Change my dear! Another time lapse- full version on my YT! #sixthdoctor #doctorwho #classicwho #doctotwhoart https://www.instagram.com/p/CEsRtD0DbGv/?igshid=rbdm4837vm1z
This is a novelization of a story that never materialized onto TV in the 1980s. Not so much a “missing episode” as one that never existed (yet). At 122 pages and that Target form factor, this book fits perfectly in the pocket for something to read on the train. It’s already good before word one as it features the sixth doctor, Peri, Ice Warriors and the scheming slug Sil (Vengeance On Varos, Mindwarp) interacting on a planet ruled by clairvoyant women. Philip Martin takes a Terrance Dicks approach penning a robust straightforward retelling of the program (or how it would have shown). You can almost hear the stinger sounds come every quarter on a cliffhanger, assuming this would have been a four-parter. The TARDIS gets good action, and we also meet another unmet Time Lord who went to school with the doctor wayback when.
I wrote this at the start of the year and didn’t really like it, but now that some time has passed, we can laugh at past me together! I also feel like I should post more so I’ll be posting stuff I maybe don’t like as much. The logic behind why you have a panic attack is a bit flawed but please change it around so it makes sense.
Warnings: Anxiety, Panic attacks (Duh) and in my opinion Bad writing.
Word count: 1,394 (I miss being able to write this much!)
"How come whenever I look at you, you're close to death?" You ask the newest incarnation of the Doctor. You observe him gently as he continues to focus on his work. Your attention moves from his curly, blonde hair that ever-so-slightly shifted with his head movements to his dazzling blue eyes; which nervously darted back and forth as he focuses on the console. Then you notice how he unconsciously and benignly grip his bottom lip between his teeth. You sigh fearfully and his 'noble' gaze was re-drawn to your figure, which enticed him to approach you.
He would stop in front of you and place his hands just under your elbows before allowing them both to slip down to your hands. He was barely clutching your hand beside from his thumb and forefinger placed on either side of your palm with a benevolent yet cautionary grip as behind his eyes an internal battle between what seemed timelordish versus instinct. He let out a sigh that wheezed like someone sobbing or complaining. He grinned graciously yet morose at you when you attempt to contort your hand as much as he allowed to hold his palm, but you had to settle for the base of his thumb due to his increasingly restrictive grip. It was evident he was more controlling -if that is the right word- compared to his fifth face. You knew that the controlling nature that came with this regeneration -alongside his need to prove himself- wouldn't need too much attention or concern about.
"I'm certain my appearance isn't that deathly, my dearest."
You redirect your gaze up to him, making his hearts wrench.
"That's not what I worry about."
The Doctor observes you. His gaze was somehow both strong and intense but behind his eyes were light with mild intentions, "Whatever increases your anxiety over me, I promise I will do my best to correct."
"I- I... nevermind." you metaphorically bite your own tongue, a wave of dreadful thoughts filling your skull, each one causing a thought-spiral. 'You can't tell him because you don't want to hurt his feelings. But you need to! You can't!' These sudden thoughts broke the dam of your anxieties over the recent events, the death of five, regeneration, the new doctors' attitude, how this had happened before and you didn’t feel ready, and what was left of your life outside of the Doctor. You felt immediately overwhelmed.
You attempt to ignore how all of your limbs suddenly feel more weighty, and how you feel aware of the feeling in your extremities that felt oddly like cotton. You attempt to regulate your breathing but the sudden dryness of your mouth, how your thoughts wouldn't stop rushing around your brain and the dizziness that made your skull pound induced further panic. The dryness in your mouth and the intensifying pain in your stomach induced a wave of sickness to wash over you. All of your extremities tingle painfully and irritatingly.
You felt increasingly cold but were somehow feeling sweaty. You let out a shaky sigh. Your sense of touch was heightened but everything about your touch made the Doctor realise just how weak you were growing. Your head felt too heavy for your spine, and you allowed your head to fall onto the Doctors' chest. Your vision began to cloud, small, black pinpricks approaching your vision from all sides. You feel completely alone, but the fear of someone overreacting made you feel even worse.
