Jay's never really thought about any of this before. She knows she's aroace, and that was enough for her, and ok everything's a little off but like. it's fine. Doesn't impact at all, and sure she doesn't fit conventional femininity but like. she's a legend and a captain and chosen by legendaries, she's allowed not to.
And then she meets some small people who are like "sure but gender's for chumps" and thinks that maybe they're onto something
~
Alyss is talking to someone when I enter the temple, so I hang back and wait for them to finish. It isn’t anyone I know, but that’s hardly surprising. I don’t spend so much time around Snowpoint these days.
I busy myself pretending to study the stained glass windows, but I know them all too well. Besides which, my mind is still... in the same turmoil it has been since leaving Alola.
“Jay?” Alyss’ approach startles me; I hadn’t noticed her finishing and walking over.
“Hi. Is... are you busy just now?”
“Can’t you see?” Alyss laughs. “I’m... stowed out. As it were.” She glances about, like she’s expecting to see more of us, but it’s just Vulp and I.
“Sounding more like a native every day.”
“What can I help you with?”
“It’s uh... personal. Rather than legendary.” I fiddle with my sleeves, and hate how much this makes me feel like a child. Like I don’t know anything.
Which about this I sort of don’t.
Alyss only hesitates for a moment before she nods. “Let’s go back to my house.”
Alyss’ house isn’t far from the temple, and it’s warm and cozy and... so much more personable than the temple. Which makes sense.
“So.” Alyss leans against the counter as she waits for the kettle to boil. “What advice are you looking for?”
“First of all, I’m sorry if this is too personal.” I toy with the teaspoon she used for the hot chocolate.
Alyss raises her eyebrows and says nothing.
“How... did you know you were trans?”
Alyss nods and shifts her stance. “That’s... tricky.”
“Sorry-”
She shakes her head, holding up a hand to stop me. “I have half an answer. I came on it sort of slowly. The common story is when puberty hits, and your body starts developing again, but I… figured it before then? I did have a waver when I realised that people were treating me delicately because I had albinism, not because I was a girl.”
The kettle boils, and Alyss pours it out for us, making herself a cup of tea and me my hot chocolate.
I cup the mug in my hands and walk through into the sitting room for comfier seats. Vulp leaps into my lap the moment she can and curls up there, tails pillowing her head.
“I sort of – I didn’t at the time, but I’ve thought a lot since then about whether I sort of was reacting to how I thought they were treating me more like a girl, but ah – no. I’m female.” Alyss continues once we’ve both sat down. “My parents got me on puberty blockers while we sorted things out. By the time I got to travelling, I was transitioning.” She frowns. “Which, y’know, caused some problems when I realised I hadn’t updated my passport before leaving.”
“Oh, that was… Vermilion.” I run a hand over Vulp’s back.
Alyss grins. “You flew in and saved me. My hero.”
I snort and half grin back at her.
“So – why are you asking?”
I stop stroking Vulp. “So we were just in Alola. Arlette and Aurora have made more friends – they must get that from Jayden, I don’t understand how they’re so good at it – and two of them… I’m gonna get this wrong, hang on.” I frown, trying to remember. “One uses they/them, and the other uses… ve/ver I think? For pronouns.”
I see Alyss nod out of the corner of my eye, but she doesn’t say anything to interrupt.
“And like – they’re… in their teens, I think? Older than Arlette and Aurora, but not… not by much, I don’t think. But they just… seem so certain. And I. Don’t know? I mean I didn’t know about any of this until I met you, not really. And it’s not like I think about it much, but also I just. Don’t know how I know.”
“You’re… you’re questioning your gender?” Alyss asks, her voice gone soft.
I nod and feel like a child as I keep my eyes on Vulp.
Alyss nods and settles back. “Will it help you to have a definite answer?”
“Maybe? I think… if I hadn’t known to question it, I’d be fine. But if I’m questioning it, that means I’m not just… cis.”
“Or maybe you are and you’ve just never had to think about why before because you’ve always been told that. Some people do question their gender and don’t change it, and they’re better for it.”
“I just hate not knowing. There isn’t like… there isn’t a definitive answer, is there.”
“Probably not. How do you feel about pronouns?”
“Oh, I’m very pro nouns. Love to actually have one, some day.”
Alyss snorts. “Jay.”
I grin. “Sorry.” I want to lean back, but I stay hunched over Vulp. Take a drink almost as an afterthought. “I don’t mind she, I guess? It’s sort of. There. It works.”
“Would you prefer a different one, like they?”
I tilt my head to consider that. “Maybe?”
