#spn duality

[mittensmorgul]

Physicist here. SPN has always been fond of using quantum mechanics and I'm assuming that they do read the vague articles released to the general public, so I'm gonna go ahead and say that "a balanced quantum link" is quantum entanglement. Sam has truly equated himself to God -- if they go with the physics symbolism, the Winchesters and God are no longer individual characters but are now an inseparable whole.

OH GOSH THANK YOU. And yeah... That’s pretty much how I see it.

But weirdly... we don’t know what Sam actually *shot* at Chuck. Did he shoot him with just a standard bullet construct, or with something more? I joked that they could shoot a winning lottery ticket at someone, and end up with a winning lottery ticket for themselves. Nothing says that the only thing they had to shoot involved the conventional notion of a bullet.

But thank you. I’ve written a lot of weird meta over the years that used physics and science concepts to explain the show’s metaphysics. :P

Update from like two hours later, after spelunking my s11 meta tags about duality on a cosmic scale... oh right I started out looking for links to nonsense I wrote in the past about this and ended up losing the entire thread of what I was actually looking for, but I’m still somehow happy about it all... >.>

[mittensmorgul]

We’re Working on the Power of Love

(AN: There are several linked posts in this essay, and normally I’d just say “for further reading,” or “if you’re interested,” but honestly I linked them here because they provide the foundation of understanding the scope of these parallels, and I consider them Required Reading. Mostly they saved me the trouble of turning this essay into a 10k word dissertation, because all the connections essentially make themselves by comparing the posts, most especially this one and this one. Go read both of those now. I’ll wait.)

There have been many posts already discussing the parallels in 14.10 to other episodes-- 4.01, 2.20, 13.06, 10.23, and a number of others. But there’s one particular theme I want to explore in more depth, because it’s tied directly to Dean and Michael both. In 5.18, Dean came dangerously close to saying yes to Michael and engaging the Apocalypse script, but everything leading up to his rejection of that script by the end of the episode has now been turned on its head by Michael himself in 14.10.

At the beginning of 5.18, Dean has made his peace with his fate and is going about preparing to give himself over to Michael-- packing up everything that’s important to him in a box for Bobby. He’s at the end of his rope and thinks this is the only way, sacrificing himself to save everyone else. He intends to bargain for their safety in exchange for his own compliance.

This is, essentially, what Cain once did for Abel, as we learned eventually in 9.11, so this loop has repeated itself more than once now, on different levels of the narrative.

I think required reading for understanding the parallels I’m about to make is this post I made on April 20, 2017 during my s12 meta rewatch. It discusses Dean’s painful rejection of each member of his family in a similar fashion to the statements Michael makes to each member of TFW in 14.10. Not to mention the fact it touches on Dean’s thoughts on a White Picket Fence ending for himself, his own guilt and internal darkness, Fate vs Free Will, Dean’s internal strength of will, and the ghost of John Winchester and his long shadow still governing Dean’s choices and opinion of himself.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/159793521320/517-and-518-or-how-does-any-of-this-make-any (this was the first linked post from the author’s note above)

I read a couple of other posts while searching for the one linked above that also give some insight into the themes that we’re seeing again in s14 regarding all of the above-referenced themes that might prove useful reading, while we’re here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/177899727345/hot-take-13x23-is-5x18-point-of-no-return-but

And

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/165312952745/im-new-to-spn-and-a-friend-turned-me-onto-your

(more dealing with the Winchester Family Dynamics, the Ghost of John Winchester, and fate vs free will, but still incredibly relevant to the overarching themes of s14)

But what I’d like to specifically focus on are the things Michael weaponized against each of TFW 2.0, because those barbs were crafted much the same way that Dean’s barbs toward his family were crafted in 5.18.

I detailed all of them in this post from the other night:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182126697455/one-thing-that-stuck-out-to-me-about-last-nights (this was the second linked post from the author’s note above)

I only touched on Michael’s first conversation with Castiel in the War Room briefly in that post, focusing more on his “stalling tactics” inside Rocky’s Bar, and I barely skimmed over Jack’s chat with Michael. But they are thematically paired to the hurtful comments Dean flung at his family in 5.18. Only now, Dean can see all of these statements as the deceptions they are.

In 14.10:

Jack: Sam and Dean -- they're gonna beat you. Michael: Oh, please. Sam's in so far over his head, he's drowning. And Dean? Well, I've got Dean under control. Jack: No. Dean -- he's strong. Michael: He's a gnat. I'm a god. Who would you bet on? You don't know anything about Dean. I'm in his head literally. I know everything. Like, I know how sad he was when you died on the outside. On the inside, well, it's not that he was happy -- he just didn't care. 'Cause you're not Sam. You're not Cas. You're a new burden that he was handed. You're a weak, helpless thing. You think that they care about you, love you? You're a job, a job none of them wanted. And you --

In 5.18, this wasn’t Dean’s comment, but directly subverting who Adam was to who Jack is now:

BOBBY: You’re still John’s boy. ADAM: No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don’t have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she’s the one I give a rat’s ass about, not you.

