Not because it is easy, but because it is hard.
As the blows come in and I fall for feint after feint, I echo this thought in my head. If this was easy, it wouldn’t be worth doing.
“I tried not to hit you too hard,” he tells me afterwards. I ignore it for the moment; my concerns are elsewhere. Down 2-0 in my open steel pool in matches that haven’t even been close, can I avoid finishing last?
***
I’ve spent nearly all month waiting for Study in Steel. The goals that I missed at the beginning of the month at Shortpoint are still looming, and I’m growing impatient in my effort to meet them. It’s simple - win a match in an Open Steel. This is the one thing I’ve not done; the one thing standing in my way between saying I believe in myself and actually doing so.
Sure, there are those who gasp in surprise when I mention that I fight men, that there are no gender or weight divisions in an open, but for me this is not a new thing. I train to fight whoever’s in the opposite corner, whether it’s someone who’s picking up a sword for the first time, or whoever won last year’s Swordfish.
This isn’t my first open; it’s my fourth in as many months. I know what an Open feels like; I know I can handle myself in one. The only thing standing between my goal and myself is the space it takes to cross the ring. ***
Saturday morning I’m on no sleep, and perhaps even worse, no sugar. My body is behaving for once, so I warm up to Imagine Dragons, OneRepublic, and Skillet. The air is already thick and heavy in a gym with no air conditioning; if you told me it was the first of August I would have believed you.
I signed up for synthetic as well as steel to give myself more chances to fight, and it starts well enough - I win my first match, though it isn’t easy as I try to adjust to the bouncy-ness of synthetic swords. I win my second match in more convincing fashion—just one point shy of a mercy kill. My third match is close - there’s a beautiful sword-grab-pommel thing I do, but I’m out of bounds when it happens. I lose by one point.
In my last match, I get beat. It happens - Tom is simply a better fencer on this day than I am - and while I do manage one good thrust, I’m just outclassed. So I end my synthetic pool with two wins and two losses, but overall happy with my performance.
I make eliminations for synthetic seeded 10th out of 25, and though my fight with Mike doesn’t end in my favor, it is by far one of the best fights I’ve had in any tournament, in any event. The two of us are dancing, performing art, more than we are flailing at each other with swords. Both of us are patient, not making any move until we see the opening. We’re tied as the clock winds down, twenty seconds, then fifteen…and then he gets me, right on my hand. Some losses sting, but this isn’t one of them.
***
Unlike many of the other tournaments I’ve been to, this time I don’t know anyone who is in my Open Steel pool, not even in an “oh-hey-I’ve-seen-you-on-the-internet” capacity. So when my pool gathers at the end of a sticky, sweaty Saturday afternoon, the first thing I’m struck by is the size of all my opponents. Not just tall, but all of them strongly built. If you were to look up Big Scary Guy in the dictionary of Rebecca Fencing, it would be this pool.
In my first fight, I forget everything I know about lateral movement. The result is predictable - Darren rushes in every time, and hey, what’s the record for pommel strikes in a longsword match? His mercy killing of me is the eventual conclusion of the match, but somehow - and I’m not really sure how - I managed to score six points of my own.
It’s not how I wanted to start my open steel pool, and it doesn’t auger well for the rest of my matches. Were my first two wins in synthetic an aberration?
***
In my second fight I cannot touch my opponent. I know he’s going to feint, I know where he is going to feint, and I still can’t beat him. Part of it is my own bad habits, the other part is he’s just much better at fencing than I am right now. Afterwards, he makes a comment about trying not to hit me too hard.
I don’t know what he means by it - is he trying to say that he could have knocked me out if he wanted to? Is he trying to be chivalrous? It does no good to dwell on it, but I’m in a foul mood now. Two losses in, I’m wondering if trying to do both synthetic and steel was a mistake on my part. It’s now been five fights since my last win. I’m getting antsy.
***
At some point in my third fight, I remember my lateral movement. Or, at least, that’s the only explanation I can think of when, halfway through the match, I look at the score and notice that I’m actually in the lead.
It baffles me; I can’t remember any call in this match actually going my way; have the scorekeepers messed up? Maybe, maybe not - until I see the video, I won’t know for sure - but I take it and I run with it. I start moving circularly. I stop getting forced into a corner. I start hitting heads. When Aaron or the table staff or whomever it was calls time, I very nearly jump into Eric’s (who’s again cornering for me) arms. I’ve finally done it, finally crossed that last boundary - I don’t have to believe I can win an open steel match; I’ve actually done it. Now I know I can.
Just as quickly as I’d been ready to give up, I’ve now got a second wind. In my final pool fight with Jordan, I never feel like I’m not in control. It’s certainly no slam dunk or mercy kill, but I am never in doubt about my ability to win it. Although I’m no Pollyana, I’m seeing for myself in person the proof that a positive outlook can have.
That last psychological barrier, of not knowing if I can really do this at this level is gone. Forget about last - I end up finishing in a tie for second in my pool, missing eliminations on a tiebreaker. It’s not quite winning All the Everythings - but it’s one more step closer. *** I also competed in my first paired forms tournament with my teammate and often coach Eric; we finished third, which is pretty good for something we put together the night before - my original PT partner couldn’t make it to South Carolina, so I didn’t even know if I’d be competing in PT until the day before. I did find the format to be much more interesting than the usual PT format and urge other tournament organizers to talk to Sword Carolina’s Aaron and Josh if they’re looking to put together a PT event.
