day one: "how many fingers am i holding up?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, emily prentiss, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: case fic, concussion, team as a family | word count: 1.1k
day two: "they don't care about you." | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy (centric), shiv roy, kendall roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse, neglect, drug use | content: childhood fic, sibling relationships | word count: 1k
day four: shock | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, alex blake | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, going into shock, anxiety | content: alex & spencer friendship, mom!blake | word count: 535
day five: "it's broken." | fandom: outerbanks | characters: jj maybank, john b routledge | ship: none | trigger warnings: physically abusive parent | content: injuries, jj and john b friendship | word count: 1k
day six: recording/made to watch/"it should've been me." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: derek morgan, emily prentiss, aaron hotchner, jason gideon, penelope garcia, jennifer jaraeu | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 2x15 revelations, the tobias hankel case, kidnapped spencer reid, team as a family | word count: 507
day seven: "can you hear me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), emily prentiss, jennifer jareau, derek morgan, penelope garica | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: mentions of drugs/drug use, depression | content: post 8x12 'zugzwang,' spencer's isolation, team as a family | word count: 1k
day eight: outnumbered | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, emily prentiss | ship: luke alvez/spencer reid | trigger warnings: anxiety attack | content: spencer is anxious, luke is there for him, post prison spencer, austistic spencer | word count: 1k
day nine: mistaken identity | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: 4x07 memoriam, spencer is sad, team as a family | word count: 512
day ten: "you said you'd never leave." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), diana reid, derek morgan, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, penelope garcia, emily prentiss | ship: past spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: parent abandonment, depression, grief | content: spencer reflects on the people who have left him over the course of his life and grieves | word count: 1.3k
day eleven: "all the lights going dark and my hope's destroyed." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer slowly loses hope in prison | word count: 365
day twelve: insomnia | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: spencer & rossi friendship, dad!rossi, spencer is tired & rossi looks after him | word count: 897
day thirteen: "i don't feel so good." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), aaron hotchner, david rossi, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss, derek morgan | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot wound recovery, vomiting | content: spencer recovers from an injury sustained on a case, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 724
day fourteen: (alt prompt) shaking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, emily prentiss | ship: none | trigger warnings: gunshot, autistic meltdown | content: spencer has a meltdown after a case, autistic spencer, team as a family, hotch & spencer friendship, dad!hotch | word count: 642
day fifteen: "i'm fine." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, elle greenaway | ship: spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: drinking | content: spencer is anxious, elle doesn't know how to help, autistic spencer | word count: 824
day sixteen: "don't go where i can't follow." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, maeve donovan | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: death of a partner | content: spencer dreams about maeve | word count: 536
day seventeen: collar/touch aversion/"leave me alone." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: mention of blood | content: post 2x11 'sex, birth, death,' spencer & hotch friendship, dad!hotch, autistic spencer reid | word count: 896
day eighteen: blindfold | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: panic attack | content: spencer and luke are kidnapped, post prison spencer, autistic spencer | word count: 835
day nineteen: floral bouquet | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, jennifer jaraeu | ship: past spencer reid/maeve donovan | trigger warnings: vomiting | content: set at the beginning of 8x16, 'carbon copy,' spencer & jj friendship | word count: 372
day twenty: blanket/found family | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: none | content: post 2x15 'revelations,' the tobias hankel case, dad!hotch, autistic spencer, non-verbal spencer, hotch & spencer friendship, team as a family | word count: 589
day twenty one: restraints | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: nightmares, mentions of blood, panic attack | content: post prison, spencer has a nightmare | word count: 466
day twenty two: glass shard | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, emily prentiss, luke alvez | ship: could be read as spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: blood, vomiting | content: spencer is injured on a case | word count: 406
day twenty three: stalking | fandom: criminal minds | characters: jennifer jareau (centric), emily prentiss | ship: mentioned jennifer jareau/will lamontagne | trigger warnings: mentions of sexual assault, rape, abuse and stalking | content: a case reminds jj of a past relationship, emily & jj friendship | word count: 1.2k
day twenty five: storm/buried alive | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, logan roy | ship: none | trigger warnings: detailed discussion of unspecified eating disorder | content: roman struggles with an eating disorder, logan is a terrible parent | word count: 824
day twenty six: working to exhaustion/"you look awful." | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), jennifer jareau, david rossi, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: ableism | content: on a case, local officers treat the team badly, dad!hotch, team as a family | word count: 1.7k
day twenty seven: scars | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, penelope garcia | ship: pre spencer reid/luke alvez, but can be read as platonic | trigger warnings: past self harm, past drug addiction | content: case fic, post prison spencer, autistic spencer, spencer is uncomfortable in his body, luke helps | word count: 1.6k
day twenty eight: bloody knife | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, derek morgan, david rossi | ship: none | trigger warnings: stabbing | content: case fic, spencer is stabbed, team as a family | word count: 371
day twenty nine: "what happened to me?" | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), derek morgan, jennifer jareau, aaron hotchner | ship: none | trigger warnings: past addiction, gunshot wound | content: spencer is shot on a case, pain relief used in the hospital brings up bad feelings, team as a family, dad!hotch | word count: 888
day thirty: borrowed clothing | fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez | ship: spencer reid/luke alvez | trigger warnings: implied sexual assault | content: luke finds spencer after he's been kidnapped on a case | word count: 718
day thirty one: emptiness | fandom: succession | characters: roman roy, gerri kellman | ship: roman roy/gerri kellman | trigger warnings: detailed description of unspecified eating disorder, vomiting | content: roman struggles, gerri tries to help | word count: 913
Whumtober 2023, Day 10: "You said you'd never leave."
fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid (centric), diana reid, derek morgan, aaron hotchner, jennifer jaraeu, penelope garcia, emily prentiss | ship: past spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: parent abandonment, depression, grief | content: spencer reflects on the people who have left him over the course of his life and grieves | word count: 1.3k.
“The five stages of grief,” Spencer says, standing in front of his geographical profile addressing officers on a case, “is a model developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and became famous after she published her book On Death and Dying in 1969. Kübler-Ross developed her model to describe people with terminal illness facing their own death, but it was soon adapted as a way of thinking about grief in general.
“We believe this unsub is not grieving death in his life, but rather, great loss in general. The five stages are often mistaken to only be relevant to death, because of the term grief. But in fact, you can grieve many things, and you can go through the stages in any order. This unsub has been left by so many people - his mother, father, siblings, partner and only close friend because of his sociopathic tendencies, and he is grieving these losses like they’re death. We believe he is in the anger stage, hence his violent behavior.” Spencer turns to look at Rossi, who takes point from there, going on to describe what the officers should be looking for. Once they’ve dismissed the locals, Spencer excuses himself.
Once he’s out in the fresh air, he takes a huge, shaking breath in, and raises a trembling hand to rub at his eyes. Penelope had relayed a list of people who had left this unsub to them over the phone, and Spencer had found himself growing more and more uncomfortable as each name had been read off the list. It’s only been a few weeks since Hotch left to go into witness protection, and though Spencer knows there was no other option, he can’t help but feel betrayed. It’s torn open old wounds for him: the amount of people that have left Spencer is laughable. He’s only ever had a handful of people he’s let in close see his vulnerabilities, and it feels like it always ends with them leaving.
Spencer’s brain knows none of the people who have left him because of anything to do with him.
Spencer’s heart aches with loneliness and grief, and always finds a way to make it his fault.
Denial
“Spencer, what are you doing? It’s nearly midnight,” Diana Reid says, shivering and pulling her dressing gown around her tighter. She approaches her twelve year old son, who sits in the living room, staring out the window that watches over their driveway.
“Sometimes when Dad leaves, he forgets his keys. I’m just making sure he doesn’t get locked out if he comes back,” Spencer says calmly. Diana sighs and takes a seat next to her son.
“Sweetheart,” she says, “look at me.”
Spencer turns to face his mother, eyes wide and tired behind his too-big glasses.
“We’ve been over this. Your father isn’t coming back,” her voice quivers and cracks.
“But you don’t know that,” Spencer argues gently. “You don’t know that for sure.”
“I’ve known your dad for a long time, Spencer. When he makes a decision, he sticks to it,” Diana says sadly.
Spencer shakes his head stubbornly and turns to look back out the window.
“You don’t know that for sure.”
2. Anger
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Spencer says, his voice low and gruff. Morgan is taken aback by his friend's tone. He’s known Spencer for close to two years now, and he’s never heard so much anger in the young man’s voice. Spencer is by nature incredibly gentle, and he’s surprised at the sudden turn in emotions a week after Elle has left the BAU.
“I get that. But you seem - well, really tightly wound. And I thought talking might help. I know you and Elle were… close-,”
“You can just say we were fucking,” Spencer snaps, and now Morgan is really concerned. The Spencer he knows would never use such colloquial language to describe the sort of relationship he and Elle had, let alone snap like that.
“I-,”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Morgan,” Spencer says tightly, clenching his jaw. “I thought she trusted me enough to talk to me about what was going on, and I was wrong. She’s gone, she’s not coming back, end of story.” Spencer walks away, fists tightly balled at his sides.