Adam staked his ground, separated himself from the Winchesters (to his detriment in the end), but Jack has come full circle and understands his place in the Winchester family.

The barbs Dean lobs at Sam in 5.18 resonate directly to the ones Michael hurls in 14.10:

5.18:

SAM: No? So Michael’s not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out? DEAN: Yeah, I guess. SAM: How could you do that? DEAN: How could I? All you’ve ever done is run away. SAM: And I was wrong. Every single time I did.

And

DEAN: I just…I—I don’t believe. SAM: In what? DEAN: In you. I mean, I don’t. I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they’re gonna find a way to turn you. SAM: So you’re saying I’m not strong enough. DEAN: You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer’s gonna wear you to the prom, man. It’s just a matter of time. SAM: Don’t say that to me. Not you…of all people. DEAN: I don’t want to. But it’s the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there’s got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain’t gonna be that kid. So, it’s got to be me.

And 14.10:

- And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.

This is playing on the exact same fear, attempting to use this as a manipulation, when everything that’s happened in their lives between 5.18 and now has served to undercut this directly.

Let’s compare what he says to Cas, who in 5.18 had intervened to yell his own pain, the truth of what he’d sacrificed in support of Dean, and eventually the fracture of his own faith in Dean and everything he’d always thought Dean stood for:

CASTIEL: Maybe they’re desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them. DEAN: Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.

And

CASTIEL: I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? DEAN: Cas! Please! CASTIEL: I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.

And

CASTIEL: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Yet in 14.10, Cas is absolutely convinced that Dean is “more than strong.” His only fear is that Michael could be stronger still. And it’s Cas who sees through the deception, providing the light in the darkness to uncover and understand the truth, to see through the fear and the pain and find Dean, as well as to see through Michael’s lies for what they really are:

- You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.” Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.

Because over the years since 5.18 they have struggled through the depths of broken trust and forgiven each other everything. They’ve come to an understanding that everything they do, they’ve done out of love. They’re not a couple of dumbasses. They know they do the wrong things for the right reasons, and they understand their own failures and guilt. And most importantly, they know that all of this has been done out of love.

Finally, there’s what Michael says about Dean himself:

- You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes

I compared this statement to what Demon Dean tried to hurt Sam with in 10.03, just before he was cured, but this also goes directly to 5.18, and Dean’s state of mind at that time:

DEAN: Just…let me say this. I don’t know if it’s being a big brother or what, but to me, you’ve always been this snot-nosed kid that I’ve had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that’s not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you’re grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.

We both know that’s not you anymore.

Because there it is, even by the end of 5.18, Dean has acknowledged this relationship with Sam is not just his burden. Like the angels in s5 who desperately needed to divide Sam and Dean, to set them up as adversaries willing to capitulate to fate, that’s exactly what Michael was doing in Rocky’s Bar. He needed to break the Winchesters’ trust and faith in one another, because Team Free Will united is an unstoppable force. The theme the show has been hammering home forever is that they’re better together, stronger together. It’s the power of Love, on every level.

[mittensmorgul]

Any thoughts on the significance of the bright yellow bathroom in 13x2 (especially since there's been so much color meta going around re: Cas and yellow and the curtains from 13x1)?

HECK I HATE TUMBLR. I had a really long reply written out for this, and freaking tumblr ATE IT. oh my god. Stop being such a jerk tumblr… Okay, gonna try and recreate it >.> Okay… what had I been saying now…

That entire motel room (oh, excuse me, HOTEL, according to their sign >.>) was decked out in some really bold jewel tones, despite having gone a bit shabby with age and use. Some of the paint was chipping off, the whole place was dingier than a lot of the motels they visit, and whoa nelly that was a really sickening sulfurous shade of yellow.

Let’s start with the other parts of the motel, though. (partly because this is what I remember from the version of this post that tumblr nommed). Their room itself was a dark sapphire blue, highlighted by this deep red, diamond and flower pattered sofa:

These have long been our conflict colors, blue and red. And the diamond pattern itself reminded me of Lizbob’s meta about the diamond-pattern (sulfur yellow) bedspreads from s1 that made a reappearance in 12.19 in the motel room where Cas was hiding out with Kelly…

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/159872238180/why-does-sam-thinks-he-needs-to-go-back-in-the

go read that real quick… I’ll wait.

