send ‘PERSONAL LOG’ for a glimpse at one of my muse’s personal logs. (bonus points if you add the name of a person, place, or an event you’d like the log to discuss!)
kira nerys, personal log, stardate ... i don't give a crap.
this is the fourth time this week that i've seen dax leave the holosuite with commander worf. i must admit, as ridiculous as i've felt being in one of those programs ... i'm envious of him.
i never really had friends my age growing up — well, friends that stayed long enough for it to become anything meaningful. after all, the occupation wasn't exactly made for us to raise children. every week i wept over losing a new friend to the cardassians as i begged them to take me instead but they never listened.
that stubborn little girl never lost hope until she joined the resistance.
funny isn't it? the resistance— a symbol of hope to all bajorans; an emblem of freedom ... yet, there i grew up. i saw how expendable our lives were to those spoo— cardassian soldiers. and i learned that the only way ... the only way for me to make it out alive was to grow no attachments & keep my heart close to my chest.
how did that turn out? horribly.
every night i still wept for the lives lost. i wept for my fallen comrades. i wept for the innocent bajorans that got caught in the crossfires. i even wept for a collaborator once.
but over time, i learned how to deal with it.
... i didn't come to this station to make friends. i had one job and one job only : make sure the federation doesn't screw us over. i was skeptical of them— hell, i still am but i never expected to feel like ... this.
now, jadzia isn't my only friend, i know that! i got er... i have odo too!
but odo wasn't the type of friend you had fun with — ha, look at me. talking about having fun... what does it matter? i should be grateful he's always there and that i can find him at any hour and he'd speak to me even if he doesn't get me half the time he's still... there.
i don't understand why i'm feeling this way. it isn't as if i'm dax's only friend on the station— i know that.
but there's something about her and worf that makes me feel ... queasy. that makes me feel sick. t-that makes it hard to breathe. i-it's ... it's like someone just reached into my chest and started squeezing my heart real tight— like a ...
oh prophets. c'mon. this is just cruel.
this is DAX we're talking about. the same DAX who moves from one alien to the next— trying to conquer the galaxy, one night at a time! i-i can't— [ she gasps ] uhp—! no. of all the people on this station?! of all the people in this quadrant ?! why DAX?!
we'd never work! sure i think she's brilliant, intelligent, and wise beyond her years but that's PURELY from a professional standpoint. it has nothing to do with how soft her hair is, how just one look from her assures me like nothing ever has—
...like nothing ever has? [ hysterical laughter ] oh, prophets nerys! you really know how to pick 'em, huh?!
argh! computer, end log entry and establish a security code to access this entry — kira lambda five, seven, one, one, zero, delta, lock.