Question!! Which of your obikins go to Pride and how do they celebrate? Like I cannot picture pretty bird obi-wan ever going to pride, but keeping up with the skywalker-kenobis? 100% go to pride every year.
honestly yeah pbatmb obi-wan probably has pride parades banned in his city. most homophobic of the obi-wans despite being very demonstrably pro homosexuality. often accused of homophobia by his critics, points to his longterm loving and emotionally healthy partner, anakin, as if that means anything lmaooo (mobi-wan finds them far too loud and joyful. makes his teeth hurt. cody's just thankful this means he doesn't have to watch them be very disgusting in very public places MORE often)
obi-wan from kuwsk never went to pride before meeting the skywalkers but now they go every year and it's very fun even though obi-wan bitches about glitter in his beard for the week after
firefighter au!obikin would go to pride - anakin is technically working cause he's a firefighter rented out to the city's pride celebration and he's taking it very seriously cause there are a lot of flammables present (that his obi-wan is around of course) but rock star obi-wan is having the time of his life and not taking anything seriously (the 501st fire department retweets a picture of rockstar obi-wan conked out in leather trousers and a boa on anakin's shoulder while anakin is in full uniform and being very serious and it goes viral)
playmaker au obikin would go to pride - or, like. playmaker obi-wan would go to pride but as some inventive punishment for playmaker anakin pissing him off. it's not actually a celebration of his identity or anything (but he went a couple of times as a teen for that reason though he was quick to wash off all the temporary tats and glitter before qui-gon could see) - anakin does something obi-wan doesn't like so obi-wan puts together the most risque outfit he can find and sneaks out and like. hangs with the bears section of the parade lmao. makes sure to post a photo on his instagram (one that doesn't show anyone else's faces but his ofc because he's not looking to have anyone killed)
smithsonian au obikin would go to pride but neither would have a great time cause it's not really their idea of fun (too loud, they would rather be at their respective work stations, it's too crowded, too hot outside, etc) but they're also competitive enough to pretend that they're having the MOST fun. way more fun than the other guy. i'm way more proud than him. so proud. this is SO fun (this continues even after they get together because neither one wants to admit they don't really like pride parades/festivals) (one of their coworkers has to stage an intervention to get them to admit to this)
in the Smithsonian au, marine biologist obi-wan and astrophysicist anakin get married on a beach with surprisingly little argument because they can’t get married in space yet due to the technology not being widely available for a quick space flight for non astronauts. obi-wan (grudgingly) promises his sulking husband that they can get remarried in space when it’s possible, and anakin accepts these conditions and deals with all the sand in his fucking dress shoes
but a few years later obi-wan schedules their vows renewal ceremony at the biggest and cringiest Area 51 themed restaurant in nevada and anakin almost divorces him on the spot
For the OTP questions, could I ask for 25 with the smithsonian au?? I feel like it would be funny to see what they do when they do have something in common 😭
lmao the smithsonian au !!! thank you for sending this in from this list of prompts !
25. do they have any hobbies they share?
lmao they would not be able to handle having anything in common but they probably honestly have a lot that they agree about they just....refuse to admit it.
but ok here are two things they have in common/hobbies they share: hating on the rocks (geology) team & bike riding. anakin picked up biking because he knew obi-wan liked it and he decided he was going to be Better At It than obi-wan, as if leisurely biking were a competition. but since it's not a competition they just sort of accidentally end up going on nice bike rides around the dmv area. almost like a dat---(gunshots)
and obi-wan has always hated the rock people because he's just silly and petty like that. anakin also has always hated the rock people because obviously space rocks are cooler than earth rocks. but when obi-wan finds out that anakin hates the rock people he finds a rock person to take out on a date (to their trivia team night) just because he knows anakin will hate that The Most. unfortunately, obi-wan also finds him annoying because he's a rock person. this is a new low for him:
Anakin's bouncing his leg up and down beneath the table, something he doesn't even notice until Padmé reaches out and grasps a hold of his knee.
"I'd ask if you needed a drink, but you've already had three," she mutters, squeezing once before letting go. "Come on, don't tell me you need to be drunk to spend time with Obi-Wan these days."
Anakin scowls, half at the name and half at the words. "I'm not thinking about him at all," he snaps back, which is a lie. "It's just rude to be late. Especially to trivia. Why are we even on the same team? That's not--"
"He thought it would be nice," Padmé says, taking a sip of her own cider. "He explicitly requested that we don't talk about work. Maybe he's trying to bond with you."
Anakin's scowl turns into a softer frown. Bond with him? Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't want to bond with him. How would they even work if they weren't at each other's throats? What would they talk about? How would--
His mind flashes back to the first time they ever met, before Kenobi opened his mouth to reveal that beneath his gorgeous face, he was just a British dick.
He can feel his face heating, and he takes a sip of his beard to distract himself. Ugh. Kenobi. Kenobi.
"Apologies for the delay," Kenobi says, as if Anakin's thoughts have conjured him into existence. He drops into the chair next to Padmé and kisses her hello on the cheek.
