Dumbledore: and now, a speech from Professor Lock—
Professor Lockhart: YES hello students! AS YOU MAY KNOW, i am Gilderoy Lockhart — no need to swoon, students and colleagues, though I am flattered 😌😛😉😉😏 BUT i have an announcement! 🤭Yes, it is true, i have hired magical creatures dressed as cUpiDs to send out ✨ Valentine’s Day cards ✨!!! 👼🏼But here is the catch — the senders of the cards shall remain Anonymous!!!!! 🏹🎀And this is very important™️ because anonymous love creates what??? — yes, you guessed it — it creates D R A M A. SO, PLEASE send as many of these as possible *grins and blinds everyone in the great hall* AND May I add that I hope you discover a s e c r e t a d m i r e r ?!!! (PS - my cubby hole is open if you would like to leave mE a Valentine’s Day card 🥰💖💌) FAREWELL — *twirls*
PSA: Gilderoy Lockhart X Rita Skeeter New Ship Name | Skeeteroy
Soooo Byrone @utterlybyrone and I were discussing the existence of Gilderoy Lockhart and Rita Skeeter as a ship, because I was saying that I had seen them shipped together once in a fic — and they were dating in the same year at Hogwarts and both were in House Ravenclaw (edit: if someone remembers the fic name please tag/add/reblog so I can give credit!!).
AND, in the absence of a ship name for the pairing, Byrone suggested Gilta, Gilda, and this: Skeeteroy.
Well. Once I stopped wheezing at how fantastic a name that is for a ship, I then told Byrone that I would tag them every time I used the term “Skeeteroy.” 💀
I’ve decided to go one step further: can we make Skeeteroy™ a thing for that ship??? Because I have to be honest with you, I’m not altogether sure there is an official name for that pairing. And even if there is one already, Skeeteroy is better. Fight me and @utterlybyrone
Mutuals pretty please reblog this post to make this a thing, it would make my flipping YEAR lmfaoooo 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
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Edit: Even though I’ve only seen the ship in ONE fanfic (it was a Time Travel AU Snamione fic), (and as @utterlybyrone said, the ship pretty much seems to barely exist in the HP fandom) I think the pairing makes sense.
Why?
1. Gilderoy and Skeeter are both ladder-climbing socialites who are full of both street smarts and ambition
2. Both of them would be willing to do very bad things™ to become successful. (see Gilderoy trying to Obliviate Harry and Ron, and see Skeeter airing the private lives of teenagers to get increased readership)
3. Both of them value their appearance and their reputation more than anything else
4. Both of them love their trademarks. Gilderoy: teeth, hair, robes. Skeeter: hair, glasses, Quick Quotes Quill.
5. Headcanon: Both of them may or may not absolutely 110% live by the motto “fake it ‘til you make it.”
6. Gilderoy is a Halfblood and Rita is a Halfblood too (some sources say Pureblood). Either way, they would have spent a lot of time in the Wizarding World, and they both know how to navigate it — and most importantly, they both know who the powerful people are. So they would be useful to each other. Additionally, Skeeter (being part of the press) could help to hide Gilderoy’s fraudulent work and make him seem more credible. Gilderoy could shower praise on Rita Skeeter at every book signing, and the people would love her even more.
7. Idk, he gives me very very hetero himbo energy. She gives me bi/pan energy. Either way, they’re both fashion icons. And she’s a beetle. Idk what that means for their pairing, but it seems important.
8. Headcanon: Both of them definitely would have been invited to the Slug Club.
9. Gilderoy was in Ravenclaw. Headcanon: Rita was in Ravenclaw in the fic I read, but I also think she could have easily been (perhaps) in Slytherin. These two have a similar mentality: brains over brawn.
10. I’m sure there are more reasons. Anyway. Vote SKEETEROY for 2022!!! We’re bringing this bad boy to life @utterlybyrone
Edit: there are exactly 16 fics on AO3 that contain the words Gilderoy Lockhart/Rita Skeeter.
Chosen Ship: SKEETEROY YES BABYYYY You asked I delivered
I’m late with this as usual but I don’t care ok please enjoy!!!
The name Skeeteroy was coined by @utterlybyrone
@hpshipuary
She was sitting in the Great Hall with two other girls when she saw him. Blonde hair. Baby blue eyes. And a smile that, even from this side of the hall, was as bright as it was immaculate.
Rita stared at him, eyebrows furrowed.
“Gosh, look at him!” said the girl to her right, a Pureblood Ravenclaw called Catriona. The girl leaned forward on her hand and sighed. “He gets handsomer every Valentine’s Day.”
“I wouldn’t get excited,” said Rita. “I’ve said it loads of times. That’s spell work. For certain.”
“What?” gasped the second girl, a Hufflepuff who was brilliant in Charms and whose name was Edwina. “Rita Skeeter, you take that back! That’s a dreadfully naughty thing to say. ”
“I will not,” said Rita, tossing her hair, which this month was especially bouncy thanks to her new hair products. “In fact,” she said, standing up, “I’ll end the spell. Then the whole Hall will finally know he’s a fake. It’ll make a fantastic scoop for the school paper.”
