Snap Out Of It - james longfic
tags: james x f!reader, longfic, sfw, college au, angst if you squint, pining, ft. cortis hyung line and members of katseye
synopsis: you and james were joint at the hip. all your friends saw it, the way you looked at each other, the lack of boundaries, the genuine connection. throughout heartbreaks, bad dates and long days, you found each other at the end of it all. you both had a track record of shortlived flings, however, when you get in a proper relationship for the first time ever and leave james behind, he wonders why he cares this much, and gets antsy waiting for you to snap out of it.
snoopy's notes: hellooo hii!! this is my first time posting a fic ever! #scared but everyone on coerblr is so nice so it helps me feel better. this is my first time writing a narrative story ever also so it's probably lowkey kinda bad but im not going to let 8k words sit in my notes app! turned 17 yesterday we're embracing new horizons ayy!! the premise of the story is based on the arctic monkeys song 'snap out of it', this idea has been in my head for years but i just had no one to write it about then enter my glorious, beautiful, intelligent, charismatic, talented, one in a million james ❤️
also, there's a character named louis in this and at the time i was writing it i really just pulled the name out of my ass and never went back on it, just so you know! it's not referencing to louis from lngshot! it's really just some random guy
the midsummer sun was almost cruel with its piercing rays. the air was still and the sky placid blue. under the shade on a lounge chair, james was somewhat able to curb the heat, with that and the coolness of the ocean water slowly drying off his skin. his current preoccupation was to artfully ignore the gaze of the brunette girl who sat two seats over. not because he wasn't interested, he liked playing the long game. eventually he'd walk past once, twice, thrice if he was feeling extra, before striking a conversation and the rest would be history. short lived history if you will. he took the last swig of his drink and decided this is when he'll start his mission. before getting up though, he checks his phone one last time. he stares at the text messages from the group chat, a picture of you with ice cream on your nose and martin laughing at you for it. he can't help the small smile that plays on his lips reading his reply, ‘i would've licked it off if i was there’, to which the group chat had erupted in strings of ews and yucks.
whatever you and james had going on was no secret. it was a loud white lie, the we're just very close and we've known each other forever. where james would flirt with you shamelessly but hold you when no one was watching. where physical boundaries were non-existent, to the point your friends were used to the sight of the two of you ending up on top of each other at some point during the hangout. it was thrilling, normal. you talked to other guys, he talked to other girls, somehow still always meeting half way with each other any way. after a bad date you'd text him come over? and he'd reply with ‘omw’. after a stressful day at work he'd shoot you ‘wanna hang?’ and you'd say ‘always’. the familiarity was coaxing, the freedom non oppressing. you liked how james was unpredictably predictable, to everyone else he was spontaneous, a little crazy, but you could study the pattern that was him. you knew he would always be there, in whatever way you needed him, and you would be for him– maybe that's what your whole situation was based on, just the mutual trust and lack of boundaries, in any sense of the word. from your lack of boundaries when it came to friendship to the rigid walls that captured the word "relationship" and all the rules that came with it.
james' summer in europe was mostly uneventful. he lazed around at the beach, mapped the city by himself when his parents were too busy enjoying the luxuries of the 5 star hotel they were staying in, he went on dates here and there, mostly for company–( it got lonely by himself in a foreign city), he shopped at street markets, bought souvenirs for everyone (after he realised he bought you things and forgot about the rest). he convinced himself that the lack of messages from your end was normal. the only updates he got about you were second hand information from the rest of the group, he just figured you were busy with your summer job and enjoying life while the warmth was still present in the days.
he still tried to convince himself the same when he was back home and had minimal contact with you. the rest of the summer passed by in a blur, august evenings diluting in a watercolor hue and no trace of you.
it was fresh september, the last week of doss days before college began. the group planned a meaningless hangout, like they usually do, which feature walking around various places and trying not to spend money. almost everyone showed up, except you.
martin and james naturally ended up a few steps behind the rest of the group.
james strolled with hands in his pockets and questioned casually, "where’s y/n?"
martin shook his head in mock disappointment, "she chose hoes before bros."
james steps staggered, before he pushed onwards, "what do you mean?"