Anakin's scowl is back. Fucking Europeans. He's not even a European. He's from an inconsequential fucking island in the middle of nowhere.
"Gregor here had to finish up a bit of work at the lab," Kenobi continues before looking across the table at Anakin. "Hello, Anakin," he says, tone noticeably cooler but there's something smug about it. About his whole face. And...everything. "Have you met Gregor? He's also a Smithsonian employee."
Anakin casts his gaze to the man still standing at the head of their table. "No," he says, then adds, lying through his teeth, "Pleasure."
"Which department?" Padmé asks sociably as Gregor sits down next to Obi-Wan, who smiles and places his hand on Gregor's arm.
"Mineral studies," Obi-Wan tells them. "I thought perhaps Gregor here would be a boon during the more technical science questions we can never get right."
"Oh, is that why you brought me along?" Gregor asks, turning to Obi-Wan with a familiar, sickening twinkle in his eyes. "And here I thought this was a date, Obi."
Obi-Wan laughs and pats his arm, but his eyes are tighter around the edges. He hates the nickname, Anakin knows. Apparently Gregor doesn't.
"Only if you win it for us, darling," he tells Gregor, and Anakin scowls.
Darling. Ugh. This is bar trivia.
"Mineral studies," he says suddenly. "What's that then?"
"Well," Gregor replies, puffing up the way anyone in DC does the moment they're given an opportunity to talk about what they do for a living. "I guess the easiest way to describe it is that I study rocks. I mean, that's really boiled down, and it's more like---"
He continues, but Anakin's stopped listening the moment Gregor said the word rocks. Rocks.
He raises his eyebrows at Obi-Wan in disbelief. He brought a rock guy to trivia. He's planning to fuck a rock guy. A rock guy. He shakes his head at the other man, who just blinks as if he doesn't understand. As if hating rock people isn't the one thing that they have in common.
You're a wonderful writer, you deserve all the treats! 🎃🍭🍬🍫🍦🧁✨
awww thank you so much 🥹🥹
it is no longer halloween but i have a couple of trick or treat asks that i didn't get to cause my time management leaves a lot to be desired & little time to desire it lol so to spare people's dashes but to not leave anyone in the wind, i'm gonna respond to all of them in one long post :D (this one)
see beneath the cut!! you guys did great there were like almost no repeats even though there statistically probably should have been???
🍬🍬 hello thank you 🧡
i already answered a kuwsk one, so for roadtrip au....
here is a little drabble from an upcoming scene in the roadtrip au (squick tag:a/b/o):
Obi-Wan narrows his eyes in his direction. "What's wrong, Anakin?"
"Nothing," he says. Shit, that came out too fast. Obi-Wan's eyes narrow further, like he agrees.
"You've been acting strangely all day," the love of his life says. "You didn't even say anything when I pointed out the pancake house for breakfast. You didn't even say anything when I got a cinnamon roll at the coffee shop!"
"You had two servings of vegetables yesterday," Anakin mumbles, placing both hands on the wheel and looking at the road. Maybe if he pretends this stretch of flat wasteland road in front of him is the most interesting thing in the world and requires his entire concentration, Obi-Wan will drop the subject.
Obi-Wan does not seem to pick up on this. He scoffs instead, and crosses his arms. "When has that ever been enough to you? Since this entire thing started?"
"Obi-Wan--"
"And we've been listening to my podcast for the past two hours!And you haven't mentioned it once!"
"Fine," Anakin snaps, tightening his hands and then loosening his grip with effort. "Fine, congratulations. Yeah, something's wrong. I'm working through it though, okay?"
On his side of the car, Obi-Wan draws himself up, and then seemingly shrinks himself down a moment later. "Is--" his hand falls onto Anakin's arm before it drops away. "Is this...because of the other night?"
Anakin's jaw clenches. Them having sex hasn't just been kept to the other night. They fucked their way through all of North Dakota and Montana over the course of the last two days. But sure, the other night.
"No."
"Because if it is--" the omega's voice is timid and it makes Anakin's chest hurt.
"You're not wearing my clothes," Anakin blurts out. "You smell different and I hate it and I know it's stupid and weird and some Dark Ages Alpha bullshit, but you need to be wearing my shirt or I'm going to fucking lose my mind, Obi-Wan."
The words draw Obi-Wan up short. Anakin cuts his eyes to the side and he can see his omega's mouth hanging slightly open. Anakin taps his tongue against the back of his teeth. Great, now he sounds like some insane micro-managing lunatic.
"And I think I'm going into rut."
Now he sounds like a horny micromanaging lunatic. Perfect.
