I feel like my depression is just an excuse for me for being lazy. I KNOW it is a mental illness and I think so for everyone- everyone except me. I am still in school and have to get sooo much work done (I've been out sick for a whole week) but a depressive episode just started and I feel so miserable.
I get that feeling (of thinking something is fine and obviously understandable for everyone else, but different for you personally), but it really does apply to you just as much as it does to anyone else. When you’re dealing with depression or any sort of mental illness, you’re putting up with extra obstacles and invisible difficulties that others simply are not. That might mean that getting out of bed or doing a chapter of reading for a class is absolutely an achievement. It’s not laziness; it’s hard work. Even though it’s not a visible thing, you’re working against your own body’s chemicals. Just like someone with a broken leg on crutches is going to feel like they’ve exerted much more effort to walk one block than someone without a broken leg, it takes more to get over certain mental hurdles and do things like get out of bed or get work done. But you wouldn’t judge someone on crutches for not being able to run around the track, and that logic works both ways.
One piece of advice that helped my fiancée (and helped me when she gave it to me) was: Ask yourself if you would talk to anyone else the way you were currently talking to yourself. If the answer is no, which I’ve found it normally is, then you’re beating yourself up about things that other people (at least decent people) wouldn’t. You’re imposing unfair burdens on yourself without recognizing those small things as the accomplishments they are. If you’re someone that does well with being able to see the things you’ve done (I know I am), it might be helpful to set a “bare minimum checklist” for yourself with things like: get out of bed, brush your teeth, eat something, check your email, etc. with the small things that matter most to you. Because those little things absolutely count when you’re feeling like that, and the list (or something like it) can help you recognize it.