3. Depression
“I thought I might find you here,” a voice says, and Spencer looks up sharply from where he’s sitting, curled in the corner of the living room of Gideon’s cabin. He swipes at the tears on his face and sniffs, trying to pretend he hasn’t spent the last four hours sitting here, shivering and crying like a pathetic little kid.
“S-sorry, did - do we have a case?” Spencer says, his voice shaky and hoarse.
“No,” Hotch says, lowering himself to the ground in front of Spencer and watching him carefully. “No case. But I went to check on you at your apartment this evening, and you weren’t there.”
“You came to check on me?”
Hotch sighs. “I know what Gideon meant to you. And it seemed to hit you very suddenly yesterday that he isn’t coming back.”
Even just hearing Hotch say it makes Spencer’s heart ache. His lower lip trembles, and he’s furious that he’s doing this here and now and in front of Hotch nonetheless, but he can’t help it. The tears spill down his cheeks suddenly.
“It’s okay to be sad,” Hotch says gently, in a voice reserved only for Spencer’s lowest moments. “Allow yourself that.”
“I feel like he took a piece of me with him,” Spencer sobs.
Hotch reaches out and squeezes his hand. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Spencer squeezes back. “Please don’t leave me too,” he chokes, and Hotch sighs shakily.
“No, Spencer, I won’t. I won’t ever leave you.”
4. Bargaining
“But now that I know,” Spencer argues, “it’ll be easier for her to come back. She’s opened up to me and I understand why things were difficult for her, and if I just tell her that I’ll be able to help her through it, that we’re all supporting her-,”
“Spence,” JJ sighs, “I know it’s hard, but Blake made her decision. We have to respect that.”
“But if I just talk to her,” Spencer says, not taking in a single word JJ says, “I can help her understand. I can help her come back and feel comfortable.”
“Spence,” JJ says again. “I know your relationship with Alex was unique. I know you trusted her quicker than you’ve ever grown to trust anyone. She felt the same way about you, that’s why she told you about her son. But that’s all the more reason to trust that she’s made the right decision for herself.”
Spencer is quiet for a moment. Then -
“But if I just call her…”
5. Acceptance
“I miss him,” Spencer announces, entering Penelope’s office and flopping down on a chair beside her. “I miss Morgan.”
“Me too, sweetpea,” she sighs, offering him a cookie from the tin she keeps on her desk. He shakes his head in response. She pulls one out and begins to munch on it.
“I’m happy for him, you know? Like, really happy. I’ve said that, right? I told him I was happy for him?”
“Only a million times,” Penelope says through a mouthful of chocolate chips.
“But I still miss him. And I still wish he was here. Is that horrible?”
“Oh Spencer, no,” she says, swallowing and smiling at him sadly. “You’re allowed to be sad. I’m devastated, but I’m still buzzing with joy over the fact that there’s a little baby Derek running around. It’s okay to feel both, you know.”
“Yeah,” Spencer says, sadly. “I suppose it is.”
6. …
Emily announces Hotch has gone into witness protection, and it’s like the wind has been knocked out of him. He knows Hotch doesn’t have a choice. He knows Hotch will do anything to protect his son, including staying in witsec however long he needs to. But emotions still flood him, overwhelm him, kick and scratch and punch him. His face burns and hot tears threaten to spill down his cheeks. He squeezes his eyes shut against the tsunami of grief.
“You said you’d never leave,” he whispers to the empty conference room. Everyone’s gone, and now it’s just Spencer and the ghosts of all the people who have once sat in this room and chosen to leave him. “You said you’d never leave.”
fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, elle greenaway | ship: spencer reid/elle greenaway | trigger warnings: drinking | content: spencer is anxious, elle doesn't know how to help, autistic spencer | word count: 824.
It’s nearing three am when there’s finally a soft knock on Elle’s hotel room door. She gets up stiffly from where she’s been lying on top of the covers of the bed, doodling on a spare piece of paper absentmindedly. She peeks into the hole in the door to make sure she’s not about to open the door awkwardly to Hotch or Gideon, but it’s exactly who she expects it to be. She opens the door and Spencer’s standing there, still in his work clothes, glasses slightly crooked and looking disheveled. He stares at her for a second - she remembers, after a moment, that she’s only in a shirt and underwear - then he gives her a tired smile and pushes past into her room.
She shuts the door behind them and turns to face him where he perches on the end of her bed somewhat awkwardly, eyebrows raised. “Midnight stroll?” she asks coldly.
He shrugs. “I told Hotch I was gonna walk back from the station.”
“Yeah, Morgan said,” she says, leaning against the wall with her arms folded. “But last time I checked, that was four hours ago.”
