Almost 90% of us are tired of living. We are just living because we have to exist and we can’t really kill each other.
We are not brave enough to end our lives. The rest of the 10% are billionaires and opportunists throwing us motivational shits that don’t make sense anymore just to make their own profits.
I’m drinking tea in the morning, binge listening to a very popular podcast by an influencer who left their 9-to-5 to create their dream life of themselves. They will teach you how to do the same for which you have to buy a course of some $1000. But remember they will only allow a few right-minded people in that “academy” because they don’t teach those people who can’t just shut up and put forward their “work”. Also, the seats are very few so you have to hurry before it's sold out.
Everyone wants money and a dream life so one would be tempted to buy it, even if that has to destroy some cherished fixed deposit. But at the end of the course which teaches the same thing to 1000 others, one fails to attempt that dream life, and becomes twice as sad and miserable.
People tell me that I am hopeless. “Why are you so negative? Chill! Everything will be okay.” Well guess what? They are not broke, they don’t come from a broke family, earning the meagre amount, suffering from post covid illness because it attacked not once but twice and more health problems that even doctors are confused to diagnose.
No, they are hale and hearty, their families live in Eastern Europe’s poshest areas, and they show off their wealth. A beautiful cottage with a lush green garden. A perfect cottagecore aesthetics that is! They have been lucky enough not to get covid once. They do have illnesses though and they talk about those like those are the world's problems. The only thing they love doing is bitching about other people, covering their own follies.
I don’t understand them anymore. I don’t want to do that either. There is no heart left in me. People say I’m bad because I don’t trust people enough. How can I tell them that whenever I thought that I have finally found a great friend those so-called friends kicked my butt so hard I had to stop making friends? Those people are lucky to have good and caring friends. Good for them.
Sometimes I used to ask myself, why is my luck so bad? I don’t anymore. I don’t want to know. I have accepted this. The only thing I can do is to find things that can make me happy, or at least that does not dampen my mood often. But again for those things to pursue I need money and it’s a vicious cycle.