Dean had already been the subject of prison imagery (when he first entered the motel room and the louvers of the blinds cast him in reddish light that resembled bars), and now the diamonds cast him against even MORE cage/prison imagery, this time embedded with FLOWERS (which have long been a symbol associated with Castiel… I mean even the wallpaper in 12.19 was a flower motif…)

That brings us to the hallway outside their room, painted the same deep red (and peeling away in places) as their sofa. Everyone knows about Dean’s shirt that color we all refer to as the Murder Shirt or the Shirt of Bad Decisions… But blue and red in contrast to one another like this have been used as a warning of conflict, and breaking the codependency… 

But that red is also the Winchester Family color, and so many “adopted Winchesters” have worn it, from Kevin to Mary to Charlie to Claire…

(I won’t even go into the symbolism of the light giving Dean a halo in the red hallway as he throws an angel blade to kill a demon, because I talked about that yesterday… :P)

Which brings us to yellow (and also yellow and blue together, which have always been a warning sign on Supernatural… she says as she’s watching 9.01 and looking at Hael wearing a sulfur-yellow sweater over a dark blue dress. Those are the colors of Heaven and irresistible duty). First, the bathroom itself:

Dean opens the door, reaches in and turns on the light, then leaves the door open. He doesn’t even go in, just gives it that look… Later when he’s fighting the demon, we get this shot, with the brightly-lit duty color set against the deep blue humanity color…

It seems that so much of the imagery around Jack (and the Winchesters) is about this duality– humanity versus (in this case) non-humanity. Jack is about as clear a dual-natured being as it’s possible to be, and in turn it’s divided Sam and Dean against one another. Sam sees Jack’s humanity, but Dean can only see the potential for his power to “take over” and for human Jack to be lost to that power.

To copy/paste what I said to @shixpe when I was busy crying about how tumblr ate this original post, right now “Jack” and “Jack’s Power” are two entirely separate entities. Nougat vs “unimaginable cosmic power,” and he hasn’t even BEGUN to reconcile those two halves within himself. Right now, he doesn’t even identify with his powers at all…

We’ve seen a lot of the s9 and s10 imagery of duality coming back into play again with things like the return of the Panheads sign which we also know will be in 13.03, along with Patience wearing these same bright primary colors in various promo pics. I eagerly await how they continue to use these colors as the season continues to unfold.

[mittensmorgul]

Today’s jaunt through the TNT loop hit the part of s11 that points the car toward the finish line and revs the engine. 11.15-11.18  (and really 11.14 is where it starts, but I watched that one yesterday, so it feels weird to include it in a post specifically about what I’m watching today... stupid brain refusing to organize itself more practically) takes the themes of the season spelled out in the triptych of 11.11, 11.12, and 11.13 and begins driving them home with purpose.

Amara and the Darkness hang like a metaphorical raincloud of escalating depression over this run of episodes, contrasted with the light and power of the Hands of God “weapons” that equally elude their grasp. The larger metaphorical and thematic struggle of the season plays out offscreen for the most part, since these two opposing fundamental forces of the universe-- creation vs destruction, light vs darkness, order vs chaos (hello my old friends my s11 meta tags!)-- are where the main a-plot action of the season is happening. We see that cosmic struggle through the lens of what TFW are struggling with.

As above, so below. Gabriel once referred to that concept (in 5.08) to explain why Sam and Dean were the “perfect vessels” for Michael and Lucifer. It’s the same concept as “the river shall end at its source,” as Metatron once said. And it’s the essential narrative structure of the entire series as far as the individual character arcs are concerned. S11 is where this entire concept pivots around and shows us the pivot point-- Dean Winchester, the firewall between light and darkness. Chuck and Amara both literally pointed at him as their exemplar, and in 11.23 he (armed with the power of Humanity) became the vehicle that finally united them both. Such is the power of the duality of humanity the show (and Dean specifically) has been wrestling with for years (hello entire MoC arc summed up in the themes of 10.11).

I know I’ve written about Dean’s descent into depression over the Cas-Lucifer situation, and there are hundreds of posts on my blog in the tags for these episodes detailing all of this already. But I can’t help it. Dammit, s11 let me love you.

in 11.15, we find Dean already packed to head out to The Hangman’s funeral. He’s concerned for Cas, but that concern hasn’t hit DESPERATION levels yet. He’s still rational, still hasn’t really come to grips with what they can do about Cas yet beyond being positive that Cas WANTS to be saved. He’s still at loose ends over his own confession about how incapable he feels in Amara’s presence, but is still confident that Sam is handling that end of the research for now.

