#030 Teams
There comes a time in every superhero-endowed world when the world-ending threats become such a frequently occurring phenomenon that it becomes too much for any one super-powerful person to handle on their own. When this happens team-ups become more common, and they last for longer. Resources are shared, support-squads are introduced, hideout slumber parties are had. Often, through the course of these bonding activities, an idea will emerge. Why spend so much time running around trying to contain and repel massive threats on an individual level when the world could be so much more efficiently protected if heroes formed a united front? And that, my reader(s?) (I was gonna say friends but I feel like it’s still too soon for that, y’know?) is how a superhero team is formed (I’m not even joking, the amount of superhero teams that were formed at slumber parties will literally astound you.)
Superhero teams are good for many reasons. For one, resources are shared, that’s huge. Make sure you invite one of those billionaire-with-issues™ superheroes to join your club. Then they’ll pay for everything. Imagine how much neat stuff you could have if a billionaire was paying for everything. You could have a team robot dinosaur. You could have infinite snacks (this is especially good for speedsters who have lightning fast metabolisms, and superhero guide writers who like to snack {see I told you we’d address that Snackery Schechter thing eventually.}) You could finally put that annoying outer-space-headquarters vs. under-water-headquarters debate to rest. With a billionaire on your team, you could have both! In addition to resources a team of superheroes could (and should) pool together the intelligence they’ve gathered over the years about different supervillains, vehicles, hero networks, doctor buddies, the whole shebang.
A large superhero team also means that you can develop a good shift system where different heroes can be on duty at different times that suit their busy work and social schedules. It can also ensure that you have the manpower and resources to devote one person to monitoring deep space for early warning signs of extra-terrestrial attack. Imagine how many alien invasions you could just nip right in the bud if you’d just go out and make some super-friends. If I’m reading these projections correctly it’s probably at least a thousand (if the terms “probably” and “at least” make you feel like there are no actual projections, congratulations, your gut was spot on for this one.)
But forming a large superhero team brings it with it some problems as well. For example, how do you choose who gets the biggest room in the space-base? I mean sure ideally all the rooms should be the same size for maximum fairness but mistakes happen. The space contractor accidentally made one room that was the size of three rooms. He said he was very sorry. But very sorry isn’t going to fairly determine who should get it! Sure, maybe you’ll say the physically largest person on the team should get it. But that only makes sense if you’ve got a giant robot or an ogre or something on the team. Most superhero teams don’t. Just because there aren’t so many giant robot or ogre superheroes out there (I can only think of like fifteen ogre superheroes off the top of my hand and they prefer to work alone or form their own mini ogre-hero squads {the Swamp Guardians, the Lean Mean Green Team, the Ogre-Achievers}). Plus, an argument could be made that the team leader should get the biggest room. After all he or she needs the extra space to effectively lead. He or she earned triple the amount of space because of their extreme leadership skills. But then you get into a whole discussion about how you determine leadership of your team. Or if you should even have a leader? Which is really what I meant for this paragraph to be about until things kind of got away from me. (Look, I’m just saying you should hold some kind of obstacle course or game-show type competition to determine who gets the accidental triple space room in the space-base. It’s the only fair way. Maybe that’s how you should determine your team leader too…)
The next thing you have to worry about is infighting. Superheroes fighting amongst themselves can lead to mass confusion and potential disaster. A system should be devised within your team in which decisions on important superhero policies can be reached in a civil and peaceful manner. A democratic, voting-based system would probably work best. (Or maybe, and, just hear me out here, an obstacle course or game-show type competition). But really it’s up to you. Devise a system where the position of “Grand Superhero Decision Maker” rotates throughout your ranks so that important decisions are made based on the whims of a different hero every month or so. Capture an allegedly psychic fish (look the fish has been right about everything so far but I’m still a little skeptical) and allow that to guide your every decision. Crowdsource that noise and let the public dictate superhero policy through social media. Really it’s up to you (unless you want it to be up to me, that’s another route you’re free to choose, hit me up.)
You also need to make sure that the presence of your superhero team is a comfort to the world. Because let’s be honest a giant team of superheroes might be a little scary to some folks. Let’s look at this from the rest of the planet’s perspective, superheroes are great, they protect the world, they punch bank robbers who wear absurd costumes as if stealth isn’t a factor they’d seriously considered, they look cool (for the most part.) But a large team of superheroes can be an intimidating thing. Now there’s an entire army of people with incredible powers and abilities and for the first time ever they’re actually coordinating and conducting themselves in a semi-efficient manner. What would happen if they decide they don’t like the way the normal people government and armies are conducting themselves, surely there would be nothing the general, mortal, populace would be able to do to stop them. Now, I’m sure the odds of that ever happening are slim (the psychic fish says it’s unlikely but, y’know, again, it’s a fish, so,) but it’s a legitimate fear and if you take the time to acknowledge it and attempt to minimize it, it can go a long way to avoiding future problems. The first thing I recommend doing is splitting up your team. Most of them should continue operating within their own cities and unofficial jurisdictions while a rotating skeleton crew should remain in your headquarters in order to monitor for threats and to coordinate your forces in the event of a serious problem. With your resources divided in this way it would be hard to mount a successful and coordinated coup or uprising. You should also hold your organization accountable in some way. Inform the people of the world that you, as an organized force, serve at their pleasure and that if they’d prefer for you to disband you would. Obviously this doesn’t mean you should hold yourself accountable to the whims of any random group of people (unless that’s how you choose to conduct your team). But you should pay attention to the wants and needs of the populace your team has sworn to protect.