👻 ahh trick or treat for the naughtiest au that deserves NO treats!! 🧡
some nasty info on the cheating au i haven't talked about like. all their flying lessons. when obi-wan and anakin start fucking (before they're in love with each other), obi-wan devises a plan to get anakin alone more often so they can fuck on the weekends and not just at their places of work lol. it involves complaining to padmé about needing to really learn how to fly now that his uh valet has retired. he can't get a new one. no, that's not an option. so does padmé know anyone who flies very well and would be down to perhaps teaching him in their free time?
and padmé is like oh i do actually! my husband anakin is a very good flier. would you like me to connect you two? he came with me to your party.
and obi-wan is like i think i remember him :> he would be...available?
and anakin is guilty but very available
so they mostly spend all their flying lessons fucking in the cock pit because obi-wan's been able to fly since he was a kid. padmé learns about this either after the very end where she finds out about their affair, OR she learns about it in the lead up to the very end where she's feeling very suspicious but she's been ignoring it for THIS long so.....
🧛♀️🦇
trick or treat 🧡
twilight au 🧡
a headcanon for the twilight au! obi-wan's biggest pet peeve with anakin is that he absolutely hates being guided or directed in any way. he fights just to fight and obi-wan enjoys putting him in place but it would be fucking easier if anakin didn't spend so much time arguing over like. how many vegetables he should have a day. and how much water he needs to drink. obi-wan is a licensed doctor like 36 times over for fuck's sake.
anakin's biggest pet peeve is obi-wan constantly tries to mind trick him to see if his immunity will falter or fail. anakin's like for the love of god obi-wan im not a science experiment, jesus christ--'
and obi-wan hisses (cause vampire), and obi-wan's like 'you can't tell me you didn't just want to see if that was just a vampire myth'
assholes to each other <3 for eternity <3
😈 trick or treat 👽
omg smithsonian au......you know what they do for halloween, these two fuckers?? padmé invites everyone over to her (very fancy apartment) for pumpkin carving and obi-wan and anakin are so fucking annoying. they turn into a competition about who can carve the best pumpkin. obi-wan calls anakin's first attempt (a cat face) lowbrow (obi-wan carved a jellyfish), and anakin throws pumpkin guts into obi-wan's hair (he's a ginger, no one will even be able to tell!)
it goes on and on until padmé dismisses them from her apartment because it's either that or carve into anakin and obi-wan.
after getting kicked out of pumpkin carving they accidentally go on a romantic autumnal walk. they stop at a street light and anakin picks pumpkin guts out of obi-wan's hair.
it makes them feel so many things they're not mature enough to talk about
trick or treat! 🎃😸
oh ho ho the cult au! that doesn't even have a tag! (but basically it's an au where jedi obi-wan is tasked with investigating a Force adjacent cult on the desert planet Tatooine, and it's anakin obviously who is so powerful in the force he's made a whole cult out of it and sets his sights on obi-wan as his forever partner)
here is a 3 line drabble!
The boy's head tilts, and his eyes are heavy, piercing gold. They pin Obi-Wan in place even from across the room.
It is immediately completely obvious who among the people in this room has influenced the Force. Even though the boy could not be more than twenty, his entire presence radiates pure power. Obi-Wan has never felt a Force signature so aggressive, so strong.
For the first time since he heard the rumors, since the Council handed him the file for this mission, Obi-Wan can believe that there is a Child of The Force on this desert planet. A demi-god, whose attention can change futures, destinies--
"Approach," the boy commands, extending a hand out over the empty space surrounding him. "Obi-Wan Kenobi."
trick or treat 👽🎃
hello hello the selkie au <3
here is a bit of background thought on the selkie au! one of the things i include in most fics/characterizations of anakin is that he's a pretty one partner for life kind of person (in that he married padmé after being obsessed with her forever in canon, and one of my favorite fanons is that his very first crush/sexual awakening was obi-wan and then he would have totally married obi-wan if obi-wan was a bit different character)
but in selkie au, anakin has a very long history of dating/trying to fall in love, which is like pretty unique in my writing!
and obi-wan probably has like only a few partners he's been head over heels with, and he falls really hard for anakin which makes their (temporary) break up so much harder for him personally
trick or treat ! 😈
and omg for the space actors au??? ok ok
so obi-wan and anakin are in a holo film where they have to be jedi which will mean very serious research
and they absolutely go to the jedi temple and fuck in like a few sacred places, but tbh so many other jedi have also fucked there so that it's no big deal......even if they get caught.....and even if the make-up department has to spend a small fortune covering up their hickies they somehow got on a "research trip"
(the holonet runs a scandalous article about which jedi broke their vows of celibacy and slept with famed actor anakin skywalker?)
(obi-wan is offended that his handiwork is not recognized)
(the jedi order has to put out a statement to say that actually there are no enforced vows of celibacy though jedi may choose to follow whichever personal vows they would like)
(and if a jedi slept with anakin skywalker, the jedi council has decided they do not want to know. or hear about it anymore. thank you.)
🎃 trick or treat 🦇
i actually got asked for lslm 3 more times after you sent this in, but you were the first to ask after lslm so congrats on beating the crowd haha
ok sooooo here's a bit of the new chapter (remember, anakin's discovered that padmé has a golden wolf's mask in her luggage, what the council's intelligence has said is what the traitor will be wearing):
Padmé's eyes are unreadable when she looks back up at him.
