?!?! We're reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson (a holiday favorite of mine from when I was his age). And we're working through a Bible study lesson on The Christmas Story, The Birth of a Saviour. Tee is so amped up about this string of themed lessons, he wakes up ready to go and asks for more if we finish a little early.  He is really enjoying our 'countdown to Christmas'!

Today, he said, 'I'm so glad we're having the best day, Mom!' This warms my heart, that he's so happy ♡

*On a side note: Tee has been expressing a lot of interest in science labs since he got to witness the dissections and hold the heart and brain a few weeks ago at Co-op. That series of events for him was like 'whoa'! He asks daily about the next science lab possibility and if he'll get to be a part of it...he's hoping for something cool, but he says he doesn't know how they can top the brain!*

**On another side note: Tee is missing his BFF. She always understood him, always accepted him, always encouraged others to accept him for who he is. We can't wait to meet up over Christmas break. This move and distance has been quite the upset this semester. Meeting up over the break will be good for both of them, I know. But Tee is beside himself with excitement...this Christmas is BIG! ♡*

Until next time, Continue to Live, laugh, and love 💕 ~ CM

[jade4813]

Sideways Glances, Part 3

I was going to write a third and final part to this story and it was probably going to lead to smut. But instead it turned out to be fluff and there’s going to be a fourth part. I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF! I WAS IN A MOOD! (This mood may have taken me to incredibly cheesy territory. I don’t even know. But feedback of whether it’s TOO cheesy at the end is welcome!)

Chapter 3: As You Wish

As You Wish

“This is a terrible idea,” Iris grumbled to the glass of champagne in her hand. She wasn’t referring to the drink, of course. At the moment, drinking champagne seemed the only reasonable choice.

She was referring to everything else, from the dress she was wearing (complete with the requisite insanely uncomfortable undergarments that she swore she wasn’t wearing Just In Case of anything because…well, she just wasn’t, that’s all) to the very fact she’d agreed to this entire charade in the first place.

Well, "charade” was probably the wrong term. For a charade, everyone had to be fooled, but Iris seriously doubted that her hosts were. Though if Tracy threw one more of those knowing glances her way, Iris swore she’d find a way to “accidentally” step on the train of her gown. She wasn’t really sure Tracy didn’t deserve it anyway, because Iris suspected he knew exactly what she was doing when she invited them both in the first place.

Just why the hell had she agreed to be Barry’s “date” for the evening? She’d known it was a bad idea when he’d suggested it – pointing out the obvious facts that flying solo at a wedding was its own special circle of hell and pretending to be together would perhaps spare them from the worst of the matchmaking, not to mention all those other torturous rituals inflicted on the terminally single who dared bear witness to newly-bestowed connubial bliss.

Her glower deepened. In fact, from the moment the suggestion left his mouth, she’d known exactly how this evening was going to go. It was the worst idea in the world, pretending to be Barry’s date while simultaneously pretending she didn’t mind the idea of being his date while also pretending she didn’t feel any particular way about being his date. When she most definitely did, and if the next three hours went the same way the last three did – with him being too damn adorable for words – he might well end up wearing her glass of champagne by the end of the evening.

“You know, if it’s that bad, you don’t have to drink it.” His voice carried over her left shoulder, and she would have jumped if she hadn’t been painfully aware of his every movement from the moment he’d arrived on her doorstep that evening, dressed in a suit that looked just a shade too good for her peace of mind.

Because she didn’t want to let on that she was painfully aware of him, however, she feigned surprise. “Hm? Oh, no, it’s fine,” she said lightly, but when she looked up, she met Tracy’s eye and was on the receiving end of yet another knowing look. She just barely managed to refrain from sticking her tongue out at the other woman, but only because she knew enough photographs were being taken at any given moment, it would be unlikely her act of rebellion would go uncaptured and she’d have to live it down one day. Instead, she threw back the remnants of her drink and looked around for a waiter. If she was going to have to endure a couple more hours, the least that she could ask for was enough alcohol to drown the butterflies in her stomach. Sucking in a very small breath, she turned and offered him a smile that was far more confident than she felt. “Anyway, how many chances do you have to drink champagne, if not at a wedding?”

She actually felt quite proud of her nonchalant performance for a moment, until she realized he was looking at her with that quizzical expression on his face, as though she was a puzzle he was trying to figure out. But he didn’t press her. Instead, she watched as he swallowed heavily and shot a quick look around the room, “So…you want to dance?”

No, she absolutely didn’t want to dance, but he knew how much she loved to do it. The only way out of this would be for her to actually break an ankle or something similar, and that was a little too much commitment to avoidance, for even her. Instead of admitting any of that, she forced a smile. “Sure!” she agreed, reluctantly placing her empty glass on the nearby table and taking his hand. His fingers laced with hers in the same way they had a thousand times before, but her stupid heart leapt in her chest.

It had been this way, ever since that conversation with Tracy and Sara, back when she worked with them at Jitters. So much had changed in her life since then, including the end of her relationship with Eddie. But the absolute worst was the feelings she could no longer deny for the man leading her onto the dance floor.

She was stupidly, horribly, hopelessly in love with Barry Allen, her best friend. He didn’t have a clue, which was terrible enough, but worse still was her almost certain knowledge that he didn’t love her in return - at least, not the way she loved him.

Because she was convinced that the universe absolutely hated her, when they made their way to the edge of the dance floor, the DJ started to play a slow song. Throwing a glare his way, she entertained a brief but altogether satisfying fantasy of punching him in the face. It occurred to her she was feeling particularly violent, for a wedding, but she didn’t care.