“I - sorry,” he says, looking down at his hands. “I probably should have told somebody. I just got distracted.” He starts twisting his fingers into knots, and she notices for the first time how tensley he’s holding himself. Her chilly demeanor melts away and she moves to sit next to him on the bed.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“I - don’t really know,” Spencer laughs a little nervously. He tenses up again, and his fingers start to anxiously tap out their own private rhythm.
“You know the deal,” she says, watching him carefully. “You don’t have to justify yourself to me.”
The deal is this: Elle drinks, Spencer says nothing. Spencer drops his mask, Elle says nothing. They talk, sometimes about what’s bothering them, usually about anything but. Sometimes they fuck. Whatever they end up doing, they don’t talk about it outside of the walls it occurs in. The next day, everything goes back to normal.
It’s a good deal. Elle likes it. Spencer likes it. They survive together.
Tonight though - the last few days, really - Spencer doesn’t seem like he’s in any position to do anything but fend off whatever panic attack that looks like it’s about to descend onto him. He rubs a tired hand across his face and finally turns to look at her.
“Sorry, I - I don’t really know why I’m here,” he says, voice pitched a little higher than normal.
“It’s cool,” she says. “Company is good, I get it. Drink?”
“No,” he says, “thanks. Your body can only process one standard drink an hour, by the time we have to get up-,”
“I was offering you water, genius,” she says smirking, standing up and heading to the mini fridge.
“Oh. Yes please.”
She pulls out a bottle of water for Spencer and a beer for herself. She opens them both, then hands Spencer his water. He grabs the bottle from her and takes a gulp. Even the way he’s drinking signals how tightly wound he is. She lies down on her stomach, making herself comfortable with her drink. They’re silent for a moment, and Spence exhales heavily. He spins around, crossing toeing off his shoes then facing her on the bed, crossing his legs.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asks after a moment.
He shrugs again. “Nothing to talk about. It all just feels a little…difficult.”
“It happens. I get it.”
“Mhm,” he says, looking down at the bottle in his hands, crinkling it slightly. He lets out a heavy breath again, and she wishes there was something more comforting she could say or do. She’s useless at this stuff. She knows how to talk Spencer through meltdowns, the same way he knows how to stay silent vigil with her while she pieces herself back together after a rough day. But this in between time - where neither of them are sure how they’re feeling, except that it’s shit - she has no idea what to do or say. She feels frozen.
“I - I should go,” he says after a moment, standing up suddenly.
“You don’t have to,” she says a little helplessly, sitting up and watching him put the water bottle on the table and grabbing his shoes. “You can stay.”
“No, I - I’m sorry,” he says anxiously, not looking at her as he pulls his battered converse on and doesn’t do up the laces. “I shouldn’t have come in the first place.” He moves towards the door quickly, but pauses once he’s opened it.
He looks back at her where she’s kneeling on the bed, eyes pleading with him to stay and talk to her, but unsure of how to say it. He gives her a weak smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Really Elle,” he says quietly, unconvincingly, “I’m fine.”
Landwirt Johannes Hoffrogge, #Spelle, und der Nahrungswald - via @ndr
https://mediandr-a.akamaihd.net/progressive/2024/0325/TV-20240325-2013-0700.hq.mp4
Zum Hintergrund:
Der Klimawandel macht die konventionelle Landwirtschaft immer schwieriger. Es werden alternative Ansätze benötigt, die extremen Witterungsbedingungen besser standhalten. Sogenannte Nahrungswälder bieten hier Potentiale, sind bislang aber nur eine Randerscheinung. In den vergangenen sechs Monaten…
After a long and anxious flight and a couple hours waiting at the airport I finally arrived in Spelle, Germany!! I am so blessed to be here, and cannot wait to see what this year has to bring!
BÜRGERVERANSTALTUNGEN IN SPELLE: DEMOGRAFIE GEHT UNS ALLE AN
BÜRGERVERANSTALTUNGEN IN SPELLE: DEMOGRAFIE GEHT UNS ALLE AN
Die Samtgemeinde Spelle (Niedersachsen) veranstaltet mit dem Bundesverband Initiative 50Plus eine Reihe von Bürgertreffen, auf denen das Thema Demografie mit seinen vielen Aspekten den Einwohnern von Spelle näher gebracht werden soll.
20. Mai 2015 Finanzielle Situation im Alter – Wie viel Leben ist noch übrig am Ende des Geldes?
17. Juni 2015 Demografischer Wandel – und was hat das mit mir zu tun?
I think I'm in denial now that it's advanced into the later seasons with Mauve, but I think I subconsciously ship ReidxGreenaway..... ------ Spelle if you will... ------ I always thought they were good for each other. I can't be the only one....