He’s been compromised. Fucking stars. He’s been compromised within the first five minutes of his mission. The enemy—the alpha in the golden wolf’s mask—she knows he is lying, she knows who he is, and she’s dangerous.
She’s dangerous, and Obi-Wan is here. Anakin can feel his shoulders straightening at the reminder. Obi-Wan is here, sharing the same air as Amidala, the woman who now knows too much. If Anakin is compromised, it will only be a few minutes before Obi-Wan is compromised as well.
Obi-Wan will not be threatened on this mission.
Anakin will not allow it, even if it means silencing Amidala himself. She had shown him kindness and compassion when he had been nothing but a slave. And then again when he had been nothing but a boy crying out for his master.
But it seems she’s forgotten what loyalty is.
Anakin can remind her.
But before he can step forward into her personal space, slip control of his pheromones so that all she can smell is willing omega, tease her fingers before interlacing them with his own and pulling her out of the entrance room into a more private location—before he can take the first step towards extinguishing this threat to his alpha’s safety, someone touches Padmé’s bare shoulder.
trick or treat!! 🎃👻
a fish hook, an open eye--what a fic, thank you for sending this and therefore reminding me of it lol 🧡
hm quick head canon for this fic is....anakin actually honestly makes obi-wan a better person and sorta saves the galaxy. see, he would have stopped at nothing to take down the jedi order, but then anakin comes into his life and all his priorities sort of change.
mostly cause anakin doesn't really care about ruling the galaxy. he's very family focused (thanks, obi-wan) and he wants his family to be safe and hidden -- probably because a lot of sidious' initial teaching enforced in him that safe = hidden
and obi-wan...he doesn't actually want to give up his dreams and he would sure love to see the jedi die for no other reason than they're stingy about who gets to use the Force or whatever, but....he likes the family he has with anakin. he could be content with setting up an empire in the outer rim. he doesn't need galactic wide conquest. he's already conquered the bestest part of the galaxy (anakin)
cody is going to be sick. this is disgusting, and the thought that obi-wan and anakin actually make each other better is too awful to even consider. straight lies and deception.
🧛♀️🍬 trick or treat!!! 😈
oooo time traveler ahsoka au!
here is a drabble for time traveling ahsoka au during one of the re-dos (specifically, the one where obi-wan is duke of mandalore and anakin is a Jedi General married to Senator Amidala and they respect their duties at the cost of their almost love):
Even though Ahsoka had not screamed along with Anakin when she'd seen Obi-Wan's body struck by droid-fire---she could not, she had no body, just another thing to add to the long list of things she'd given up for this, for the galaxy---her throat feels raw, as if she has been sobbing for hours the way her master has been, seated slumped over in the chair next to the Duke of Mandalore's cot.
Anakin is quiet now, though every so often a fresh tear will roll down his reddened cheek as he sits silently, hand clutching Obi-Wan's own.
A part of Ahsoka is screaming at her to reset this scenario. Obviously, these two souls are as entangled together as their fingers currently are.
But it would be cruel. Wouldn't it? To end this run now, when Obi-Wan and Anakin are so recently wounded?
And they have been so reasonable up until this moment. They have been cordial, respectful---friends, brothers in arms.
Obi-Wan has almost died. Surely, Anakin is allowed to mourn. Surely if Ahsoka existed in this scenario, if she were Anakin's padawan and she'd be struck down, he would sit at her bedside and cry over her sleeping form.
Right?
It takes three tries for the words to pass Anakin's lips, and when he does finally speak, Ahsoka can barely understand him. He has pressed his mouth to the back of Obi-Wan's hand.
"Never again," he mumbles against the duke's skin. "You do not belong here, and I would--I would tear my heart out and leave it for safekeeping on Mandalore before I would watch you take on blaster fire again."
Ahsoka's mouth opens, spell words meant to reset the circumstances on her tongue. It sounds like a love confession, and she knows that those such things are to be avoided. Her mind begins to race. A new scenario---this time, she will keep them apart forever---this time, they will never meet, and the galaxy will---
"When you wake," Anakin's voice derails her thoughts and holds her tongue. "I will send you back to your wife. And it will be the end. It will--it is time. To end."
Ahsoka's mouth closes. The words evaporate. Her chest tightens, and though this should feel as if she's dodged a blaster shot, it feels like she's been hit.
trick or treat 🍬🧡
i gave a little drabble of the couples counseling au for the last trick or treating ask re: couples counseling au so i'm gonna give just a bit of a headcanon this time!
in couples counseling au, the jedi council absolutely knows that they're seeing a couples therapist who specializes in married partners 💙 probably a few of them think that anakin and obi-wan know that as well, but most of them are like. well. they'll figure it out right? some of it may be applicable? they're definitely better than how they were a month ago so, no harm no foul etc etc
you were talking about catty obi wan a few days ago which reminded me a little bit of the smithsonian au we havent heard abt her in a little! i love it so so much especially that one snippet you have at the party where obi decides hes leaving. that one makes me feral bfhddjjf out of pure curiosity if you were to write another little segment what would you write for that one?
here is another little segment! autumnally themed (the aforementioned 'cuffing season' ficlet, but make anakin and obi-wan literally unhinged and criminally oblivious)
(2.8k)
“Padmé,” Anakin Skywalker throws his wrapped sandwich onto the table before swinging the chair around so he can lean his front against the backrest, work slacks tightening indecently along the stretch of his thighs.