11.16 escalates his growing depression and frustration at any lack of progress despite the “win” he’d had in 11.15 and the reaffirmation of the whole “keep grinding” theme. What they believe will be an easy vengeful spirit case turns out to hit very close to home, bringing them back to the comparable feeling of frustrated desperation of the apocalypse era by literally existing in both times at once via the Soul Eater’s nest. It may not have been the easy win Sam had hoped it would be, but it was still a necessary diversion that allowed them to set their own pasts (via saving Bobby from the Soul Eater) to rights. A major theme of s12, as well-- rectifying their own past via Mary’s resurrection and personally coming to terms with their own legacy via the Men of Letters.

11.17 opens with Dean reaching a state of abject depression over their inability to gain any ground on either the hunt for Amara or a way to save Cas, and for the first time he drags his heels on taking on a case that Sam suggests could be a good distraction for them. Sam is clearly concerned for Dean, and despite Dean including Amara, Lucifer, and the Hands of God in the list of things they’re trying to handle, Sam narrows Dean’s reasons for wanting to hand this suspected case over to another hunt to one singular point:

Dean: All right, well, we make a call and we put somebody on it. Sam: Yeah, but... [He sighs, closes his laptop and looks at Dean]. We'll get him back. Dean: How? Sam: I... I don't know. But we'll figure it out. Meantime, we got to get out of here. Clear our heads. I mean, this is a case. Let's do what we do. Let's work it.

None of their other pressing concerns is weighing on Dean like Cas is. That one line is the foundation for the rest of the action in the entire episode. Poor dumb Corbin had no idea just how badly he underestimated Dean in forcing his hand by “killing” Sam, and selfishly using a rational mathematical argument to push Dean into walking away from his brother there. The underlying hesitation and depression Dean had been fighting through BECAUSE SAM HAD ASKED HIM TO HELP ON THIS CASE, because SAM had been trying to help get Dean out of his own head for a few days, essentially washed away when Corbin killed him.

When he finds Sam dead, Dean’s ready to give up everything. It had been SAM who’d kept him going, who’d given him a reason to “keep grinding.” Without Sam, Dean had lost hope for everything else.

It was Michelle who gave Dean a reason to keep fighting right there, and the walk through the woods to save her gave Dean enough time and space to reorganize his priorities. And it was Michelle again reminding him of Billie’s threat of the Empty that spurred him into desperate action yet again. It brought back the reminder that Dean was helpless to deal with Amara on his own, and that it was Sam that the fate of the entire universe was resting on.

And it was his chat with Billie there that finally taught him that the universe didn’t really care about fate... It gave him the push to begin fighting the depression and helplessness that was metaphorically the “thrall” Amara had over him.

11.18 is where Dean begins taking back the reins of his own fate. It’s also the first time he faces Amara and is able to ignore her completely, calling out for Cas instead. He’s begun to disconnect himself from the power she’s had over him since he took the Mark of Cain, because he chose something different. It’s also where we distinctly see the difference between Sam and Dean’s relationship with Cas, and the seeds are sown for expanding on that difference in s12.

Sam: I thought Lucifer had a shot. Apparently, uh, archangel plus God power doesn't trump God’s sister. Dean: But if the thing has to be used by God's chosen, then maybe an archangel who got the boot doesn't qualify. Either way, horn's out of ammo, so... Sam: So, back to square one. Dean: Yep. [Sighing.] Sam: Listen, um... I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so... Dean: Well, that's what he wanted, though, right? Besides, didn't we say that we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn't agree with? Sam: Yeah, um... Yeah, we did say that. Dean: So... Sam: Okay. So, that's our policy. Dean: Which sounds damn good. [Sam chuckles.] Well, let's go find that idiot and bring him home.

Yes, their policy is to honor the other’s choices, but Cas’s choice to say yes to Lucifer has played out. He thought Lucifer could defeat her, and Lucifer failed. Cas had been wrong, but that only reinforced Dean’s need to save him now. From what Crowley said about Cas being unreachable because of Lucifer’s control over him, Dean understood that Cas couldn’t just kick Lucifer out on his own, despite now having proof that Lucifer either lied about being able to defeat Amara or was just wrong about it. Cas’s “choice to say yes” hinged on that promise, and now that it was null and void, they could save Cas without wondering if it’s what he’d actually want.

It was heartbreaking for Dean to watch Amara zap Cas away, but it was actually the shot of hope he’d been needing-- the certainty that he needed to intervene in any way he could to rescue Cas.

Okay, I guess that’s enough jibberjabber about stuff I’ve already talked about ad nauseum. :P

[mittensmorgul]

I’d make “predictions” for the season finale tonight, but I still stand by everything I’ve been predicting since LAST MAY.

So *stands back and just points at my entire blog* *well other than the stuff clearly tagged “crack” or whatever* *but no even some of that’s relevant probably*

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144004554810/mittensmorgul-ive-been-rewatching-s10-this

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144609519920/grand-reunification-indeed

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144380034745/the-empty-and-amaras-offer

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144207609795/ive-read-comments-speculating-that-chuckgod

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand-Unification-Via-Love-Theory

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/%2Amittens-attempts-to-become-one-with-the-universe-amid-the-sea-of-duality%2A

(and yeah, I know there’s a lot of overlap between the posts in those two tags... but that’s kind of the point. This was the message of the entire season.)