“So if I say like…” Alyss pauses to consider for a moment. “Oh, yeah, that’s Jay, they’re a right pain in my backside but a decent enough friend.” She flicks me a grin. “They’re a pirate and a trainer, so they’re clearly just in it for the gold.”
I laugh. “Oh, that’s fun.” I tilt my head. “Yeah, I like that.”
“So you want me to change over pronouns?”
“I think… sometimes? Maybe? I don’t – I don’t know if I’m… ready for people to know yet? And, I mean, I still… sort of need to work it all out for myself.”
Alyss nods. “Alright.”
“Thanks.”
She shrugs. “Always. You know where to find me.”
#
Alyss isn’t with anyone when I barrel in the next time, and I’ve been holding this in for so long that I just sort of burst straight in with the first thought I have going. “So pronouns aren’t exactly… I mean they are gendered, but they don’t have to be? Like we call ships and the sea she, but they aren’t.”
“And hello to you too, Jay.” She looks up. “I’m doing well, thanks for asking.”
“Sorry.” I wince, but she laughs. “Hi. How’s it going?”
“More gender thoughts?”
“Something like that. I don’t know how to quantify it. It feels… sort of like I could. I don’t know. Like I’m not female but I’m just. me. And she is fine because my ship is a she, and so is the sea. You feel me?”
“How long have you been holding this in?”
“You know when you just sort of get something stuck in your head and that’s it and you can’t stop thinking about it until you have an answer?” I wait for her nod. “Yeah.”
“Oops.”
I shrug. “It’s a thing.”
“And you’ve been waiting to talk to me about it.”
“Yeah.” I frown. “Maybe I should’ve talked to someone else. Sorry. I know Soise has a fairly lax approach to gender, so like. But I don’t know how much she understands?”
“Would you like a drink with this, or a walk?” Alyss asks. “You’re… vibrating.”
“Oh.” I hold my hands up, and realise they’re trembling. “Sorry. Walk?”
Alyss laughs and pushes me towards the side door, and we leave the temple for the woods.
It isn’t snowing but the paths still have a hefty covering. We turn north, away from the town, and Alyss sticks her hands in her pockets and waits for me to continue.
“Not being able to pin down a straight answer sort of sucks, you know?” The snow makes it hard to take my usual strides, which is probably for the best since Alyss could never keep up with them.
Alyss snorts. “You’ve never done a straight thing in your life.”
I let out a startled laugh, because I’m not used to her stealing my lines.
“But listen. You don’t have to have a definitive answer.”
“But-” I wrinkle my nose.
“No, listen. There isn’t a definitive answer. There’s no – check enough boxes on this list and it’s definitely you. No one else can decide for you. The confusion of being in the middle of working it out sucks, I get it! But wherever you land will be right. Don’t... make it worse by thinking you aren’t enough.”
We pass the back of the temple, and it doesn’t take much longer before the trees are the only things we can see.
There’s sometimes, when we’re out on the ship and the sea is all I can see, that I miss the snow and the trees.
There’s other times when I remember that I hate not being able to see everything around me, that anything might spring an ambush in here.
That things have, in the past.
“Are you even listening right now?”
I blink. “Sorry what?”
Alyss rolls her eyes, grinning. “It’s fine. Really. Just imparting my precious words of wisdom over here.”
“I think I got it. I think.” I frown. “I just – don't like not knowing.”
“Well, then try different things on. And here’s the kicker; you don’t have to tell anyone. Not until you’re ready. Maybe that’s not ever.”
I nod, still sort of thinking it over.
We walk further into the snow, and there is something watching us.
I hold a hand up to stop Alyss and narrow my eyes, reaching for some snow, to mould it into... either a sword or a snowball, depending on what it was.
“Something stalking us?” Alyss sounds perfectly at ease, like she trusts she can’t be hurt back here. Like the Sky Lord himself would save her from anything.
Maybe he would.
“Hm.” I narrow my eyes and launch a snowball into the shadows between the trees.
“Hey!” My voice echoes back at us.
“Soise.”
“This is why I said we shouldn’t.” Brith steps out first, with Sesser on her shoulder.
"Didn’t stop you following though, did it?”
I tilt my head as Sesser flits across and lands on my shoulder. “Hm. What are you doing out here?”
“You seemed stressed,” Soise replies, brushing snow out of her black fur. “Hey, Alyss.”
Alyss waves at the two of them, seeming amused.
“I’m... not stressed?”
“Sure.” Soise slings her arm around my shoulders, dislodging Sesser.
She bats a paw at Sesser, waving her away as the swablu cheeps at her.
Sesser lands back on Brith’s proffered paw and fluffs up, and if she could glare I’m sure Soise would be getting the brunt of it.