"you know the guy she's seeing?" martin said so matter of factly that all james' face could manage was a blank.
martin pursed his lips, as realization dawned on him and he wished he was not the one having this conversation.
"hasn't." james corrected quickly, resuming back to his usual demeanor.
martin was quick to jump on his remark, "oh yeah man– she's been- like so busy. i’m sure she'll get around to it."
he watched james carefully, and was surprised to see the lack of expression on his face.
"i mean it's whatever," james replied coolly, "what does it have to do with me?" he punctuated with a smirk before running up to the rest of the group and making some stupid joke causing all of them to laugh. martin stood feeling dazed.
the college campus was lively and loud. friends reuniting in their familiar spaces, everyone catching up and expressing excitement for the new year. your footsteps followed the familiar terrain to the back of the building that is your spot. you turn the corner of the red brick building and find your friends grouped near the wall. you smile at the sight. heads turn when they hear the crunch of gravel under your foot. The group erupts in greetings and hugs and megan and yoonchae berating you for disappearing. you apologize trying to escape their wrath, assuring them they will get the details soon over coffee.
james watched from the outskirts of the group as he usually does, waiting for your eyes to find him. your eyes land on him and you disentangle from the group and move towards him.
"hi." you smile. open, familiar.
he smiles back, opening his arms for a hug which you gladly fold into.
"hey." he says into your hair.
you pull back, a renewed sense of warmth in you at the sight of him.
"so, how was europe?" you ask.
he thinks for a moment, "beautiful." is what he comes up with, "that's it i think."
you laugh, "what a waste, your parents should've taken me instead."
"oh definitely." he says without hesitation, "you know i wouldn't have minded some company, you know, peers, and not my parents trying to convince me to join them for the live music night at the hotel where all they sing is really sad and really bad covers of love songs."
"oof." you grimace, then a small smirk replaces it, "oh, so you were lonely?"
he shrugs, "i found ways to keep busy."
you didn't reply, for some odd reason his words settled in your mouth with an odd taste. you force a smile in response.
the group was slowly migrating towards their respective buildings and lecture halls, dropping off in pairs until it was just you and james walking across the campus to your classes. you walked in silence, which you were trying to discern was comfortable or not. you never questioned it before. as you studied the patterns of cobblestone on the ground, you debated how to tell james about the guy you were seeing. it felt exponentially harder to do so compared to when you told your other friends, which made sense because he wasn't exactly your friend, not in the traditional sense any way. but you also hadn't seen him in a while, and didn't he just hint at seeing girls on his vacation? you never overcomplicated things with each other before so why now?
you decide on a casual approach, conversational like you were only exchanging the new events in your life seeing a friend after a long time. that's what this basically was, right?
"did i tell you i’m seeing someone?" you mention coolly.
james is equally stoic, "you didn't."
james wasn't worried. surely this was the usual gig for you guys. and why would he even be worried? he knew in a weeks time you guys would be back to your usual antics.
"yeah. i met him at work. he's really sweet. he asked me out after work one day, and yeah. i’ve been seeing him since." you nod when you finish your explanation which you felt like you owed him.
when he didn't give an outright response, you felt your mouth move involuntarily,
you deliberately pressed your lips together to stop yourself from saying anything more. you found yourself trying to analyze his expression, there was a small smile playing on his lips, which made you raise an eyebrow.
"hm? nothing." he replies still with the same smile painted on his lips.
you felt irritation bubble in your stomach, he was the only one who could elicit such emotions from you so easily. before you could say anything more, he checked his watch and started drifting the opposite way.