Then Barry tugged on her hand, pulling her close, and she forgot all about the DJ and the music and the hundred other guests. She was totally focused on the warmth of his hand in hers, the strength of the arm he had wrapped around her back, the pounding of her heart as it skipped a beat in her chest. God, he smelled good, her brain unhelpfully offered as a whiff of his aftershave hit her like a punch in the gut.

She didn’t even hear the music as he began to sway back and forth, presumably to the beat of the music – though, remembering some of his previous attempts at dancing, maybe not. “Remember when you decided you wanted to teach me how to dance in time for prom?” he asked, a grin lifting the edges of his mouth and crinkling the corners of his eyes.

Iris tried to laugh, since her thoughts had been headed in the same direction. But he’d had to lean in to talk over the sound of the music, and the brush of his breath against her face choked her breath in her throat. “Yeah, that was the worst,” she finally managed. “You’ve gotten a little better since then, though.”

At least, she assumed he had. She could feel the shift of his body through their clothes, the way his muscles tensed and relaxed as he moved. She could almost swear she could feel the beat of his heart, but hers was racing, making it hard to be sure.

His arms tightened, drawing her even closer, though she wouldn’t have believed that was even possible. “Iris, is everything okay?” Before she could think of a lie, he continued, “Just that earlier, you were looking at your glass like it was the five fingered man and your name is Inigo Montoya.”

She chuckled, hiding a wince when the sound was more breathless than she would have liked. “I actually get that reference, you know.”

“Since you’re the one who’s made me watch that movie – eight times – I would hope so,” he returned dryly.

“Oh, come on! The Princess Bride is a classic!” she protested, and her indignation at the implied slight his tone would suggest temporarily distracted her from the butterflies ricocheting through her stomach.

The way his lips twitched at the corners, she could tell he was trying to get a rise out of her, but she went along with it when he retorted, “A movie can’t be considered a classic unless it has either zombies or giant monsters destroying Tokyo.”

She snorted. “It has fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…!”

“First, the fact that I’m pretty sure that’s an exact quote may be a sign you’ve seen that movie too many times.”

She narrowed her eyes at him when he paused. “And second?”

He responded with an unabashed grin. “Second, that has to be the worst Peter Falk impression I have ever heard. Really. Embarrassingly bad. You should be ashamed.”

Barley managing to choke back a laugh, she raised her eyebrows at him in outrage. “You know, just for that, you’re watching that with me this weekend. Twice.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she could have kicked herself. That was exactly the kind of intimate, one-on-one activity she’d been trying to avoid.

His smile fell, and his gaze grew intense as he searched her face. “So, we’re hanging out together again?” he asked softly, his voice unsure.

“I-I don’t know what you mean.” It was a lie – and not a very good one. She’d been avoiding him, or at least being alone with him, pretty much ever since she’d realized she was in love with him. So, basically, for months.

His hand tightened around hers. “Iris, I –,” he began, but a thin and reedy voice, barely loud enough to be heard over the music, interrupted him.

“You two are a lovely couple.” She turned her head to see a woman who looked old enough to have witnessed the building of the pyramids staring at them with a mischievous gleam in her eye. Those eyes darted to Iris’s left hand, and she pursed her lips in disappointment. “And when will the two of you be tying the knot?”

Iris’s astonished laugh matched her partner’s. “Wh-what?” he asked, and she was grateful for it because that meant she didn’t have to.

The stranger looked to Barry. “Honey, when you get as old as me, you can’t help it. It comes with the false hip and pill dispensers.” Her eyes darted back to Iris. “And you’re avoiding my question.”

“Oh…well…we…we aren’t…I mean…he’s not really my-my boyfriend,” she stammered. “He’s my, uh, my…” She trailed off and looked at him desperately, hoping he would throw her a lifeline. Explaining what he was to her was complicated, particularly when all she could think about was that he wasn’t what she wanted him to be. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to be eager to give her any help. In fact, he looked a little hurt, she assumed because it was taking so long. “My…date,” she ended lamely, finally remembering that the entire purpose of her charade was to avoid just this kind of uncomfortable conversation. “I mean, he’s just my date,” she grumbled, now resenting the ruse.

Finally, Barry came to her rescue, tucking the hand he held in the crook of his arm. “It’s kind of our first date,” he lied with that boyish charm that seemed to come so easily to him. “How do you think it’s going?”

The old woman nodded slowly as she looked them over. “Well, I’d say it’s going okay. But if it’s your first date, you really should kiss already. You can tell a lot about where a relationship is headed by a kiss.”

That’s was it. This old woman was secretly Satan.

Barry was silent for a moment, but when he looked down at her, she couldn’t read the thoughts behind his eyes as easily as she picked up on his teasing tone. “You know, she has a point. We should probably just kiss already. Get it over with.”

She opened her mouth to tell him absolutely not, that was taking the ruse a step too far. She was absolutely not going to kiss him. Instead, what came out of her mouth was, “Okay.” Swallowing heavily, she added, trying to sound more confident than she feared she looked. “We should kiss.”

Barely looked shocked, but the expression slipped from his face as his gaze dropped to her lips. He moved closer, and she could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. She was reminded of the strength of his arm when he wrapped it around her waist and pulled her closer, as though once again he would draw her into a dance.

“As you wish,” he whispered in return.

[lokiofishgard]

"From my point of view, and in my long experience with that point of view... He has a pretty damn fine ass. This is only my professional opinion though."

[anonymous thought meme]

*unfolds the slip of paper, reads it and smirks, cheeks almost imperceptibly red* I’m glad it’s …appreciated.

[Oh my, Ehehe]