“So. Gender got you down, huh?”
Alyss stifles a snort with her hand.
I shrug Soise’s arm away. “Thanks for listening in.”
“See, this is why you should really have been a zoroark.” She brings her arm back in, unconcerned. “I get to be whoever I want to be.” And she demonstrates, every step a different form, from zoroark to delphox to gardevoir to gallade... to human. Flips between genders.
“Ok, but considering – wait. Would you prefer different pronouns?”
“All the pronouns, please.” Soise stops in her most common human form, a Black woman with blue dipped box braids, and grinned her too sharp teeth at me. “I collect ‘em.”
“We - I,” Brith corrects herself, "didn’t mean to intrude. But since we’re here, is there something you want to say?”
“I-”
“They're having one too many thoughts,” Alyss says, when I hesitate.
I stifle a squeak at her words, hands flying to cover my mouth.
“They are, are they?” Brith casts me an amused glance.
“I liked that.” I stare at Alyss.
“Jay would like people to use they/them, occasionally,” Alyss says to Soise and Brith. “It’s a work in progress.”
“But uh - don’t. Tell anyone else? Yet?” I shrug. “I don’t know how to say it, anyway.”
“Just tell ‘em your pronouns are on holiday or something.” Soise shrugs. “Had to rent out a new set.”
Brith rolls her eyes. “We can do that for you, Captain.”
“Sure. Easy as.” Soise dips her head in a nod.
“Glad that’s cleared up,” Alyss says, and clears her throat. “Now would you mind clearing out while Jay n I catch up?”
“Oh, but-”
Brith claps a paw on Soise’s shoulder. “See you back on the ship.”
I nod and watch as Brith drags Soise back through the snow. “Thanks.”
“Any time, Cap.” Soise salutes, twists out of Brith’s grip, and walks alongside her.
“Come to check on the hatchery?” Alyss asks.
“Sure.” I turn and follow her north.
“At least you’re not vibrating anymore.”
I hold out a hand, and she’s right. It’s still again. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have just landed all that on your shore.”
“What else are friends for?” Alyss shrugs.
“Not... normally that.”
Alyss laughs and nudges me. “Ok, but it was a very Elder task. Advice n that.”
“Wouldn’t catch me going to the old Elder with that.” I snort.
“What about the other elders you know?”
I hesitate. “I... I don’t know.” I frown. “I mean – they don’t have the perspective you do, so.”
Alyss nods. “Just between us, then.”
“And Soise and Brith.”
“And them.”
“And...” I took a breath.
“You aren’t beholden to tell anyone else,” she reminds me. “Not Jayden, nor the kids. Not your parents, not your sister, not your other friends. If you aren’t comfortable with the idea, then it can just be the four of us.”
“I dislike secrets. And hiding. But...” I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”
“Of course. There’s no rush. And hey.” She nudges me again. “My door’s always open, as you know.”
In which I very much just rewrote a roleplay one of the cowriters and I did to make it work better for me
(despite my misgivings about how likely Jay is to actually get married but it's fiiiiine she feels she gotta)
[2] [3]
~
I smooth the dress out and step out from behind the screen. “Um… does that look alright?”
Mam looks up first and smiles, eyes bright with tears. “Oh, Jay… you look lovely!”
“Still reckon my dress was better,” Joanna says, but she nods.
Mam purses her lips, shooting Joanna a glare.
“How ‘bout you get changed?” I say quickly, moving towards the chair in front of the mirror. “Your dress is waiting back there.”
“What is it, a jynx?” Joanna shudders, moving past.
I snort. “Now there’s an idea.”
Mam takes up the hairbrush and attacks my thick mane. I just sit there and grit my teeth as she rips out tugs. It isn’t as bad as it could have been, possibly to do with the fact that it’s still slightly damp from the shower.
“Bit dark for a wedding, isn’t it?”
“Just put it on,” I call back.
Mam puts down the brush and hurries behind the screen, eliciting a yell from Joanna. “Oh hush, you’ll need help doing up the back.”
I gingerly apply makeup, wishing Candice could be here to do it for me. But she’d shown me how it would look best, and I could emulate it… hopefully.
“Take off the jewellery as well,” mam says.
“Ok, the necklace, the metal bracelet, and the claw, fine… but I’m keeping the berry bracelet and my wedding ring.”
“I wasn’t suggesting you take that off,” mam retorts, bustling back out and returning to fix up my hair.
“Is it just me, or is this dress warm?” Joanna steps out in a dress with a lilac torso and a shimmering blackberry-blue panelled skirt.
“Volcarona scales in the bodice. Figured you’d appreciate it.” I shot her a smile via the mirror, finishing off the mascara.
