just friends(?) P2
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
//
The pain comes in waves.
--
The very first week after the text (Sam was calling it Textgate which would’ve been hilarious if it didn’t hurt so much) Steve calls endlessly.
Every single minute he’s off from work or not working on his graduate portfolio, Steve is calling and texting and on one memorable occasion, writing a letter.
He’s desperate for any chance of talking to Tony.
(the calls and text go unanswered)
(the letter comes back undelivered)
--
After 2 weeks of radio silence, Steve shows up at Stark Industries, in his best fitting suit (the one Tony looked at, whistled lowly and said “you look lick-able Rogers”) and meets a stony faced Virginia.
‘Virginia hi is there -”
“It’s Ms Potts,” she interrupts smoothly, “and I’m under strict instructions from Mr Stark to turn you away.”
He’d forgotten that Virginia worked for Tony.
“Virg- Ms Potts please. I just need 5 minutes. I just need to explain myself please.”
He’s not above begging.
“Leave Mr Rogers,” she says before spinning on her heel, “Or I will have security escort you out.”
--
He’s frozen, immovable, stranded in the depths of his guilt and self loathing.
(he isn’t quite sure he deserves to get out)
--
He goes into the NYU art department, to fill out the application since he needed to start looking for a new patron now.
“Mr. Stark is still listed as your patron,” the clerk says with a very confused face, “He sent in a lump sum just a few days ago. Should I call him and inform him that you’re no longer interested in his patronage?”
“NO!” Steve says (a bit too loudly by the rise of the clerk’s eyebrow) and then lowers his voice, “No I’m very interested in his patronage. I just didn’t realise I had it, is all.”
“Look Mr. Rogers I’ve been working this desk for a long time, and I know you artist types can be,” he pauses delicately, “forgetful.”
He scribbles something, “Here’s Mr. Stark's office number. I’m a very busy person, so maybe figure out what your situation is before you come and bother me.”
Steve barely remembers to thank the clerk and apologize, focusing on that feeling in his chest that feels suspiciously like hope.
--
He takes another 5 days before he dials the number, putting his phone on speaker and holding it close to his mouth.
It rings and rings and rings and finally,
“Stark on the line,”
Tony.
God he sounds, he sounds exactly the same (Steve has no idea why he expected Tony’s voice to change in 2 months when it hasn’t in 5 years)
“Hello?” Steve can hear the slight inflection in Tony’s voice that means he’s getting annoyed but he can’t seem to get his throat to work; too focused on the fact that he’s hearing Tony’s voice after 2 months.
“Alright look I don’t know what kind of practical joke you seem to think this is but I am a billionaire and I have better things to do then -”
“Tony, it’s me, it’s Steve.”
“Steve,” Tony’s voice is carefully blank and Steve thinks his heart might break all over again.
“How did you get this number?” In all the years he’s known him, he’s never heard Tony talk like this- like he’s talking to an automated machine.
“I uh, the clerk at the patron office gave it to me. I went it to file for a new patron but apparently you sent in money a few days ago?”
Tony laughs and its so dark, it pierces through Steve, “your career is fine Rogers. If thats all?”
He cuts the line before Steve has a chance to answer, to apologize.
And Steve presses his hand against his chest, and lets the tears fall.
(he was right)
(his heart did break all over again)
--
Sam comes to visit him, which is when things start to fall in perspective.
“Out!” Sam kicks him in the chins, “get out of the bed you miserable lug.”
(never let it be said that Sam pulls his punches)
“You’re not the only one hurting you know,” Sam says once Steve has showered and cooked him (him being Sam) a batch of pancakes (under extreme duress).
“I mean, I know you know that Tony is hurting. But this isn’t easy for me and Bucky either.”
oh my god Bucky.
“Hey he doesn’t blame you,” something must show on Steve’s face because Sam backtracks immediately, “he gets it. We all do,” he grimaces slightly. “James and Pepper don’t- but we’re working on them.”
Steve raises his eyebrows, “I hurt Tony. There’s no way they’re going to forgive them.”
(I don’t expect them too, he leaves out)
“Look they know you didn’t mean to, and its only because your dumbass was in love with Tony,” Steve chokes on his orange juice, “and if I can convince James to date me, I can do anything.”
“Wait hold up backtrack a bit, you knew?”
“Yeah Steve, everyone knew,” Sam counts off fingers, “Me, James, Pepper, hell even Bucky knew.”
Sam places his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “The only person who didn’t know was Tony. And as harsh as it sounds, Bucky got tired of waiting for you to fess up, and got tired of ignoring his own emotions.”
Steve slumps against his seat, “Buck- Buck knew?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you Steve, because I know you love Tony. But Bucky is your bestfriend of 20 years man, friendships like that don’t come easy. Maybe you need to consider that Tony’s not the only person you need to be reaching out too.”
--
The next day he texts Bucky.
--
Steve gets up from his seat, and is suddenly unsure of whether he’s supposed to pull Bucky in for a hug the way he usually does, or just shake his hand like they’re acquaintances.
Bucky solves his dilemma by pulling him into a tight hug, and it fixes something inside of him that he didn’t know was broken.
“Its good to see you man,” Bucky says, lifting up his mug to take a sip of his coffee, “It’s weird not talking to you for 3 months.”
“Thats what happens when your bestfriend is dating the guy you love” just because Steve missed Bucky doesn’t mean he isn’t hurt.
Bucky places his mug down, “I see we’re not beating around the bush”
“In the effort of full disclosure, I did genuinely believe you when you told me that it was platonic.”
“But I saw how much it was killing you, me and Tony together and I tried to break it off remember?”
Steve remembers. Tony’s downcast eyes and the way he would turn in himself everytime he and Bucky were in the same room.
Bucky points at him,” and you pushed for me to get back together with him. Remember that? I said no over and over but you just wouldn’t let it go,” he spreads out his arms, “and I was half in love with him myself by that point. After a while I couldn’t convince myself that it was for the best because you weren’t ever gonna fess up to your feelings.”
Steve would’ve done anything to get Tony to smile like that again, even if it meant thrusting Bucky at him.
“Look Steve you’re my family you know that,” Bucky takes in a deep breath, “But I was miserable, you were miserable, and so was Tony. It didn’t make sense for all of us to be miserable, especially since you were never going to tell Tony how you felt. And you kept throwing me at him like I -”
“I just wanted to be happy Steve, thats all. I never wanted it to be at the expense of your happiness, and I tried to back away I did. But for fuck’s sake Steve you wouldn’t even tell me how you felt and I just- I didn’t see any point in all of us being miserable is all.”
“You really do make him happy,” Steve says finally, “I was his friend for 5 years and I’ve never seen him smile the way he does around you.”
Bucky smiles, but there’s something broken about it, “yeah well, doesn’t really matter anymore; because we broke up a few weeks ago.”
and, oh.
--
It’s weird, hanging out with Bucky with this thing hanging over their heads.
It’s hard being his bestfriend when Bucky knows that Steve is happy that Bucky and Tony broke up.
But they manage.
and while it doesn’t fix Steve’s heart, it does make his life calmer.
(his life is always calmer with Bucky around)
--
It all comes to a head about 6 months later.
Steve’s in his usual coffee shop, which is just a few blocks away from Stark Industries so it genuinely shouldn’t be a surprise.
but he still feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him when he looks up from his sketchbook and sees,
Tony
(who’s frozen from his place in line, looking directly at him)
--
tbc
tag list: @honeybearrhodey, @rogers-stark45, @tried-our-best, @kirouskasa, @fincaffeinaddict, @endlesslove1084, @imaginestevetony
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