"see you at lunch." he winked and made for the door.
you stared at the empty space that was him two seconds ago before realising that, you were also late and also standing right in front of your building without even realising. you blink a few times to clear your head before climbing the steps to the door.
that day he showed up at your work. you hear the door chime and you move to the counter automatically barely registering your surroundings.
"hey, what can i get for you today?" you say in your high pitched but dead, perfect customer service voice.
"mm, depends. yre you on the menu?"
Your eyes shoot up from the ordering screen to be met with the playful glint in james' eyes. you sigh and shake your head.
"that's no way to greet a friend." he tsks.
"i said depends," he leaned both his elbows on the counter, "you didn't tell me if you were other menu."
your eyes flick over once to the far corner at the other end. james catches it instantly, staring at the guy frothing the milk at the machine.
"cut that out." you say softly.
james nods his head once towards the corner, "that him?"
you turn your head to look at louis, even though you didn't need to and knew who james was talking about.
you avoid his eyes, busying yourself by tapping on the screen, making james' usual order by muscle memory.
james considers this, "interesting."
the same irritation from the morning resurfaces.
"is that why you're here? to assess the guy i’m seeing?" you ask annoyed.
he takes a step back and puts his hands up in surrender, "i didnt even say anything! i’m here to get my coffee because your shop is conveniently on the way from school."
"and to ask if you're down hang after you’re finished work."
"could've texted me." you say with arms crossed.
"this is more heart touching, plus the coffee."
you shake your head, unable to resist the small smile on your lips.
"sorry, i can’t tonight."
he shrugs, "well, i tried." then he adds after a moment, "you going out with him?"
alarms blare in your heads for some reason even though it is a very normal question to ask. you take a breath before answering.
he nods once, then twice, "where are you going?"
"i don't know yet. he says it's a surprise." you smile and look at louis from the corner of your eyes. "i’m kind of nervous."
"yeah, you hate surprises." james states as a fact.
"that's not true," you say defensively, "i like them when they're done well."
"i hope he's done it well then."
you nod silently, and for a moment it's just quiet. youre both looking at each other divided by the counter.
"james." louis calls from the other end, a to-go coffee in hand.
james raises an eyebrow in confusion.
"i put your order in, you were taking too long to decide."
he laughs, actually laughs before sliding to get his coffee. he doesn't thank louis or even look at him, which is a little petty he'll admit, but oh well.
he raises the cup towards you as he walks past towards the door, "cheers."
you kick the door shut behind yourself and take a deep breath, bouquet clutched against your racing heart trying to calm it down. you kick your heels off, and walk into your apartment, the smell of roses wafting up your nose.
manon is sprawled on the couch half watching something on the tv, half on her phone. she looks up when she finds you standing there with the roses in your hands. she smiles a knowing smile then mutes the tv and puts her phone down.
you stare at the flowers again, still half dazed from the events of the day. too much for one day. way too much.
"to be his girlfriend." you finish and it comes out like a breath you've been holding.
her eyes widen and she laughs,
"and i’m scared manon!" you finally put the flowers down.
"why?" she asked genuinely baffled.
"because!" you’re pacing back and forth in front of the tv and her eyes follow you in confusion, "because i’ve never done this before? because im scared ill mess it up?" because i don't even know if im ready.
she pauses then asks, "do you like him?"
"then you take the chance! who cares what ends up happening?"
"and didn't you say you wanted to be in a proper relationship?"
she jumps up and hugs you, "atta girl. about time you start doing things for yourself."
you were too exhausted to ask what she meant.
in a weeks time it was established that you and louis were in a relationship, a proper one with the boyfriend-girlfriend label attached.
life did feel different. the only time you didn't see him was in school, you saw each other in work and after. he'd do things that people do in relationships that you had never experienced, like introducing you to people by telling them you were his girlfriend, or holding your hand when you were on sidewalks and kissing you goodbye at the bus stop. it felt good, this unfamiliar feeling. you could get lost in the high of it.
it was lunch, and still warm and sunny for the end of september. you sat at the campus park with your friends soaking the last of summer.
you heard yoonchae make a gagging sound and you open your eyes and squint at what she's looking at. that one campus couple that are way too into pda. you frown.