Obi-Wan puts his half-eaten salad panini aside. His mouth is suddenly very dry, which happens sometimes when he eats bread. He takes a sip of his American lemonade, a product that still fascinates him.
“Hello, Anakin,” Padmé greets from the head of the little table. “How have you been?”
“I think I’m lonely, Padmé,” Anakin declares. He’s not looked at Obi-Wan once, which really is just rude. “I think I want to get a girlfriend.”
“Pass,” Padmé says and bites at the tightest curl of her curly fries.
“Not you,” Anakin hurries to say. “We tried that already. It was awful.”
Padmé arches an eyebrow.
“You weren’t awful,” Anakin says even faster. “Just—together—we weren’t—“
Obi-Wan’s stomach feels awfully tight. Perhaps he has overeaten or the sandwich from the food court Panera has not agreed with him.
“It’s autumn,” Anakin says sullenly as he starts ripping the plastic covering off his lunch.
“Who’s Autumn?” Obi-Wan hadn’t meant to say anything. Drat.
But the question stands. He hasn't heard of any new employees at the Air and Space Museum. Perhaps Autumn is a construction worker, Heaven knows they’ve been hanging around there for the better part of two years. Maybe Autumn is a girl from Texas. Maybe Autumn is a woman Anakin’s met on one of his nights out on the town that always show up on his Instagram stories, not that Obi-Wan watches those. Maybe she’s an attractive, busty woman who works as a consultant in Navy Yard.
No, Anakin wouldn’t go to Navy Yard on principle. Adams Morgan. Maybe he met Autumn at a bar in Adams Morgan. Maybe—
A hand lands on his forearm. “The season, darling,” Padmé tells him in a very mocking tone.
Obi-Wan can feel his cheeks heating at the same time Anakin says accusingly, “Darling?”
“Why do you want a girlfriend because of the season? Do you plan to have a boyfriend for the spring and a partner in the summer?”
Anakin shoots him a very dirty look before glaring at the hand Padmé has rested on his skin until she removes it to eat another curly fry.
“Have you never heard of cuffing season?” Padmé asks him with interest. “Do they not have that in the United Kingdom?”
“I think it’s less of a British thing and more of an old man thing,” Anakin replies, kicking out beneath the table and brushing past Obi-Wan’s foot with forceful intent.
Padmé cuts in before Obi-Wan can respond which is, probably, for the better. “Cuffing season in America is what people call it when you date someone for a short period of time so that you can partake in the typical couple activities of the next few months. Pumpkin patch picking, horror movie watching, couples costumes, thanksgiving dinner, ice skating….”
Obi-Wan furrows hooks eyebrows in confusion. “Can’t you do all that with a group of friends?”
“Not romantically,” Anakin replies. He’s bitten into his sandwich and is partly through with chewing. There’s mustard on his chin. Obi-Wan decides not to tell him.
“So you want a girlfriend for a few months? And then what? Dump her in January?”
“Exactly,” Anakin says. “But I suppose I’m open to the possibility of dating a girl for cuffing season and then marrying her later because she turned out to be the love of my life. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it?”
For reasons Obi-Wan isn’t going to think about too hard, it quite literally sounds like the worst thing imaginable. Anakin, married?
“And how will you convince some poor lass to date you?” He asks, perhaps more waspishly than he intended.
Anakin’s mouth falls open in offense. “I could get anyone I wanted to date me! And I don’t recall asking your opinion, Kenobi.”
“It’s called a conversation, I believe. When one person says something and another responds. Or do you just talk to listen to your own voice?”
“I like listening to my voice much better than I like listening to yours.”
“That’s unusual. Most all of the Americans I’ve met think my voice is lovely. They certainly seem to enjoy it during—“
“And I’ve lost my appetite, thank you both,” Padmé sighs and stands, crumbling up her paper container of fries and hamburger wrappings. “Anakin, I’m not going to set you up with one of my friends. I don’t want you to put your dick near any of them. Obi-Wan, our break ends in ten. I’m not making excuses for you if you’re late getting back online.”
Obi-Wan misses the first part of what she’s saying because he’s too busy glaring at Anakin, who is glaring right back at him.
The man really could find a partner within a week if he were really serious about looking. He’s quite attractive, with his blond curls and bright blue eyes, the cut of muscle discernible through his work clothes. Sometimes at after-work happy hours, he’ll unbutton his shirt a bit, roll up his sleeves to play a game of darts in the back at Bar Deco, and there’s no way to prove that attendance to those happy hours have skyrocketed since pictures of Anakin focusing intently on the dartboard, corded forearm tense as he prepares to throw what was surely a bulls-eye had been posted on the intranet, but Obi-Wan knows it has.