The Doctor asks, "Are you okay? Darling? Y/n!?"
Your only reaction was an uncomfortable groan due to the way your ears were ringing, distorting any noise you heard. The Doctor looks completely shell-shocked, but due to how pale you were and other tell-tale signs like your heart-rate and how you broke out on a cold sweat, so he deduced you were having a panic attack.
"Breathe." You felt the vibrations of the Doctors' chest as he spoke. "C'mon, breathe with me. Breathe in. 1... 3."
The Doctor moved you from his chest and cupped your cheek with his left hand while his right was pressed against your back.
"Breathe out 1... 6." The Doctor looked you in the eye as best he could and would run his fingers through your hair.
"Breathe in 1... 4." The doctor would whisper reassuring words in the small gaps between your breathing, things like 'I've got you,' and 'try not to panic, my dearest, everything is fine'.
"Breathe out 1... 8."
"and again, breathe in, 1. 2. 3."
The Doctor kept you breathing and asked Peri to quickly grab you some water, meeting him in your room -after quickly asking you if you wanted to go there. He would slide your arm over his shoulders and hold you gently as he helps you walk with him. He actually had to pace you because you were walking too fast and causing yourself more harm.
You reach your room together, and the Doctor would quickly set you on the double bed, moving you so you were both sitting up against the headrest, your back against the refreshingly cool wall. The Doctor slides off his coat as best as he can and covers your legs with it. You move it up to your torso, the coat partially hanging off your knees as you raise them. You were aware of how your feet -after you kick your shoes off sloppily, your feet were still heavy but slightly comforted by the soft bedsheets below you and the aroma the Doctors' coat gave. The Doctor copies you, kicking his shoes off -however less clumsy- and scooted closer, wrapping an arm over you. You flinch before letting your head fall on his shoulder.
"Dearest. There is nothing to be afraid of, I'm here and I'll always be there to save you.”
You nod as the pinpricks preventing your vision began emptying like the sand in an hourglass and the ringing in your ears begun fading away- it is much higher-pitched; you never imagined such a sound would be such a comfort. You kept breathing as the Doctor attempted to hold some distracting conversation with you. You felt increasingly calmer and your senses were no longer clouded. Normality swept over you.
To test, you hook a leg over the Doctor's to see how he'd react. For the most part, he didn't. He pulled you closer.
"Do you feel better now?"
You nod, moving your face so your lips were centimetres from his neck and allow your arm to snake over his waist.
"I'm sorry." You whisper.
"It's hardly your fault. Would you... like to tell me?"
"I worry about your safety. That you will challenge someone or do something and you'll get hurt or that something will happen to me and I won't be around to help you. That thought hurts and I know you'll find it stupid..."
"Oh, Dearest... I don't find it stupid in the slightest. In fact, I find it rather charming but it concerns me you worry about this at all." The Doctor looks down at you and he presses his lips to the top of your head. "You fell straight into my arms... if you wanted my attention so dearly you didn't have to surpass just asking." You chuckle lightly and prod his ribcage leniently in a kind of warning. "There you are. All smiley again. Just how you should be, not that you have to, of course- just... it's better if you do."
"Thank you." You whisper in a docile manner.
"It's no problem, my dear. I would much rather help you and make sure you're okay, for my peace of mind and your safety."
"I love you." You murmur again.
"I love me too." The Doctor laughs and smiles down at you as you giggle.
"I can see why." You proffered, looking up to admire him.
"In all sincerity, I'm rather fortunate humans are so compassionate, especially with this face. I've done so much to you and Peri and I don't deserve the two of you hanging around-"
"You have done so much for us too! You're definitely charming and sweet when you really want to be. You aren't as brash or arrogant as you act and you can be quite pleasant. It is difficult to put into words why I admire you."
The Doctor would exhale, "I love you too."