"you can't say anything, you're one of them now." says yoonchae kicking you lightly with her foot.
"um no," you furiously shake your head, offended, "i’d never be caught dead doing all that in public. also megan’s literally had a boyfriend of two years, i didn’t abandon you."
"when is it my turn?" martin asks despairingly at the sky.
"never." yoonchae replies without missing a beat.
"you have no game either." martin retorts.
martin echoes, "incorrect." in a mocking nerd voice, making everyone laugh.
"wait, y/n you never told us how louis asked you out." megan asks.
your eyes flicker to james for just a second, then back to the whole group. james is sitting, facing outwards from the group, but he turned his head to look at you.
"well. he asked me out one day after work and when i asked him what we were doing he said" you gesture air quotes, "it's a surprise."
"so after work we went on a drive to this lookout where you can see all the city lights at night and then he disappeared back to the car and came back with roses and asked me to be his girlfriend. the end."
"that's so sweet!" megan said clapping her hands together, and the group joined with oohs and aws.
you pick on a blade of grass, "yeah, it was really nice."
"oh my god she's blushing." juhoon points out and you flip him off.
"when do we get to meet him?" james voice cuts across the group, he has a tight smile on his lips. you blink.
"you guys already have." you reply.
"seeing him from a distance at your work doesn't count. we want to meet him properly." yoonchae points and you see all of them nod their heads and you immediately try to bring them back down to earth.
"not now." you said firmly.
"why not?" asked yoonchae.
"because. you'll scare him away."
"we wouldn't do such a thing." juhoon said with a hand to his chest.
your eyes pierce into james' and he laughs,
you look away, "i know he will."
"why do you say that?" martin asks suspiciously.
you look at james again, "he already did."
martin dramatically puts his hands on his head, then points at james, "youve met him already?"
the whole group is shocked and all stare at james with varying levels of surprise.
james immediately springs up, "wait, hold on. i only saw him. i never spoke to him, so there's no way i could've done anything to scare him."
"what did he do?" yoonchae questions immediately.
james moves his body to face you properly. he looks entertained by this conversation. "yeah, what did i do?"
you avoid his pressing gaze, "you snatched your coffee out of his hand, didn't look at him and didn't say thankyou." you say in a lighthearted manner counting each thing on your finger.
"you didn't say thankyou?" megan said in a disappointed tone.
"that's so not you." martin lightly bumped his fist on james shoulder.
james smiles, unaffected, "did he tell you this?"
"no!" you begin defensively, then, "..yes."
james laughs, "seriously, that's it? that scared him?"
laughter erupted once more.
"it wasn't like that." you attempt in defense of your boyfriend, "it just came up in conversation and i was there too, i saw you guys, it's not like he was making things up."
everyone was quiet. james regarded you quietly which made you nervous.
"and what did you think?" he asked.
"about me and whatever i was acting like?"
you purse your lips, "i thought it was rude you didn't say 'thankyou'."
he nods, "i might’ve forgotten in the moment," he looks at you with a solemn expression, way too serious. he advances and captures your hands in his, the touch warm from the sun, "will he ever find it in his heart to forgive me?" he says dramatically, "will you?"
you push your hands away from hold, with a suppressed smile on your lips.
juhoon dapped james up and everybody smiled amusedly at the whole interaction. that moment seemed to break the conversation as it led to other things, to your relief, away from you and the subject of your relationship. james studied you quietly, he found himself doing it more often recently. for the first time he couldn't seem to be able to figure you out. he wasn't yet sure if the thought excited or scared him.