He’s made sure not to miss a single one since then, just out of scientific curiosity.
So if Anakin is going to find a girlfriend who will become a wife probably, then Obi-Wan wants to meet her. As soon as Anakin has, but that seems highly unlikely. He’ll settle for—
“Well, are you doing anything this weekend? For pumpkin patch walking and perhaps a haunted house tour?” He asks Anakin, who chokes on his turkey club.
“Are you…sorry, are you volunteering to be my romantic—date?” Anakin asks once he has finished coughing into his napkin.
Obi-Wan waves a hand through the air. “Don’t be ridiculous. But if you’re available and can find a date by Saturday, I’d love to experience this aspect of American culture.”
“You want to…third wheel on one of my dates?” Anakin puts his sandwich down completely, which is probably for the better so as to avoid any more choking incidents.
“Well, I’d bring a date along too,” Obi-Wan points out. If Anakin can find a date then so can Obi-Wan. He hadn’t realized how lonely he also felt until this very moment actually.
Good thing he’s clocked out for this lunch break. He’d hate to have such personal realizations while on company time.
“You’re seeing someone?” Anakin’s tone is sharp again and bordering on accusatory. “Padmé didn’t say anything.”
“I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, no. Though if you are free, on Saturday, I’m sure I can find an interested party.”
Anakin pushes his food away from him, looking like he’s going to be sick. “I bet.”
“So?” Obi-Wan prompts when it doesn’t look like Anakin is going to say anything else of his own volition. “Saturday?”
“I have plans,” Anakin says.
“Oh,” says Obi-Wan. He feels strangely disappointed for several seconds. But of course Anakin has plans. His weekends are probably full for the next several months. A man like Anakin would never have time for a man like Obi-Wan. “Never you mind, then.”
“But—next weekend, I’m free. If you don’t mind waiting a week before going on your date.”
Obi-Wan blinks. He’d briefly forgotten about bringing another. “Yes, I should be available.”
“Great,” Anakin replies with so much enthusiasm in his voice that it must be faked. “We can hammer out the details later then.”
“Perfect,” Obi-Wan agrees. “I hope the weather holds up.” How banal! Talking of the weather! “With skies this blue, I can almost see why you love them so much.”
Much better.
Anakin blinks and then throws his head back with a laugh. Obi-Wan is struck dumb at the sight, though he recovers quickly.
Best not to stay around though, should Anakin decide to do anything else so ill-advised.
He stands and gathers his own lunch trash. He’ll probably be very late back to his office, but perhaps he’ll be able to blame his tardiness on a couple of hordes of tourists. They all seem to have come out of the woodwork to enjoy the weather in the Mall.
“Would you care to hear some romantic advice from an old man?” He asks. “Though it may be horribly outdated, I wouldn’t know.”
Anakin narrows his eyes, probably sensing a trap. His curiosity gets the best of him though. “Sure.”
“Perhaps wipe off that smear of mustard on your chin before you try to pursue a romance with anyone. I’m sorry to say, but yellow isn’t your color.”
He chuckles at how fast Anakin’s hands fly to his face, clutching a napkin. “I’ll have you know, everything is my color!”
But Obi-Wan has already started to walk away, satisfied with getting the last laugh.
——————-
“Padmé, you have to help me,” Anakin begs into his phone. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
He can tell from the noises in the background that she’s only half-listening, chopping up ingredients for dinner. That’s fair. They’ve been on the phone for two hours.
She hasn’t offered any advice or any useful action items, of course, even though Anakin has given her plenty of time between segments of speech in order to intervene with any sort of aid.
“Ani, I quite honestly don’t know what you want me to do. You’ve gotten yourself into another incredibly peculiar and downright unfortunate situation.”
“And usually you help me out of those!”
“What are you telling these women? You’ve never in your life had trouble finding a date for an evening. What about Cassidy in the Botanical Gardens? I’ve always thought she would be interested in you.”
Anakin groans and collapses onto his mattress, still half-dressed in his work clothes and half in his exercise wear. He’d wanted to go on a run to clear his head, but then he’d thought that perhaps Padmé would be able to help him in his plight.
The plight being, of course, that no one wants to date him apparently.
“Cassie declined,” Anakin laments.
“Cassie has been panting after you for at least a year. There’s no way she’d decline. What did you say?”
“Well, she seemed interested when I asked…but maybe she just doesn’t like haunted houses? I told her that Obi-Wan asked me along on a double date to a haunted house and a pumpkin patch, and she sort of…said never mind?”
Padmé is very quiet for several moments. “What about Angela? I know Angela has implied that she likes you very loudly. Basically not implying anything except the sex position.”