You can’t outrun your past (but hey look, you can subvert it!)

(ETA on 9/11/17-- i found this in my drafts and apparently never posted it? I wrote this up the day before 11.23 aired... so i guess have a bunch of ancient links to s11 stuff... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

[mittensmorgul]

Castiel has def become something not meant to be, in a way. I have always held that angels ARE emotional creatures but that they express it and process it differently than humans. Humans are muddier, more nuanced. Cas has two different programs, soul and grace, running at the same time that prob conflicts and causes him grief. Angelic drive to fix things and atone combined with human uncertainty and doubt? Messy. God, it's a wonder that he still functions, the poor lamb.

Yeah, and I think that’s a huge part of it.

Cas could eat as an angel. He never seemed to complain about his experiences with food before. He could mostly just ignore it, even after Famine sent him on his burger binge in 5.14. He admitted he liked them very much, but after that he never really bothered to keep seeking them out. It’s not like he’d developed a taste for them that had to be sated, you know?

But then he became entirely human, and experience what food was for a human. He experienced the taste and texture and the pleasure of filling an empty stomach and feeling satisfied and content afterward. He also experienced the opposite– feeling the absolute need for food, hunger, and what it meant to not be able to satisfy that. D:

In 9.11, we see him mourning the fact that he can no longer enjoy or appreciate food the same way once he had his grace back.

(or, just grace, even if it hadn’t been technically HIS. Whatever. That’s besides the point here)

He desperately wants to experience that sandwich in the same fulfilling way he had as a human, but the conflict is in his grace. He’s still feeling like a human, and he WANTS to taste the pbj, wants to bring back that feeling of satisfaction and pure enjoyment from such a simple thing, but it’s beyond his reach. It’s like he got his grace back and it’s blocking his ability to just enjoy it on that level, and instead all he can taste are the molecules. And it’s disgusting.

Because he knows how it’s supposed to taste now.

He’s got a taste of humanity, and as long as he has his grace, no matter how hard he concentrates, no matter how hard he tries, those human feelings are just beyond his reach.

Even if he knows intellectually how he’s supposed to feel, he can only recreate or remember the feeling, and not actually experience it.

Cas has been longing for that experience again ever since he lost it.

And therein lies the conflict.

[mittensmorgul]

8.18: Dean pushes Sam to talk about how he’s feeling physically due to the trials, but Sam turns it right around on him and makes it about Dean’s feelings...

SAM: Yeah. Um, Cas dinged you up pretty good. DEAN: And? SAM: And I just wanted to make sure you're okay. DEAN: What like my feelings? SAM: If that's what you want to talk about, sure. DEAN: Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't I go get some, uh, herbal tea. SAM: Okay. DEAN: And you can find some cowboy junkies on the dial.

Like Dean recognized the description of Claire in 12.16 when Sam didn’t, Dean recognized Krissy Chambers on the surveillance footage when Sam didn’t...

KRISSY: You're never too young to kill monsters, especially the ones that kill your family.

Thing is, the “monster” that killed her father is actually the human hunter who took her and her friends in to train them to be the next generation of hunters in the style of his choosing. Victor partnered with a vampire who turned innocent people, then set them out as easy “training targets” for the kids who were now dependent on him. LIED to them, telling the kids that these were the vampires who killed their families so they could get their “revenge” and their Hunter Origin Story. The experience bonds the three young hunters together, but it was all based on a lie until Sam and Dean remind her that hunting’s not all about killing and revenge.

Sam and Dean see the combination of hunting and normal family life that Victor is providing the kids. Dean objects at first, arguing that kids should be protected from hunting... But Victor wants the next generation of hunters to be “better than them.” He uses Martin and Garth as examples of hunters he’s trying to improve upon.

VICTOR: Better than us. Oh, come on, guys. I know your friends. I mean, Martin was insane. And somebody obviously dropped Garth on his head when he was a baby. And I know you two loved that Bobby guy, but he was a barely functional alcoholic. DEAN: Watch it. VICTOR: No disrespect meant, but Josephine is an all-state athlete and National Merit scholar. Aiden is so fast he could pick your pocket before you could even blink. And Krissy, oh she's just a natural-born leader and hunter. DEAN: So what? VICTOR: So these kids are the cream of the crop. They are the Beatles. They are the dream team. And once they get their revenge......they'll be better hunters than any of us ever dreamed of.

On the surface, it sounds like a far less horrifying version of Kendricks...