james wasn't blind. as the weeks turned into a month, he grew uneasy. he never saw you anymore, just him and you. when he saw you in college amongst all your friends he questioned why he cared so much. he would see you smile at your phone every now and then, watched you bring louis up in casual conversation, noticed the new necklace you had been wearing. he couldn't figure out why he cared so much. he saw people and so did you all the time before, but this felt different. it's just that he missed your company, that's it. nothing weird, even if seeing you made his body react in a way he wasn't used to, apprehensive and drawn in at the same time. sometime he made a decision to do something about the latter. it happened slowly, but he started pulling away too, subtlety avoiding you. he didn't like the way his brain functioned around you and how much of his energy was spent reading you, he figured there was something genuinely wrong with him at the moment and it was best to retreat for the time being as he walked the journey towards being normal again. so in an attempt of proving to himself he was totally normal, when the girl with blue hair who sat a few rows down from him in one of his lectures, asked for his number randomly one day, he didn't let himself think too much before giving it.
he adjusted his glasses and concentrated on the notes opened in front of him, the chatter of the campus café blocked by the earphones in his ears. he heard a tapping on the window beside him, turning his head only slightly to make sure he was imagining it, but you stand there waving enthusiastically. he removes one earphone slowly in confusion and you hurry past the window and into the cafe in a split second. your eyes search the tables by the window and find his. you smile at him as you approach and his heart does something very annoying in his chest.
"hey you." you smile warmly as you pull the chair opposite him.
"hey." he replies but it comes out a little breathless.
you shrug your coat off, "feels like i haven't seen you in forever."
he looks down, "yeah, i know."
you nod slowly, you weren't used to things being awkward between you and it made you nervous. silence settled between you, as you thought of what to say.
"you seem busy with all this," you gestured to the table, "but i was thinking of checking out the flea market that's on tonight after school." you add, "if you wanna come."
he pauses for a moment, "i have a date tonight," he says like it cost him something, "sorry."
you blink in surprise, "oh! don't worry about it," you rush to say, "that's great. is she in our college?" you ask in the most casual tone you can summon.
everything in james was telling him to cancel on his date and go to the flea market with you.
"yeah, she's in one of my classes."
you nod fervently, "that's good, you have things in common then."
he looks at you for a moment, which makes you nervous, "yeah, i guess."
your hands curl around the handle of your bag, "well, ill see you at megan's party next week, right?"
"okay, good" you put your coat back on, "dont work too hard." you smile, he forces a smile back and then you're off.
james' head hits the table as the doors closes behind you with a thud.
the colourful lights spilled out of the house that boomed with music, housing sweaty drunk people way over its capacity. megan was known for her parties and her endless array of friends. all she needed was an excuse and she was throwing a party on behalf of a friend of a friend's birthday. you take a deep breath at your surroundings and question if this was the best place for your friends to meet louis, properly. he seemed relaxed though. his hand curled around your waist as if he could sense your unease.
you yell over the noise into his ears,
"don't mind them, they're a bit weird." as you lead him to the living room where martin set up his dj set and most of your friends stood crowded around. louis laughed and shook his head.
"she made it!" said manon spotting you and reaching for a hug.
louis stood awkwardly by you as you greeted your friends, all of them waiting for you to address the elephant in the room.
"this is louis," you introduce him as if he needed an introduction. "this is martin the dj," martin daps him up, "this is my roommate manon," she smiles slowly at him, assessing him which makes him nervous, "oh and here's juhoon too," you said spotting him as he made his way over with drinks in his hands then fist bumped louis with a casual "wassup man?"
louis nodded taking it all in,
"megan and yoonchae are m.i.a." said manon.
"as per usual." you laugh.
everyone freezes, all eyes trained on the two of you. you blink at louis,
"he's around, i saw him before." juhoon answered for you.
louis takes a sip of the drink juhoon had handed him and nods, "cool, i wanted to meet him too."
another awkward silence falls over the group. you clear your throat,
"well, come help me look for a proper drink." you tug at his arm, and he follows without objection. upon your leaving, the group shares an exasperated knowing look.
"that wasn't too bad?" you ask.
louis shakes his head, "no, not at all. they seem nice."