Anakin frowns at the ceiling. “I asked. She thought maybe Obi-Wan wouldn’t want her to come along, they apparently don’t get along or something? I don’t quite understand it. I mean, whatever their beef is, not the not liking Kenobi part. Anyway, that’s basically what I told her and that it would be even more fun if Obi-Wan and her didn’t get along, because I love pissing him off, and she got sort of upset and um.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line. “And what?”
Anakin rolls over onto his stomach. “She dumped her lemonade on my lap? And said that it’s an asshole move to ask someone on a date just to pull someone else’s pigtails.”
There’s an even longer pause, before Padmé bursts out laughing.
“Stop it,” Anakin says. “It’s not funny. And now I don’t have a date, and I’m expected to go out with Obi-Wan tomorrow. He’ll be absolutely ruthless if I show up without a date! Please help me, Pads! I’m about to go out running in the street and asking every stranger under forty I see if they would like to date me for one day, specifically tomorrow, because I have this asshole coworker whose sole purpose is making my life a living hell by asking me to go on a double date with him and someone he apparently just asked out a few days ago because he’s so stupid and handsome and charming apparently that he can get anyone to date him at the drop of a goddamn hat because he thinks he’s God’s gift to women and men, apparently—”
Padmé has stopped laughing. “I can see why Cassie and Angela said no if you gave them the same speech,” she says. It’s not very comforting, so he stays silent and frowns into his pillow, deciding not to tell her he'd also been shot down by Rebecca, Virginia, Victoria, Sidney, and Rose.
“You could just cancel on Obi-Wan,” Padmé suggests.
Anakin bites back a scoff. Yeah, right. Why would he cancel on Obi-Wan? Then the man would know that he couldn’t find a date and that he was embarrassed about his own undateability. He’d really never let it go. He’d probably be hearing about how Obi-Wan had already picked out his nicest autumnal sweater and scarf when Anakin canceled for the rest of his life. Obi-Wan would probably remind him on his deathbed, he was a real asshole like that.
Cancel on Obi-Wan? As if.
“I can’t do that!” He tells Padmé. “Please, please. If you ever loved me at all—”
“I didn’t, that’s why we had to stop sleeping together because it got awkward every time you said it during sex—”
“--then you would give me the number of any one of your friends who is in the city and available tomorrow for pumpkin patch picking and haunted house going.”
Padmé seems to be debating something to herself because she doesn’t say anything for a very long time. “Fine.”
Anakin sits straight up in bed. “Really?”
“On one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You have to think—using your very big brain—about why you don’t want to cancel on Obi-Wan.”
Easy. Anakin was just thinking about that. “Done. Because he’s an asshole and like a shark but instead of blood, he can smell weakness a mile away.”
Padmé sighs and then there’s the distinct sound of a wine bottle being uncorked. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she seems to tell herself. “But fine. Fine. Her name is Sabé. She owns a bar in Georgetown, which is also where she lives.”
Anakin fights back a groan at this. Georgetown is the worst area to travel to because there are no metro stops. He’ll have to drive to pick her up, if she agrees. But Padmé will get her to. He trusts Padmé with his heart (and future happiness) even if he doesn’t love her anymore.
Anyway, maybe this will be the best meet-cute in D.C. history. What if Anakin and Sabé actually fall in love because Anakin needed a date because of Kenobi and all of the women he’s ever talked to at work declined because no one wanted to spend time with Kenobi outside of work?
“Tell me more about Sabé,” Anakin requests. “What does she like?”
“Heavy metal music, her motorcycle, getting tattoos, a good curry, pumpkin spice lattes, horror films from the Golden Age of Hollywood, long walks on the beach, etcetera etcetera.”
This woman sounds great. Obi-Wan is going to lose his mind when he sees how cool Anakin’s date is. He’s going to be so jealous. Anakin’s already half in love with Sabé just from thinking about how jealous Obi-Wan is going to be.
“That’s great,” Anakin says with a wistful sigh. “Give me her number, I’ll ring her tonight. Maybe we can meet up before tomorrow.”
“Slow down, lover boy,” Padmé says. It sounds like she’s smiling. “Don’t you want to know how I met her?”
Anakin’s brows furrow. “I guess?” Padmé has a lot of friends in a lot of different walks of life, her knowing someone who owns a bar and has tattoos isn't unbelievable.
“We hooked up in the back of her bar a few times while I was getting my master’s at Georgetown. She likes long walks on the beach, mango margaritas, baking, and women. Exclusively women.”
Anakin flops back to stare at the ceiling as his daydreams dissolve until only Obi-Wan’s smug face remains. “You suck.”
“Still want her number? I can guarantee she’ll agree. She’s got a master’s in psychology, I’m sure she’ll find this whole thing fascinating.”
Anakin doesn’t know what’s so fascinating about pumpkin patch picking, but whatever. He’s sort of desperate. “Fine. Yeah. Thanks for letting me borrow your lesbian friend for a day.”
Padmé cackles. Anakin can’t believe he’d ever loved the sound of that laugh. “Oh, Ani. You’ll be borrowing my girlfriend.”