Victor believes a “balanced approach” is the way to get there.

DEAN: Kids aren't supposed to hunt, Sam. SAM: We did. DEAN: Yeah, and look what that did for us. SAM: Well, maybe they're doing it right. Maybe they can hunt and have a real life.

But Dean still doesn’t believe it can work for anybody. And he’s still suspicious of the inconsistencies he saw in the vampire hunt where they’d found Krissy, so he starts investigating while Sam stays with Victor and the kids.

VICTOR: But you know what I realized, Sam, is that these kids, they don't have to live it the way we have. You know, crappy hotel rooms, always moving, no family, no life. It's not the only way.

(taking a moment to talk about Jimmy, the war hero that everyone in town knew, who was reduced to a crying mess repeating I’M SORRY to the vampire victim, who thought he just seemed scared)

Sam didn’t want to believe that Victor was lying about having found the vamp that killed Krissy’s father, and just assumed he was mistaken, so Sam brings Victor along to investigate the mysterious blue van, and that’s when Victor and the vampire he’s been working with all along turn on Sam. MISPLACED TRUST, SAMMY.

Meanwhile Dean finds where the vampire’s been stashing its bait victims after they’ve been turned, and realizes that the girl is freshly turned and has never fed before, and therefore couldn’t possibly have been the vampire who killed Krissy’s father.

Dean earns Krissy’s trust, and proves to all three kids that they don’t know everything.

KRISSY: So, let's say this isn't the vamp who killed my dad. She's still a monster and deserves to die. DEAN: Not if we can save her. AIDEN: What? DEAN: She hasn't fed yet. We can reverse this if we find her maker and get his blood. AIDEN: And why should we care about her? DEAN: Like I said, hunting isn't always about killing. ADIEN: Oh, please. Preach to some other choir. We're not buying it. DEAN: You want to kill an innocent girl?! KRISSY: I want the blood sucker who killed my dad to pay. DEAN: And we're gonna find out who that is. But let's not be so bloodthirsty that just anyone will do. JOSEPHINE: But Victor says it's her. DEAN: And I say it ain't! So we're gonna pack her to go, and we're gonna ask Victor ourselves. Okay?

Sometimes the REAL monster is just a human...

VICTOR: We are at war --a war that we are losing. That Leviathan fiasco was a wake-up call. We have to do what we can to survive. But I wouldn't expect you to understand. You're not a father. You don't know what it's like to hear the cries of your children dying.But now I have a second chance to make it all right, to create the next generation of hunters -- stronger, faster, smarter.

Sounds EXACTLY like the BMoL in s12, no?

VICTOR: You have to understand. I saw a way to make the future better. But to get there, I had to do something hard.

Sorta like what Mary believes she’s doing working with the MoL?

KRISSY: If we want revenge for our families' deaths, he gives it to us! DEAN: We don't kill people. You don't kill people. KRISSY: He's not a person. He's a monster.

She points the gun at Victor and fires, but the bullets are in her pocket. And she delivers his sentence:

AIDEN: So, we're just gonna let him live? KRISSY: Yeah. All alone, with himself. No family. No friends. Ask me, that's not much of anything.

Meanwhile they get to save the life of an innocent girl, and Krissy proves she’s a better hunter than Victor ever was. At least, far more “balanced.”

KRISSY: Look, I hate how we were put together, but...I can't deny that it feels right. And why should I let Victor ruin that, too? DEAN: So, what you're saying is that you like that boy over there and you want to stay? KRISSY: What? Aiden? No. I mean... He's like my brother. It's nothing like that. DEAN: Well, you're all still minors. KRISSY: Not for long. Josephine will be 18 in a few months. And we all have a life and each other here. DEAN: And hunting? KRISSY: We won't go looking for it. But if any monsters show up around here, they better look out.  DEAN: Okay. Good. KRISSY: Really? I thought I was gonna have to fight you way more on that. DEAN: Well, you're right. You're not a kid anymore. You can make your own decisions.

(reverberations of Mary’s talks with Dean in s12... but with Mary in Dean’s role, and Dean in Krissy’s here... But Mary’s got her own issues that she’s also dealing with, and it’s taken a lot longer for her to reach “acceptance.”)

[mittensmorgul]

I think there's a zero % chance of the nephilim being truely good without a catch. Having a superpowered child as a plotline that just a innocent babs is not a storyline. Not to mention it's already enforcing some form of a plan and it's not even born yet; saving Kelly, getting rid of Dagon, getting Cas and Cas to protect him even over Sam and Dean, the fact after the golden eyes Kelly and Cas are both super invested in the nephilim beign born with powers, it wants these powers for a reason

RIGHT?!

Honestly since that creepy shot in the doctor’s office in 12.17 where the baby turned its head like it was looking directly at the doctor on the sonogram I’ve been giving it a lot of credit for being “decidedly not human normal.”