"i think some of my friends are here too."
you feel anxiety bubble up, "oh really?"
you end up at the counter with the drinks. louis does a show of mixing up something dramatically for you, which makes you laugh. he swirls the red plastic cup like a wine glass and hands it to you. you take a sip and wince.
he laughs, fingers reaching out to brush the hair out of your face.
from a few feet away, james watches. to his dismay his eyes seemed to spot you in a room full of people, ears following the pitch of the soft laugh that sounded like dominoes cascading. he watches him whisper something in your ear, and your shy laughter and twinkling eyes. you leaning into his touch with familiarity. like it was no big deal. he turns around and walks the other way.
you and louis float around the place, ending back up at the living room where martin laid on banger after banger.
you pull louis by both his hands, "dance with me."
he pulls back and shakes his head.
you drop his hands with an unserious pout,
"fine, you better be watching."
you mingle yourself into the sweaty and hyper mix of bodies, jumping up and down. you internally applaud martin for his music taste as you throw your arms here and there. you feel a tap on your shoulder and you whip around,
"james!" you exclaim with laughter.
he smiles in response, dancing in an absurd way that always made you laugh. you start mirroring him, the two of you engaged in some outlandish ritual of your own, which you both found hilarious.
you break from the crowd out of breath, james follows behind you . you find louis watching you with a keen gaze, still at the same spot you left him at.
"this is james." you say, a little louder than usual over the music.
louis smiles an easy smile and extends a hand towards james introducing himself.
his other hand slides around your waist and james' eyes flicker towards it for a split second, before he takes louis hand in a firm shake, a pressed smile on his lips.
"i've heard a lot about you." louis begins and your head snaps in his direction in bafflement.
james looks amused, "really?"
"he's lying." you say to james.
louis laughs, pulling you more into him. you notice the smell of drink off him wash over you.
"she says 'one of my friends' or 'i have a friend who', but i know she's talking about you." he still has that easy smile on his lips, but you find yourself growing uneasy.
you were supposed to ask how could he know which friend you were talking about, but what leaves your lips is,
"we've just known each other the longest."
louis head turns to face you, "really? how long?"
you pause to think, but james replies instantly,
"oh, yeah. he was the new kid at school," you reminiscence, "i went out of my way to become his friend, because im just so great." you add the last part jokingly.
"you are." james and louis say at the same time.
your eyes widen, a stretched silence engulfed you as james and louis regarded each other in a moment that made you wish you would combust on the spot.
you project a nervous laugh, which breaks the intense moment.
"ladies, one at a time." you joke awkwardly, unsure if you made the moment lighter or worse.
to your relief, louis broke away from the situation. his eyes drifted from james to find a set of familiar faces. his hand found yours.
"there are the guys i was talking about."
your eyes follow his gaze to find a group of boys sat on the living room couch, laughing and gesticulating, empty cans abandoned around.
louis nods curtly at james, "see you around."
james nods as well, with no response.
your eyes drift over the room in search of your friends, from where you are at the couch, leaning against louis as he talks animatedly to his friends. he had introduced you, and then after some attempts at conversation you found it hard to jump into their discussions. you didn't let yourself be disappointed because louis had been so great with all your friends tonight (except whatever happened with james), so you kind of owed it to him.
you lean closer to him, "im gonna get some fresh air."
he breaks from the conversation and focuses his attention at you, "sure. you okay?"
you nod, "yeah, it's stuffy in here."
"okay." he plants a kiss on your cheek, which makes you smile. sweet.
you move towards the front door, knowing the backyard had a pool so everyone would be hanging out there.
the brisk autumn air is refreshing when you step out onto the porch. you inhale deeply and close your eyes. you open your eyes as you exhale and they land on james, who was leaning on the porch railing, bottle in hand, looking at you. you move to the same railing.
"what are you doing out here?" you ask.
"getting some air and quiet." he replied. "you?"