“Ooh… nice.” She grabs the brush, pulling it through her own hair once or twice. “Should’ve redone the highlights…”
Mam’s lips thin as she starts small plaits in my hair, threading beads and feathers onto them.
“Still got time, I think?”
“I don’t have the stuff with me.” Joanna shrugs, putting the brush down.
“It works quite well faded, anyway.”
Mam puts the last band in and turns to pick up the circlet from its place on top of the veil. I offer my reflection a tight smile and stand up.
“I… I don’t have to put on makeup, do I?” Joanna eyes the table with trepidation.
“Not if you don’t want to.” I shake my head. “Not like anyone’s going to be looking at you, anyway.”
Joanna laughs, watching as my mam sets the circlet on my head. I pull the gloves – fancy arm warmers, really – up to my elbows, slipping the loops over my middle fingers and making sure they’re lying right. Mam fusses for a moment getting the veil to lie right across my head and down my back, and then there’s a knock at the door.
“Is everyone ready?” Dad calls through it.
“Yes,” I reply, gesturing for Joanna to open it.
She catches up her cloak – not her usual one, a far smarter one – and opens the door.
Dad says nothing, just stares at us. I smile at him, stepping out of the dressing room towards him.
“You look beautiful,” he breathes, taking my arm.
I shift to properly hug him. “Thank you.” I rest my chin on his shoulder, pressing my nose into his neck.
“Jay, dear, try not to mess the two of you.”
“I’m not,” I reply, releasing my father. “Shall we?”
He smiles back, and leads us down the corridor.
Pie is waiting by the door, and erects a bubble shield around us as we leave the building.
My pack is waiting there, and form a secondary escort just outside of the forcefield as we walk to the temple. Venus slips through the forcefield to Joanna’s side, sleek and wearing a smart collar. Vulp is not far behind her, looking primped and preened, with a lopsided tiara of her own looped around one ear.
Candice and Molly are waiting on the temple steps, and I am not quick enough to stop Molly from squealing and flinging her arms around me, near clouting me in the head with her bouquet of flowers.
“Ok – thanks,” I gasp, hugging her in return.
Candice passes Joanna a bunch of smoky red flowers to contrast with Molly’s light blue ones. “The small flower girls are waiting inside. They got cold.”
“Thanks.” I smile at her, taking the bouquet of white flowers – lilies, snow drops – that she passes me.
“Don’t trip.” She grins. “Come on, Joy.”
The two of them enter the temple.
I take a breath, steadying my nerves. This was stupid. I couldn’t be getting nervous at this, could I?
“Any worries?” Joanna murmurs from behind me. “You know I could always call Whitetip or Flare, and you could make a run for it.”
“Where would I run to?”
“Anywhere. You could go free, live however you like.”
My dad places a hand on the door. “Ready?”
I nod. “I am. Livin’ how I like. We’re free. I can do this.”
Dad pushes open the door and holds his arm out for mine. I slip my arm through the crook of his elbow and walk with him down the aisle, Joanna and Molly – and two smaller girls, the flower girls I assume – following us.
The temple is warmer than usual. There are tapestries hanging between the arches, candles in sconces – I think a few might actually be litwick – and a carpet underfoot. Not even starting on the flowers.
The music that is cascading through the hall is about the only reason I can keep walking. The walk seems long, far longer than I ever remember it being in the practices.
But Jayden is waiting, with Alyss beyond him and Henry to his side. He’s watching Alyss just now, not the aisle. My dad’s hand on my arm is probably the only thing keeping me from speeding up, from getting this over with.
He’s wearing a blue suit with a red shirt, I see as he turns. He raises his hands, allowing me to see the feather cufflinks. Braviary.
I meet Jayden’s eyes properly, and smile as I notice that the bird keeper calm has not been enough to stop the awe and wonder transfix his face as we walk closer.
Dad pulls us to a halt opposite Jayden and leaves for his seat.
“Oh, they look perfect, don’t they!” Molly squeaks, tugging Joanna into place behind me.
Alyss laughs silently for a moment before assuming her ‘elder face’ and waiting for everyone to calm down. The flower girls giggle, swinging their baskets from side to side before running to the side. The music slows to an aching finish and leaves us in silence.
I smile at Jayden, lifting the veil away from my face awkwardly, trying to keep the flowers from going everywhere.
“Welcome, Snowpoint.” Alyss’ voice is strong and confident, a far cry from the teenage elder I first knew. “Welcome, those of Mistralton.” She dips her head to Jayden’s family and friends. “And, of course, welcome to Lavaridge.” She looks to Joanna briefly before raising her head to gaze over the entirety of the temple.