(I mean that whole scene happened because WE NEEDED TO SEE HOW NOT-NORMAL THAT BABY WAS. So not-normal that Dagon IMMEDIATELY reverted to mind-wiping the doctor in order to stop him from saying just how not-normal the baby was out loud to Kelly…)

I will start by reaffirming that the creepybadwrong magically growing baby thing is ubergross to me. I wish they’d written pretty much ANYTHING else this season, because dammit we just HAD Amara doing the creepy baby thing LAST SEASON. Okay, enough damn creepybabby stories. We get it. It’s gross. Pls stop *coughbucklemmingcough*.

But it’s what we have, so…

I’ve got SOME suspicions of what might be going on with the kid, some of which are just wild speculation, but some of which I’m pretty confident about. I’ll be vague and leave you to decide which are which…

The kid is half-human, but also half-angel (which means grace). We know very little about how angels are made, but speculation seems to run high toward “they spring fully formed into existence.” I love comics and fic of the “baby angels” growing up and learning how to be good grown-up angels as much as the next person, but I have no illusions that canon angels were ever “babies.” Or that they were ever anything other than fully-formed celestial wavelengths of intent. They were very literally created by God.

(and great now I can’t stop thinking about Athena springing fully formed from Zeus’ head… but honestly? That’s sort of how I’m imagining the nephilim here. Because Kelly ISN’T an immortal god who can recover from something like that…)

(have I mentioned today JUST HOW MUCH TIME I spend thinking about the nature of angel grace? Okay. I mentioned it now. :D)

So because this child IS “half angel,” or at least “half angel grace,” I firmly believe that even if its “human side” is just a human-ish looking baby, the part of it that is an angel is already fully-developed. The only thing holding it back now is the biologically human bits. And it’s even building THAT at a much faster than normal-human rate.

No wonder it’s sort of “using up” Kelly in the process. At least that’s how I’ve been thinking of this.

It’s not good or evil, it’s selfish. Which I suppose might be considered “evil,” but it’s not making that choice for itself. That’s just what it does. Like, mosquitoes aren’t inherently evil, they’re just trying to live. Heck, even like most of the monsters in SPN. They’re just trying to survive, stay under the radar of the hunters who’d see them dead, and go about their business.

The difference with the nephilim is that combination of human free will (that comes with the kit!) combined with the unwavering nature of angelic certainty (I won’t call it “faith,” because in this case, it’s not).

Think of this particular baby’s parentage, too. Yes, Lucifer is Fallen, but he is still an archangel. He’s inherently a creature of Heaven even if he’s been exiled to Hell. He’s still made of the same grace that all the other angels (or archangels, since they seem infinitely more powerful than run of the mill seraphs) are made of. There’s nothing inherently “evil” in Lucifer’s grace.

Heck, even LUCIFER was set on destroying his own creations, the demons. He has just as much disdain for demons as he does for humanity. So nursemaid Dagon never really stood a chance here.

And now I can’t help think back to Jesse the Antichrist, whose powers came online when the final seal broke. But he’d had what, 9 or 10 years to learn how to Human properly before he had his powers sprung on him? Yeah, this baby doesn’t even have that…

So it senses Dagon’s intentions for it, and has already decided (because it’s half ANGEL remember), that this demonic abomination must die. It must know Kelly cares for it, and I think it’s pretty clear that we’re supposed to assume that she cares for it because IT IS MAKING HER CARE FOR IT, because it needs her the way an angel needs a vessel, and honestly that’s where my brain just wants to start screaming and run away from talking about this entire plot arc, but the show insists on giving it to us so here I am stuck with this squicky horror…

Where was I? Right… 

(nvm I have no idea where I was because I had to take a mental break from typing this. have i mentioned that everything about the nephilim completely squicks me out? okay… deep breaths mittens we can do this)

We’ve seen Lucifer communicating with Dagon in some sort of hybrid angel radio/prayer/demonic blood bowl phone without the bowl of blood telepathic way. I assume that’s because he can’t perform that trick directly with Kelly (or with the baby). So Dagon’s been the go-between out of necessity. But Dagon is still a demon. Not a creature of Heaven, not a creature of Angel Grace (despite having a lot of similar powers to angels). By angel standards, she is an abomination.

I mean, so’s the nephilim, but I don’t think the nephilim would consider itself an abomination, you know? It is what it is. And it wants to be born and to live and continue to do its thing, and has the power to manipulate its environment to suit its needs.

I think it demonstrated that admirably when it healed Kelly from her suicide attempt. It couldn’t allow its current vessel (because I honestly don’t think it considers Kelly anything more than a vessel it needs to grow its human body for it) to “fail.”