"same, it's really hot in there." you add, "have you seen the others? i looked around just now and couldn't find them."
james finishes taking a sip, "they're in some room smoking pot."
you fake gasp, "without us?"
"well, you've been busy." he says matter of factly.
"i would've appreciated the invite. and you? why aren't you with them?"
he shrugs slowly, "..meh."
"didn't feel like it." he clears up.
a soft kind of quiet falls over you. there was the sound of faint music and laughter carrying out of the house, the only light was the distant streetlight and the fluorescent lights spilling out of the windows which softened james' features.
you break the quiet with a question you had been dying to ask,
"so, what do you think of louis?"
he squints at you with a suspicious glint in his eyes,
"why do you care what i think?"
"i care what all my friends think. i just haven't got a chance to ask them yet." you say matter of factly.
"hm." he hums, staring ahead as he thinks. you find yourself waiting in anticipation.
he finally speaks, slowly, "i think he plays the part of being your boyfriend instead of actually being your boyfriend."
you stare at him, processing his words.
he shrugs, "like, back there," his head motioned towards the house, "he introduced you to his friends but didn't engage you in the conversation. or when he asked you out with what, roses? does he know those aren't your favourite flowers?"
your eyebrows pull together in confusion, "the kind of flowers he gets me means nothing. that's insignificant."
he brings the bottle up to his lips, but pauses. he shrugs,
"i guess, until you find out he doesn't know you at all."
you stare at him bewildered,
"and who made you the expert on this?"
he leans back, annoyance painted on his features, mirroring yours,
"yeah, but-" you sigh in frustration, "you're being weird."
"yes, you are!" you pause, "even back there! you were being weird and standoffish."
he cuts across you, anger evident, "and he wasn't?"
"he was. but it was from a place of– i don't know, jealousy? protectiveness? stupid boyfriend-girlfriend stuff? it wasn't justified but it was explainable. what's your reason?" you say louder than you intended.
he looks at you baffled, before pulling back to his usual demeanor, looking away. you groan internally at his unwillingness to be open about any of his emotions.
"i spoke to him with the same air he spoke to me. that's all."
"you're so frustrating." your words fly out.
"and you're overbearing." he retorts.
both of you stand there, charged and breathing heavily, but neither of you moves away. james turns away, facing forwards again, leaning on the railing.
you don't speak for a while.
"are you in love?" james asks out of nowhere.
"what?" you ask, confused.
"might explain why you're acting this way."
you roll your eyes, "oh, please."
he places his elbow on the railing, and rests his head on his fist, turned to look at you. the way he looks at you makes your heart race.
"so, are you?" he asks again.
you jerk your shoulders up and down, "i don't know, and what if i am?" you say defensively.
he stares at you for a moment, something you can't name washes over his face.
he's moving again, not looking at you anymore, staring straight ahead.
"it doesn't sound like you." he says simply.
you're taken aback, "what does that mean?"
he licks his lips before answering, "it sounds like settling down, or giving up," he looks at you sideways, "doesn't sound much like you."
you immediately frown, offended.
"i want to settle down. is that so hard to imagine?"
he shakes his head, "it just seems a bit sudden."
you scoff, "i've wanted this for a long time."
james pauses, "you have?"
"yes." you fire, "and you're making me feel like i don't deserve it."
"that's not what i meant and you know it." he says immediately.
"do i? do i know it?" you advance, anger evident in your tone, "i think we don't see eye to eye on things we want anymore."
there's an inch of space between you, james stares down at the fire in your eyes, his eyes flicker down to your lips for a split second and it feels like there's a deafening silence surrounding you.
"i guess we don't." is all he says.
you turn at your heel and walk back into the house, not looking back. james stares at your back disappearing behind the door.
that night, you didn't let louis question you on why you wanted to leave the party so suddenly. you said you had a headache and were tired and he didn't ask more. you walked out the car to your dorm and didn't kiss him goodnight.
ill drop pt2 if anyone cares 😭😭
