i'm so wincestpilled but seriously the last like. 10 minutes of do you believe in miracles has completely melted my brain. what's up with that whole "i lied" thing anyway. it's so deranged on every level.
in 9.13 sam tells dean that given the same circumstances with reversed roles (on the brink of death with the only option being angel possession), he wouldn't try to bring dean back from the dead. aka, he wouldn't strip dean of his free will and autonomy just to keep him alive.
but sam lied. not just about what dean thought he heard—that sam wouldn't do everything in his power to bring dean back. no, sam lied about exactly what he meant.
because when dean's life is actually, tangibly on the line, all those promises he told himself go out the window. he'll look for a spell, sam says. he'll defy destiny yet again to keep dean alive.
he even disregards dean's wishes and will to die. dean is becoming something he doesn't want to be; he wants to die, to stop that from happening. but sam won't let him. "don't worry about the mark," he says, because he doesn't care what dean turns into as long as he's alive. and he doesn't care what dean wants or doesn't want, because he needs dean to live.
and then dean dies, and sam brings him back to the bunker, and he tries to summon crowley to make a deal and bring dean back to life. sam lied—he doesn't value dean's right to choose death any more than dean values sam's.
and for possibly the first time, sam is completely honest about this: to himself, and to dean. he tells dean that he needs him, that he'll go to the ends of the earth for him, that he'll do anything for his brother, just the same as dean would for him. no more lying, no more hypotheticals. the cards are laid out on the table for everyone to see, and sam is fundamentally the same as dean. this much is obvious, to anyone but them; it's not sam's first time doing completely unethical and unhinged things to keep dean alive. but now the facade has been torn off, and they can finally both see each other for what they are (psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other).
between this and sacrifice, they've both now obtained the stifling, all-encompassing, possessive love they desperately wanted from each other, like the sick fucks they are. how am i supposed to be normal about this? hello?