I don’t look back, fearing to see exactly how many people had turned up.
“Welcome to Snowpoint, welcome to this binding.”
Jayden hasn’t quite managed to stop staring yet. I try not to fiddle with the flowers in my hands too much.
“These two swear now, before everyone here, to fly true with each other, sail before whatever wind may guide their path, and work together for the same purpose.”
I smile. These amended vows worked so much better than the originals.
“But they have not sworn it yet,” Brith says from behind me, and though I knew that it was going to happen, I still tense up. “I contest this right, as they have yet to speak a word before us.”
I force myself to relax. All normal, all was fine. Of course it was.
“I swear it, now.” Jayden finally tears his eyes from my face to look past me, to Brith. “I swear to fly true, sail before the wind, and work with Jay, always, for our joint purpose.”
“You hear it?” Brith asks.
“We hear it,” the crowd rumbles back.
As their noise dies away, I hear Molly hushing Joanna.
“Then they have sworn and I witness true to keep their sails straight.” Brith pads forward to stand at Alyss’ side.
She is wearing a band of silver on her head, from which thin chains trial down to wrap thin blue feathers around her aura sensors, matching the ones that hang from her ears. I bite back most of the gasp, but part still escapes me and I see Brith twitch a small smile.
“Only one has yet sworn.” Soise steps from the shadows behind Jayden. “I call you, NightGale, make good on the oath this man has already sworn to you.”
Her usual pink scarf has been set aside in favour of a circlet like Brith’s and a silver tracery that holds her mane in place. Blue feathers hang from her ears and lie across her face like fine tattoos.
I lick dry lips. My turn. “Then I swear it.” I lift my head, looking past Jayden to meet Soise’s eyes. “I swear to fly true, sail before the wind and work with Jayden for ever purpose we see fit to pursue.”
Soise turns to the crowd, raising her arms. “You hear it?”
“We hear it.”
“Then I, too, witness that they have sworn, and I will keep their words straight with you.” Soise turns to Brith and Alyss, bowing.
“And now they have sworn before you all,” Alyss says, calling the attention back easily as Soise steps to stand beside her, “We hold them before Rayquaza, Lord of our Town, and Articuno, Queen of the Ice. May these travellers be blessed by winds and weather ever fair to their needs.”
As Jayden and I turn back to face each other, two altaria – one sparkling gold, the other resplendent in blue – swoop down from the arched roof above us, holding a sail carefully between them.
Molly and Henry step forward to take the sail, bowing to the two altaria as they land.
Jayden and I step back to give them space to walk to Alyss. Nestled in the centre of the sail are the rings, one dark blue and the other light blue – a braviary’s colouring and an altaria’s.
Alyss takes them and Molly and Henry step back to their places, Molly expertly folding the sail. She passes the dark blue one to Jayden and the light blue one to me. We step closer, and Jayden takes my left hand first. Without speaking a word, he slips the ring onto my finger, where it fits perfectly. I do the same for him, and the altaria take off.
The crowd gasps as the air around us is suffused with a soft blue light and above us – above us, an altaria and a braviary are circling, dancing.
“Rayquaza sees your bond,” Alyss speaks up, “And holds you to keep true through the rest of your lives.”
“We will never break the bond that we have sworn.” Jayden and I speak together. “We will hold it as high as the skies, letting it rest with the one who guides our paths.”
The birds above us lock claws and dive straight for us.
“Holy Groudon,” Joanna says, but I can see Soise grinning, and so I stand firm.
The birds dive and, as they reach us, they fade and disintegrate into confetti that disappears as it lands.
“They are bound now, by word and by sky to hold this forever. It is – well done.” Alyss nods and bows.
The big stained glass window behind her – showing Uxie and Rayquaza appearing to the first settlers – erupts with light, throwing shards of colour through the temple. The smaller windows were lit up as well, but through the big one the silhouettes of two dragonite can be seen, twisting together.
And music ekes out into the hall once more and swells, and Jayden steps back with a gesture for me to spin. I spread my arms – my wings – and twirl.
The crowd applauds, and Venus lets loose a volley of sparks. Jayden catches me and I lean into his chest, smiling as I catch sight of Joanna, crossing her arms across her chest in the Lavaridge way.
“To the hall?” Jayden asks, kissing my temple.
Alyss nods. “Lead the way.”
“Thank you, Alyss.” I smile at her. “Really.”
“My pleasure.” She bows.
Most people are still in their seats, and only shift once we’re past them. Pie is waiting by the door with Elise, and she shields us once again as we leave the temple, stepping away down the cleared walkways to the hall.
