newsies It Shoulda Been You au
sarah jacobs as rebecca, getting married to jack (brian)
jack’s family is...... well............. all the manhattan newsies
davey is sarah’s brother (of course) and the Inferior Twin because he is a HUGE NERD
SO HUGE THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY CALLS KATHERINE, SARAH’S EX, AND LETS HER KNOW THE WEDDING IS TODAY
KATHERINE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW
anyway katherine shows up and EVERYONE thinks she should have married katherine while they were still dating
davey and katherine, who used to be best friends before sarah and kath broke up, have a super cute friendship song and make up
aaaaaaaaand then kath tries to stop the wedding
it doesn’t work, but pretty much nobody wants the wedding to happen by that point
all the ladies get their hair done together and mama jacobs has trouble relating to these Millennial Childrens
meanwhile romeo is getting Extremely Drunk in a corner somewhere
SPOT CONLON, EXPERT WEDDING PLANNER, SAVES THE DAY
along with specs and smalls, the stoic and extremely tolerant hotel employees who push him around on a luggage cart throne
the wedding goes off without a hitch after that
that is, until davey walks in on sarah and jack making out with the WRONG PEOPLE
it turns out jack and his best man crutchie are dating??????
and also sarah and her maid of honor, snipes????
kath only tried to stop the wedding because she KNEW sarah wasn’t into guys AT ALL
so after all this davey, who has been in charge of most of the wedding planning, is a lil pissed off because was that seriously all for nothing?????? davey paid for the cake. he is personally offended. not by the gay tho. by the money. seriously? ugh
and then mama jacobs gets n his ass about something and he’s like FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT
he sings a very nice song about Not Being The Inferior Twin
and then kath walks into the room
and then davey kisses kath on the mouth
this is very confusing but very nice
davey may have gotten a little caught up in the moment but he likes where this is going
so now kath and davey are together, everyone else is gay, and they’re already married
eventually both other couples decide to come clean to their families about everything
sarah and jack got engaged because jack could only get an inheritance he was set for if he married a woman (this part include several very explicit observations by one crutchie morris)
also sarah is pregnant with jack’s baby because of an Incident which involved lots of alcohol
(speaking of alcohol, romeo is still massively drunk)
and then sarah and jack decide to get divorced and within like 5 minutes of this decision propose to their respective boy/girlfriends
everyone is cool with everything????? but also disappointed that the wedding planning all went to waste
and spot is like “i mean we need to have at least ONE wedding”
but they’re not divorced yet.........
ALL EYES TURN TO KATH AND DAVEY
“fuck it let’s fucking do it today is already fucking crazy enough”
mama esther jacobs learns what memes are and also how to use siri
spot sits back and smiles. his work here is done
romeo, specs, and smalls all ended up making out with each other at some point during the wedding