I totally get not using Hazy lmao. BUT- if you want Obi-Wan to sound super uptight and Anakin super laid back- have Obi-Wan use the full names for the museums, and Anakin the institute-wide slang
National Air and Space Museum- Nasim, African American History and Culture- Namac, ect
ooo i love further insider context and you know im a big fan of slight differences between anakin and obi-wan's speech patterns ("maybe" for anakin, "perhaps" for obi-wan; "but" for anakin, "however" for obi-wan)
though further than that, i'm honestly not sure how much i'm aiming for uptight obi-wan and super laid back anakin in this au. i feel like they really share that here and also have the strongest possible narrative bias when it comes to describing the other's actions:
for instance, in this ficlet for the smithsonian au, anakin gives himself a tummy ache because obi-wan brings a new coworker to lunch :( which feels not laidback OR particularly chill; and in this smithsonian au ficlet (their first meeting!!), obi-wan sort of starts a game of footsie under the table with padmé's hot texan friend which is not uptight......but in this ficlet, anakin sees obi-wan's actions as cool and aloof and uptight and rude (when really obi-wan is just a touch heartbroken) and in the fic i'm currently writing for this fic to go on ao3, obi-wan is thinking about how he could never ever like anakin skywalker at all because he's TOO laidback and describes him like this:
Skywalker likes American barbecue and Johnny Cash and he probably grew up driving a truck until he crashed it; he’s cocky and smug and an olive lover, for god’s sake, a twenty-nine year old child prodigy who acts more like the adjective than the noun. He’d trip over his own feet half the time with how often he’s got his head pointed towards the sky of all things if it weren’t for the flocks of people who fawn all around him specifically to prevent that sort of thing.
even though a few scenes later, he'll find him stressing the fuck out over budget problems and unable to leave for their scheduled lunch date
a lot of the smithsonian au is based on perceptions, wrong or right, and the power they hold over us when we're making connections with others + the extent to which we can lie to ourselves about something we're not ready to embrace even though everyone else can see it + silly rocketman in big meanie love with silly water man makes brain go brrrrrrrrrrr
Went through your Smithsonian au tag and omg it’s so good I love everything I read I can’t wait for more 10/10, but tbh it’s hard to imagine anakin and obi wan not getting along it just feels idk blasphemous lmao
but like imagine you’re a coworker of obi-wan’s and there’s a smithsonian-wide cocktail hour to celebrate the end of the fiscal year, hosted in the national gallery of art’s west rotunda and you’re very excited about it because it sounds so fancy but then your coworker obi-wan is just complaining that he just knows they’re going to allow the air and space museum staff to come and it’s going to RUIN the WHOLE THING!!! if he sees Skywalker just ONCE the night of the cocktail hour, his entire time will be RUINED and he won’t be able to appreciate any part of it because Skywalker is AWFUL.
but then on the night of the cocktail hour, you arrive actually around the same time as obi-wan because you both come from work, and you see Skywalker on the other side of the fountain and you decide to be a Good Samaritan and keep them apart because that’s apparently what your coworker wants? so then you actually spend most of the time carefully guiding obi-wan away before he can see Skywalker so he can enjoy his evening.
you’d give yourself a pat on the back, but the longer the night goes on, the more sad obi-wan looks?? what??? he looks like someone’s kicked his dog and pissed in his cereal and you do not understand!!!
you decide to go get him another drink because maybe that’ll help and then at the drinks table anakin skywalker corners you looking confused and angry because obi-wan got a partner?? you’ve been hanging by him all night >:( who are you >:(
and like five seconds into being aggressively grilled by anakin skywalker, Obi-wan is there and looking the goddamn happiest he’s looked tonight and he hasn’t looked at you once and the moment anakin sees him, he’s not paying attention to you anymore at all either, giving you time to slip away and try to figure out what the FUCK is going on between them
No but also I can imagine so well both of them reassuring each other like - „dw you’re still my archnemesis and I hate you the most you’re despicable and the bane of my existence😍“ -„awww🥺 I hate you too🥰“
Imagine Anakin casually mentioning he hates everything about Obi-Wan, down to the way he smells and his stupid beard, and they’ve always said stuff like that to each other—or at least heavily implied it, but for some reason, this time Obi-Wan isn’t able to quickly shake it off
So he changes his cologne and shaves his beard and the sight of his bare face actually flusters Anakin so much that he goes home early because he can’t handle it because he could see Obi-Wan’s dimples??? When he smiled?? Not okay. Super unfair.
Anyway he does feel sort of bad though so next time he sees Obi-Wan he marches up to him and he’s like. Look. I liked your stupid beard. Grow it back.
To which Obi-wan obviously pretends not to know what he’s talking about and is all “oh why would you think your opinion mattered to me?” (It did) and “I’ll grow it back when I want to” (he already does and is planning on it).
Padmé is thinking about taking a vacation. Long term. At least until they’ve slept together and gotten whatever they have going on out of their systems