The two other girls reached for her beseechingly.
“Don’t, Rita.”
“Please, Rita, just sit down.”
She shook them off, stood up, and strode down the hall. She was halfway there when Gilderoy Lockhart spotted her.
“Ah, good morning,” said Gilderoy, turning away from three young men who had been listening to him attentively. In a grand show of Pureblood etiquette, he gave a short sweeping bow that could almost match Lucius Malfoy’s.
“How are you on this fine Valentine’s Day, Margarita?” He leaned forward conspiratorially. “You do know it’s Valentine’s, don’t you?”
Whatever Rita had been planning, she was brought up short by him using her full first name. How did he know it? She hadn’t told anybody in all her years at Hogwarts.
“Don’t call me Margarita.”
He blinked. “Ah. Apologies.”
“You can save those for someone who wants them,” said Rita. “Finite Incantatem,” she chanted loudly.
A white glow emanated from her wand briefly. She watched Gilderoy’s face hungrily for any signs of visible change, certain that the flawless beauty would melt from his face like wax off a candle.
But nothing. The only thing that changed, perhaps, was the volume of his hair, which seemed to deflate if only fractionally after she cast the spell.
Gilderoy blinked. “What was that for?”
Rita felt the heat rising up her face. “Nothing.”
He stared at her. “You thought I was wearing Glamours, didn’t you?”
“What? No!”
“Don’t lie, Rita, it’s unbecoming,” said Gilderoy coyly. He withdrew his wand from his sleeve. “Shall I try the spell on you, then?”
She gaped at him. “What? Why?”
“I’d had the same thought about you actually, just the other day,” said Gilderoy quietly. He cocked an eyebrow. “I’m curious to know if you’re as pretty as you look. After all, isn’t that what you just tried to do? My, my, Miss Skeeter, I’m flattered.”
She blushed harder, and he flashed her a grin.
“I tell you what,” said Gilderoy. “I don’t think anybody except the students saw you use that spell. I’m a Prefect, so I won’t report you to the Professors — on one condition.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “Go on.”
“Go out with me today. To Hogsmeade.”
Rita heard a couple of soft twitters of laughter from behind her and a couple of oo’s coming from the boys at the table.
“That’s blackmail,” Rita said.
“Yes. But can you blame me for trying?” he said. He put a foot on the bench and leaned on his knee with both arms. “What do you say, Margarita?”
She bristled. “I’ll say yes, if you stop calling me that.”
“Deal,” he said, without hesitation. He stood back up and stepped closer to her. He spoke in a voice so low that she had to move nearer to him in order to hear what he was saying. “We made Amortentia the other day with Slughorn. Have you made it yet?”
Rita nodded, yes.
Gilderoy gazed at her carefully. “I could smell pears in mine. And cinnamon. You don’t have any idea where that might come from, do you?”
Rita felt her face burn for the second time. Her shampoo smelled like pears, and she enjoyed cinnamon-flavored Sugar Quills.
“I might,” she said quietly.
“What was in yours, then?” he said.
She blinked. “There was mostly just mint in mine. And — and something else.”
That ‘something else’ was rolling off of Lockhart in waves. ‘Something else’ was clearly his cologne, which smelled citrusy and clean. She hadn’t realized, before. But then, they’d never stood this close to each other either.
Gilderoy looked at her for a moment longer, waiting to see if she’d share more, and then broke away when it was clear she wouldn’t.
“See you at four o’clock with the rest of the group for Hogsmeade,” he said. He waved at her as he walked off.
Rita stared after him, slightly dazed. Catriona and Edwina came up from behind her to stand at her sides.
“Rita…. What happened?” said Catriona.
She sighed. “What do you think happened? The spell didn’t do anything.”
“Ohh. So he is that handsome,” said Edwina, craning her neck to see him.
“Did he ask you to go out with him?” said Catriona.
Rita paused. “Yes.”
“And you said yes, I saw you,” said Catriona.
“I did.”
“I thought you couldn’t stand him?” said Edwina accusingly. “You’ve said for months that he’s a pain in the arse in DADA class.”
Rita blushed. “I never said that.”
“You did,” said Edwina, “But now you’ll get to know him better. So you can make up for all the silly things you said.”
Rita looked up and saw Gilderoy exiting the hall.
“Yes,” said Rita thoughtfully. “I suppose I will.”
After all, she did need a partner in crime, so to speak. And he did smell awfully good. Looked good, too. And was brilliant in class, if a bit annoyingly inclined to argue.
Butterflies flitted through Rita’s stomach at the prospect of going out with the boy who had been her intellectual and social rival for years.
This was going to be the first Hogsmeade date Rita had had since arriving at Hogwarts that she would enjoy. She just knew it.
