this is your reminder to tell the story about the xcom save file name
Alright, so I’m in this goddamn story mission, doing it for the third time -- because if I learned anything in this fucking game is SAVE BEFORE YOU DO LITERALLY ANYTHING EVER FOREVER HOLY FUCKING SHIT -- and I decide:
“Y’know the fucking what? Imma fucking go all rookies on this mission.”
You see, every single veteran in my game was out of commission saving for my one (1) ranger, and I wasn’t very keen in losing her to death because her team was made of fucking scared children.
Very well, All rookie it is, fuck it, at least if they die I won’t care as much amiright?
Anyway, so there I go, third fucking time is the charm and all that, and I manage to slowly deal with the first two blokes even though one of the rookies can’t shoot the large side of a neon yellow barn if it was begging’em to shoot it.
But y’know, it’s going fine so far, I got a japanese soldier on the high ground to pretend he is a sniper or some fuckshit, and it is sort of working because he can actually shoot things -- and then the fucking reptilian sonnofabitch happens.
Y’know like, that 70′s ish sci-fi show that they remade back in the early-ish 2ks, V? With the whole fucking reptilian fuckers pretending to be hoomans or some stuff? Well, they decided to make some appearance in this goddang mission, because this bitch ass Naga shithead not only decides they’re Mortal Kombat’s Scorpion on my japanese rookie, they decide to give’im something my scalie friends (you know who you are, lizard tiddies) a sexy ass hug and whisper sweet nothings on his ear.
Well, now don’tr get me wrong, but I don’t think my j-rookie was much fond of this alien being so forward without buying him dinner first, and here I am, as his commander, sweating buckets and thinking: “holy shit holy shit holy fucking sweet shits we are all fucking doomed.”
None of these motherfuckers is in a good position to shoot these idiots, and I already made the mistake of getting attached to my one actually competent j-soldier boy - I’m not about to throw a bomb on him and risk killing him!
So y’know, I do the very next best thing I can, I guess.
I throw a bomb to wreck every single fucking covering near those motherfuckers.
And here comes the crazy plan: it was all riding on “I can’t shoot fuckign shit mcgee” being able to hit the suave snake in the facey on the hopes that maybe, just maybe a critical hit would kill it -- which it didn’t -- but it did the very next next best thing: it made the snake go “OH NO ME TIDDIES” and let my j-soldier boy go in time for him turn, where I sent him back behind some debris cover.
Now, lucky me, this fucker had a last frag grenade on him, which thankfully I aimed well enough that got both his ex-lover snake and that other redshirt bloke behind scaletits and sent them back to hell like some bs you’d see in Winona Earp or whatever.
And this is where I catch my breath, see no one is hurt somehow, and save my game with that sweet ass fucking filename: because oh god, I can’t believe everything went according to the fucking plan. Holy shit.