But we’ve seen how Dagon was able to “influence” humans, via her mind-wipe of the doctor. I think the “angel side” of the nephilim has been mostly “dormant” up to this point, either because the human side was still developing enough for it to actively engage this way or because Dagon was somehow keeping it under control until it grew powerful enough to thwart that control.

Going back to what we learned about nephilim in 12.10, they apparently “grow into their power.” So that theory isn’t coming entirely out of left field, here.

So this baby is “growing into its power.” It’s less than a month from being born. At the beginning of 12.19 Kelly was so adamant that it NOT be born that she attempted to kill herself. Then she agreed to Joshua’s suicide plan of walking through the Heaven Portal. But the nephilim thwarted THAT as well.

It saw its opportunity in Kelly’s moment of weakness with Cas in that motel room, and I can’t help but believe that when her eyes flashed gold, that was the death of Kelly’s free will. That was the nephilim taking full control over her beliefs and actions. If only they’d showed up with the grace extraction sooner, I think she would’ve agreed to let them try it. But it was already too late, and she refused. Because the NEPHILIM refused for her.

She says she has “faith” that the child being born with its full power will “save the world.” But I think that’s the nephilim talking through her.

She went from actively trying to die and take the baby with her to doing EVERYTHING in her power to see it born, even though she knows it will kill her. And Cas confessed his own weakness, that he wished he had her faith, and that’s where the nephilim granted his wish… Kelly took Cas’s hand at the sandbox and the nephilim gave Cas faith.

Do I believe this is “real faith?” Absolutely, 100% NO.

And here’s where my second anon in my inbox seems relevant to mention here:

What do think will happen to Cas’ narrative and endgame now? I had been predicting (hoping) that his whole arc has been moving closer to a point where he’d choose the Winchesters for good. Now, after 12x19, it seems different. It’s like a bit of season 4 Cas was revived. He’s got this same type of faith he used to have, and maybe he’ll be raising a baby next season. Do you have any predictions? I’m hoping his endgame is still with the Winchesters, but now I’m concerned…

CAS DOES NOT HAVE “THE SAME TYPE OF FAITH HE USED TO HAVE,” and I honestly DO NOT BELIEVE that he will be raising this baby next season.

He’s being CONTROLLED by the nephilim right now.

Remember in 6.06 when Dean asked for truth, and then got SLAMMED with it? Remember in 4.08 when people were making wishes on this ancient cursed Babylonian coin and all the wishes turned very bad? Remember in 12.17 when Mick of the MoL mentioned he was brought into the MoL when he pickpocketed an ancient cursed Babylonian coin?

The wishes go bad. They violate the natural order. They invoke Cosmic Consequences.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I think the nephilim itself is a sort of embodiment of this concept of Cosmic Consequences. It’s a factor of chaos, a violation of the natural order.

I am so freaking tempted to go off into an expository rant about how Dean Winchester is the embodiment of Balance and Order (despite having “violated the natural order” again and again). But he IS “Humanity.” He is Free Will. He was the one Cas did everything for, and he was the one both God and the Darkness designated as “the firewall between light and darkness.” He’s the one Death taught his lessons to about the natural order, and he’s the one who KILLED Death… Essentially every character on the show has eventually bent to his will. INCLUDING FREAKING GOD HIMSELF.

Dean wanted the universe to be in balance, so it was balanced. Hooray 11.23.

But then Mary came back. Because DEAN needed to discover that balance in himself, and the only way to find balance is to understand the imbalance. She’s been the cosmic consequence unbalancing the natural order since she showed up.

All season I’ve been waiting for the MoL storyline and the Lucifer storyline to intersect… and I think it’s all going to hinge on Mary, and on Dean finally getting “what he needs most” from Mary… i.e. an acknowledgement of the imbalance within himself that’s been built on the pedestal he’s kept Mary on since he was four.

The nephilim, in contrast, seems to be a force of anti-free will. And this goes right back to one of the show’s core principles, that free will and choice are greater than blind faith and destiny. Right now it’s seemingly stripped Cas of all his doubts, all his free will, all his choice. He asked for faith, and he got SLAMMED with it…

But NOTHING about it is CAS. It’s not his choice, not his free will. Because we know he’d rejected Heaven and duty and destiny, and had been doing EVERYTHING FOR THE WINCHESTERS. HIS FAMILY. So this sudden attack of “faith” that came in the form of the same weird glowy-veiny laser-eyes treatment that we last saw him suffer in 7.17 when he took on Sam’s Hell Damage and left him CATATONIC and damaged… well… 

What I’m saying is he needs something to break free from the will of the nephilim, to regain his own free will…

What broke the connection, Cas?

He’s gonna have to plainly answer that question this time.

Okay I think that’s as much brain as I have for this :D