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i have so many drafts we are about to play the "pick a number and whatever you choose i'll finish" game

hey it's 9:32 p.m. where i am and i just had a huge breakdown so i'm going to try to put it into words. this is not a rant. i feel this is a pretty common thing. it's talked about, but it's talked about in a broken-up way. so many mental illnesses can be the leading conditions to this. symptoms are separate to most people but it still all adds up. this is also my opinion on this and how I feel so if you don't agree please just scroll.

what i want to talk about is self neglection.

as defined by Washington State Social and Health services it is a term to describe a venerable adult putting their health and well-being at risk. this is 100% true, but add the fact that it is so very common and starts in adolescence.

now so many things fall into the symptoms of self-neglect, basically, anything that puts your life at risk right?

some things I've faced with myself are eating disorders, not eating is neglection. not showering because I simply do not have the energy or state of mind to take care of basic hygiene, neglection. dehydration, it's so easy to stay hydrated, a sip at a time, but not when you don't have a healthy state of mind, it becomes almost physically impossible to put anything in my mouth sometimes. this list goes on.

what I feel is the worst part about this condition is the guilt that echos inside our brain. 'someone has it worse.' that line. played over and over again. we shouldn't feel guilty for not feeling our best but we do because there are 8 billion people on this planet and any one of them could have a worse condition than us. but that's not what we should be focusing on, that fact is nothing but the truth but it doesn't mean that we should feel guilty about helping and bettering ourselves.

when we are happy, healthy, energetic, and anything that really has to do with someone just giving and feeling their best, it passes on. we go on and try to spread that feeling to others. it might not work all the time sure. but piece by piece it could be helping someone else just because u had helped yourself.

so what I'm going to end with is if you have a feeling that you have any part of neglect, work on it, it doesn't have to be today, this month, or even this year. just take it slow, only go at your own pace because if you rush it, it might just come back down. don't let anyone else force you, but use help if you want or need it, there's no shame I promise. feel your best again.

<3 soup